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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have another dc in a 2 bed flat?

202 replies

mamasmissionimpossible · 30/12/2010 20:37

DH and I have been considering having a 3rd DC. We have two dc's who share a bedroom. We currently have a two bedroom flat. Do you think it is unfair to put another dc in the only spare bedroom we have?

I think moving home will be some years off, but I know my fertility is not going to stick around forever and we don't want too large an age gap between the dc's. Our dc's are, ds (5) and dd (3).

OP posts:
BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 16:01

You seem to be disadvantaged by yours anyway, they didn't teach you well enough to keep your beak out of things you know nothing about.

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 16:01

Really keep my beak out on a public internet forum, how funny !

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 16:02

Oh lots of sweary word aren't we the big talker today, what a plonker

Laquitar · 02/01/2011 16:04

No, but but you are trying to make others feel shit. Wondering why...
One could say that its a bloody shame to have bitter and bigot parents.

BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 16:05

ooh I'm wounded. Hmm

IMO its a real shame some children are disadvantaged by their own parents giving them too much as children...own bedrooms and fuck off gardens (what is a fuck off garden anyway, is it where your many children fuck off to to get away from you and your opinions?)...its such a shame that they have nothing to aspire to or work for, and such a shame that they won't be able to share as adults....its a tragedy isn't it?

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 16:06

I might disagree with their choices that's entirely different, if you feel shit as a result of what you read on an internet forum then you are taking it far too seriously.

BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 16:13

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mamatomany · 02/01/2011 16:13

..its such a shame that they have nothing to aspire to or work for, and such a shame that they won't be able to share as adults....its a tragedy isn't it?

Excellent I shall use that on the next benefits thread, BUZZ says it'll give them something to aspire to ... love it

BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 16:15

its about a sensible a comment as your other ones, you go ahead (as long as your plan is to make yourself ridiculous too late)

minxofmancunia · 02/01/2011 16:16

montysorry apologies if I didn't make it clear, I meant manchester the areas you described are in Cheshire and all very nice. Some areas of Stockport are lovely but some are truly truly awful.

There are a few "crossover" places I can think of in Manc where maybe there's not quite so much of a divide, Whalley Range/Levenshulme/Stretford for example.

I was thinking mainly of places in East Manchester near the City stadium which are breathtaking in their awfulness. It's like another world, give me Hulme, Rusholme or Moss Side anyday!

Laquitar · 02/01/2011 16:16

Was the last post to me Confused
I don't feel shit Grin, my housing situation is erm..good, i don't feel the need to boast about it and tell others that they shouldn't have children.
But it was a good thread until you came and pour your usual vile bigotist crap. Thats all.

Ciao!

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 16:19

People won't have their children because I think they should house/finance them before they have them ... really, gosh such power I have.

BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 16:21

Thats not what she said. Hmm

and you wish [you were a UKIP candidate]

BuzzLightBeer · 02/01/2011 16:23

and you're not talking about housing/financing them you're talking about housing/financing them the to the standard you personally think they should be.

You do realise that if people only had the children they could give their own room to the world would be almost empty? And if you retrospectively applied it most of us wouldn't be here? Including yourself?

Now go and find a single mother or benefits claim thread to have as bash (and make yourself even more unpopular)

montysorry · 02/01/2011 17:15

Minxofmancunia, no need to apologise! I guess I just took it as G. Manchester and included Stockport as you'd mentioned Salford. Smile

I guess I just couldn't understand why she chose the house with no garden for her 3boys over a very similar one with a garden just because one was closer to Didsbury village.

But, of course, it's her choice to make and I know she doesn't regret it. She knows the boys would be happier with a garden but she always says that parenthood is about balances your needs with theirs which is a fair enough pov.

And yes, I agree about the areas to the East and about Stockport. Many years ago I taught in Brinnington. We were childless and living in Didsbury too at this point so I didn't know much about Stockport. My Headteacher lived in Woodford which is near Bramhall and always said how incredible it was to think that where she lived was the same LEA as where we taught. I never gave it much thought until we moved to Wilmslow and I got to know Woodford! Grin

I'm on the South coast now and whilst it's not as snooty as Wilmslow and there are areas less desirable than others, there is not the stark contrast that seemed to exist in Manchester with places like Wythenshaw being so close to Hale/Altrincham. We have lived in other cities around the uk but unlike Manchester you tend to get one 'side of the city cheap, one side desirable etc.

Sorry for thread hijack.

CommanderDrool · 02/01/2011 17:22

I do think there is a whiff of snobbery about some of these posts. There are about a million things that are more important when considering a third child than whether it gas it's own room.

DP and I aren't on benefits and he was a higher rate tax payer until a year ago - but we still live in our lively flat as do many, many other families in our area. Plenty of average families live in flats with children sharing, it is totally normal.

There are some lovely things about children sharing - my older two have a giggle and s carry on after lights out, wild games in the mornings in their room and they even get the baby out too.

I think it's a very positive thing up about 8 or 9 when they would benefit from more space.

montysorry · 02/01/2011 17:48

There are some lovely things about families sharing. I think two distinct issues are blurring on this thread now.

Having another child that you can financial afford to support but who will then need to share with a sibling cannot really be seen as a problem by anyone unless their own childhood circumstances have left them seeing own space as crucial.

However, we seem to also be discussing having a child you cannot pay for etc which is not what the OP was talking about and not what the original few posts were commenting on.

As I said, I waited nearly 10yrs until I could afford it. I wouldn't have been put of because my kids needed their own room though.

katiestar · 02/01/2011 19:02

'Nobody can make anyone feel anything Laquitar, end of story'

what a ridiculous thing to say.That is exactly what bullies and abusive partners do.

DayShiftDoris · 03/01/2011 03:59

Mamamissionimpossible

Stuff the fact you are in a flat I am insanely jealous...

You live next door to a gigantic field and are 20 MINUTES FROM A BEACH!!!

OMG I would love your flat... would you like my 2 bed house and tiny garden?

Whats the mantra - it's not the size it's what you do with it Wink

I lived in a flat before I moved to this but that was many no usable outside space and nowhere safe to play nearby - we have a little garden but I'm still in a poo area though he does go in the garden and on the front on his bike when he fancies it though not out of sight because the area is a bit rough. The nearest park has a lot of dog poo but there is a nice one a 15 min walk away which we use in the summer (bit of a quagmire in the winter).

Personally I think my son could do with a room mate as he's far too used to not sharing or thinking about someone else! Nothing wrong with sharing and as you say it's hopefully not forever.

Have a baby Wink and take it to the beach lots Grin

starts dreaming wistfully about living near a beach

Aldercharm · 03/01/2011 04:52

The house we've been looking at has more bedrooms than we need. The DC, and later the baby, will still be sharing the largest room, bedrooms are to sleep in (and read books). I especially dislike the one-room-per-child train of thought, with a TV and PC, which can be isolating from the rest of the household.

I think a better use of space is to have a separate play or recreation room.

yanbu

LaraJade · 03/01/2011 06:55

OP, i think that while it will be better for the kids to have more room when older, you should have another baby now if u want one. I'm 34 and having probs getting pg at all! I would love 2 or 3 dc.
But later on it's nicer to have max 2 kids to a room. For eg: many children of friends have boyfriends / girlfriends in early to mid teens or like to have mates round.
My mates prefer their teenage dc to stay at or near home as there are huge drug + gang probs here.
My dad + gps came from large families (up to 13 kids in 1 or 2 rooms) but life has changed. Even 40 yrs ago less traffic made playing out safer. In my gp's day most WC kids left school + worked long hrs at manual jobs by 14, and were married by 20. All they expected was some room in a bed to sleep in.
Teenage life as it is now didn't exist in their day.
Ps sad to hear about your sister, OP.

mathanxiety · 03/01/2011 07:00

YANBU.

I did this in a smaller flat than yours by a long shot. Baby slept with us, older two slept together. Washing machine was down three flights of outside stairs, no lift, all washing had to be carried down and then up again dry, winter and summer.

Moved into a house when we had 3, and all told it has just marginally more liveable square footage than the flat, but it has a basement. Added 2 more DCs. Bedrooms are pokey, but enough for two to have their own rooms -- for a while the youngest 3 shared a room while the older two (DD and DS) had a room each. The youngest 3 really wanted bunks but it was impossible as the upstairs is built into a former attic right under the roof so the walls don't go up high enough. Had to make do with less floor space and ordinary beds.

onceamai · 03/01/2011 20:29

So often on these threads I rationalise about choices and economics and having what you can afford and being sensible and sometimes even things like if we had more than two we wouldn't have been able to do x, y or z.

Our reality was the exact opposite to yours - back in the early 90's we bought a large six bedroomed house thinking we would have lots of children to fill it - at least 3. Eventually after five pregnancies we managed two children - initially DH wanted another and then for a while I wanted another too. At the end of the day I think we never wanted another at the same time because we were too scared to go through it all over again. I don't regret the size of the house (although it's a big, old bastard to keep clean and tidy and well maintained) but if I'm completely and totally honest I wish so much that we had tried again. It's too late now for us but it's not too late for you. GO FOR IT.

BuzzLightBeer · 03/01/2011 20:31

My tiny 2 bed is less than 2 mins to the beach! I can see the waves from my bedroom balcony.

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