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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have another dc in a 2 bed flat?

202 replies

mamasmissionimpossible · 30/12/2010 20:37

DH and I have been considering having a 3rd DC. We have two dc's who share a bedroom. We currently have a two bedroom flat. Do you think it is unfair to put another dc in the only spare bedroom we have?

I think moving home will be some years off, but I know my fertility is not going to stick around forever and we don't want too large an age gap between the dc's. Our dc's are, ds (5) and dd (3).

OP posts:
montysorry · 01/01/2011 19:37

But of course that is my opinion and I'm not suggesting those who don't share it are bad parents.

Laquitar · 01/01/2011 19:37

haggis, i bet in Tokyo they get rid of things.

I think in Britain people collect everything-they need a room for old books and another for cds and some keep all used tickets and stones from every holiday etc then complain about space and big mortgage.

In many countries is normal to live in flats. You just get rid of what you dont use. Less cleaning=more time to take the dcs out. Nice to have a garden but a bit silly to not have children unless you have garden.

What next? You shouldn't have dcs if you dont provide them a ponny each and their own pool? I hope OP doesn't get stressed up with some silly posts.

nikki1978 · 01/01/2011 19:38

I lived for two years in a one bedroom flat with DH and two DCs. We survived Grin

As long as this is not for the long term you will be fine.

snowflake69 · 01/01/2011 19:39

I live in a flat and the toddlers/older kids in this area are out most of their waking hours climbing trees, in the park etc. Its cause my flat is right next to lots of fields/park so they just go and run around it.

My daughter is only 2 and she has been out for 5 hours today as everyone is off for the hols.

mamatomany · 01/01/2011 19:40

Of course it's all about the kids, if it wasn't DH and I would live in the 3 bed town house we bought before they were born 2 mins from town and go on 5 holidays a year.

CommanderDrool · 01/01/2011 19:40

Yes half an acre out the back would be nice. Yes. They must have a lovely time of it.

itsawonderfuldarleneconnorlife · 01/01/2011 19:42

"Yes you would but you'd also have something to show for your money instead of a few over priced lattes."

lol @ your smugness

Actually, if we moved in the current market we would have less to show for our money. We currently pay only £330pcm for our (big) 2 bed. My mortgage is only 3% becuase my bank dropped its SVR when the govt took it over. If we moved to a (small) 3 bed along the road our interest rate would double to 6% and we'd be paying £1k pcm just in interest to the bank. Only £300 pcm would be capital repayment. Without wasting all that mney on interest atm we can afford to save much more than that. It's not like house prices are still increasing the way they were 5/10 years ago. If/when I go back to work we could pay back the entire mortage on this flat in years, well before we are both 40. I bought my first flat (not this one)when I was 23 so I feel like I've earned my entitlement to reap the rewards of those early financial sacrifices now.

montysorry · 01/01/2011 19:43
Hmm I did say it was my opinion and holding a different one didn't reflect on anyone's parenting so I don't see the need for the sarcastic response.
itsawonderfuldarleneconnorlife · 01/01/2011 19:44

that would be in 5 years

montysorry · 01/01/2011 19:44

And yes, they do have a lovely time of it and personally, I'd halve the size of the house rather than halve the garden.

Original poster
mamasmissionimpossible · 01/01/2011 19:45

ooh it's all kicked off here!

I've been ill so not had time to respond, but thanks for your opinions. I feel more confused than ever. Confused Wish there was a poll for for and against going for dc 3. However, It will most likely be up to my own fertility to make the decision.

Just to add that athough, we don't have a garden we do live oppposite a gigantic park and have the beach about 20 mins walk from the flat. So plenty of space for dc's. Thank God! as ds is a VERY active little boy.

We do own the property and the reason we have stayed this long is becuase our outgoings are manageable. So we have more income for taking the dc's out and about. Although, with petrol costs rising this may have to stop.

I do feel the dc's are happy here. I am concerned that adding another dc into the mix may unwise, but I also feel I will live to regret not trying for another dc. I lost amy only sibling some years ago :( and never want my dc's to experience the loneliness of being an only, and not having other siblings for support. I know they may not feel that way, but I certainly did.

OP posts:
mamatomany · 01/01/2011 19:46

that would be in 5 years

Could be 4 if you stopped drinking all those latte's Grin

CommanderDrool · 01/01/2011 19:46

Was that directed at me?

I wasn't being sarcastic. It would be lovely for my kids and my sanity. But half an acre of garden isn't within our reach.

My kids just wage war with the local parkies over tree climbing and other park pursuits.

Onetoomanycornettos · 01/01/2011 19:48

Mamatomany, you may not aspire to have a flat with no garden, but it's hardly inconsiderate or neglectful to have a family without one, millions of well-educated, well-off families on the continent do so, your fuck off garden is rather unusual by comparison (but lucky for us that you can go and use it).

mamatomany · 01/01/2011 19:49

my dc's to experience the loneliness of being an only, and not having other siblings for support. I know they may not feel that way, but I certainly did.

There's no guarantee they'd even get along though. My dad and his brother haven't spoken in 9 years, no fall out just have nothing in common and neither sees the need to make any effort to stay in touch. Sad but I can't imagine my grandparents would have sacrifices all they did to have 2 DC's if they'd known the eventual outcome.

OnthefirsdayofMrsDeVere · 01/01/2011 19:50

Its about your view of what is neccessary for you children to be happy.

That is not the same as it actually being about the welfare of a child.

Making sure your children have a safe and warm home, making sure they are fed and nurtured - that all about the kids.

Having your own bedroom is, well, having your own bedroom.

Some would say its and advantage, others would say it wasnt.

As long as a child has somewhere to study in quiet and their property is respected by their siblings etc. I cannot see the problem.

Its nice you can afford to have a big house. It doesnt mean you are more caring than a parent whose children share a room.

montysorry · 01/01/2011 19:52

Ok, then I apologise. It just read that way.

People make their own choices. We have friends who moved from a 2bed in an exceptionally expensive area to a 4bed in the same area but one with no garden, just a tiny concrete yard. They wanted the bigger house in the same cafe culture area they had lived in as young professionals. They have 3kids. Personally, I'd have put the need for a garden for my 3kids above the need to stay in the cool area but each to their own.

mamatomany · 01/01/2011 19:55

I'm sure more and more families will end up being raised in flats as that's all that seems to have been built for under £150k in the last 5 years, hardly ideal though.

minxofmancunia · 01/01/2011 20:22

YANBU as long as it's not for long, past the age of 8 or so all being cramped in together will do their heads in. So you'd need to have a plan to move somewhere more suitable soonish.

Re the area/house size thing we live in a 3 bed semi in a desirable postcode, I'd go for the postcode every single time. The effect living in a decent area has on your quality of life is MASSIVE. Living in a rough area is horrible, and in Manchester it's one or the other, really lovely or dog rough. Sometimes I think it would be great to have bigger rooms more space etc. like my friends have in Stoke where I'm from. A mate has a 4 bed for £100k less than our 3 bed down there. But we'd have to live in a rough area which we would hate.

Re the plat argument, most children in New York live in flats and I'm sure the vast majority of them are fine. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having children in a flat. Hmm

BuzzLightBeer · 01/01/2011 20:23

i think you'll find its called being a smug bitch actually.

minxofmancunia · 01/01/2011 20:25

We could afford a 6 bed in certain areas of Manchester but it would have to be nice and we'd be in it all the bloody time. My friend discovered this when she bought a huge 5 bed in Salford. She was a SAHM and despite the palatial property she was bored and lonely with nowhere nice to go and no one with any similar interests or backgrounds to socialise with at playgroups etc. I did warn her but they ended up selling after a year!

montysorry · 01/01/2011 20:44

MinxofManc, we live on the S coast now but moved here from Wilmslow so quite a nice postcode. However, we could have lived in Handforth or Bramhall or cheadle hulme, say, for a bit less. I certainly wouldn't describe any of those areas as 'dog rough'.

Friends I was talking about actually live in W Dids. They have 4beds and not at all bad space but literally no garden whatsoever. Just a 6 by 7 concrete yard. They did look at a similar sized house in the Heatons with a reasonable garden was didn't want to lose their 2minwalk to the cafes of Didsbury village. I wouldn't say HM was 'dog rough' either TBH.

olderyetwider · 01/01/2011 20:47

You need one bedroom per child when they get to puberty. If you can do it, then why not?

nooka · 01/01/2011 20:56

You don't need one bedroom per child at any point though. Many children grow up sharing a room until they leave home and it is accepted as normal - as indeed it was in the UK before people started having much smaller families. You just have to look at the housing stock to see that.

For the OP I'd stay in your nice big flat in the area that you like and with the smaller mortgage. Given the park and the beach I don't see that having a garden is very important (we moved to a house with a very large garden and I spend far more time in it than the children do). Many older flats have far more living space than modern houses with more bedrooms in any case. When we moved from our two bed flat to a four bed house we really felt that we had lost space because the living space was so much smaller, and I think with smaller children that's what matters. Likewise social networks, much more important with small children because you really need lots of support when your children are small and demanding, as they get bigger they will make their own friends and all the dynamics change.

BuzzLightBeer · 01/01/2011 20:57

and if you can't? what will happen? and how on earth did almost every member of my generation I know survive to semi-productive adulthood without having our own bedrooms?