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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you tell me IABU I won't do it, do I take DC's money?

259 replies

DorasDilema · 17/12/2010 10:30

We are really struggling at the moment due to the time of year and DH?s hours been cut back at work.

We have scrimped together every penny to buy the DC a few small Christmas presents.

A distant relative sent me £30 in a card for the DC. Usually when this happens I give it out to the DC and they fritter it away on sweets etc. But as we are struggling so much this year I was thinking of keeping the money because it would help us hugely and mean we can buy a few treats for everyone for Xmas and the children already have presents from us and will gets loads from friends and family over the Christmas period

Trouble is I feel like it?s really wrong! Am I stealing from my children? I am so torn!

Ahh what do I do??

OP posts:

mylifewithmangers · 17/12/2010 10:32

Of course you should keep it, it's not like they are not benefitting from the treats etc. And as they have plenty of other stuff they won't even miss it.

dinkystinky · 17/12/2010 10:32

Use the money - it means that everyone, including the kids, can have a nicer christmas. If you feel really guilty, give the kids £2 each to fritter away on sweets and use the balance for your family.

nomoreheels · 17/12/2010 10:33

If you're using it for christmas treats for the family, which would make your time together a little more festive, I think it's fine. In later years when times are better, they can fritter cash gifts away on sweets etc.

Parental executive decision because times are tight is no bad thing.

scurryfunge · 17/12/2010 10:33

If the children benefit from the money then I don't see a problem. You could always treat them later in the year if circumstances change.

curlymama · 17/12/2010 10:34

If you are really struggling, I would take some of it, and spend it on something that will directly benefit the dc's. But give them something so thay will still write a thankyou.

It depends what you mean by 'treats for everyone' really. Whta were you thinking of buying?

frgr · 17/12/2010 10:34

If i was in your position, and the kids didn't know about it and the person wasn't likely to ask what had been bought, i'd do it. I'd probably keep SOME for a small gift for the DCs from it though - the present was bought for them to enjoy. But if you're struggling £30 is quite a lot of money, so i'd take some.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 17/12/2010 10:34

YADNBU. It isn't as if you are taking it to spend on crack and vodka.
The money will benefit everyone, and as dinky says, you can give the children a token amount to spend on crack and vodka.

Limara · 17/12/2010 10:34

I would and have done this.

hairyfairylights · 17/12/2010 10:36

YABU, sorry. If I gave my neices (12, 9 and 7) a tenner each for Christmas, I expect them to buy something thy want with it.

I give it so that they can exercise their choice and I like that idea. I'd be mighty pissed off if their mum had bought 'family treats' with it.

hairyfairylights · 17/12/2010 10:36

Oh and by the way, I do know what it is like to be really struggling financially.

overweightnoverdrawn · 17/12/2010 10:37

cor kreecher crack and vodka must be cheap where you live its at least £75 down where I live . LOL (ps I would keep it and give the £30 back to them when you have a bit more money to go round )

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 17/12/2010 10:38

I you are struggling to the point where £30 seems like a lot of money and would come in really useful, then YA so NBU and you shouldn't even have to ask .

BettyCash · 17/12/2010 10:39

OP can you explain this stuff to distant relative ina thankyou card? I say take it, especially if they've been purposefully generous.

Original poster

DorasDilema · 17/12/2010 10:39

Without this money I don't have money to buy anything nice for the kids to eat on Christams day. We will get a chicken and some veg etc but no mince pies, chocolate etc. FWIW we don't drink or smoke or even go out. I don't even have a pair of water tight shoes. We do everything we can for the DC

OP posts:

theevildead2 · 17/12/2010 10:40

I'm not really sure to be honest. As the relative sent YOU 30£ in a card for the children I'd say spend it on gifts for them and write a thank you card explaining it. As you say they are a distant relative and probably only sent money as they wouldnt have known what to buy the children anyway.

If the card was addressed individually to the children I might find it unreasonable though.

GrimmaTheNome · 17/12/2010 10:40

Depends to some extent how old/sensible the kids are.
If they're just going to waste it on sweets I think YANBU. If they are mature enough to spend it on something they'd value (like Hairy's neices), then YABU.

tyler80 · 17/12/2010 10:41

I was in a car accident age 4 and was awarded a small amount of compensation (300 quid). I thought I was amazingly rich for about 4 years until my parents told me they'd actually spent it on a washing machine. I don't hold it against them :)

notpartofthelifeplan · 17/12/2010 10:41

Oh god unfortunately I do this all time. I don't fritter it away it goes on food and paying the bills. I have kept a tally over the years and between both boys we owe them nearly £1k.

Hoping to sell our house next year and I will pay them back out of the equity. I will put it straight into their CTF next time rather than their savings account then that way it can't be accessed.

GetOrfMoiLand · 17/12/2010 10:43

lol at the washing machine.

OP YANBU. It would be ridiculous to let your children spend £30 on ben 10 toys and sweets, when you haven't even got a decent pair of shoes.

Original poster

DorasDilema · 17/12/2010 10:43

The card was addressed to me, not the DC. We have 6 DC so it would work out at £5 each.

OP posts:

GrimmaTheNome · 17/12/2010 10:44

Having read your later post - I think they will enjoy xmas dinner with mince pies more than they will enjoy a load of Haribos.

waitwhat · 17/12/2010 10:44

YANBU
I you need the money then use it

werewolf · 17/12/2010 10:44

Use it.

hairyfairylights · 17/12/2010 10:44

How old are your DC.

A chicken and veg is Christmas dinner. You have got them some gifts. They will not suffer for a littl bit of chocolate.

If they are old enough, why not sit down with them and say xxx has given you some money for Christmas. Would you like to spend it on Chocolate / mince pies for Christmas day, or would you like to use it for something else? Involve them in the decision if they are old enough.

It is really good for children to have choice, and make informed decisions and find out that the world does not contain a never ending supply of sweets/chocolate/mince pies! LOL.

JustKeepSparkling · 17/12/2010 10:44

I would buy the treats, chocolates, etc. and say to the kids that the relative send money for them. "Look DC, this box of chocolates came from the money X sent" type thing.

They can write thank-yous (if you do them!) to the relative mentioning they used the money on lovely Christmas goodies, which are just seasonal versions of sweets anyway.

If you still feel a bit mean, give them a few pounds each to fritter, saying that's from X to spend on whatever, and the rest was for Christmas - as it was, it's a Christmas present.

If I sent you the £30 i would be perfectly happy with that.

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