If you tell me IABU I won't do it, do I take DC's money?

[DorasDilema]

We are really struggling at the moment due to the time of year and DH?s hours been cut back at work.

We have scrimped together every penny to buy the DC a few small Christmas presents.

A distant relative sent me £30 in a card for the DC. Usually when this happens I give it out to the DC and they fritter it away on sweets etc. But as we are struggling so much this year I was thinking of keeping the money because it would help us hugely and mean we can buy a few treats for everyone for Xmas and the children already have presents from us and will gets loads from friends and family over the Christmas period

Trouble is I feel like it?s really wrong! Am I stealing from my children? I am so torn!

Ahh what do I do??

I would have no problem at all spending it on whatever essentials you need. It is not stealing from your children, they're getting presents and as a family, you're all in it together. I'm sure if they were old enough to understand they would lend it to you anyway (you would hope so anyway!) If it makes you feel better, do an iou for when you're back in the money.

Damn, had a long reply and lost it.

Doras, I think you are amazing to give your sisters children a loving home, and I am so sorry to hear about your sister.

I am truly astounded by the 'opinions' of some of the people who have responded on here. Hairy, you in particular have stood out for me in your mindboggling stance. You claim to understand poverty, you have read the situation the OP is in and yet you stick to the belief that the money should be spent on presents for the children or put in a savings acc for them - for what, a rainy day???

You claim there appears to be enough food on the table - a roast chicken dinner for 8 will hardly stretch beyond a good meal for everyone. What about the rest of the days? Seriously, do you not think it better that the £30 should be spent on some basics to stretch out the food and maybe a few biscuits / cake etc simply to make the occassion that bit nicer?

It just defies belief that anyone would think the the OP should not spend the money in this manner and some of the responses on this thread make me sad to my heart.

please buy yourself some shoes and don't feel guilty for a second. YADNBU

Look, if your aunt wanted your dcs to have £30 worth of crap then she would have send £30 worth of crap. My guess is that she has send cash for exactly this reason, to use it for whatever you need.

Did she really send £30 in cash through the post?

If she did, you should consider its safe arrival a minor Christmas miracle, and definitely feel free to spend as you see fit

Yes buy yourself some shoes, that is the most mportant thing xxx

Could people please stop goading me now? I've tried to answer as best I can. I wish the op well . I think I've explained my stance as best I can. I get that several people disagree with my opinion.

The thread is not aboutme nor my opinions.

Thanks

Sorry, haven't got time to read the whole thread (have only read the first page).

YABVVVU and a thief!!! That is money for your DC'S to spend HOW THEY CHOOSE not for you to buy mince pies, that the DC'S will probably not eat and you will scoff instead!!!

My Grandma that died when I was 8, left money in her will, to be spread amongst all her Grand-children, about 30 of us (I've lost count of all my cousins ) it worked out at £189 each, which was alot of money 20y ago, and my mother and father spent my two sisters and I's money re-decorating their house and buying stupid looking ornaments for their garden, and I still get pissed off at their thieving ways 20y on.

EVERY penny that DS gets (apart from his odd £2 here and there that I let him blow in the local shop) gets put in his savings account, for him to do as he pleases with when he's 18.
The only time I've 'borrowed' from him was when my cooker broke down, the replacement cost £240, so I've took that out of his account, I had no choice, no other way of getting that kind of money in a day, and I'm paying him back, at £10 per week, for the next 30 weeks. I've rounded it up to £300, because I feel so guilty for 'borrowing' it in the first place. I certainly wouldn't dream of dipping into his bank account so I got fill my fat-ish face with mince pies over Christmas!!!

if things are dire then use it.prioritise it for useful stuff not sweeties

shame things so hard - hope you have better times soon

I feel like a right cunt now , I've just read pages 9 and 10, I didn't realise your DSIS had passed on, and you have her DC living with you. Serves me right for not reading the whole thread!!!

You say you have 6 dc in total living with you, yet your struggling, are you sure your getting everything your entitled too? With that amount of DC to look after you should be getting at least £250pw child tax credit and £85 child benefit per week, I don't know if you work or not (still not read the whole thread), but please get yourself down to citizens advice or similar organization please.
I'm sorry for being so quick to judge without reading the whole thread. xxx

calling op thief is harsh.she describing really hard times,and trying to make ends meet.when pushed people have to make v difficult choices

I know this sounds really silly, but what size shoe are you?

Do you think it's better to take money from the state IveGtillgotIt, than use family money?

YANBU.

My DS (6yo) dad, who pays no maintenence, used to send £100 for his birthday and xmas. DS would get £20/30 to buy a toy and I would use the rest for him to get coat/shoes from b'day money (AUG) and at xmas for the 'extras'. I did us to fell guilty until I thought about how coat/shoes were long terms items that maintenence should help to pay for.

Hope you have a fantastic christmas.

walkinginaWUKTERwonderland- It's not taking money from the state in the ops situation, that's the whole point of a welfare state, to help when people need it. The op has lovingly provided a home for her late DSIS children, it would cost the state alot more if those children where in foster care, and the op obviously isn't thinking about financial gain, she's obviously a loving aunt and mother, doing her best to give them all a great Christmas, and I don't for one minute begrudge someone like the op claiming what they are entitled to, it's not as if she's a 20y old who's never worked and has 6 kids of her own to different fathers, like alot of the 'mothers' who live near me.

OP, I hope you take my advice, and make sure your getting everything your entitled to, it's people like you that deserve every penny the state has to offer, putting others before yourself. And I'm sorry for my first post, and I'll say it again, I'M A CUNT!!!

Spend it and have a lovely Christmas day with all the children - buy lots of treats, tell them who sent the money to pay for them, sent a thank you note signed from them all and don't give it another thought.

Happy Christmas!

I get you IveStillGotIt, I'd never begrudge anyone what they need from the state. I was just making the point I wouldn't begrudge money from the children being spent if the family was in need either.

Dora - Please do make sure you are getting all you should from the state. If you feel odd about it - Think about it like this... If you have enough to financially support your and your sisters children then they are more likely to be successful in their careers and then one day they will pay taxes that will be used to help out another good soul like you and children like them.

I have such a huge amount of respect for you, am sorry for your loss and wish you and your family the best Christmas possible under current circumstances.

P.S Has someone sent you some boots yet? It seems like there are too many unused boots hanging around in too many mners houses for you to bother buying any!

Try www.entitledto.com., to see if you're getting all you can.

I am in awe of what you've done for your late sister, spend the money on whatever you choose xx

Absolutely. Benefits are there for when you need them so definately go down to cab asap!!! You are missing out!

I just asked my kids how they would feel if I had been given this money to spend for them, in the same circumstances - would they prefer to get the cash, or for the money to be spent on Christmas.

They are a bit older - 13 and 14 - but they both answered straightaway and without any doubt that they would want it spent on Christmas.

Although to be fair, I didn't offer the option of spending it on shoes, and I'm not sure what they would have answered then.

I haven't read the whole thread, but if I was struggling, I'd keep it.
Also, if I had sent someone £30 for the kids and I then found out the parents had kept it because money was tight, that'd be fine too.
I'd much rather my money be spent on what is truely needed.

My mum collects 20p for my dc's money boxes and has told me she wanted it put into their CTF, I have told her on a number of occasions that I have had to clear out their noney boxes for food etc. he was fine with it and said her and my dad did that with my bank accounbt when I was younger!

Yanbu, simple, your being a good mum x