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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not 'do' santa?

441 replies

jmt2211 · 30/11/2010 21:27

I don't believe in Santa and refuse to lie to my child about it. The first year he could ask about it was when he was 3 and I just said that lots of people liked to believe in Santa but really he was just pretend.
I have yet to find a single person who has done the same, even if I can get them to agree in principle, no one will agree in practice. I'd love to hear what others think (other than that I am a Scrooge) and see if anyone agrees with me....

OP posts:
hocuspontas · 30/11/2010 21:29

"I don't believe in Santa.."

He's not real you know Grin

nancy75 · 30/11/2010 21:30

i do agree that i don't beleive in santa, however i don't really see the point in ruining a childs xmas by telling them he's not real.

insertexpletive · 30/11/2010 21:32

Santa is not real? I think you must be mistaken.

Father Christmas is real though - isn't he?

domesticsluttery · 30/11/2010 21:32

I haven't gone quite as far as you, but I won't lie to my DC about it. I go along with the idea of Father Christmas, but when they get to the age where they ask about whether he is real I won't tell them that he is.

DS1 decided that he didn't believe any more last year when he was 7. I didn't lie to him, just told him that if a person wanted to believe in Father Christams then he was real to them. Last year DS1 was sure that he wasn't real, but this year he seems to have decided that he wants to believe again. DS2 and DD are 6 and 4 and haven't asked yet.

It doesn't ruin Christmas IMO, they read a lot and so have the concept of fairy tales etc and I don't think it worried DS1 to know that it was just make believe. I leave it up to them.

TheChamomileLawn · 30/11/2010 21:33

Silly-billy

TheChamomileLawn · 30/11/2010 21:34

to the op

missmoopy · 30/11/2010 21:35

This thread happens every year.

FFS, Santa is part of the magic of childhood. Its about imagination, magic and joy! Its not about lying to them its about suspending disbelief and not being a sodding kill joy.

Grrrrr. Over serious parenting makes me so mad.

mumeeee · 30/11/2010 21:35

I have always done FC ( don't like the word Santa0. But he only brings stocking stuff.
It just started as a mahical Chistmas story and my children are now 18,20 and 23 and they still love to pretend it's a family tradition.
I once asked them I when they were teenagers) if they wanted to stop having a stocking and have a nore spent on thier main present but all 3 said no.

usualsuspect · 30/11/2010 21:36

why? does it make you better than everyone else

LynetteScavo · 30/11/2010 21:36

Sprinkles magic Christmas dust on jmt2211, in the hope she can spread them magic.

YuleBeLucky · 30/11/2010 21:38

We do FC, but it's quite tongue in cheek.

DS (5) told me a few days ago that he's not sure if he believes in FC. I said I wasn't sure, either but I really hoped it was true. he's a clever kid, he'll figure it out for himself sooner or later. But I won't feel that I've 'lied' to him when he does. FC, the Tooth fairy, Easter bunny etc - it's all just good fun, surely? Nobody was ever scarred for life by believing.

I draw the line at God, though Wink

geraldinetheluckygoat · 30/11/2010 21:39

the point is not wether you believe in him or not, OP. The point is that it is a little bit of magic, in a fairly unmagical world. The point is seeing your kids eyes widen with delight when they come down and see their stocking and realise that Santa did know what they wanted. Santa is lovely. They are children it is nice for them to believe in something that is totally impossible.

I can remember laying in bed as a kid and totally convincing myself that I could hear sleigh bells on christmas eve. It was the best feeling ever.

Its not lying to your child, its creating something incredibly unbelievable and exciting and making it real for them.

MrsTedHughes · 30/11/2010 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

taintedsnow · 30/11/2010 21:45

I feel really sad when people are like this. FFS it's Father Christmas and it's a little bit of magic for a child. Let them believe while they are young enough to.

SparklyJules · 30/11/2010 21:45

It's a shame when parents take this decision, I personally find it quite sad. Santa/Father Christmas is such a lovely part of childhood, I love to see children bright eyed with excitement talking about him with their friends. By taking this away you take away the shared excitement, the fun with other children. Imagine a reception class of children making Christmas decorations, doing paintings of Santa and there being one child looking around at it all and not getting swept along in the fun because mummy has told him Santa doesn't exist.

BarbieLovesKen · 30/11/2010 21:46

I think this is really, mean and downright cruel to be honest. I dont think that in years to come your son is ever going to turn around and be very angry with you for lying to him over this one particular subject.

I feel really sorry for him actually. 3? Sad

I think the magic of Christmas is just fabulous for children and I would hate to take those make believe/ imaginative/ magical years from them.

and btw, of course you dont believe in FC Hmm

bumpsnowjustplump · 30/11/2010 21:46

Yes other people do do the same as you, I have stopped going to a toddler group where a very annoying women told her 3 year old dd that father christmas was not real like her and daddy and that it was just a nice story. Her child her choice but she did it right infront of my son....

I was frigging furious, luckily ds didn't cotton on to it or I would have lost it totally.

I do think it is sad though my dd is 3 and just getting into the christmas magic and as such me and dp are refinding our christmas magic..

there is plenty of time for the truth to come out and i have never know of anyone being annoyed their parents lied to them about fc...

Your child your choice though but i hope your child doesn't ruin the magic for someone elses child who does believe..

ILoveDolly · 30/11/2010 21:47

NONE of us believe in Santa you know. But our children do and that's why we persist in the 'myth'. If you insist on always telling the honest complete warts and all truth to your kids about everything you will rub alot of the magic off life for them.

MaDuggar · 30/11/2010 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 30/11/2010 21:49

Three is a bit young to be told Santa does not exist. My son worked it out for himself at around six. And promptly told his 4 year old sister!!

stickylittlefingers · 30/11/2010 21:49

i can see why you wouldn't want to lie to your dc.

However, most children "get" this; they think it is real, then they realise perhaps its not, but want to go on believing, and then go to the pub and forget about it (ime!)... You'd know if you had a child who didn't have the ability to suspend disbelief in this way.

So they won't think you're a liar, they'll think it was an enjoyable pretence, which they'll do with their own children, probably.

Don't sweat it, really

maighdlin · 30/11/2010 21:51

bit on the fence with this one, but think of all the kids in his class when he goes round telling them santa isn't real.

psychomum5 · 30/11/2010 21:54

all mine still believe in santa.

even the 16yr old:o

they also know that he actually only lives in lapland, and so mummy and daddy do the gifts.

it makes xmas more magical to have something to believe in, even if it isn;t 'true'. I mean, after all, all legends have come from some truth, even vampires and monsters started from some element of truth, and the legends then escalated.

why not give them magic? childhood is so very very fleeting, they need to have some joy.

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 30/11/2010 21:58

i think you are being unreasonable yes.

i was convinced i wouldn't do father christmas (check out my name Grin ) and didn't really bring it up till this year when my son is 3 and clearly wants to believe. it was impossible for me not to see that he wanted to be a part of it and believe so swallow my righteous notions and get on with a being a mum (this becomes familiar no?).

we will, against all of my prior ideas, put out a drink for santa (extra glass of port for mummy) and some treats for the reindeer. we will hang up a stocking and i will do the wow look what is here business Blush

FC will only buy the stocking fillers i want him to grow up appreciating that gifts are bought for him and realise they have to be paid before tbh but our tradition will be lots of silly little bits and pieces and treats in his stocking from FC.

reading your post OP i'm really glad i came to this decision. it does seem a miserable thing for a 3 year old for the sake of a what? principle?

i remember christmas too, it was fun

Original poster
jmt2211 · 30/11/2010 21:58

but it really is lying...who is it for? I think that is the real question here. Is it for you, as the parent, or is it for them. Let's be honest, there is no magic but life can still be wonderful. Why not say to your child 'I bought you these present because I love you and wanted you to have them and xmas is a special time for our family to share and have fun together' Why you have to make up fantastical lies, patronising children- essentially you are saying to them 'you're too stupid to know any different' and the lies just get bigger and bigger but everyone seems to file it away under 'the magic of childhood'.

and as for you missmoopy parenting is serious! I am not sure what type of parent you class yourself as but I hope you don't tell your kids that raising them wasn't really that serious of an issue for you. I guess you could drop it into conversation when they ask you if santa is real...

OP posts: