to not 'do' santa?

[jmt2211]

I don't believe in Santa and refuse to lie to my child about it. The first year he could ask about it was when he was 3 and I just said that lots of people liked to believe in Santa but really he was just pretend.
I have yet to find a single person who has done the same, even if I can get them to agree in principle, no one will agree in practice. I'd love to hear what others think (other than that I am a Scrooge) and see if anyone agrees with me....

There is more to Santa than lying to kids. Its such a nice aspect of childhood along with the tooth fairy etc.
I can still remember my Dad telling us he woke up in the middle of the night to go to the loo and saw the tooth fairy standing on the window sill. He described her so well- I can still SEE her in my minds eye and I appreciate now the effort he went to- just to make our childhood a bit magical.

jmt2211 ..have a baileys and chill

FC doesn't buy anything in our house, he is all about logistics

I can't actually remember believing in FC and nor can DH, and it didn't ruin Christmas for us.

AFAIK DS1 hasn't shattered anyone else's beliefs in FC, in fact he told me the other day that his friend (who is also 8) was having doubts and DS1 told him the same thing that I had told him about FC being real to you if you wanted to believe.

Think Im done with these overy dramatic attention seeking threads

I dont feel lied to or patronised or being considered to be stupid for being told by my mother about FC. Not at all.

I think the "lies" were for me, if Im honest. Why couldnt my parents give me the gifts? because your missing the point, it wasnt so much about the stuff I got (when I look back I cant remember alot of what the actual gifts were..), its about the magic. It was about the unbearable excitment and not being able to sleep Christmas eve, it was about little things like the believe that I'd heard bells or reindeer outside, that Santa had eaten the biscuits Id left out.. the magic.

I didnt have the best childhood if Im honest but those particular memories are priceless.

We go all out now. My dh childishly runs around the house making noise, ringing a bell etc.. when we put the DC to bed Chrismas eve, we leave "signs" that FC has been in our house. I really cant see our children feeling deceived or lied too or patronised in years to come for this. I think they will appreciate it and realise how much a happy childhood, for them, meant to us and how much we tried to make that happen.

I know parenting is serious jmt2211, FFS. But its also about magic, enjoyment and laughter.
I take parenting very seriously but I am not a smug git about "lying" to my child about something that brings her joy. I do not appreciate your inference that you are a better parent than me. How dare you.
Childhood is fleeting, adulthood is for the harsh realities.
Get a grip.

but it is part of a shared culture of childhood that he'll miss out on and always miss out on.

as an adult when people are telling childhood stories about the elaborate things their parents did under the guise of FC and sharing that memory people have of their dad falling downstairs with the presents or realising fc wasn't real but playing along with it even though you'd known for years where your mum hid the pressies etc all he'll have to say is, 'my mother told me it wasn't real when i was 3'.

there will be an awkward silence and sympathetic looks.

i don't know of anyone who harbours a grudge against parents for father christmas games but plenty who hate that their parents deprived them of fun, innocent, games and play.

jmt2211
I've said befire doing Father Christmas is magical and lovly for the children,
Our kids have always knowm we buy presents for them but they also believed that FC bpught them the stocking presents,
My youngest is now 18 but we still all have stockingsand pretend that FC is real.
When mine found out that he wasn't actually real none of them were upeset that we had lied to them actuallythey didn't think we had just taht it was a lovely fairy story.

it's really not too late. he'll want to believe enough to forget that you told him it wasn't true.

We should keep a count of all the killjoys who see a lovely bit of magic as lying!
I am a firm believer in FC and will tell DCs so-it is the truth, I believe absolutely in giving DCs magic.

FGS, i still give him presents, a stocking, we have a tree. He'll still be excited on xmas eve...come on! I think some reactions are a bit extreme here...I was actually looking for a person who agreed with me, as you will see from my post I am well aware that most people don't

Well I think you are a bit mean really. And didn't we play this game last week about lying to your children.

But if you want to think your child will think not being lied to about santa makes you a better parent, go ahead. Not for us though.

SO why post then?
If you firmly believe you are doing the right thing?
I'm out of here, I am sick of threads from people who think they are superior parents. When actually all you have done is taken a little bit of joy from your small sons childhood.
Good night.

But JMT what is the point in doing a stocking if you don't want him to believe. I think for a 3yo that in itself is quite confusing.

Why do you celebrate christmas? A fictional character's birthday?

it's not so much that i told him at 3 that there was no santa, i just never told him that there was (that's the lying bit I don't like) and when he asked about santa (not if he was real but just asked about him) i told the truth. I guess I just value truth more than others

DCs make up their own minds-there are threads where 3 yr olds say that it is just a story. I loved books about Christmas traditions-St Nicholas etc so I think that I would have believed- even if my parents had lacked magic. You just have to hope that you have a DC of a similar disposition who will agree when they are older. I am grateful for the magic-no one can take away the sheer excitement of reindeer on the roof.
(my suspicion of those who think it lying is that either their parents didn't do it or they didn't do it well).

I remember asking my dad aged 7 if santa was real, and he just answered 'no' - I was devastated, crying, couldn't believe it was all a lie!

However, the years of believing he was real, all the effort my mum put in, the feeling of magic and so on made up for it! I will be doing santa with DS, or 'thanta' as he calls him, it's great fun.

YANBU.

JMT I don't actively tell my kids that Santa exists either. I passively avoid the issue. I just say things like "Mmm", and "Oh yes?" if/when they ever mention Santa to me, which isn't very often.

I find the suggestion from other posters that our kids don't have as much joy in their lives if Santa is not shoved down their throat as an unquestionable reality extremely insulting. My kids find joy and wonder in REAL THINGS!! And they can take from the Santa story that they hear from schoolfriends/relatives what they want to.

They can make up their own minds.

I am very thankful that my mother didn't go around making smug statements. My cousin tends to be a bit like that and it makes me cringe-he seems to squeeze joy out of a situation.

Like figgy says why on earth do you bother with a stocking? I think it is really horrible to deprive dc's of being able to join in with other children's speculation and memories of FC. Plus as others have said have you ever come across someone who felt that their parents had done wrong by "lying" about FC to them?

Poor OP's DC