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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to not 'do' santa?

441 replies

jmt2211 · 30/11/2010 21:27

I don't believe in Santa and refuse to lie to my child about it. The first year he could ask about it was when he was 3 and I just said that lots of people liked to believe in Santa but really he was just pretend.
I have yet to find a single person who has done the same, even if I can get them to agree in principle, no one will agree in practice. I'd love to hear what others think (other than that I am a Scrooge) and see if anyone agrees with me....

OP posts:
TyraG · 01/12/2010 09:41

I'm with you minervaitalica if she doesn't want to lie to her kids she'll have to tell them when what they've drawn isn't very pretty or the outfit they've picked up is awful. Good luck with that honey.

FWIW isn't telling kids God exists also lying?

piscesmoon · 01/12/2010 09:52

It is Norad Santa Tracker 2010-obviously not there yet but it is great. My teenage DCs think I am sad as I watch him go to Australia etc! (I tell them I believe if they don't!) Try look here
Nearer the time google Santa tracker and Norad or google earth.
I have never had FC conditional on behaviour.
No one knows if God exists-can't be proved but can't be disproved. People will insist on muddling science with faith.

ScarlettCrossbones · 01/12/2010 10:02

Himalaya, it's not that I don't "do" Santa, it's just that I don't present him as FACT. It's all just a fun, pretendy game, as most of their life should be at this age!

Minervaitalica, sometimes it's what you don't say to children that's important, rather than what you do say. It's skewed logic to suggest that JMT or I should also be telling our kids they look awful in an outfit, or whatever (my kids always look gorgeous anyway Grin).

it is very possible your child would want to be lied to.
Serendippy, that's not really the starting point I want to take with my kids.

Melpomene and lovereading, you're spot on. Smile

The bottom line for me is, there's absolutely no need to lie to your kids in order for them to have a wonderful, exciting, memorable Christmas.

Chaotica · 01/12/2010 10:06

JMT2211 - we don't do santa either. We do presents from real people.(Can't be bothered reading rest of thread as it will no doubt tell us what bastards we're being.)

Mum2HarryandBen · 01/12/2010 10:09

What has God, got to do with FC?

Mum2HarryandBen · 01/12/2010 10:12

Is it to do with anograms or something?

SANTA
SATAN

InPraiseOfBacchus · 01/12/2010 10:13

I don't think you are BU... I found the concept of Father Christmas not frightening, but kind of uncomfortable when I was a child.

During the "transitional" stage when I was beginning to twig to the truth, it raised a lot of questions on my young mind, like "what ELSE is just pretend?"

Not having father Christmas any more (I was 6 when I worked it out for myself) didn't ruin the 'magic of Chrismas' one bit. It made me learn to be more grateful of my dear parents who spend so much time, effort and money choosing gifts that I'd love.

When DC1 is born, I won't be telling him Santa is real, although hopefully s/he will learn to be courteous and not take the piss out of kids who do believe. Father Christmas is an important folk figure, though, and it's not like I'm going to ban all imagary of him!

Serendippy · 01/12/2010 10:14

ScarlettCrossbones I didn't mean that you have to lie to your children, what I was trying to say was that I don't know anyone who resents their parents for lying to them about santa, however there are possibly some who resent their parents for taking away the magic of Christmas. As an adult looking back, I am glad my parents kept up the pretence of santa, added to the magic and I would have been sad if they had taken that away.

I think there is a difference between maliciously lying to your children and playing make believe. Nothing wrong with encouraging a bit of imagination.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 10:18

I don't resent my parents for lying to me about Father Christmas. I LOVED thinking that F.C was coming, it was soooooo exciting. I intend to keep the lie going for as long as possible with DS. It's magical and innocent and OP and others like her are lemon-sucking sourpusses.

tigitigi · 01/12/2010 10:21

YANBU - it is a personal choice. We don't do Santa (or FC) either. My ds and dd (4and2) know he is not real but they also know that other kids think he is so not to tell them the truth.

Christmas is all about time together as a family celebrating the birth of Christ and I really hate the fact that is has become such a grasping, horrible, commercial holiday. If you do not believe why are you celebrating - we don't celebrate Hannukah or Diwali or Eid (though I have many friends who do and who teach our kids all about how important these celebrations are to their families).

We have a magical Christmas - crib service on Chrissy eve, stockings in the morning and one tree present, lunch the presents and games in the afternoon. They get maybe 3 small presents each with pocket money presents and fruit in the stocking. Absolutely no tv til they have gone to bed just carol music. I am looking forward to them being old enough to go to midnight mass.

This is right for us - do what is right for you and have fun.

TyraG · 01/12/2010 10:23

What has God, got to do with FC?

It has to do with "lying" to children about something that's not real.

poppyknot · 01/12/2010 10:24

Does something have to be 'real' for us to allow our DCs to enjoy it?

Isn't FC/Santa just a prolonged set-piece bit of seasonal make believe?

ScarlettCrossbones · 01/12/2010 10:24

I think there is a difference between maliciously lying to your children and playing make believe.
Serendippy we DO play make believe! That is precisely what we do!! You, and most of the other posters don't - you say that there IS this guy called Santa who definitely DOES cover the whole world in one night, or whatever ... presenting it to kids as the truth.

Mum2HarryandBen · 01/12/2010 10:25

Some Adults think God is real, all Adults should know FC is not!

grumpypants · 01/12/2010 10:25

Well, having read the thread the only stand out thing for me is the level of understanding the OP's dc appears to have. My 3 y/o ds is currently sat on the sofa, having just attempted to get the guinea pigs to sing into his toy microphone, frustrated that they wouldn't try. He would not grasp the many concepts the Op's ds appears to have done RE; death/ war etc. So, I suspect the OP is attempting what is commonly known as 'superior parenting' by deliberately going against the norm and repackaging it as morally preferable. Other example wd be bringing your own, healthy food to a kids party (obv excluding allergies/ dietary) and issues).

TyraG · 01/12/2010 10:26

Some Adults think God is real, all Adults should know FC is not!

Some adults are gullible and naive.

ScarlettCrossbones · 01/12/2010 10:26

This is right for us - do what is right for you and have fun.

tigitigi you're so right. Instead JMT and I have people on this thread saying they will shed a tear for our DC on Xmas Day because we're not doing exactly what they do in terms of Santa. Laughable, really.

notso · 01/12/2010 10:29

I can't believe that there are parents who never, ever lie to their children.

I love Father Christmas and I'm glad my DC have believed in him longer than I did, I was only 4 when I saw my Dad putting my presents at the end of my bed and always felt a little bit gutted I 'knew' when my little sister was so wrapped up in the magic.

KnittingisbetterthanTherapy · 01/12/2010 10:29

How weird Shock! Why would anyone want to spoil the magic of Christmas for their kids?!

I'm truly stunned.

Mum2HarryandBen · 01/12/2010 10:35

Tyra, again what has that got to do with FC? why bring God into it at all, strange!

cory · 01/12/2010 10:36

I believe in my children finding magic and wonder in the realities of life around us.

I shall therefore tell them exactly how many hours of boring admin work went into paying for their presents, I shall specify the amount of VAT paid on each one, and take care to inform them of any rebates I was able to get by using points on my card.

It will be a magical Christmas, I tell you, magical!

Himalaya · 01/12/2010 10:38

melpomeme I don't think your analogy is quite right - every child can tell the difference between a stuffed toy cat and a real cat, so I don't think you are ruining any illusions there. Same goes for plays - it is the fact that they know (or are reassured) that it is make believe that allows them to enjoy The Gruffalo on stage (otherwise if they thought it was real it would be mighty scary).

I think the right analogy is something more like telling someone how a magic trick works, telling them the end of a movie or book, or telling them what is in their present before they open it. A policy of total honesty and disclosure ruins the mystery of the trick, the suspense of the movie and the surprise of the present.

FWIW i don't claim to my kids that i have any special knowledge of the physics of Santa, or can communicate to him about who has been naughty or nice etc...I think all that can get a bit creepy. The lie I do tell though is that a deny all knowledge of how the presents (stocking fillers, socks, chocolate, satsuma etc..) got into the stocking and who eat the carrot etc..(and maintain plausible deniability with different wrapping paper etc...) without that bit of play acting the whole stocking business seems pointless.

If you don't 'do' Santa then why bother with the charade of the stocking, carrot, whiskey etc...?

I have told my children there is no such thing as god, so we don't then go to church, pray etc... (we do celebrate a secular xmas though tigitigi - just like i'm sure we'd celebrate Chinese new year if we lived in China).

PlumBumandBaublesMum · 01/12/2010 10:39

Xmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas SmileXmas Smile

cory · 01/12/2010 10:41

tigitigi, fwiw my family has always celebrated Christmas because it is an older festival than Christianity- and certainly a good deal older than the presence of Christianity in Northern Europe.

And even in the south, the Romans were giving each other presents at this time of year long before the birth of Jesus, so the present giving aspect is hardly a modern invention.

I am a Christian, so for me Christmas is about the birth of Christ, but I can see perfectly well why my parents celebrate Yule anyway. They haven't hi-jacked anything, rather it is us Christians who have hi-jacked an older tradition. But they are very gracious about it Grin

PlumBumandBaublesMum · 01/12/2010 10:41

Xmas Hmm don't know what happened there

FWIW I don't do Easter bunny, told my dcs there was no Easter bunny and they point blank refused to believe me