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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she's a bridezilla??

221 replies

bridesmaidzilla · 13/07/2010 21:22

My friend is getting married in December and decided to book her bridemaids dresses fitting on my wedding anniversery (tomorrow) - I mentioned this when she told me 3 months ago and she said I know but it will only be for about 2/3 hours.

Anyway, 2 months ago she informed me we had to purchase our own shoes but she didn't want me to have too high a heel!!

I have arranged for a friend to have my dc's tomorrow - my dc's know her well as she's my closest friend - friend is willing to have dc's as long as needed.

Bride has rang me tonight to say she'll pick me up at 9am (changed from 10am) and I said I'd drive in case any problems etc I can leave if needs be. I cannot go before 9.30am as dc's have swimming lessons - and I've said I'll drive to meet her and others at the bride shop. When I asked her how long she thought we'd be (as friend has dc's, I have optitions at 4pm, and DH is home early so we can have takeout for anniversery).

She was extremly 'off' with me stating that there was no time limit she'd set and she wanted me to have a day without worrying about my dc's (she doesn't have dc's) and after bride shop visit to go into the city about 30 mins away and buy the shoes.

I said that I didn't expect to be buying the shoes tomorrow and that as I am going on holiday in 2 weeks do not have the money. Also have had unexpected bills this month e.g car broke down and now problems with my glasses hence opitions appointment which I've had yo get them to squeeze in (work weekdays)

I suggested that if she wanted us all to wear the same shoes she bought them (don't wanna pay more than £50) and I pay her back next month. She has refused this.

She was extremly rude to me about the optitions appointment and I explained it's the only one they have this week that I can attend and need new glasses sorted asap (can't see without them) and it takes 7-10 days for them to be made and need them before I go away - and she had said originally 10am for a FEW hours.

So AIBU or is she being a bridezilla and WWYD???

OP posts:
clam · 14/07/2010 21:06

!!!!!! !!!!!!

YANBU

OK, so if you say to her that you're sorry she feels this way but it's best all round if you bow out at this point (which in the light of these latest developments would be entirely reasonable), are you prepared for your friendship , such as it is, to end? Doesn't sound a massive loss, but bear in mind that you will be bad-mouthed as the bad guy in this for evermore.

Oh, and what DavidTennant said. The voice of reason!

themothershipcalling · 14/07/2010 21:37

Ohhhh, where was the post about the lady whose friend apologised 2 years later when she had kids....

Sack her off, she just doesn't get it. Maybe invite her to go clubbing to Ibiza a week after she gives birth in a few years, see how she feels then....

MummyTubb · 14/07/2010 21:43

I can't believe the bride is having bridesmaid dresses fitted 6 months before her wedding. That's just asking for trouble isn't it?

But what would I know? I organised my entire wedding in 3 months flat. I don't get why it takes so long.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/07/2010 21:55

OMG at the text she sent you

tho hadnt you told her that only you would be attending and not dh on the rsvp

GeekOfTheWeek · 14/07/2010 21:56

Your 'friend', is not only bridezilla, but a complete dick too.

Tell her to get fucked and good riddance

Jamieandhismagictorch · 14/07/2010 22:50

Mummy - Mine was 6 months and that was bad enough. Bored my own arse off talking and thinking about it, let alone anyone else's

DoYouWantToKnowASecret · 14/07/2010 22:52

AIBU by stealth. Nice. She is being bridezilla but you are being bridesmaidzilla. when she sees this on here she will so happy you have discussed it with strangers and made her recogniseable to any of her friends. Well done.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 14/07/2010 22:53

Bridesmaidzilla - her behaviour is appalling. You have done your best to accommodate her, and she is behaving indefensibly. To be honest, she is not much of a friend if she cannot understand how your children need a bit of stability after their father's accident, or that your first responsibility is to them.

I wonder if any of the people who have said that the OP was being unreasonable are going to come back and read the latest - maybe they will change their opinions in the light of her latest demands.

ChippingIn · 14/07/2010 22:56

bridesmaidzilla - she's barking. I would definitely back of being her bridesmaid now and see how things go closer to the wedding (re who has the kids etc) - see how the friendship goes after the wedding maybe...

But I'll tell you something for nothing, none of my friends would treat me like this and if someone did - they'd no longer be a friend especially after what your family has just been through... it just beggars belief that she could treat you like this...

proudandsad - I did not attack you - stop being so attention seeking.

thumbwitch · 14/07/2010 23:16

sack it completely now. That saves you from the 2 day hen night as well, which will be an expense nightmare.

She's faaaaar too mememe.

TheBossofMe · 15/07/2010 04:55

Blimey. She's being a bit precious now.

You've got two options:

  1. Suck it up - saves your friendship, but makes you resentful

  2. Pull out of being a BM - from what you've posted, doesn't sound like you were that into it anyway, so save yourself the hassle. But your friendship most likely dies.

No other options, really.

Original poster
bridesmaidzilla · 15/07/2010 07:47

Idon'tknow a secret - its not stealth but I wanted to post without mentioning this years event as didn't want it ti effect responses and got yanbu without it.

UPDATE: She text to say sorry she had upset me but didn't feel 9-3 was enough of a commitment. That she wants me to commit to full days for prep 2 days for hen do and that if I can't then perhaps I'd be better suited s a guest.

I text her to say I was willing to commit reasonable hours, a 2 day hen do would be a lot to ask of me but I would be available. I said I understand the wedding is the most important day of her life so far, mine was up til I had dc's and that our lives are at different stages at the mo and I have equally important priorities (DH and dcs) and that in order to preserve our friendship I'd be honoured to attend as her guest.

I'll keep you all informed. Thanks for the posts was really expecting a flaming. I have also spoke to optitions who have managed to swap my apt with person after me to 4.30pm but my apt takes an hour and they shut at 5.30 so cannot do any later.

OP posts:
Original poster
bridesmaidzilla · 15/07/2010 07:49

except now prob not being bridemaid so all the juggling around been pointless!!!!

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 15/07/2010 08:06

"sorry she had upset me but didn't feel 9-3 was enough of a commitment. That she wants me to commit to full days for prep 2 days for hen do and that if I can't then perhaps I'd be better suited s a guest."

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape there!

May I ask - apols if someone already has - was she a Bridesmaid at your wedding? Was there a similar extravaganza, Bridesmaids expected to make a "commitment" akin to joining the Moonies, to making you Princess For The Duration?

If so, maybe she is not BU for expecting the same in return.

If not, back away slowly, not taking your eyes off her for a second, even to find the door handle.

TheBossofMe · 15/07/2010 09:07

lol at "akin to joining Moonies" - once was BM to a bride like that. She expected me to take a day off a week for 6 months (ie use up all my annual holiday) to help her with her arrangements.

indochichi · 15/07/2010 09:56

shame this has turned out as it has.

Think you have handled it v well, not sure I'd want to still be a guest, tbh

Can I just say though that I despair at you both communicating by text message. Surely important enough to warrant a proper chat?! But this is a personal bugbear of mine, people using text for issues they should have the manners and balls to discuss face to face/voice to voice.

ChippingIn · 15/07/2010 09:58

Great text you sent, it will be interesting to see what she replies...

'Not enough commitment'.... she needs commiting.... mad as a box of frogs!!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/07/2010 09:59

I agree about the texting. I think that if you can back out gracefully it will best all round.

gagamama · 15/07/2010 10:13

She sounds unhinged. No way you can justify dumping your kids at her whim because she is getting married in 5 months time and is apparently therefore entitled to organise your life for you!

Oh, and as for the 2-day hen do, what about this? I'd perhaps also suggest opting for the 'simple' accomodation option.

gagamama · 15/07/2010 10:19

(And if she moans about having to build walls from 9-5, tell her you expect more commitment ).

indochichi · 15/07/2010 10:33

to be fair - aren't a lot of hen and stag dos two day events these days?

When DH was best man some years ago the groom wanted to go away for the weekend, but as DH had a newborn (5 weeks old at time of stag do), they compromised on staying away one night. Still took up most of the Sat and Sun though.

nomorebooze · 15/07/2010 10:35

Hi! ive been following this thread, YADNBU. She is no friend, she sounds like a comlete cow and is being totally unreasonable! you have had a tough year and dont need this added stress. Personally i wouldnt even go to the wedding, can imagine the digs now about you!!!! not wanting to be a bridesmaid as you couldnt be bothered blah blah blah............. Your brave if you go as a guest though. xx

swanandduck · 15/07/2010 10:35

BDZ, apologies for saying you were a bit unreasonable (and for not having read the optician bit properly.) Having seen more details, she does sound very selfish and as if she is going totally over the top about things so YANBU.

To be honest, I've seen and heard of so many friends falling out once one of them does bridesmaid for another that I think it would be safer to just choose a sworn enemy for the job .

scaryteacher · 15/07/2010 10:44

You said earlier OP that you are a teacher. Where are you supposed to find the time to do bridesmaiding crap when September comes around, given that weekends are normally for planning and marking and doing all the domestics you didn't get done during the week?

OrmRenewed · 15/07/2010 10:50

Eh?

I don't understand.

Bride wants her bridesmaids to have matching dresses so she had arranged a dress-fitting. OK. With her so far. Choice of day was not ideal but OP sucked it up. OK. But the fitting is going to take a few hours so the OP quite reasonable made a vital appointment later that day long after the dress stuff was due to have finished. And assumed she could take her children swimming as normal before the fitting was due to start. All perfectly OK. No problems.

Then bride changes the starts time and the end time and when the OP can't accomodate her, the OP is being unreasonable? How?

It's not the wedding. It's the dress fitting. For the bridesmaids not even the bride. As far as I know a marriage is still binding if the bridesmaids don't have an entire day to faff about with dresses and stuff. Correct me if I'm wrong.