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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she's a bridezilla??

221 replies

bridesmaidzilla · 13/07/2010 21:22

My friend is getting married in December and decided to book her bridemaids dresses fitting on my wedding anniversery (tomorrow) - I mentioned this when she told me 3 months ago and she said I know but it will only be for about 2/3 hours.

Anyway, 2 months ago she informed me we had to purchase our own shoes but she didn't want me to have too high a heel!!

I have arranged for a friend to have my dc's tomorrow - my dc's know her well as she's my closest friend - friend is willing to have dc's as long as needed.

Bride has rang me tonight to say she'll pick me up at 9am (changed from 10am) and I said I'd drive in case any problems etc I can leave if needs be. I cannot go before 9.30am as dc's have swimming lessons - and I've said I'll drive to meet her and others at the bride shop. When I asked her how long she thought we'd be (as friend has dc's, I have optitions at 4pm, and DH is home early so we can have takeout for anniversery).

She was extremly 'off' with me stating that there was no time limit she'd set and she wanted me to have a day without worrying about my dc's (she doesn't have dc's) and after bride shop visit to go into the city about 30 mins away and buy the shoes.

I said that I didn't expect to be buying the shoes tomorrow and that as I am going on holiday in 2 weeks do not have the money. Also have had unexpected bills this month e.g car broke down and now problems with my glasses hence opitions appointment which I've had yo get them to squeeze in (work weekdays)

I suggested that if she wanted us all to wear the same shoes she bought them (don't wanna pay more than £50) and I pay her back next month. She has refused this.

She was extremly rude to me about the optitions appointment and I explained it's the only one they have this week that I can attend and need new glasses sorted asap (can't see without them) and it takes 7-10 days for them to be made and need them before I go away - and she had said originally 10am for a FEW hours.

So AIBU or is she being a bridezilla and WWYD???

OP posts:
swanandduck · 14/07/2010 12:48

I think I would have factored in delays, bride wanting to go for lunch etc. and just not added to the complications of the day (anniversary takeaway that evening) by making an optician's appointment as well.

BridesheadRegardless · 14/07/2010 12:48

Sometimes I've actually been to work on my wedding anniversary.

It's a cruel world.

Angelcat666 · 14/07/2010 12:53

She needs the glasses before she goes on holiday.

I'm sure the op has been to work on her wedding anniversary too, unless this is her first one. However, given the circumstances this really is an extra special one.

OP YANBU

gramercy · 14/07/2010 12:54

Wish we could get the Bride on here to give her version. Two sides to every tale.

swanandduck · 14/07/2010 12:56

I agree Gramercy. This seems to be a 'two sides' story and I suspect neither party is totally in the right or totally in the wrong.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 14/07/2010 13:06

Even with factoring in delays - the bride said she'd be finished around 1pm, and she didn't book the opticians until 4pm - that really is a big enough factor for delays.

swanandduck · 14/07/2010 13:16

She said the dress fitting would take about 2-3 hours. I would assume, on a day like that, that the bride would like to go for lunch or something. It just annoys me when you've arranged to meet someone and they've made an appointment they have to rush off to that really wasn't necessary on that particular day. But maybe that's just me.

paisleyleaf · 14/07/2010 13:38

See I think the dress fitting "really wasn't necessary on that particular day".

swanandduck · 14/07/2010 13:43

The dress fitting appointment was made FIRST paisleyleaf.

indochichi · 14/07/2010 13:46

I assume paisleyleaf means because the day was the OP's anniversary. Which came first.

But the bride could only insist it be on that day if the OP let her. If the OP wanted to keep it completely free, then that's her lookout. Not the brides. The OP didn't have any plans for the times the bride was suggesting, so really not unreasonable for the bride to choose that day IMO.

paisleyleaf · 14/07/2010 13:47

I know the dress fitting appointment was made first - but it was made without checking if it would be okay with the bridesmaid and kept in the knowledge it wasn't an ideal day.

swanandduck · 14/07/2010 13:51

What Indo said.

proudnsad · 14/07/2010 13:58

Ha @ brideshead!

Doesn't matter how many times people try to explain to thick old me why the OP is NOT B U in assorted bullet points, emboldened text, italics, sceptical faces...in my opinion OP is being precious and behaving like she is the only one with a busy life. We all have problems, appointments...and anniversaries! The bride is just being a bride. With a lot to organise.

Arrrhhh can't believe got sucked back in. Offski.

gramercy · 14/07/2010 14:11

swanandduck - I agree with you.

To be allocated 'slots' by friends (or family come to that) is pretty disappointing and insulting. It's different if you see people all the time, but when it's an occasion it's rude.

The anniversary thing is a red herring. The OP says herself that it is consisting of a takeaway. The dress fitting hardly impinges on that.

I think the reality is that the OP does not want to spend all day with friend. Personally I'd be narked at having to buy an expensive pair of shoes and I can see myself trying to weasel my way out of the situation by saying I had an optician's appointment so I could avoid having to go and spend a fortune on something I didn't want. Much easier than donning hard hat and saying "Look, Friend, can't I buy myself a pair from ShoeZone instead?"

swanandduck · 14/07/2010 14:13

Yes, Gramercy I agree that the shoe thing was mean and I can understand the OP being ticked off with that episode. Like we said earlier, two sides to everything...

abshirley · 14/07/2010 15:24

Proudnsad being a bride doesn't entitle someone not to be considerate. If she wanted the OP to spend the whole day with her then she should have said so in the 1st place, then the OP could have made the relevant arrangements.It's just simple good manners and brides to be aren't exempt.It's not up to her to decide that her wedding arrangements are more important than the OP's prior arrangements.

swanandduck · 14/07/2010 15:27

But the point is that it wasn't a prior arrangement. She made the optician's appointment after she had agreed to go shopping for dresses that day. I agree, though, that if the OP made it clear that she wasn't willing to do anything other than strictly buying the dress, the bride to be should have just swallowed her disappointment and said nothing.

Jacksmama · 14/07/2010 17:29

Swanandduck --- you need to go back to the part where the OP said that the time the optician's office gave her for the appointment was the only time she could be fitted in so that she could have her glasses, which she NEEDS to SEE, before her holiday which had been booked yonks ago. She Does Not Have A Choice About The Appointment Time.

This in response to your statement that she could have booked the optician's appointment at another time. No, from what she has told us, she could not have.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 14/07/2010 17:45

I have come to the realisation that I will never understand women like the bride's friend, because I don't even think my wedding day was the most important day of my life, let alone anyone else's. Or rather, I don't think that wearing the right dresses or shoes was the most important thing about it.

And I'm happily married ......

But I do think this was fundamentally a communication problem, and a blinkered Bride.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 14/07/2010 17:46

Sorry - that was meant to say - "I will never understand women like the bride"

cecinestpasunepipe · 14/07/2010 17:51

How is OP going to drive herself if she can't see without her glasses?? Where is all this taking place, so that I can keep well away?
Actually, I have every sympathy with OP - th whole idea of fittings, shoes and girly lunches makes me cringe.

scaryteacher · 14/07/2010 18:08

I can see squat without my glasses, so would be frantic to get them sorted if I was going away anywhere and there was a problem.

OP, yanbu, your friend has altered the goalposts at very short notice, and you must feel reluctant to impose on the friend who is doing the childcare at short notice, and unpicking arrangements that have been made is a PITA.

Enjoy your take away with your dh and revel in the fact that you are both still here, and everything is back on track.

I am aghast at those who are ignoring what the OP has been through in the past year; it can't have been easy.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 14/07/2010 18:17

Swanandduck - the only information that the OP had was that she'd be needed for 2-3 hours. No mention was made of lunch or shoe shopping (in fact the OP was told she was to buy her own shoes). The OP didn't have a crystal ball - how was she supposed to know that going out for lunch and shoe shopping were to be part of the deal??

And there were three hours between the end of the fitting and the optician's appointment - plenty of time for lunch and some bride and bridesmaids bonding - so in my opinion, the bride had no justification for getting irritated with the OP.

She didn't communicate when she wanted to change the plans, she didn't take account of the fact that a mother of young children cannot change her plans at someone else's whim, she seems to think that the OP has booked the optician's appointment just to be difficult, not because she actually needs the glasses and this is the only time the OP can go to the optician, and she seems to have no understanding of the fact that the OP is in tight financial circumstances and needs to budget a big purchase like shoes for the wedding.

Total bridezilla.

RobynLou · 14/07/2010 18:34

YANBU

when I got married I made the dresses, I did fittings at times which fitted into my bridesmaids lives, I shopped for my dress fabric with my mum. I never realised that bridesmaids are expected to spend a day over dress fittings! totally ott imo.
in my book bridesmaid = organising/attending hen do, looking after your make up etc on the day, moral support on the morning of the wedding.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/07/2010 19:00

wonder how it went today

or has op already said, will go and read the last few posts since i last caught up