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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she's a bridezilla??

221 replies

bridesmaidzilla · 13/07/2010 21:22

My friend is getting married in December and decided to book her bridemaids dresses fitting on my wedding anniversery (tomorrow) - I mentioned this when she told me 3 months ago and she said I know but it will only be for about 2/3 hours.

Anyway, 2 months ago she informed me we had to purchase our own shoes but she didn't want me to have too high a heel!!

I have arranged for a friend to have my dc's tomorrow - my dc's know her well as she's my closest friend - friend is willing to have dc's as long as needed.

Bride has rang me tonight to say she'll pick me up at 9am (changed from 10am) and I said I'd drive in case any problems etc I can leave if needs be. I cannot go before 9.30am as dc's have swimming lessons - and I've said I'll drive to meet her and others at the bride shop. When I asked her how long she thought we'd be (as friend has dc's, I have optitions at 4pm, and DH is home early so we can have takeout for anniversery).

She was extremly 'off' with me stating that there was no time limit she'd set and she wanted me to have a day without worrying about my dc's (she doesn't have dc's) and after bride shop visit to go into the city about 30 mins away and buy the shoes.

I said that I didn't expect to be buying the shoes tomorrow and that as I am going on holiday in 2 weeks do not have the money. Also have had unexpected bills this month e.g car broke down and now problems with my glasses hence opitions appointment which I've had yo get them to squeeze in (work weekdays)

I suggested that if she wanted us all to wear the same shoes she bought them (don't wanna pay more than £50) and I pay her back next month. She has refused this.

She was extremly rude to me about the optitions appointment and I explained it's the only one they have this week that I can attend and need new glasses sorted asap (can't see without them) and it takes 7-10 days for them to be made and need them before I go away - and she had said originally 10am for a FEW hours.

So AIBU or is she being a bridezilla and WWYD???

OP posts:
swanandduck · 15/07/2010 10:53

I wonder is she treating her other bridesmaids like this. She could find herself walking up the aisle alone if she's not careful.

OrmRenewed · 15/07/2010 10:54

"I should be doing what she wants as her big day forget my kids etc"

No! Really?

Speechless.

GetOrfMoiLand · 15/07/2010 11:08

Christ almighty.

Given the year you have had OP your friend should have been a lot more understanding.

I totally agree about the mindless nonsense of adult bridesmaids. WHO in the world likes getting dressed up in lilac slub silk frocks? Give the bridesmaid job to little girls who would love it.

And BUYING YOUR OWN IVORY SHOES. Oh I am going to start another thread about that - I am still pissed of 10 years later about having to fork out £60 for ivory high heeled BOOTS WITH LACES for when I was a bridesmaid. 6 of us with matching shoes. Gah!

Jane054848 · 15/07/2010 11:14

Bemused about how anyone could say YABU. They must have all been massive brideszillas themselves.

When I got married, I got the bridesmaids dresses from Monsoon because I thought it was a bleeding imposition to get 3 women with kids and busy lives to trek to fitting appointments. WHY can't people get their weddings into perspective? Also, it is unreasonable to expect you to pay for your own shoes if she has strong ideas about what shoes you should wear. You should just tell her that you are excited to be a bridesmaid but have a lot of demands on your time and money and if you can't give enough of both to make her happy, you are willing to drop out.

JaxTellersOldLady · 15/07/2010 11:28

you are not wrong Orm, also why are the bridesmaids paying for their own shoes? When I was matron of honour we had our dresses bought, shoes etc bought and we just had to get fitted and choose what we wanted and the bride too. No biggy.

Also when I got married I didnt expect my bridesmaids to pay for anything! I asked them to be part of my wedding and fully expected to pay for everything.

rewardgirl · 15/07/2010 11:30

[Boak] at ivory high heeled boots with laces! It's making my eyes water just thinking about it....
Well done you for not setting the dog on them making an excuse not to wear them on the big day!

I agree with the texting thing to sort something out. I had a bit of a fall out with my bezzie mate earlier this week due to texting back and forth on something that if we'd have spoken (even on the phone) we'd have been fine.

Good that she's given you an easy out to the bridesmaid thing - deffo sounds like the best idea all round. You can always take her for a nice girly lunch some other time to "make it up to her" - take some Brides-zilla-- mags with you to coo over - that should placate her nicely....

rewardgirl · 15/07/2010 11:31

OK - what am I doing wrong on the strike out thing??

LadyBiscuit · 15/07/2010 11:35

You need to do dashes either side of every single word individually like this (without the spaces!)

rewardgirl · 15/07/2010 11:42

Ahhhh - thanks Lady B
[There's no kissy emoticon on here]

Dropdeadfred · 15/07/2010 11:44

you have to pu the -- in fron t and behind every word

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 15/07/2010 12:00

GetOrf - do you have pictures of the boots, please? Or would that be too offensive?

girlywhirly · 15/07/2010 12:00

Getorf is absolutely right. Little girls for bridesmaids. Easy to get pretty affordable dresses off the peg, less stress for all.

On the two occasions when I have been a bridesmaid at 15 and nearly 19, neither bride made any stipulations about shoes because I have narrow feet and it was a nightmare trying to get anything that fit. However, this was in the '70s so my maxi dresses covered them! I just wore white sandals, no-one noticed or made a big deal of the fact that none of the bridesmaids shoes matched for heavens sake. Brides weren't so overwhelmed with choice in those days it seems, and just got on with it.

Sad to think so many brides think the wedding is the be all and end all, when it is actually the marriage that is most important, and the loss of friends being a bridezilla can cause. Some brides want a good telling off, just as would happen with a spoilt child.

2blessed2bstressed · 15/07/2010 12:22

Being bridesmaid for my sister next year - if she started behaving like this I'd punch her! But sisters can do stuff like that and still love each other later, I suspect your friendship may be damaged beyond repair. When I got married (20 years ago) I thought my wedding day was the most important thing in the world - it's the benefit of hindsight that gives perspective. Feel exactly the same about kids - when you're pregnant, the birth and labour are all you can think about. Only in the years following do you realise that was the easy bit!

Wanderingsheep · 15/07/2010 12:28

Christ on a bike, OP! Not only is she a Bridezilla, she's a toxic friend! You would be well rid!

Expects you to palm your kids off on whoever for a full days dress fitting, then 2 days hen do and a child free wedding!

"Not enough commitment..." who the hell does she think she is?

swanandduck · 15/07/2010 12:32

Well, as I've said on another thread, I think weddings have got totally out of hand in the last few years and brides now behave as if they're going to be starring in 'Hello' magazine. Dictating rudely to bridesmaids, spending absolute fortunes on cakes, flowers, white coverings with bows on the chairs (??), relocating the wedding abroad and throwing hissy fits when people can't afford/aren't able to travel to the venue. And don't start me on those rude couples who enclose notes with the invitation requesting cash gifts (often with bank account details included) because they need the wedding to 'pay for itself'. I can think of lots of better things to do with my cash than fund some over the top day for some egotistic bridezilla who is more interested in her designer dress, her matching bridesmaids, her massive boquet, the video, the photographs, the chocolate fountain (???), the colour of the napkins matching her eyes, instead of the fact that she is actually committing to someone for the rest of her life in front of family and close friends (which is what your wedding day is supposed to be like). Okay, rant over. Phew.

GetOrfMoiLand · 15/07/2010 12:33

No - no picts of boots (lost a load of photos, and bride has since divorced).

We truly looked terrible though - the dresses were long straight column dresses which ended low calf, so not the type to go with boots. We all looked bloody awful.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/07/2010 12:35

hear hear swanandduck. I just don't get it

Wanderingsheep · 15/07/2010 12:40

It's ridiculous!

indochichi · 15/07/2010 13:06

I'm feeling a tinge of guilt because I think my bridesmaid did pay for her own shoes. In my defence though, I had a v small wedding with only one bridesmaid, and we went shopping for a dress - not a bridesmaid dress, a dress in pink silk, knee length, good for a nice night out - that I bought her. It was about £200, she could and did wear it again, and we agreed that she would sort out the shoes and any accessories she wanted (which I didn't have prior approval of, I just trusted her).

indochichi · 15/07/2010 13:08

when I say I think she did, I can't remember because it was over 10 years ago.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 15/07/2010 13:08

I did have three adult bridesmaids, as well as my little god daughter, but a friend's mum made all the bridesmaids' dresses as well as mine, so was not terribly expensive. In fact, if I recall correctly, the fabric for the bridesmaids' dresses came from a stall called Mad Ada's in Bury market, and cost about £21. The bridesmaids bought their own shoes, but we decided to go for lightish leather ones, so they'd be able to wear them again, and it meant my sister could have flat shoes as she hated heels.

Swanandduck is absolutely right - the main point of our wedding was to celebrate our committment in front of our friends and family. I walked to the wedding, and we had the reception in the village hall, and local ladies did the flowers in the church (I bought the flowers and made a donation to church funds). My mum made the cake and got a local place to decorate it for me, and my MIL took me to a place in Southampton which was the permanent sale place for a department store chain - basically the stuff that didn't sell, but I was able to find my petticoat, veil and wreath at under half the original cost.

All this meant we could afford to ask lots of friends to the wedding and reception, and share the day with them.

indochichi · 15/07/2010 13:09

and the dress was hot pink.
I remember someone saying they'd never seen such an untraditional bridesmaid dress

rubbersoul · 15/07/2010 13:10

I had a very small and informal wedding (I really wanted to elope though!) and I have to admit, I don't really understand why someone would want to spend thousands and thousands of pounds on one day- if I had that much money I would be off doing abit of travelling with my dh! Compared to people I know though, I seem to be in the minority! Maybe I'm just a miserable cowbag

Lancelottie · 15/07/2010 13:21

Gosh.

I don't think I ever thought about paying for bridesmaids' shoes. But that's because I kind of assumed they already had some shoes and would wear those.

Was this BrideZilla By Idleness?

thumbwitch · 15/07/2010 13:29

I've been an adult bridesmaid three times - the first time I paid half for my dress (which I did manage to wear again a couple of times) and I already had shoes. But I admit I was irked at having to pay for my own hair to be done - that really should have been paid for by the bride, I feel - however, I let it go and we are still good friends.

The second two times, I made my own dress - both times the bride paid for the fabric. I bought my own shoes (satin, dyed) and used the same ones for the third wedding (and a couple of parties).

I don't mind paying for stuff IF there is a chance I can use it again - I would be very upset at being made to buy something I could only every use once (e.g. ivory lace up ankle boots - although, could you get those dyed?) AND it cost me more than I can reasonably afford.