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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think she's a bridezilla??

221 replies

bridesmaidzilla · 13/07/2010 21:22

My friend is getting married in December and decided to book her bridemaids dresses fitting on my wedding anniversery (tomorrow) - I mentioned this when she told me 3 months ago and she said I know but it will only be for about 2/3 hours.

Anyway, 2 months ago she informed me we had to purchase our own shoes but she didn't want me to have too high a heel!!

I have arranged for a friend to have my dc's tomorrow - my dc's know her well as she's my closest friend - friend is willing to have dc's as long as needed.

Bride has rang me tonight to say she'll pick me up at 9am (changed from 10am) and I said I'd drive in case any problems etc I can leave if needs be. I cannot go before 9.30am as dc's have swimming lessons - and I've said I'll drive to meet her and others at the bride shop. When I asked her how long she thought we'd be (as friend has dc's, I have optitions at 4pm, and DH is home early so we can have takeout for anniversery).

She was extremly 'off' with me stating that there was no time limit she'd set and she wanted me to have a day without worrying about my dc's (she doesn't have dc's) and after bride shop visit to go into the city about 30 mins away and buy the shoes.

I said that I didn't expect to be buying the shoes tomorrow and that as I am going on holiday in 2 weeks do not have the money. Also have had unexpected bills this month e.g car broke down and now problems with my glasses hence opitions appointment which I've had yo get them to squeeze in (work weekdays)

I suggested that if she wanted us all to wear the same shoes she bought them (don't wanna pay more than £50) and I pay her back next month. She has refused this.

She was extremly rude to me about the optitions appointment and I explained it's the only one they have this week that I can attend and need new glasses sorted asap (can't see without them) and it takes 7-10 days for them to be made and need them before I go away - and she had said originally 10am for a FEW hours.

So AIBU or is she being a bridezilla and WWYD???

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 14/07/2010 19:03

Hmm, tis her Wedding Anniversary..

she's been out all day with Bridezilla..

me thinks bottles have been opened and the chances of her getting out of bed to update us are slim...

Settles down on comfy cushions for the lonnnng wait...

LadyBiscuit · 14/07/2010 19:14

Brides ... bleugh

electra · 14/07/2010 19:19

I haven't read the threads but YANBU, she is being a bridezilla, yes.

Weddings turn people into the most spoiled brats on the planet. I can only think that people just see it as an opportunity to cash in on all their friends and relatives time and money.

God what a PITA. Just get married FFS - the fine details bore us all. My own wedding bored me to tears btw.....

electra · 14/07/2010 19:20

sorry, all the posts*

Jamieandhismagictorch · 14/07/2010 19:30

Me too electra (the boredom) ... 6 months of talking /stressing about it - thank God we didn't have one of those year long engagements. Weddings are a racket, IMO

bridesmaidzilla · 14/07/2010 19:51

Have to fill you in on the latest.

Being a good mner followed advice here that we should meet in the middle. I arranged friend who's having dc's to have dc's straight from swimming (her ds swims at same time) she actually offered dispite having an errand she'll take her ds and my dc's too.

Rang friend and told her that I could make it earlier so could do 9-330. She was really rude again saying she didn't want to clock watch but I mentioned she didn't just me and we'd be done by then as fitting was 9.30am for 2 hours then lunch and I would just have to leave slightly earlier.

Sent a text bout an hour later apologising but unfortunatly as a working parent (i'm a teacher) I do clock watch when I'm not with dc's as it's guilt about leaving them. Got one back from her saying she is dissapointed in my behaviour and could she rely on me to be at the wedding? I said of course I wanted to be there and be her bridemaid. She asked if I had guilt about leaving them for the wedding. No I said as DH had booked day off work.

Shit hit the fan then as she demands to know why me and DH can't both attend the wedding as well as both my parents and leave kids with above friend again. I pointed out that youngest dd doesn't sleep unless me or DH out her to bed (since accident) but I would DEFINATLY be there and if she wanted DH there then my Mum and Dad wouldn't beable to attend as they'd have to have dc's.

Got the most awful text back about how I should be doing what she wants as her big day forget my kids etc so I sent one back saying maybe she should find a childless bridemaid (she already has 2 others) if my children are such an inconvenience to her life.

No reply as yet but feeling all in on that a long term friendship has come to my motherhood being a dissapointment to her.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 14/07/2010 19:58

Is this for real? She sounds like a nightmare - she really said you should do what she wants/forget your kids? Oh dear.

bridesmaidzilla · 14/07/2010 20:06

Ok now to answer some of the reasonable questions about MY arrangements for the day.

Bride told me about the day 3 months ago I said no as my anniversery (DH still off work then due to accident) but she insisted NO other day available and said could I spare 3 hours for fitting and lunch. So I agreed as it is her special day (wedding)

DH now working (we had our own business that began struggling in resession and fell to pieces after the accident) and can't get day off (head chef busy day etc) so will be home for 6pm for evening of take out and ..........

Tried to get optitions appointment last weekend for sat or sun and tried all optitions in town and supermarkets. No one had availibility as I have a complictaed perscription so apt is longer IYSWIM. Only one I could get was this saturday at 4pm. It isn't that I didn't try and I thought I'd be done by 2pm.

No swimming lessons prob not that important except dc's had to give them up after acident due to time and finances and only started again 2 months ago so I don't really want to upset there routine when they are settling again. And friend is going to be there and will take them now.

My friend is happy to have the dc's as long as I need and has offered to keep them while I'm at optitions and getting ready for night in with dh . Yes I admit the leaving them is MY issue but I don't have any friends that leave there dc's for that long at a weekend but maybe we're all precious!!!

With regard to the hen night she wants a 2 day thing thats not been organised yet - could be interesting

OP posts:
bridesmaidzilla · 14/07/2010 20:14

(oh and I did mention it earlier but just to recap I didn't mean today I meant Saturday - so angry I couldn't even get the day right [blush} )

OP posts:
Jacksmama · 14/07/2010 20:18

I am sat here speechless in at her text to you.

FFS. She hit the roof because your DH can't come to her wedding, when, excuse me but you're a bridesmaid and wouldn't be sitting with him anyway??? So if your parents hadn't been invited your poor DH would have been sat there by himself amidst random strangers?

WTF. I wouldn't be keen on going under the circumstances and (yes, I'm generalizing) compared most men I like going to weddings.

Seriously, WTF.

Jacksmama · 14/07/2010 20:19

BMZ, you'd better hope she takes you up on what she said in her text and finds another childless bridesmaid. Best way out IMNSVHO.

oranges · 14/07/2010 20:19

I'd just bow out of bridesmaiding. You sound like youv've had a stressful year, and want to relax a bit,not ride on the coattails of someone else's wedding madness.

LadyBiscuit · 14/07/2010 20:23

I'd ditch her as a friend altogether. She sounds ghastly

scaryteacher · 14/07/2010 20:27

Agree with Oranges - you'll also save on cost of shoes and wedding present, as I'd be sending an MRU after a text like that.

diggingintheribs · 14/07/2010 20:28

I don't get why people think the bride is honouring you by asking you to be a bridesmaid

when I got married I felt honoured that guests came to help share my special day. And I was always conscious when arranging the wedding that they were my guests and I wanted them to enjoy themselves.

unfitmother · 14/07/2010 20:28

She's off her rocker!

LittleSilver · 14/07/2010 20:29

YANBU. Bridezilla.

GloriaSmut · 14/07/2010 20:30

It can only get worse as the wedding gets nearer. You've done nothing wrong - in fact you've been astonishingly accommodating given your own commitments so I'd be very inclined to sack yourself as bridesmaid on the grounds of irreconcilable differences.

Actually, I'd be inclined to tell her to fuck off and then feel free to fuck off a little further but I accept that this may not be the best way to sustain the friendship.

QueenofDreams · 14/07/2010 20:39

gloria tbh I'm not sure I'd WANT to sustain the friendship if I were in the OP's position. THis woman seems to be revealing her true colours here.
I thought my sister was a bridezilla, but bloody hell this takes the biscuit!

varicoseveined · 14/07/2010 20:43

I agree with diggingintheribs - I was chuffed at having lovely bridesmaids and guests. She's a bridezilla and YANBU by any means.

on your behalf, she sounds like a nightmare.

RobynLou · 14/07/2010 20:46

at that exchange you just described.

I'd resign as bridesmaid asap!

traceybath · 14/07/2010 20:49

Yeap - I refer to my original post - back-out now.

And I bloody hate grown-up bridesmaids - I've hate being one and didn't have them myself.

Am so glad I was such a low-maintenance bride.

Am also very glad I seem to be out of the going-to weddings stage of my life at the moment.

paisleyleaf · 14/07/2010 20:50

ikwym about grown-up bridesmaids traceybath

traceybath · 14/07/2010 20:53

And to get on my hobby-horse - very rarely do you get a lovely dress as an adult bridesmaid and you have to buy horrid shoes that 'match' said dress.

Grrr.

LittleMissHissyFit · 14/07/2010 20:57

So again, this is a DC not welcome wedding too?

So we have

  • DC free wedding.. check
  • bridesmaid fitting insisted upon on your wedding anniversary... check

to a DH that was almost killed recently... check

that has taken a day off to look after them so you can attend her wedding??? ... check

buy your own shoes... check

telling you to dump your kids with anyone that'll have them so your whole family can come and worship me be one of my bridesmaids... check

Seriously, this girl is deluded, telling you, TELLING you to place her needs over that of your DH, your DC etc etc? Naaah!

Tell her 'knickers' to her wedding, stuff the friendship, believe me she isn't a friend, she is a liability.

Save the money you would have wasted on her and treat your lovely family.

Her behaviour horrifies me!