Support group for those affected by someone else's drinking thread 5

[pointythings]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5473399-support-group-for-those-affected-by-someone-elses-drinking-thread-4?page=5

A new thread, because the old one is full - link to previous thread above.

These threads are a safe place for anyone who has an alcoholic in their lives. You can ask for help, you can vent, you can say whatever you need to without judgement. We will listen and support you.

@Penguinsandspaniels

Well, DSS isn't wrong, is he? His dad most likely would have gotten drunk and spoilt things. And bless him for remembering the role you play in his life. Sounds like a great lad.

If he drinks 2 bottles on Saturday would he even be capable of being wherever it is you're going on Sunday. Based on some things you've said about the, ahem, 'effects' of his drinking I'd think he wouldn't want to be too far from his own loo. For your and DD's sakes and the sakes of all attending, I hope he doesn't show up. I'd be worried that he'd be all fired up from missing DSS' wedding and prone to 'antics'.

At least I think you've mentioned that particular effect of drinking, maybe it was another poster. My DH has that too at times so I guess it's not uncommon.

He won’t attend as hasn’t a car. Thank God as that was always a relief to me once split as couldn’t drink/drive

he wouldn’t pay a taxi there at £50 ish and no one would drive him as most be at the wedding anyway

yes he would have def not managed to stay sober. Would have sneaked a glass of wine or at bar asked for double v and coke and said a coke etc

and not sure if others have noticed this but doesn’t need to have a lot of booze to make him crazy. It’s like a shot of V suddenly tops his level to drunk and I used to think how can he be drunk when had one drink

tbh all his older kids are great. All now adults in 30’s and all been so supportive to me and dd esp as he’s their dad

one bottle doesn’t seem to effect him so not sure what will be like after 2 or 3 but I know there is no way he could have a third and not drink it unless passed out

yes I would have thought 2 bottles let alone 3 in 1.5days will mean he’s very 🤮💩 and will stay at home /near a loo

Yes def me. He gets both ends after. Binge. I believe it’s his body saying no more /foreign object on body etc

tho can’t be that much of a stranger to his body 🙄🙄

Mine is the smell of mouth wash. I never got why Ex used mouthwash. The smell came from all the cider leaking through his pores

Have a lovely time at DSS wedding tomorrow @Penguinsandspaniels

Mine didn't even try to mask. But oh how he moaned when I started sleeping in the spare room. He didn't realise that he smelled of stale booze sweat all the time because he couldn't smell it himself.

I actually think that is the one of the best things about being single @pointythings, never having to wake up in a room that smelts of stale booze every morning

For ages I used to flinch at the noise of ring pull cans even if it was a Coke, that hiss just reminded me instantly of the start of a late evening when he’d just said he was about to come up to sleep.

With esDH it was Visine for the red eyes and strong mint chewing gum for the breath. Funnily enough I guess I was so used to the smell coming off his body that I didn't really think of it as alcohol-related. I guess I was pretty 'nose-blind' to it. This may be TMI but I'm recollecting now that he had such a good natural smell, it was one to the things that attracted me to him. I wonder when that smell morphed into 'that smell'?

The smell of alcohol sweat is absolutely revolting. That sweet, decaying stench. Particularly when it has rotten apple overtones. Vile.

I've had a lovely day today, not really seen DH and felt very calm. Have DS1 back from Uni for the weekend and DS2 is giddy with nearly finishing his gcses.

We're off to a barbecue tonight at our best friends' house but he can't come because he has a bad stomach (hello alcoholic neuropathy?). I do wonder if he will start avoiding people who he thinks I have confided in. Joke's on him - I've told everyone. I refuse to do this alone.

Snap @Thefellowship - eldest DC only has one more GCSE exam to go and the excitement is real! It’s been a real slog. I can’t believe how many there were.

Absolutely - the 4th C is no covering for the alcoholic/ addict. You need support. You get that support from whoever you need.

@Thefellowship when I finally told people, I was amazed at how many already knew, had realised, hadn't said anything because they didn't want to rock the boat. I found so much support. And it wasn't about anyone taking sides, they felt sympathy for him - but they also knew the responsibility to fix things lay with him. That included his own blood relatives.

His cousin, with whom he was very very close, was the person who was there for me in the aftermath of his death. We went to see the coroner together, we arranged his funeral together, we sorted out his military honours at the funeral together. She was amazing.

Friend pointed out that his whole personality has become his disability so if it does turn out to be alcohol induced then who will he be?

Fucking gcses have nearly killed me. So many exams. Such a load of bollocks.

I keep going through our life together and remembering all the times his drinking has affected me. Scales have well and truly fallen from my eyes.

@Thefellowship can I just say that I really, really admire the courage with which you are facing up to so much all at the same time? You should be very proud of yourself.

And yes, supporting a DC through GCSEs is a bloody nightmare. I've done it twice, I feel for you.

@Thefellowship Hope you had a fab time at the bbq. It will be so good for you to get away from dealing with the grim stuff. Your description of the smell of stale alcohol was so vivid that it brought back memories -none of them pleasant. So glad to be free of it all, physically at least.

Thank you, @pointythings.

Was a lovely evening. Am full and relaxed. He seems to have not drunk at all today and not much yesterday. Been here before though! I expect him to get increasingly grumpy. He hasn't had more than 5 days without a drink since he was a teenager.

I think that no matter what forms their personality in the beginning, in the end an addict/alcoholic's personality is based on victimhood. It's pretty much the only way they can justify themselves to themselves.

Didn’t have to see ex. As he cancelled - course he did as was the one after uc so has the usual 🤮💩

@Penguinsandspaniels

As was fully expected by you (and all of us lol). At least that meant that you had a good time with no worries.

😀😀

Sigh. So DH was taken to the ER sometime yesterday and is still there. I knew he'd called EMS twice yesterday but I thought he'd refused transport both times. I didn't know he'd actually been taken to the ER until a call from a SW last evening.

She wanted to confirm that I was not back living in the house because she remembered 'the situation'. It's pretty sad when a SW starts a call with "Hi Across, this is 'Suzie' the SW from 'hospital', we've spoken before". It was a short convo but apparently he was giving staff grief and must have been wanting to go home and saying I was there.

I called this AM, he's still in 'monitoring' section of ER. All I could get the nurse to say was the dr had ordered a stress test and that he is in aFib, but I expect it's more than that. Since he was asleep the nurse was hesitant to say much (privacy laws) but the times he's been in the 'monitoring' section it's been for a 5150 (psych hold).

It sounds like he has a revolving door to ER/ the hospital @AcrossthePond55. Mine was regularly pitching up at A&E. In the times he didn’t abscond, they waited for him to dry out and then he was assessed to be of capacity and sent on his merry way. Until the next time. It’s both so boring as well as sad and hopeless at the same time isn’t it?