I’m disgusted with myself

[L108763]

I went out yesterday and got very drunk. I hadn’t eaten anything so it happened quite quick.
from what I can gather, I’ve managed to get us thrown out of a bar
I’m horrified at my behaviour and feel suicidal now

I’ve been and got my car. I’m sat at home now, can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want to say on here what I did as it will be quite outing. Plus I can’t bring myself to write it out in black and white

Look on it as a valuable lesson. In future do not drink too much if you’re liable to become incapable afterwards.

But many people will have done similar, and don’t beat themselves up about it, so do try to put it out of your mind and move on.

If anyone mentions it, try to smile (or hollow laugh) and just say, e.g ‘Yes, that’ll teach me!’

If you feel suicidal you need to reach out for help, to professionals.

most people have a bit of a worry the next day, if we have got blind drunk. But feeling suicidal is really worrying.

were you with anyone? Has this happened before? Do you need help with your drinking?

Are you sure you aren't over the limit?

This sums it up perfectly

Beer fear is one thing suicidal is quite another and very extreme
Op what exactly did you do ?,if you were just drunk and a bit lairy, well its no ideal but it's happened to most people.

You do realise there is a good chance you probably drunk drove this morning? Being that drunk last night means there is probably still alcohol in your body. That is far more shameful than getting kicked out of a bar.

Nothing you can do about that now , but what you can do is make plans as to how you will avoid getting into the same situation again.
Apart from feeling shit yourself your friends are probably feeling similar so you have a responsibility to change if this is something you are likely to do again.
I know i sound sanctimonious but i have had experiences with being in the company of people who cannot handle their drinking , in fact i have something coming up soon and in my group will be someone who i know will make an idiot of themselves and i am dreading it , i hope the don't come .
Today is a clean page so onwards and upwards and hopefully whatever you did will soon be forgotten.

It's hananxiety. Hungover and anxious, it will settle down with time. Don't worry about the videos, people video all the time. If you have upset anyone you were with then apologise to them if you can remember what you did/say. You are probably worrying more than anyone else that was there. Could you talk to who you were with and ask what happened?

Helpful 🙄

Can you clear up whether you're suicidal or exaggerating?

It's important.

take your mind off it op

im so sorry you feel this way. Do you have a mood disorder of any sort? BPD? This is a moment to deploy any skills you’ve learned to manage sudden low moods. You don’t have to believe in the mood that’s happening. If this happens regularly to you I’d recommend looking into DBT.

Well yes, if OP is driving whilst over the limit and she gets stopped or has an accident it’ll just add to her problems.

But important, surely?

I assume this was a night out with friends, as it’s the weekend, and not a work do? That’s something to be grateful for.

Oh OP, I'm sure many can relate. I got very drunk at my husband's 40th. I'd been so busy organising, running around, that I hadn't eaten and the wine went straight to my head. I also always had a full glass as my brother took it upon himself to top everyone up constantly, so no idea how much I'd had to drink. I'm not proud of it, and it was in front of all of our family and friends, so 25 years later I still get ribbed. But they all know that's very unusual for me so feel they can joke about it. If it were habitual it wouldn't be such a joke. I'm sure it's not as bad as you imagine.

Whatever happened, I'm sure there is worse. The hangxiety after a big night out is a real recognised thing. Have you spoken to your friends? Is it really as bad as you think? Was everyone as drunk as you? In which case it probably doesn't matter - if not and they left and then went on somewhere else after putting you in a cab - It's probably old news. It feels awful now, but in a couple of days everyone will have filed it away, as more pressing matters in their life drown out one ott mate on a night out.
I'm sure you have heard worse.
Get some food in your belly, some zzzs under your collar, watch some trashy tv and I promise you, you will feel better tomo x
Don't make a habit of it and move on x

Get some rest, try to eat something and then go for a walk in a green space with some trees. No one died, no one got hurt so don’t sweat the small stuff.

Tell us what happened. I can assure you once it's said there will be other people having done the same or worse ( me included) and you'll feel better knowing you're not alone and it happens worldwide every Saturday night. You don't have to beat yourself up so badly....

Um you’re anonymous, it honestly can’t be that bad.

If you’ve been and got your car OP you can’t be that hungover. I’ve had days (many years ago) when I was in bed all day throwing up in a bowl and loathing myself. You’ll be fine. As the week goes on and puts some distance between the events you’ll feel so much better. X

Is someone with you today?

It’s a horrible feeling op, that spiralling shameful feeling, I know it well unfortunately. Following an incident (two actually, and a previous patchy history of drunken twattishness) last spring where I got blackout drunk and ended up losing some (what I thought were!) good friends due to my behaviour while drunk (silly, loud, opinionated, attention seeking, generally fucking annoying etc) I decided to stop drinking altogether. It’s a shame really as a cold beer on a summer evening is great, but I have the type of personality that just can’t stop once I start and it simply isn’t worth it. I still cringe to this day, and have to see the ex-friends around so that’s tough too, but if anything, it just confirms I made the right choice to stop drinking. I think it would be worth you thinking about doing the same, seeing as you’re feeling so truly awful today.

I have done some monumentally stupid things when drunk (mainly when younger but have still been known to be pissed on occasion even in my 40's) & I completely understand that feeling of dread. I would suggest you speak to one of the others you were out with last night & get someone else's perspective on this.You're likely to think about & remember it for far longer than anyone else. I have to remind myself that I just cannot take my drink but I mostly fall asleep after a few these days!