I’m disgusted with myself

[L108763]

I went out yesterday and got very drunk. I hadn’t eaten anything so it happened quite quick.
from what I can gather, I’ve managed to get us thrown out of a bar
I’m horrified at my behaviour and feel suicidal now

As PP have said, this is a classic case of Beer Fear. Most of us have been there and nobody is as bothered about it as you are. Have a day of comfort, whatever that means to you. Me, it's a McDonalds and crap TV.

Depends what you’ve done I guess. If you’ve had a few too many and the bouncers have said time to give it a rest and go home then as per previous posts nobody is going to care. If you’ve gone nuclear and chucked a bottle of champagne at someone’s head whilst screaming derogatory comments then there may be more to worry about. People go out and get drunk all the time and if it’s just that then go get some hangover food and wallow in self pity for the day.

@Tandora yes op, word for word this!

Sometimes I do hate the fact that so much is recorded nowadays so there’s always that risk, but there are good sides to that eg, the ability to capture illegal and offensive behaviour.

It sounds like what happened - getting turfed out a venue, wasn’t particularly newsworthy though - unless we’re missing something important here that you’ve left out?

If you were with others can they not recount exactly what happened or were they excessively drunk too?

Honestly either way I wouldn’t worry. Just live and learn and all that jazz.

Maybe it wasn’t anything drastic. One of mine used to go out with a guy who was routinely thrown out of bars/clubs/pubs. Problem was, it was his normal dickhead behaviour (think being loud and jumping around like a loon), and this usually happened during a first drink as staff assumed he must have been pissed to act like that. Unfortunately not. I guess they thought he was probably loaded before he arrived. Problem was he would exhibit the same behaviour sober. I was so pleased/relieved when he was binned off.

She never said she’d never been drunk before?

If it was Spoons, BTW, they chuck people out at the drop of a hat, so you weren't necessarily brawling with strangers in the Ladies or anything.

put it in perspective. Apologise to those you were with. Move on and remember to eat before going out drinking . We’ve all been there . Learn from it and move on

Thrown out, or were your friends advised to take you home for your own good?

Everyone gets caught out once in a while.

Aw, it's embarrassing but maybe just apologise to your friends and promise not to do it again. Even if there are videos, no-one else will be that interested in them! I often have to remind myself that people are engrossed in their own worlds. Other people are much less interested in us than we think they are.

OP it will be okay I promise you! Getting kicked out, even in your 40s is not the end of the world. People are always getting kicked out of my local. Just last night in there a women in her late 60s was in the toilet, door wide open, knickers round her ankles absolutely steaming drunk. As she left she farted so loudly and smelly I was surprised she hadn't followed through. She then stumbled up the street to go home.

About a week back I had too much to drink, had a bit of a mental breakdown (sobbing uncontrollably at the bar) and was asked to finish my drink and go. Not standard behaviour from me but I hadn't eaten, drank too fast and had a lot of emotional things going on. I went in the next day, explained what happened and all is good.

Even if you ended up in a fight, smashing a glass in anger or dancing on the tables it is going to be okay. If videos surface just say "God, how embarrassing, I was pretty shitfaced, wont be drinking again for a while!" and try to laugh it off.

Whatever it is you've done I assure you people have done A LOT worse and had it on camera and they come out of the other end. Be kind to yourself today and if you do feel like you need support then please phone someone.

I recall getting very drunk over COVID, when we were out and meeting up with 2 old primary school friends (who luckily knew each other) there was an soul festival(ticketed) in this pub and it was a warm summers night. Next thing you know we’re on wine and shots and I stupidly got into s car to go home (to mine) with MDMA and some random man. I had beer fear but apologised profusely. Quite out of character for me but how would they known that if we’d not met up for years. Oh I was 49 or just turned 50 too.

I feel your pain! Done it myself a good few times. McDonald's, sleep and I promise it will fade away....

It’s the fear. Scared you’ve done something to offend or hurt someone. Had it plenty of times and realised I need to stop drinking to excess. I have a rule of two drinks a night now. You’ll feel better tomorrow. Talk to your friends. In a few weeks time if might be one of those funny “remember when L108763 got us kicked out of that pub” stories.

I have an issue with binge drinking and getting black out drunk so that I can’t remember it. I have lost friends and am trying to change, I’ve tried to focus on the behaviours I exhibited and work out why these occur when drinking. Presumably if you were thrown out you were acting in some way rowdy or aggressive or inappropriate, it’s not unusual when drunk but I would now not only endeavour not to get that drunk again but also try to reflect on why you might have acted that way. For me I get very attention seeking when drunk and lose all inhibitions, I think it’s because I have anxiety most of the time and am constantly holding back and shying away from things and then once I’m drunk and lose my inhibitions it feels freeing so I go overboard. I’m also very lonely a lot of the time which is I think why I attention seek, to get human connection which I am lacking usually. I am trying to work on improving my sober life and abstaining from alcohol for now in the hope that I can get to a point where I can have a few drinks and not go overboard.

Anyway, please know it is very normal to feel lower than low the next day after getting that drunk, but bear in mind you are hungover and will have used up all of your energy reserves. The really awful feeling will pass after a few days. Try to look after yourself today, apologise to your friends (even if it feels really hard to do so) and instead of using this as a stick to beat yourself up with use it as the motivation you need to better yourself.

As has already been said, you've got a major case of beer fear.
So relieved that camera phones were not a thing when I was young and arseholed every weekend 🤣 I only had my mates word for whatever I'd done but usually found it hilarious and it was forgotten by Tuesday.
I guarantee you that whatever you did isn't anywhere near as bad as you think.

When you drink it increases the chemical/hormone that makes you brave and fearless. The next day, that is at an all time low, and it takes a FULL week to balance out and stabilise again.

That low feeling is not real.
You are at the very worst stage this morning, you just need to just ride it out today.

Take dioralyte, get some food and fluids into you. Watch something funny on tv. Try to laugh.
Put last night completely out of your head. Turn off your phone.

By tomorrow you will be on the mend. Just get through today.
Next week you can figure out how to never feel like this again. But for now, just look after yourself x

We’ve all been there OP. And yes it’s mortifying especially if the friends you were with took great delight in recounting your antics that night every time you saw them again but it’s no big deal really if it’s a one off.

Hi OP,

Alcohol is a depressant and will often make us feel anxious as part of the hangover. What you are experiencing is often referred to as “the fear”. You are catastrophizing last night’s events. Please know that this feeling will lift as your hangover clears and your body recovers from the alcohol.

You haven’t done anything wrong. We’ve all been a bit embarrassing when drunk at some point. No one will care. I promise you.

Your anxiety is making this much worse than it is, OP. You got drunk, you haven't done anything unthinkable. I don't drink anymore but I've been where you are before and I've felt this exactly feeling. You will feel very differently about it this time next week, I promise.

Just get through the day. And if anybody talks about it, just close it down as quickly as you can - 'Yes, I know, so embarrassing' and then change the topic.

This will pass. Your anxiety is lying to you right now, making you feel it won't.

is this a one off or do you have a problem with alcohol abside ? Are you going through stress in your life or suffering from depression?. Hating yourself is not the answer . The incident is done and although you are mortified today please don’t think about doing anything silly . We all have moments where we make mistakes and do stuff we are not proud of . The important thing is to work out why this happened and avoid it happening again . If you are in crisis go to your GP and ask to be referred for talking therapy . If you have an issue with alcohol there is no shame in contacting AA . Talk to someone and don’t hate yourself for this . You can make the change and get through it

If you did anything that bad you’d have been in the police cells last night, just being asked to leave a pub is no big deal.

Don't worry OP. It isn't the end of the world and it will blow over! If what you said is all that happened (nothing worse i.e. physically assaulting someone, making derogatory remarks etc) then this is no big deal. If the latter then there will obviously be consequences but from what you said, i'd just forget about it.

If you'd done something really awful you'd be in a jail cell sleeping it off right now, whatever you've done is likely embarrassing but nothing that hasn't happened in a million bars to a million drunks a million times before.

I've been the drunk, the friend and the bar staff multiple times. As long as you're not doing it every weekend it's just one of those things. Have a brew, eat some carby stodge, text the people you were with apologising for being a fool, and all will be well. Promise.

One thing about British drinking culture being so pervasive is the fact that it will be a rare middleaged person who will not have been a drunken arse at one time or another, usually more than once. Getting asked to leave a bar is not the end of the world and unless you did something really heinous, it will be forgotten before your hangover is. For most things, an apology for being an embarrassment is enough.