I’m disgusted with myself

[L108763]

I went out yesterday and got very drunk. I hadn’t eaten anything so it happened quite quick.
from what I can gather, I’ve managed to get us thrown out of a bar
I’m horrified at my behaviour and feel suicidal now

Do you have a drink problem?

Are you the poster that posted, last week, about stopping at the pub to see her friends after falling out with their DP. Then got hammered, broke their fingers and had another row with your dp and they ended the relationship?

and have you don’t it again?

Have you eaten today.

Have something to eat, have a drink, put some loud music on to drown out the words in your head.

I can understand why you don't want to say what it was bit could you share something comparable? Give vague details?

Shouted abuse at someone younger than you? Threw a pint over someone? Flashed your tits at the band? Tried to pole dance on the microphone stand? Danced on a table? We're just a bit raucous in somewhere that is more sedate?

Agree. Obvs a non drinker. OP got home ok. No harm done

In my experience of either chucking people out or watching others being chucked out, it’s often a preemptive move. You can see they’re drunk, they’re being a little annoying and if you kick them out before there’s trouble they’re someone else’s problem the rest of the night. Also, we didn’t get paid past our scheduled clocking out time. No way were my colleagues and I prepared to clean up the mess made by someone being a pain in the arse if we weren’t even getting paid.

OP, do you know if there’s anything that could have happened that’s even worth videoing? Or was it just you being told to leave? Because no one would be arsed with the latter.

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=onebox

Oh and beer fear is very real! I spent 15 years from my early-mid 20s to now not going out or drinking much at all. I was pregnant and breastfeeding for 6 years straight amongst all that, but I did sow wild oats when younger. Since becoming single and the children’s dad has them overnight, I’ve been forced (not that forced 🤣) on a few nights out, including cocktail brunches. There have been a couple of days-afters where I’ve spent the next day huddled in anxiety and wondering ‘why on earth did I say/do that??!’. But then I remember the people I with did/said some pretty silly things as well, and it all passes. I have learned that need to keep the drinks light and mouth tight if that makes sense because my brain suddenly decides I’m 18 again after a few too many!!

But true.

It's called the horrors for a reason, alcohol messes your brain up during and after. If you can, try and sleep - turn your phone off. All these feelings are temporary, you will be able to face with any fall out once the alcohol has completely left your system and all your brain chemicals are back to normal. Some of us have been where you are (and worse) thank goodness we're here to tell the tale and reassure there is life after this shit moment. Please call samaritans 116 123 if it gets too much today. We are with you OP ❤️

Gosh you're really over reacting. So what you got drunk and embarrassed yourself. This is not a big deal I am so happy I worked in an industry where this was common and we'd all laugh about it. Seriously probably Mumsnet might not be the best place to get a normal response but trust me as someone said own it and move on we've "all" been there! Nobody died!!

Is there any chance you may have been spiked?
And this level of anxiety is partly because of the hangover. Try and eat something, have some paracetamol, drink a lot of water and get some sleep. It will seem less bad tomorrow.

Have you spoken to the friends you were with? Is there one you are closest with who you could call or message and ask for a debrief? Sometimes after a drunken night out I feel like stories can be exaggerated or specific negatives focused on which can be awful when you are feeling terrible, however it might not have been so bad or, even if it was, your friends may not care that much. I always feel like everybody is talking about me and that they must all hate me but that’s not necessarilly the case. Have you apologised? When I’ve shared a genuine, heartfelt apology my friends have always appreciated it but sometimes they’ve also said honestly, no need to apologise it wasn’t that bad, it’s funny don’t worry, you just got carried away etc. Their reaction will at least give you a gauge as to how they are feeling afterwards, I knew when I had gotten drunk and acted badly one time too many precisely because after I apologised only a couple of the group responded, I kind of knew then that I’d gone too far and an apology wasn’t going to be good enough this time. However it sounds like this isn’t typical behaviours from you, most good friends will forgive a one off drunken misdemeanour so long as you apologise and don’t make a habit of it.

There's nothing here that can't be fixed.

First look after yourself - have a hot shower, get cup (or five) of tea, eat some food and binge a comforting TV series.

When you are feeling a little better message your friends and apologise for being an arse. If the bar is local/one you go to a lot you may also want to pop in and apologise to the staff for being an arse.

Then head up, face the new day (and perhaps reassess your approach to nights out!)

Awww bless you the fear is horrible, please take good care of yourself, I promise it will look so much better after some self care and a good night of sleep. Don't beat yourself up over this.

Yikes, is this you op?

You are right about one thing and it's that you need to stop drinking, full stop. This event is you hitting rock bottom - the humiliation, the fear, self-loathing and suicidal ideation after drinking - you will never have to relieve it again if you exclude alcohol from your life.

Take care of yourself today, apologise to whoever you need to, and just draw a line under alcohol from now on. It might be easier than you realise. There is plenty of help out there and good peer support online. I promise you - a week, then a month of sobriety, decent nutrition and looking after yourself will leave you feeling very differently than you do this morning.

Don't beat yourself up, I think most of us have been there. I rarely drink now (found out pretty early on that I have an alcohol intolerance - flushing, headaches/nausea after very little alcohol) but before I found that out, I did some pretty silly things. Maybe contact your mates, explain and apologise. I'm sure they've all been there too.

But you said in your post at 11.48 "not that I can actually remember it". So can you remember what you did or not? It's one or the other.

Aww OP, lots of us have been there. You are best pushing it out of your head and learning from it.
I remember getting so drunk- havent had much and didn't read my body well (had been seriously ill in hospital for a few months) and went to a family engagement party, my strapless dress fell down and my boob's were on show to all my dh family etc then started vomiting everywhere. Everytime I think of it, literally feel so ashamed.

Lucky no one has mentioned it to my face, other then my dh - he was so angry. I dread thinking about if anyone caught it on camera but there isn't much chance really, who wants to film someone who's off their face? It's really not funny for the sober/merry people.

Big hugs op.

No that’s not me, thankfully

Anxiety when hungover is 100 times worse. Have a lazy day watching your favourite shows on the tv and eat junk food. Try not to think about it because once you're feeling better you'll realise it's no big deal.
I stopped drinking two years ago due to the cringy feeling and anxiety that comes with a hangover.

OP- I'm so sorry you feel so low. Please remember that low mood, panic and extreme anxiety is VERY common after a night of alcohol (esp when you get to age 40ish). Alcohol depresses your nervous system so your brain dumps a load of anxiety producing stimulants into your system to compensate which takes a day or two to calm down. It's literally a chemical imbalance and that is why you feel so anxious, depressed and panicky. This will fade, I promise, and this is why you are panicking so much about what you said/did. Have some carbs to get your blood sugar up, lots of water, rest and go out for a walk if you can.

This is the reason I gave it up too- even a few glasses of wine started giving me horrific anxiety and low mood the day afterwards. You arent thinking straight right now, your brain is reeling from the stimulants. You arent alone and you arent weird or abnormal- many, many of us get this effect the day afterwards.

I recommend the book "alcohol explained" by William Porter- it goes into great detail as to why this happens and it might help you make a decision going forward regarding giving it up.

I promise you'll feel better soon x

I stopped drinking completely because of the anxiety after even just a couple of drinks so I know how you feel OP.

If something like that had happened when I was younger, I'd have had a good laugh about it, worn it like a badge of honour and been straight out drinking the following weekend.

If you don't know what you've done, ask who you were out with and then you know what you're dealing with. If you do know, write it down, write down how you feel about it and what you will do about it. It won't be as bad as you think. Like a pp has said, unless you woke up to a dead body then it's fine.

Be gentle with yourself, we're all human and do things were not proud of. And don't let certain 'perfect' mumsnetters tell you any different.

I really feel for you, big hugs ❤️

I'm still reeling from the shame of getting inebriated drunk and acting stupid 2 years ago op, can now also look back and find some amusement in it however. Not been drunk since and doubt I ever will be again so at least it was a lesson learnt, I'm sure it will be the same for you once the hangxiety and dread has worn off. Honestly most people who drink have been there, don't beat yourself up too much about it.

I remember this feeling so well after having a big night. I now drink very little, no more than two, ever. I just can’t handle that level of anxiety

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when any user feels as you do we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus
CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

We hope things look a lot brighter soon.

Very best wishes from MNHQ.