The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

@EastCoastDamsel good morning.
Yes the warning did have professional consequences. If he had been charged he would have lost his profession. I decided not to do that as he had young children to feed. I also thought he might burn our house down. The information remains on file. I did hear later he had been violent to his ex wife.
My daughter took a long time to recover.
Later he took to bad mouthing us to every estate agent in town. We couldn't get a house viewing. (some of our number would remember) Sadly only one person would go on record and I needed two. It was stalking by association this time. My sister and I had our final argument over him. He'd nobbled her too.
I have now reached a point where I see him as a short arsed coked up git.
I had to fight hard as a child to survive and he's just another w**ker.

God, @WendyWagon what an utter nightmare. I hope he gets his comeuppance in the end. His poor kids. Was it "Mrs. McCarthy's Award-Winning Strawberry Scone"? Or "Flambeau"...? I love Father Brown. I've got many IRL friends that have come my way via online contacts of various sorts. Got a massive meet-up planned for later this year with some of them. We last met up nearly ten years ago. It will be my first one sober, can't wait.

Sorry you're feeling a bit ragged @EastCoastDamsel . I understand about the DM thing. I have similar. Currently sitting here with Sid waiting to go out and it's constant "I'm waiting for YOU to be ready." "No, where do YOU want to go?" "I don't mind." This will be followed by anger at me for "wasting time". Carefully-engineered situations in which I am the unreasonable and/or useless nuisance. Sid has no time for it. I expect we'll be off in a minute. I'm not forcing Sid to waste a lovely bank holiday. A long walk up a steep hill methinks... 😈Sid will enjoy that.

I really hope you feel better soon.

Strength and love. xx

@REP22 think one who likes the boys and is a bit bouncy! 😄

Aw lovely Sid 💕. Has made my day @REP22

Hello guys,

After a failed attempt in January to stay alcohol free I’d like to try again. When I drink I drink too much and how I feel after is just getting worse. I have gone off alcohol for a number of months at a time in the past but finding it hard to get longer than a month the last while. Life is busy and I feel horrendous after alcohol. The consequences have just got too much but for some reason I have failed to kick the habit even knowing all that I know. I would really like to leave it behind me for good so I’m hoping this is my day 1 of the rest of my life. Any advice on staying strong and maintaining sobriety? Well done to you all!😊

Welcome @Gio1 ! Different things work for different people, unsurprisingly. Two questions to ask yourself: first, when you’ve achieved a major challenge in the past (of any sort), what worked for you? I know that I’m motivated by measurable achievement and understanding the subject, so an app that counts my dry days and reading lots of quit lit worked for me. Other people are motivated by being part of a team, so need some sort of support group, in person or online.

Secondly, what happens at the point your sobriety stops? Is it that you think “oh, I can’t have been that bad”, or is it a particular trigger - happiness, stress, achievement, a big event?

If you start to think about those questions it may help. Becoming alcohol free is just that - freeing. You will have no idea how much alcohol is holding you back until you experience life without it! Good luck

Welcome @Gio1

We're a friendly supportive bunch in various stages (I'm 12 weeks AF today).with some.real veterans full of wisdom.

Here are my top tips for the first few weeks/months

1. listening to quitlit (This Naked Mind, The Sober Diaries and The Unexpected Joy of being Sober)
2. An app. I used Reframe to start with (now on I am Sober - which has a brilliant free version) that helps me count my days for a little celebration of milestones and supports "The Work"
3. Finding a displacement activity for the times would normally get stuck in. As I would usually open a bottle of wine at 6:30 after working flat out. I started stopping work (I WFH) by 5:30 at the latest and going for a walk with the dogs, cooking something simple that doesn't pair naturally with wine (lots of Asian style foods) and then taking myself to bed.for bath/meditation/elaborate skin care
4. Not stressing about sugar in the first instance (you will probably get huge sugar cravings, just give in to them for a while. Initially your.only goal is to not drink - sugar cravings can be tackled late)
5. Vitamins - especially Thiamine (but a good B complex and Vit D won't go amiss)
6. Tellling people IRL when I felt ready. I told DH that I was quitting for good a few days in and others gradually thereafter. Most were mildly curious as to why and I have used a variety of reasons, peri-menopause being one. Very few people ask too many questions.
7. AF alternatives so that when DH is having a.drink/it's Friday etc I have something.other that tap water at hand.
8. Checking in here every day. I post most days but even when I don't, just reading others posts are a help.

Hi, @Gio1

I second the AF alternatives, but they aren't for everyone. I also think that there is no one size fits all, and you have to work out what's right for you. I discovered that in my case drinking was a habit, so I replaced the habit of drinking with another one. I still opened a bottle of 'wine' in the evening, but it was AF wine, which I got used to after a while. The ritual of opening a bottle and pouring it into a wine glass really helped. I still went out to eat and went to bars, but I drank lime and soda. I suffered from insomnia, so I made going to bed as nice as possible, with scented oils in the bedroom, and scented baths to relax before getting into bed. I watched 'easy' series on TV if I couldn't sleep, and knowing that I could do that took away a lot of the anxiety about lying awake. I also listened to hypnosis tracks when trying to nod off. Even if they did nothing, they are very relaxing. The biggest change for me was giving up work, but I realise that's not an option for everyone.

I also second the VitB. Thiamine deficiency can cause wet brain, and you have to take it as soon as you give up to prevent that, if it's going to happen. Take it for 6 weeks or so, and be sure that you get at least the recommended dose of B1 (which is Thiamine). As I see it, although wet brain is rare, for the sake of swallowing a few pills a day it's too big a risk not to do it.

I told people I'd not been feeling well, and decided to cut out booze and caffeine to help. After a while, people were used to me not drinking, and if anyone did ask I just said I hadn't missed it so had decided not to take it up again. Whether close friends believed me or not I don't know, but it's nobody's business but mine.

I didn't like quit lit, as it reminded me of drinking. I know a lot of people rate it though, so it might work for you.

Good luck, and check in when you can. Sid is our mascot, and I'm sure he'll take you under his wing too.

Well done on 12 weeks @EastCoastDamsel !

Sorry, I missed that. Congratulations, @EastCoastDamsel !

12 weeks is really significant - I'm sure 'they' say that it takes 12 weeks to break a habit, and you've done it😀

@Gio1 welcome.

I hope everyone managed an AF Bank Holiday weekend. Back to the usual routine tomorrow, onwards and upwards!

Morning all,

Happy Tuesday to everyone.
Congratulations on the 12 weeks, @EastCoastDamsel 👏👏👏 how are you feeling?

I was working a lot over the weekend - got tonnes done. The clarity of mind and lack of hangover grump is bloody marvellous.

Husband found a new AF drink for me - Crodino - a bit Aperol-spritz like. Really nice, another one for the list.

Did a bit of food prep for this week.
Next challenge has to be to lose weight.

Hi there @Gio1 - some great advice on here. How are you getting on?

onwards and upwards, @HappyAsAGrig - here's to a great week!

Morning all.

Thanks for all the congrats. To celebrate I ordered that treadmill I was taking about up-thread. It will be a great big hulking reminder of how far I have come 😁
Not too soon either - weather is already starting to turn foul 😢

@NextPhaseOfLife I am feeling... clean and serene. I had a proper first amazing sense of wellbeing on Friday (while driving for 9 hours of all things!) and have noticed I just feel calmer. I still get anxious about things, but I am able to talk myself around to a more sensible POV, I seem to be able to cope a little better with changes if plan. I feel stronger and more in control of life in general.

All subtle but good things.

I tried the Crodito (and like it) but have found that in the last week or 2 I am needing AF alternatives less and am happy to just stock with a sparkling water.

Back to routine and prepping for return to school this week.

Good luck all

That's great to hear, @EastCoastDamsel - that sense of calm and peace is priceless 💕

I'm humming more 😂😂😂

Ahoy me hearties!
I was feeling a bit maudlin yesterday, no idea why. Too old for hormones.
I'd gone upstairs for a cry and was contemplating the corner shop. I popped on the telly and there was pride and prejudice. I naughtaly watched the whole lot until 8pm. DH came up and down with clean washing (he does the washing). He didn't grump and the DS and I did the non barbecue.
A pint of blue top was had and I feel much better this morning.

I had decided to ask for some changes to my new contract and I did. Don't ask, don't get. A man would do this so I thought, I'm too old to be grateful in the workplace. Hard cash talks so I went for it. I woke up to an OK.

I did struggle with the cravings yesterday but I think it was more about feeling sad. I'm pleased with myself this morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

@EastCoastDamsel well done on your twelve weeks. 100 days was when I finally thought I can do this. It's been life changing.

Please may I join? I am now on day 25. I had originally planned for 4 weeks but I am thinking is that just doing the hard bit without the real benefits? When you get further on, is that when you actually start to feel better?

@Phoebewillow good morning and welcome.
You've done the hard bit. Most of the effects of alcohol will be subsiding. How do you feel?
I quit in January 2022 and it's changed my life.

Hi everyone! Haven't posted for ages but saw this thread and thought I'd drop in. I'm nearly 3 years AF now! It is so much better for my health & I feel much happier. Good luck and we'll done to all those on the journey.

@Newmum738 nice to see you. Glad everything is going well.

I feel ok, thanks for asking :) It is just the feeling of boredom. I had told myself I could start again after 28 days but I feel that is a bad idea! I’m a teacher on school holidays atm so it seems madness to start agin when back at school

Crodino is great, isn’t it, @NextPhaseOfLife ! I have it when I fancy a cocktail.

👋🏻 @Phoebewillow Amazon work on 25 days! 🎉

I have definitely noticed a difference in myself now that I am 12 weeks in. And it is worth it.

Are you using anything to support your AF life? I have found using an app to help me work through some of the reasons for my drinking has been very useful..others like a gratitude journal.

Also, although they are not everyone's cup of tea, I really found listening to quitlit audio books helpful as it helped me feel less "alone".

My top ones are still This Naked Mind and The Sober Diaries. They really spoke to me for where I was at when I decided enough was enough SD especially helped me "see" the future.

Good luck and keep posting

@Phoebewillow well my understanding is that it takes ten days for all alcohol to leave your system. All organs have a 28 day cell turnover when healthy. You've reached that milestone.
For me sobriety can be boring but and it is a big but, I would have been in rehab now if I hadn't stopped. My health was appalling, my relationships in tatters.
The feeling of constant hangovers and sickness was even shocking me. I had pains in my legs too (very dangerous).
I'd spent a fortune. If you recognise any of the above it can only get better

We have veterans and newbies who can answer any questions. No question too silly. We're a friendly bunch.