The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

Afternoon all,
hope everyone is having a great Wednesday well done @REP22 that’s amazing I’ll probably put on 4 stone with the sugar cravings!! 😂 Sid’s face too cute 🥰

Made it to London. Was very nervous about navigating the capital's roads in my fairly large vehicle.

I very rarely drive into London (we're in the north and so I would unusually get a train) but our various stop off points this week is made simpler with our own transport. Not to mention the insane number of bags my mother needs to get to Heathrow tomorrow.

Anyway, it seems to me CC and ULEZ combined has had a post twice impact on the traffic as it was not nearly as stressful as expected.

Off to the theatre this evening - a fourth time watching Les Mis for me but the first for DC who specifically requested to watch it. DS is quite the fan of a musical.

Thank you @Chance21 and @WendyWagon ❤

Good luck with the online meeting Wendy - I bet you look fabulous. Keeping everything crossed for you. 🤞🤞🤞x

Amazing work @REP22 . 4 stone is incredible!

@EastCoastDamsel well done on negotiating London traffic, very brave. Glad it went OK - hope the stage to the airport goes OK.

Enjoy Les Mis. Think I've seen it about 4 times too. I used to be a bit of a one for going up to West End musicals. Think I saw Sunset Boulevard about 22 times, and Beauty and the Beast a fair few times, hehe. The last thing I saw was a touring production of Come From Away fairly locally. That was excellent. Have a great time. xx

Thanks @EastCoastDamsel - ❤plenty more to go though. Apparently I've lost the equivalent of 52 tins of tomatoes. Too much pasta sauce there in anyone's book, hehe.

I was glad not to have won the weekly SW raffle prize though - someone had put some bottles of low-% beer in the box (I think they got the wrong idea and thought low-% meant "low calorie"; it was remarked upon but they weren't removed). I'm not really one for bottled beer but, for some reason, I found the sight of them slightly triggering. I won the citrus basket instead, so was able to scuttle away happy and unchallenged.

Here's a bonus one of Sid erupting with the raw joy within. The hat has since been moved somewhere beyond the reach of paw, fang and urine trajectory. Just in case. 😉

Sid personifies joie de vivre in those photos, doesn't he? 😂

I would love to lose weight. A combination of eating instead of drinking, lockdown and medical issues (thyroid and asthma) have meant that I have gained 4 stone since giving up. I can't exercise and weight goes on much more easily. I'm very envious of those who have lost so much, but delighted for you, obviously.

It's raining here. I'm going to a garden party tonight, and expect it will end up in the kitchen instead of the garden.

The workmen finished today, so other than a five minute visit when they come to fix a seal on the shower door, I have the house to myself again. The decorator is coming in September, but there is less for her to do than we expected, as the bathroom people have made a good job of things. I've lost a door and gained a bit of wall where it used to be, and they have sourced and put on dado and skirting to match the originals, which was a welcome surprise.

Thank you @ShyMaryEllen. Sid is certainly a refugee from the VengaBus alright, hehe.

I'm so sorry that your health is causing you grief. I really hope that better things are ahead for you. ❤

Glad that the house is just about there now, that's brilliant. Hope you have lots of happy times in it.

With love. xx

That's very kind, @REP22 , but I don't want to detract in any way from your achievement - a 4 stone loss is amazing! I would happily wear a hat to celebrate with you 😀.

The house is an ongoing project, as houses always are. It's great when you've got time to get things done, but sadly more time at home usually means less money to spend. When I stopped drinking I took a lot more interest in the house, and have worked through it over the last couple of years. My next project will be making a walk-in pantry in the kitchen, I think. We really need to replace the windows, but that's such a big job that I keep putting it off.

Have you had the meeting yet, @WendyWagon ?

I was right about the gardn party turning into a kitchen party 🥳. It hasn't been much of an August, has it? It was a good evening though - there was fruit punch, and the host kept the rum separate, so people could add it or not as they liked. I think that sort of thing is becoming more common, and it worked really well. People filled their glasses from the punchbowl and opted in or out of the rum next to it. When we were drinking it, it all looked the same, so there were no obvious drinkers or non-drinkers.

@ShyMaryEllen that is a great idea re the rum next to the punch bowl!
You are so right about houses.
I am currently debating whether we should do anything else to our house or sell and move.

Thing is, I am unlikely to move into a "done" house (they are not good value for money IMHO so will just end up having to do it all again elsewhere .

I might be getting a promotion at work soon (I have sort of talked my boss into considering one) but this will mean 3 days a week in the office (instead of my current 1) and a 50min community by car.

I am leather wedded to using my "leisure" time for other things so not sure about it at all.

Will have to see whether it materialises in the first place though

I just found this thread accidentally and would like to praise you all - for your self-control and support for each other. I stopped drinking for two years when I had a sick liver (not alcohol related) and I found social situations really hard. It's bizarre that people having nothing but praise and congratulations when you stop smoking but don't when you give up the drink. Good luck and best wishes everyone. My non alcoholic go to was (and still is) lemon and ginger tea.

Good morning my lovelies.
I'm up late as the dog had a barking fest in the night.
I love the sound of the fruit punch @ShyMaryEllen

Welcome @mugglewump we're a friendly bunch if you want to stick around.

Im a bit upset this morning. Two close friends jumped on my new role yesterday asking really personal questions. Both have money, both wanted to benefit from my position. I'm not giving any details to anyone IRL but I felt really pressurised. I turned my phone off. In the old days the one who lives closest would have been round with champagne to get me to blab.
I'm years gone by I've given both jobs and contracts and I don't do that anymore.

welcome @mugglewump and thanks for your kind words about us. no judgement here just support. agree that sobriety has a long way to catch up with quitting smoking eh? i think it's slowly happening as the science to support alcohol related harm is definitely there but the taxes government get and the clever advertising of the industry is working against it.

@WendyWagon sorry to hear about your friends hassling you. sending love.

afternoon everyone, hope all is good sorry to read that @WendyWagon i would question those relationships they don’t sound like true friends sometimes ppl are not what they seem. Good for you for not giving in.
feeling really sluggish and tired my sleep has been all over the place I can’t wait for it to normalise that’s one thing alcohol ruins!!! Keep pushing on 😊

Oh thanks @Chance21 both ladies I've known thirty plus years.
I never ask them money questions but they do it to me. One is the only remaining child of a wealthy 84 year old (stirling health!) and the other a multi millionaire. Both spend money like water. I'm a feast or famine girl.
One asked for a kick back the other an investment in their start up. I haven't even started yet. Do other people do this or is it just people around me?

I think you just have to be careful that friends even family don’t take advantage you have to know your limits.
you sound like a very successful lady and that’s yours you own the right to have all the good things that come with that but as for friends trying to get gains from others there’s definitely a thin line between intentions. Friends should cheer on your success should never be about them unless you wanted to offer something than that’s your choice. I’ve not personally come across it my circle is very small but I’ve seen it happen to others @WendyWagon

@Chance21 thanks.
We've gone through some very hard times and I've worked my way back up. Neither would do the huge days I do but want the big jobs and benefits. Neither qualified to do it. I usually have to learn new languages toot suite.
When I was drinking I let their behaviour wash over me, I now find it bites.
Old friends are harder to impose new boundaries on I suppose.

Sorry to hear of your friends' behaviour @WendyWagon. I would say that this is highly unusual tbh. I have never known friends asking/fishing for jobs/kick backs of any kind

We don’t take no crap when we don’t drink!! 😂 I definitely change in a way where I can see through things easier funny isn’t it it’s like the lights have come back on and you see truth in everything you should feel proud that you didn’t just give in and you thought about it and realised you wasn’t going to feel pressured X @WendyWagon

Hello @mugglewump - glad you have found us. Thank you for your kind words. This thread keeps me going for sure, and has seen me through some very bleak times of late. I'm very thankful for it, and for all who post here.

@WendyWagon - trust the vampires to come out of the shadows and begin circling when there's a whiff of success in the air. I'm so sorry that they are nipping at your neck and making you feel bad. You owe them literally nothing.

It's not just you. it's a bit like some families where a long-neglected elderly bod is approaching the end - "where there's a will, there's a relative" and all that. Suddenly a crowd of invisibles who have cared not a bean beforehand nor visited their beloved great-aunt Agatha in all her lonely dotage descend with intense adoration, advice and "support" for the daughter-round-the-corner who's done all the hours and arse-wiping for years. Nope. Not interested, thanks. Cheers for popping 'round; nice to see you; now off you f-ck, back to your Den of Indifference. Close the door behind you on your way out.

Don't let them in - block or mute them on your 'phone if you have to. You've come too far to let parasites leech off your opportunity. Get them gone and feel no remorse. True friends will understand. @Chance21 is right. Their behaviour grates for a reason and you really don't have to indulge them in any way. Your future success - and success there will be, I've no doubt - belongs to you and you alone.

Strength and love to you all. We can power our way through this. Keep going for another day more. xx

That sounds rubbish, @WendyWagon. You know you're in the right though. I'm quite good at not taking hints, but it's more difficult if people have the brass neck to come right out with CF requests.

Good luck with the job offer @EastCoastDamsel . Might you be able to negotiate 2 days in the office and meet half way? I quite miss going in to work sometimes, but in reality I'd take badly to it now, I think - I'm very used to having free time and fitting in work when it suits me. As a night owl I do a lot when the rest of the world is asleep. I only do a few months a year, and can fit it around other things. I sometimes wonder about looking for something more, but remember that my last job nearly finished me off, and I only stopped drinking when I left. I don't know how easy it would be to go back without getting into all that again. Plus I quite like the slower pace of life I have now.

ETA forgot to say hello to @mugglewump. Good to have you on board.

Morning lads.
The wind blew the window open so I'm up earlier. One tea down.
I had a reasonable sleep so can see what a farce Wednesday was with the 'vampires'. I did manage not to speak to either yesterday. I hate the word jealousy levied at other women but it fits with what was said to me. Sometimes people don't want you to do better than them. I can't compete in all honesty but people play ooh let's guess what's she getting/got. These two are rude enough to ask.
My mother would have said well done darling and moved on. 'No ones looking at you'.

I am off food shopping later and will see what the stores have to offer AF. Tis Friday so I need a tool kit.

Sorry to hear of your friends' attitudes. That would upset me too tbh. I can't imagine asking something like that to a mate. I guess I might have said (joking) something like "ooh any freebies you need to get rid of I'm your girl" or similar. But I would have been joking. Any chance it could have been meant like that maybe?

@Itsrainingten i do share the freebies.
That I don't mind because I often want feedback.
In the crash we lost everything. It suited some people locally and as a family we were subject to huge gossip and lots of people dumped us. I couldn't believe last year when one of the husbands was stalking me on this thread. It was 14 years ago at that point! Naturally my drinking ramped up during our troubles.
We lived in a prestigious county town and they have nothing better to do. Ain't I glad to have moved away last year. My life was unusual due to most being SAHMs. If I'd been younger I suspect they'd have accused me of being a call girl! 😄
It was social media that allowed some of these charming people to understand that I wasn't over egging the custard. LinkedIn does have some advantages.
I had a pretty difficult childhood and I pulled myself up through education and bloody hard work. Women still have to be twice as good. Both my friends married and divorced money. It isn't the same.
Both are now bored but are in their sixties. I'd be sitting on my arse watching countdown!

Morning.

Heading home from London today. Dropped DM off at Heathrow last night. 3hour round trip on the car 😲.

I have never driven there before , usually just take the tube but with her age and MANY, HEAVY bags, it was easier to drive. Boy was it stressful navigating central London in a big SUV at rush hour. I joked that DM and DC where getting a special, private chauffeured tour of London as the SatNav took us past all the sights: across Westminster Bridge, past houses of Parliament, Buckingham Palace, Harrods, and all the parks.

DC not bothered on the slightest, headphones on, each listening to their own music.

Back home, up north today. Never driven this whole journey on my own before either (although in my home country - when I was younger - I would often do long car journeys on my own). I have lost a lot of confidence doing these sort of things in the last few years. And need to reclaim them.

Stopping en route at a fitness warehouse to look at the treadmills I like before.makong a final decision.

Much love to all and stay strong tonight

IWNDWYT