The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

Well, this weekend sees my seven year anniversary. It was August BH 2017 when I officially stopped drinking. I have had a very occasional drink since then (eg weddings and special occasions) but not to the point of drunkenness, and I didn't allow myself even that until about 5 years had passed.

I am almost certain that had I continued the way I was going I would be dead by now, which is a sobering thought in itself. I definitely feel better for having stopped - not just 'not actually dead'😀. My eyes are brighter, I wake up without The Fear, which is the best reward. I don't feel richer, but I only work very part-time and there is a COL crisis, so I must be a lot better off than I would have been if I were still going out evry night and ordering wine by the case to drink in the house. Speaking of the house, it looks so much better now that I've been interested enough to muck it out and tart it up - it's had a comprehensive makeover since I started - every room's been decorated, I've had a new kitchen and bathroom installed, and I'll be starting on the outside soon. Relationships are less complicated, although I'm not in a great place because of family things that are related to when I was drinking and have come back to haunt me. I don't want to risk saying what's happened but I can see that if I hadn't stopped things would have got worse, which is some comfort. And of course, I now know that i don't have cirrhosis, whatever my records might show! That in itself has been a precious gift.

There is no comparison between my life now and how it was then. Until I did it, I couldn't imagine going seven nights without a bottle (or more) of wine to get me to sleep, never mind seven years of sobriety. As we all know, it's not always an easy journey, but it's one with real rewards, so it's well worth sticking with it - it does get easier when the mindset shifts. It can threaten to shift back again, but knowing we can beat this makes it so much easier to stay strong. I have (plenty of) regrets, but I also have hope, which helps to make up for them.

I sincerely hope that everyone on the ship sails through too, and that the waters aren't too choppy for any of you, although we are here for you if you need help to ride the storm. Solidarity, sisters (and shipmate Sid)! 💪

That's a wonderful post @ShyMaryEllen and so encouraging to read. Happy Sober Birthday!! 🎂 I am so glad that you are enjoying the benefits now. I know exactly what you mean about waking up with The Fear. Not a day passes for me without the happy relief that I don't have that any more. Sober mornings never get tired.

It was around 2017 that I started trying to get myself sorted out, but 2019 before I actually made any decent headway. I was utterly aghast at the prospect of getting through a single night without a drink. It got us good and proper but, luckily, we were stronger in the end.

I am so, so glad that you were able to free yourself. This thread - and the world as a whole - is a far better place because you are alive in it. Your posts are brave and helpful to so very many. Hopefully there are better times ahead for you in the areas that aren't great at the moment. But anybody that truly loves you must be so, so proud of you, and what you've achieved, even if they find that hard to articulate for whatever reasons. 💖xx

Evening everyone. Welcome @Labmum24 - do you have a plan for this evening?
Well done to everyone keeping on keeping on.
Seven years is an amazing achievement @ShyMaryEllen .
All is good here but I’m very busy with work and running- have a marathon in 8 weeks so the mileage is building and I’m pretty tired!

Just. Checking in my sober sisters (and Sid), before I retire for the evening.
I had a compliment from the DD who said 'when you were a alcoholic'. We were discussing houses and I don't remember some details from their childhood. Like another of our number she is studying to be a psychologist so things are quite black and white. She is completely teetotal as she hates the taste. That's saved her a fortune and she tends to be the voice of reason among her friends.

Huge congrats to @ShyMaryEllen . What an achievement.

The rain was awful today and I've lost some magnolia buds. I live in hope of flowers on my grande flora.
Judes cherry and cream ice-cream is about to be eaten.

Good morning lovelies.
I'm up with a sniffling dog. He barged his way into the bedroom last night so my sleep was poor. He's the size of a large cat so he manages to get between the DH and I at night. I was watching a very old episode of Sex and the city, 1999. They look so young. And thin!

Oh well we try again to get an unbroken sleep tonight.
Not much going on here at Wendy towers. The DS is working on his car and I might be able to get some plants. Next weekend is the dds 21st so she's having friends over. I've bought her a ring and hope she likes it. She's snubbed her granny's swag so I had to go a bit more celtic. I won't be buying much booze for her do as they don't drink. Gen Z

Morning all.

How are things today @Labmum24 ?

Off for a run, then walking dogs with kids, ice-cream, Sunday lunch, house tidying and general chore doing.

Much love to all

Huge, huge congratulations on 7 years of sobriety.

That's just incredible. What an achievement. What a turn around in your life.

Like you say - so much richer - and maybe even, what, £15k actually richer, based an at least a few bottles a week?

Not that money is even a fraction of the value of being sober 💕💕💕

@EastCoastDamsel & @Onewildandpreciouslife

You're inspiring me with your running! I've done a few marathons and halfs in my younger years. Maybe I can start with a wobble around the fields again.

My lovely doggie might enjoy that. Does Sid like a run, @REP22 ?

Excellent comment from your daughter, @WendyWagon
Such a matter of fact comment, loaded with its place in time 💕💕

I am also one who is fucking glad not not have the fear again. I used to close down my laptop and LinkedIn each night with paranoia that I might post or respond to something in a way I wouldn't if alcohol was not involved. I never have and never did but it was such a terrifying anxiety fear for me.

Not any more 🥳🥳🥳

@NextPhaseOfLife before my thirst took hold properly, I was a committed runner and would have easily done 10-15 miles on a Sunday. Now, I am just trying to get back into it. So not much more than 3 miles a run now. Though I did manage 4 miles on the South Bank on Friday.

Posting now as I have suddenly had a strange Sunday afternoon desire for a nice glass bottle of wine on the sofa and a stuperous nap. Luckily there is no wine in the house, and I know that I don't really want to, the wine witch is just whispering in my ear. Going to have a Shakti, followed by online Waitrose shop and then watch Inside Out 2 with DC with my crochet. But wanted to tell someone and knew you ladies would understand.

Great choice, @EastCoastDamsel

Get the Shakti down you and all thoughts of acidic grape juice will piss off.

The nap part sounds epic though. Do that too!

@EastCoastDamsel I've had a thirst like a ferrets arse for weeks.
I've just pulled a tonic out from the back of the fridge. It's that and the cow juice.

I started a thread under a different name (I don't use Wendy after the stalking and posts about alki women). I've had my first nutter! A I know who you are poster. Bloody Sunday screen warriors.

@WendyWagon I didn't know you had a MN stalker. So sorry ☹️ you had to go through that.

Had a Shakti, short nap and ordered groceries. Feeling a little better so going to rally the troops for some shared telly, cookies and ice-cream.

Did HQ do anything about the stalker, @WendyWagon ? Can you tell us more without attracting them back?

Thanks for the congrats, everyone. I didn't mean to show off, but wanted you all to know it's possible - believe me if I can do it, so can you all.

Ah the stalker lads. There use to be a poster who wrote the weirdest posts. They were always after mine at all times of the day. I then went to a lunch where a friend of a friend said my husband enjoys your posts on mumsnet. She then proceeded to tell everyone about my struggles. I didnt write anything about my family for all of the following year.
MN did monitor the thread and they seemed to disappear. They haven't posted here since then. Name change I suspect.
Someone who claims to know me has just popped up on another thread. I'd DM if that happened to someone I know, but I may have just attracted a nutter. They're all over mumsnet today so they must be bored. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I didn't want to bother anyone on here so I asked a question. 99% helpful.

Evening all. I hope you have had a good day.

Grim about the ol' stalker @WendyWagon, that's no fun at all. I'm glad MN responded and tried to be helpful. That's proper horrible though, talking about your posts in IRL. Nightmare. Hopefully they're gone for good. One thing I have noticed very recently with MN (like, in the last day or two) and I thought I'd mention it here just in case - I've received an email saying "You've been @ mentioned by [made up user ID] SPUDGUN on this thread: 'NAME OF THREAD'"; I've then clicked on the link to see and true enough I have been mentioned on NAME OF THREAD, but not by SPUDGUN. There is no SPUDGUN on that thread. So, whoever has mentioned me on that thread has an alternative user name there, and SPUDGUN elsewhere. That probably doesn't make sense. What I mean is - beware that a NC isn't always a total NC. I have two user IDs, and in all except one thread I am REP22. But if I thank a post or mention a poster under the other, very different, user ID, the other posters will see in their notifications that it was from REP22 despite it being me under my other ID. Oh lordy, I'm confusing myself now. Hopefully you get what I mean.

Sid does love a run @NextPhaseOfLife - usually after a deer, if he can (not often). There's only one place where I'll let him off the lead, as I know he's secure and knows where he's going. He is still reaping the rewards of his Dartmoor Debacle from last year! I love a good walk, but the only time I'll actually run is if something with massive teeth is chasing me 😉

With you also on the laptop/social media aspect of "The Fear". I've texted some utter nonsense in my time when p-ssed, some of which has lost me friends and caused much shame. Even today, FB sometimes reminds me of "memories from 7 years ago!" which is another drunken rambling that I've not managed to delete. Urgh. I am so glad that that is not me anymore and The Fear is not a constant malevolent shadow any longer.

I absolutely love Sex and the City @WendyWagon, I often rewatch them. I was lucky enough to meet SJP earlier this year, and I thanked her for SATC, said it had seen me thorough some very bleak times. She was lovely.

I've had fun and games with the new toilet seat. One of the old fittings was resolutely stubborn and refused to budge despite a good hour of me going at it with pliers whilst Sid shouted rude words at it. I admitted defeat in the end, and I HATE being defeated by such things. Sid is a popular lad in my street, so when we emerged to head away from the scene of torment my next door neighbours came out to have Sidcuddles. I mentioned our lavatorial shenanigans and lovely male neighbour had his toolbox handy and offered to have a look. I was mortified - but more annoyed than I was abashed - and, thanking the Bog Gods that all was clean and the bin was empty, I gratefully accepted. Invoking three pairs of pliers, he achieved the mighty deed and the wretched thing was off. I put the new one on myself, so am very very pleased. I will buy gifts for neighbours' doorstep. But the old seat did not go quietly. It was like Game of Thrones, except with pliers and a cistern instead of swords and thrones.

Onwards to Bank Holiday Monday. I hope you will have a lovely one. The weather's turning a bit here again, but it was lovely earlier.

Jesus wants him for a Sunbeam (although he may change his mind when he hears the language out of him. Sid's got a potty-mouth on him today for some reason. I have told him that "we are not at home to Mr. Toilet-Talk" (Sid, not Jesus)...). x

I'm wondering if I should have a different ID for 'not on this thread'. I just have the one, and it has occurred to me that if someone identified me from other posts they could link them to these ones, and I would hate that.

I'm sure I'd make a mess of changing from one to the other though😂

Sid has such a lovely velvety coat. He doesn't look as though he'd know any rude words - those eyes are the eyes of an ingenue, bless him.

@ShyMaryEllen I'm not sure how it works, whether it's random as to which user ID gets quoted, or if it's your "main" one. I don't mind on here, as I'm happy to be ID'd as REP22, but wouldn't want anyone to get my real name (my other user ID isn't a name/nickname either).

Sid is very velvety! He's terribly wipe-cleanable, teflon-like, which means he's very low-maintenance in poor weather, hehe. He has got lovely big soulful eyes - a person would be happy to drown in their deep rich depths. Until he farts and the spell is broken.

He's a joy of a dog though. I'm very fortunate. He makes me complete.

Strength and love. xx

Now I confess my sisters I have four names. This one, booze talk only.
Run of the mill Mrs, a school one (one of my DC had loads of schools, I don't use it much) and finally a LGBT one that is a hot bed of abuse (I've lost count of the terf insults) but I go into help and support as I have a family member and a friend who fits this profile. Mumsnet is not very LGBT friendly and when I got my names mixed up I was accused of being a booze addled alki who didn't know Jack. Charmed I'm sure.

It's all a school day.
This is the friendliest thread on mumsnet and we support each other without reserve. We've even got a mascot darling Sid.
I did have one from my nickname at school but it's too outing. Blinking funny though. Think Father Brown.

I only have this one. (Well actually I had another one YEARS ago - when MN was but young) And the DCs babies.

I have been largely absent from MN for many years and basically only reconnected when I stumbled on this thread.

My original name I had to give up due to my IRL stalker. He's still got an order against him. I don't think he comes on here. I occasionally read my old posts and many like @REP22 said were written when I was drunk and frightened.
I've come a long way since then.

I've bought many a product on other posters recommendations and have been comforted when close friends and family have died. It ain't all bad.
I've met a few of our number IRL too. I'm always up for a scoff.
I'm a people person, naturally interested. Happy to help.
We fight another day.

Evening all,

Sorry you've been stalked in real life, @WendyWagon - that's truly shit.

I don't name change on this thread but it do elsewhere. I'm often crap at keeping on top of it - @REP22, you might have got a tag from my alter ego today as I fucked it up and MN changed it for me!

I rarely post anything interesting on my other names so don't really know why I bother changing, but I like keeping my AF posts separate so it's probably just that,

Good morning from Wendy!
Up early and it's OK here.

My other thread calmed down and has given me good advice.

We're having a barbecue without a barbecue today. It was my late brother's thing so I haven't bothered to replace our old one yet. I think one of the Ninj ones would do me.
Long weekends are difficult for me without alcohol but I have pressed on. Tbh I haven't gone out as it would be tempting even after two plus years. The shop beckons today and I need some faux gin. I even had a cola last night and I hate the stuff.

The IRL stalker I don't give a lot of headspace to these days. I know if he comes near us he's going to prison and the coppers did enjoy feeling his collar ( he is an officer of the court). He was a previous landlord who likes to indulge in addictive substances on a Friday night. What I can never forgive is the attempt to attack my DD. He has kids so he should have known better. On one occasion last year there was soneone sitting outside my house. It wasn't him but I took the registration. I wouldn't hesitate to press charges now. One chance Wendy.

Morning all and congratulations for surviving another day AF!

@WendyWagon I cannot imagine what I would do if someone attempted to attack one of my DC! (And an officer of the court!!!! Did his behaviour not have professional ramifications?)

I am feeling exhausted at the moment. I think I am still recovering from DMs long visit. It was lovely to have her here on one hand but emotionally exhausting. As I have mentioned before, we have a complicated relationship, and quite different ways of approaching the world. I am much more of a "make a decision and stick with It" type, while she is very much "go with the flow", which can feel pathetic.

She is also still in the depts of grief after DB's death AND has lost what little confidence she used to have since COVID.

The upshot is that I feel responsible for her as if she is another child, which is draining.

It doesn't help that Aunty Flo arrived with a vengeance yesterday.

I also think that my blood pressure be slightly too well treated now that I have quit drinking and started exercising again but my home BP monitor broke yesterday (I was planning on taking 3* daily measurements before me phone appointment with GP next week) as proof for when I suggest dropping one of the meds. So waiting for new one I ordered to arrive.

Plans for today include Bank Holiday lunch with DHs family, dog walk, and washing the sheets.