The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

@EastCoastDamsel well done on the London drive. I tend not to do it anymore and leave it to the DS.

I do feel better for clearing my mind

@WendyWagon You should feel proud of your successes from your hard work. Your friends don't sound like good friends.

@EastCoastDamsel well done on the driving. I would have been nervous too, sometimes we can overthink these things and make them worse in our heads can't we.

Amazing on the driving @EastCoastDamsel - what a triumph to be proud of, not everyone would be brave enough to tackle that. I love London. Not sure I'd drive in it though. Whenever my DM is off somewhere, I invoke the Passenger Assist services to help her. They're great. I've been helping her to sort out her new smartphone - the train people's passenger assist was one of the apps I put in first, hehe.

Glad you're feeling a bit better lovely @WendyWagon - appalled that you've been stalked in your time. It's not fun. I had a persistent one for a while.

Feeling stronger about this evening at the moment; hopefully that will last. Fridays are my bêtes noires. Plans for cricket tomorrow and determinedly busy on Sunday and Monday. I have purchased a new, highly decorated toilet seat with an underwater scene on it, so installing that will keep me occupied for a bit. If you are very unlucky, Sid will be successfully persuaded to pose with it for a picture for you (pre-installation - I'm not lifting him on and off the potty; there would be chaos, water and shattered porcelain everywhere. Nobody needs to see a picture of Sid on a toilet).

Keeping the mind and body active is utterly, utterly crucial to me in the battle against the cravings. I must keep occupied, so I'm not left to my own thoughts and temptation.

Sid is ready for an action-packed weekend. As soon as he wakes up.

Strength and love. It will be alright soon. xx

Have a great weekend, @REP22 , Sid and everyone on board.

Mine will involve getting as much sleep as possible, and some light sorting out. I know how to live😉

Hah! Scratch that. I've just had a call asking if I'll be in at 8.00am so that someone can fir the seal on the shower - so much for my lie-in😩

@ShyMaryEllen oh b-gg-r. Bad luck! Hopefully they'll be a quick in-and-out so you might be able to go back to bed.

Or you can tell him that there is greater need of his services here: Bathroom Seals - hopefully your one won't topple off the shower (they can be a bit unsteady on a slippery surface)... 😉x

😂

well done on all your travails and triumphs today ladies whether driving through the big smoke ( i live there!) or dealing with showers, CF friends, friday craves.

@WendyWagon i think ill always need a friday toolkit tonight is AF beer that i first found in spain but tesco sell it so bought some here. its called Freedam and is really tasty.

going to a 60th tomorrow so will need my sober armour on.

love you all. and love sid's gorgeous face i find it very encouraging.

i am 16 weeks alcohol free tomorrow! woo hoo! who knew that would happen for the first time ever after crawling on here with my head in my hands 4 months ago.

anxiety down , weight down, bank account up , self esteem up.

🎈

That's great to hear, @ponzusoup . They are all brilliant reasons in themselves for giving up, and achieving all of them is amazing. Keep on keeping on.

Thank you all!

Sorry to hear about your lie in scuppering plumber @ShyMaryEllen 😢.

Enjoy the loo seat fitting and cricket tomorrow @REP22

Amazing work on 4 months @ponzusoup !

Home at 20:15 after leaving London at 11am 😴🥱. The A1 was one long queue! However during the drive I realised something. I have a overwhelming sense of wellbeing. It really didn't matter that we were stuck in traffic for a very long time or only going to get home very late. I felt good.

It's my fourth dry Friday in a row tonight. I definitely feel out of the habit of having a glass of wine to relax after work during the week but Fridays still feel weird without that punctuation mark at the end of the week. I've found myself going to bed earlier on a weekend rather than sitting up watching TV with my OH, mostly because he's having a glass of wine and watching shite andican'tbear--it

Tomorrow we're going to the cinema to see the reboot of The Crow. We don't normally go to the cinema on a weekend so that's something different.

Keep on keeping on folks

Good morning all.
Hope you don't mind if I join you all? I've been reading through and you all are inspirational.
I've become a daily drinker and it's slowly slowly crept up to a bottle of wine a night, with a couple of alcohol free days during the week. I'm so sick and tired of rubbish sleep and being grumpy and miserable with the kids.
Today is my day 1 and I'm feeling determined if a little apprehensive!

Morning @Labmum24 . You're in the right place for supportive words from like minded people at all stages of their own personal journeys. Congratulations on day 1

I know many of us stop drinking and then feel disappointed that we don't immediately feel/sleep/look better. I was personally hoping to lose a few pounds but it seems I've replaced wine with a few little chocolate treats! However, I've been tracking my health metrics on my fitbit and thought this was interesting (see photo)

I stopped drinking at the beginning of August and my resting heart rate has dropped by over 10bpm! A clear sign that something is improving.

Good morning all.
Welcome @Labmum24 ask any questions you want. We're a friendly bunch. I used to drink a bottle of wine a night Thursday to Sunday plus more if socialising. My boozing was trauma based. Giving up was the hardest and best thing I've ever done.

Congratulations to @Wazzzzzuuuuuuup and@ponzusoup

I once got stuck on the M4 for 6 hours and my sister actually got worried (we're NC these days) It was before normal mobile phones. Tailbacks due to the Frank Bruno fight. I don't do Fridays in London anymore. So well done @EastCoastDamsel

Tis raining here so the DS will want to tidy up instead of car tinkering. I'll be bossed around. Joy.

@Wazzzzzuuuuuuup brilliant progress and really interesting and motivating to see that graph. as well as what we. prove there's clearly a lot more benefits to giving up alcohol that we don't. it's a sneaky chemical.

welcome @Labmum24 you've made a brave, daunting but excellent decision and we're here for you. early days , i rested when i could, tried to eat well and got stick into sober podcasts. i like sober powered, and stuff by bryony gordon.

@WendyWagon tidying led by your DS sounds useful! hope the rain subsides. weren't we promised a heatwave?

typo there! should say ' as well as what we NOTICE'

Morning

Welcome @Labmum24 , lovely to have you here. It's a huge, and brave decision which you can be proud of. I too had become a daily bottle of wine drinker and decided to stop after a less than ideal interaction with family where I said some (true but hurtful) things that could easily have destroyed DHs relationship with his father.

Things that helped me in the very early days were:

1. listening to quitlit (This Naked Mind, The Sober Diaries and The Unexpected Joy of being Sober)
2. An app. I used Reframe to start with (now on I am Sober - which has a brilliant free version) that helps me count my days for a little celebration of milestones and supports "The Work"
3. finding a displacement activity for the times would normally get stuck in. As I would usually open a bottle of wine at 6:30 after working flat out. I started stopping work (I WFH) by 5:30 at the latest and going for a walk with the dogs, cooking something simple that doesn't pair naturally with wine (lots of Asian style foods) and then taking myself to bed.for bath/meditation/elaborate skin care
4. not stressing about sugar in the first instance (you will probably get huge sugar cravings, just give in to them for a while. Initially your.only goal is to not drink - sugar cravings can be tackled late)
5. Vitamins - especially Thiamine (but a good B complex and Vit D won't go amiss)
6. Telling people IRL when I felt ready. I told DH that I was quitting for good a few days in and others gradually thereafter. Most were mildly curious as to why and I have used a variety of reasons, peri-menopause being one. Very few people ask too many questions.
7. AF alternatives so that when DH is having a.drink/it's Friday etc I have something.other that tap water at hand.

@Wazzzzzuuuuuuup I similarly have seen a 10bpm reduction in resting heart rate compared drinking days. (I stopped wearing my Garmin for months before I quit though - I think subconsciously I didn't want to know)

Quiet morning here today, need to unpack and sort the house out a bit and then off tomDMIP.to fetch dogs and have lunch.

Happy weekend all 😘

great post @EastCoastDamsel enjoy your weekend. pouring with rain here.

Hi everyone! Real life has been a bit jam packed so I am sorry I haven’t touched base as often.

DH has started drinking most nights again at the same heavy rate. That’s been a bit of a challenge for the first bit of the evening because he does make very good cocktails and they look tempting.

However, once I push past that first half hour I feel good about my sober choices. And later in the evening when I’m sober and he isn’t, I am SURE about my sober choices.

So it’s all good.

Great to hear how everyone is doing.

Welcome, @Labmum24 - @EastCoastDamsel ’s post has loads of wise advice so if you take some of that, it will help.

Displacement was crucial for me at the start. Disrupting my routine, doing Lego with a cuppa in the kitchen rather than watching telly with wine in the living, that sort of thing.

Buy a lot of biscuits (or sugary snacks of your choice). I have never had a sweet tooth before but giving up alcohol made me crazy for sugar.

lovely to hear from you @HappyAsAGrig great work managing sobriety alongside a heavy drinker cannot be easy.

I am just catching up- and have been following the thread and reading. As ever, I am grateful for all the support and the sharing of experiences here, it really helps.

I am coming to the end of a few weeks away in South West Spain with 3x teen dc, first proper solo adventure with them and no other adult. It’s been lovely. I had my first AF holiday last summer with DC and friends and it was helpful to reflect on how much I appreciated a holiday where I was properly rested and made the most of the time away, and it wasn’t eaten into by hangovers, related anxiety, crap sleep etc.

This time around I have not missed alcohol at all. There have been a few fleeting moments where I have seen others with a glass of wine with a meal and it has appealed, but really just for a few seconds. I have realised that when you are in the moment it’s the company, surroundings and focusing on the present that is relaxing, and enjoyable, not the booze. Feeling pretty grateful for this journey. Mostly for being present for kids and feeling like a good role model and mum. And for being rested.

My eldest is 17 and she asked for some beers to drink round the pool. I went off to bed around midnight last night and am a bit disconcerted to find she drank all six over the course of 6 hours. Can’t help thinking she has learnt from my terrible past examples. This makes me feel sad and terribly guilty. I suppose the only plus is that I can talk openly about these things with her now. And she is a lovely young woman, but I definitely see some of my younger self’s behaviours in her- and hope I don’t project too much (I am a psychologist by profession so am ridiculously conscious of these things and over analyze everything terribly- which I know I need to address!)

I was such a party girl when I was a teen and in my 20s, I loved experimenting with drugs, drinking, clubbing, festivals, gigs. My childhood was pretty happy up to a point, as a teen I experienced some pretty significant traumas , and in my 20s consecutive losses of people close to me (Parents and sister) over a relatively short period of time. So my behaviours were very much a coping strategy and a way of managing my feelings, through binge drinking and partying, just not a very effective way. In this time period I married a heavy drinker, which created a co dependent dynamic. We were together a long time and as I addressed my behaviour and created boundaries around drinking etc our relationship was unsustainable.

Its been a slow, gradual and welcome change, and a great feeling of awakening, and I am grateful, age 45, for this chance to live a different, more self-aware and peaceful life. I am just sorry I wasn’t always a good role model for my children when younger. And I am sorry that my eldest DD has probably been most influenced by this. However I am doing the best I can and that’s all I can do. At the end of the day we are all human and at least we have the opportunity to learn from our experiences and move forward.

Wishing everyone a peaceful Saturday.

Good morning all (actually afternoon now).

A hearty welcome to @Labmum24 - glad you've found your way to us. It's a very brave thing to think that you might have a bit of an issue with drinking and actively seek out some help. That's real courage. This thread and the fantastic posters here have really helped me, in bad times and better ones.

I did SMART recovery through an NHS service called 'Inclusion', which was very helpful. But mostly through willpower and a determination to sort myself out. I knew that I will die a horrible, wretched, lonely death if I continued drinking like I was. And I had a lovely little dog who put up with me at my worst and loved me anyway - and she deserved better than drunk me and the miserable existence I was giving her. In a sadly ironic twist of fate, she died from an aggressive cancer less than two months after I was discharged from the Inclusion Service in 2022, having been largely sober since 2020. But she lives on as the reason for my sobriety, and her legacy continues in the form of Sid (not his real name but his Badge of Honour here, bestowed by our wonderful @WendyWagon). He keeps me true and brings a joy that is worth staying sober for.

Two books that I found (and continue to find) extremely helpful (there are many out there, lots that are very good, and different ones work for different people) are The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley - Amazon - Sober Diaries and Catherine Gray's The Unexpected Joy of Bing Sober - Amazon - Unexpected Joy. Both are well-written, honest, witty and uplifting without being patronising or preachy. There are also some excellent podcasts out there, though podcasts aren't really my thing. One for the Road by Sober Dave is one that I did enjoy. I heartily echo everything that @EastCoastDamsel suggests too, those suggestions are practical and absolutely spot-on. I use the I Am Sober app too.

Keep going, one day at a time (cliché but true). It won't be easy - sometimes it will be extremely challenging, probably - but I absolutely promise you that it will be worth it, in so many ways.

@Wazzzzzuuuuuuup that is great to hear about your heart-rate. A racing heartbeat was something that was a constant challenge for me when I was drinking. I'm really glad that that's improved for you too. Absolutely fantastic to see that on your graph.❤️ Other benefits (skin, hair and weight most likely) will hopefully come in time. It just takes a while for the body to recalibrate. And brilliant to hear of @ponzusoup's fabulous joys too, Sid and I are so happy to read that. All things that make all the wretched moments we endure worthwhile. Hope the party goes OK and happy memories are made. xx

Hello again @HappyAsAGrig and @threeandmeandthedog - hearty waves to you. Brilliant to hear your updates, though sorry that your loved ones' drinking is preying on your peace. That cannot be easy. Sending you love, strength and forbearance. Hopefully the example of your progress and its benefits will shine through.

The cricket has been rained off. Most unhelpful, as I desperately need activity and distraction during my non-working hours. Reading everyone's posts on here is helping though. Thank you - all of you - for keeping me going, today and every other day besides. And I couldn't undo the fixings on the old loo seat. I fear I am going to have to admit defeat (which I hate) and get a bloke in. Sid will like that. 🙄 I have occupied my time this morning by washing the bathroom floor. Never let it be said that "REP22 & Sidney's House of Pain & Pleasure" is not weekender party-central... 🥳

Less certain is Sid's approval of the new lavatory seat. He inspected it closely when I unboxed it last night, but has yet to make any comment.

Strength and love. Stick with it; it's going to be alright. xx

Will catch up properly - so pleased to see epic achievements from some many.

What a powerful group of women you are 💕💕💕👏👏👏