The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

hello @ShyMaryEllen gorgeous to hear from you.

huge welcome to all the newbies wherever you are i. your sober journey. i'm only at day 65, am mid 50s, teenagers, sick parents and in laws living miles away, big full time job. didn't think i could ever do mid life without my trusty booze crutch which i thought had seen me through so much. creeping feeling over the last 4 years that maybe alcohol was not the answer but the problem. by the end it was shouting at me that alcohol was making me feel shit but i kept on not listening until i had a final embarrassing puking moment and stopped. i owned up to the fact that i just cannot moderate and that one drink is harder than none. it's been a revelation and a challenge all at the same time. i'm just going day by day but i can actually feel my brain healing ( deep and profound benefit) and my hair is shinier and skin clearer ( shallow and vain benefit).

who knows if i can do this forever but there are enough pink cloud moments to keep me going for now . i read a lot of quit lit and podcasts in the very early days which really helped. and just checking in here and resting when i could.

there's real strength in sober communities so do use this group to lean on. everyone here is kind and non judgemental.

onwards and upwards.

@threeandmeandthedog hello and great post 💜 well done on the run.

also feeling proudest of being a more present parent. i didn't really know what that meant until i stopped drinking.

@EastCoastDamsel really well done on surviving the drinkathon. hope you get to relax and decompress.

Can I join in please?
I've drastically cut back on drinking but am not quite AF yet.

I've always enjoyed a drink but in lockdown my partner and I began to drink a lot more. We then pretty much got into the habit of drinking most evenings, sometimes wine but usually spirits.

A month or two ago I decided I needed to cut back. I tried cbd drinks which actually helped me and I didn't feel like I needed that evening drink.

Waking in the morning feeling rough then having to do a days work became the norm. A few weeks back I had a huge anxiety attack and literally couldn't make my way to work. Since then I have only had a drink one night a week and not on a work night.

I already feel better for it and I've lost a few pounds which is helping. DH is still drinking though which annoys me as he has his own health issues, listening to his excuses now as to why he needs a drink on an evening sounds ridiculous to me. He's sat here now with a Vodka - a few weeks ago I would have thought "sod it" and joined him. I know tomorrow he's going to struggle to get up for work and be complaining bout how crap he feels.

I'm on antibiotics at the moment and in the past I'd have been gutted because it would have meant laying off the booze, now I can't say I'm that bothered. In fact I haven't even had any cbd drinks for a few weeks! They definitely helped me break the cycle as after having one I felt that relaxed I'd go to bed and have a lovely nights sleep, it felt just as though I'd had a nice glass of wine.

@flucloxacillin I'm intrigued how CBD drinks might work but I don't want to replace one addiction with another.

I have ADHD so my relationship with alcohol and dopamine is not particularly healthy.

I was worried that I'd replace one addiction with another but honestly I don't need a cbd drink.

They just relax you without the 'drunk' feeling. They've also helped my anxiety.

These are the ones I've tried so far

drink-trip.com

littlerick.co.uk/a/s/products/little-rick-mix-six

The Trip drinks are available in supermarkets.

@threeandmeandthedog hello.

I am up with the DD watching Glastonbury. Not possible before the AF.

@flucloxacillin welcome, we are an AF thread as we have posters who would be triggered by talk of specific alcohol consumption. Some have been in rehab and others on their final AF journey, are you OK with that? We don't judge at all but don't encourage moderation purely because of the above. Talk of just a few sherbets might not help.
Female alcoholism is hard to admit and some don't see theirself as that. I do because it helps me know my weakness. I would be in the gutter without my supportive lads.
It's getting a bit late for me my lovelies. See you tomorrow x

Thanks for the warm welcome. I managed the evening AF but it annoys me that I think about the fact that I’m not drinking. What usually ends up happening when I have a AF evening is that I ‘reward’ myself the next day by drinking more.

However, I think I’ll manage to withstand the pull.

I also have ADHD and need to avoid replacing alcohol with another substance. So I’ll stay away from CBD drinks!

I have (self-diagnosed) ADD too - the links with alcohol are clear 🥳. I like CBD drinks (I drink kombucha with CBD), but the dose is so small and not psychoactive anyway - they don’t have any impact and I doubt there’s a cat in Hell’s chance that they’ll be addictive.

Morning all.
Congratulations on your 200 days @Itsrainingten 👏👏👏

Good morning shipmates.
Well done @Itsrainingten
🏆
I'm another one who can't do cbd. Because of the meds and my addictive personality. I'm currently buying linen dresses all over the place!

Morning all! The jury is out for me and cbd drinks so far.

I like them and have them most nights. I don't feel any different but now I would feel funny if i ran out. But then I was the same about hit chocolate previously.

Arh that creature of habit I am! With the talk of neurodiversity here I wonder if that is something going on for me. I need a routine and consistency and not great with change!

Morning @Womanshour .
I am the same. Structure and black and white rules.
My wider family has plenty of ND members. My niece has just been diagnosed at 34.

When I stepped out of the beauty industry for a couple of years I specialised in ND training and development. I worked for a hospice charity. Sadly a bit wild West for me regarding valuable stock so I left. Rules again and I get arsey when people break them.
When I developed the fibromaylgia last year they gave me pills to sleep. I was completely Woodstock! I'll stick to the nytol.

Sorting of recycle today.

I have a feeling that our alcohol replacements need to feel a little bit “naughty”, as though there’s some “alternative rebellion” vibe going on. It’s coffee and ice cream for me. There are worse things I could do, to quote Rizzo.

Ahoy!

I have self diagnosed ADHD (inattentive type too) . DS is formally diagnosed and he definitely has problems with moderation (sweets, video games etc) just like him mum.

DD has as absolutely no issues with this and I actually find it really difficult to understand how she manages. She has a huge stash of sweets in her room (some still left from Halloween!)

Anyway I know that there is a link between Alcohol and ADHD but haven't really read any formal stuff. Do you have any links/references @ShyMaryEllen ?

I have started There Is no Wall by Alison Bailey I think it was @threeandmeandthedog who recommended it on the last thread (apologies if I have misattributed).

Day 30 AF today!! A whole month (I am almost tearful with joy 🙂. I have done more than 30 days before - pre marathons etc but this time is so different. It is different because I am different and it is a lifestyle change, and because I have admitted, finally, to myself that I have a problem)

Anyway, have a fantastic day ladies.

Hello everyone, and thank you @WendyWagon for the new thread.

I posted quite a bit on Drybird's first thread, and am now over 1700 days alcohol free (my four year soberversary was last October).

To anyone struggling in the early days, I had several attempts at moderating and stopping drinking, but after one particularly hellish hangover, I managed to do 30 days alcohol free and never looked back.

I didn't drink a lot, but I drank a lot of the time. Mainly to de-stress, partly to fit in socially and feel 'grown up', and sometimes because I felt that I'd earned it at the end of a long day. All stupid reasons, that make no sense looking back.

My main fear in the very early days was that I physically wouldn't be able to stop, especially when several family members had died from alcohol-related issues.

I was also worried that being the sober one in the group would be difficult. But the feeling of smugness (knowing that I wouldn't be making a fool of myself, be fit to drive home afterwards, and enjoy a good night's sleep and be totally energised the next day) overrode any lingering doubts.

And I did replace alcohol with sugar (mainly cake), but have since dealt with that. Having given up alcohol spurred me on to be more healthy in general, and I have lost 2 stones in weight and recently taken up running.

I can't believe how many positive changes being sober brings. The mental clarity, general positivity, feeling fit and healthy for the first time in a long time, all starting with not having the first drink.

It's not even something I think about these days. I have alcohol in the house, I don't avoid the pub and other social settings, I merely tell people that I don't drink if they ask.

These threads were such a help to me in the early days, I urge everyone to use the support on here, not drinking is truly the best feeling.

Hello!

I'm nearly 3 years alcohol free apart from half a beer and sip of cider, I regret both!

I used to drink a lot as a teenager and young adult and then would carry on having the occasional drink.

I just think alcohol causes more problems than good, and I see the way people fall down a slippery slope and it starts impacting their relationships and health and just don't like it.

Luckily my husband doesn't drink so I don't feel left out there or also upset with his drinking as I wouldn't like it if he did.

People react really funnily when I say I don't drink.. "you mean you don't drink at all???" Type of reactions which shows how big it is in our society and how abnormal it is to be sober!

Good luck everyone ❤️

I didn't drink a lot, but I drank a lot of the time. Mainly to de-stress, partly to fit in socially and feel 'grown up', and sometimes because I felt that I'd earned it at the end of a long day. All stupid reasons, that make no sense looking back

I was exactly the same as this. My automatic knee-jerk to stress was wine, boredom= wine, anger= wine, sadness= wine, anxiety= wine etc

Until I realised I was just numbing every feeling I had with wine.

It's been 2 years for me and I feel incredible. My sleep is amazing now, prior to that I'd be waking at 3am feeling like garbage, and in the mornings never felt refreshed just a repetitive low level of varying degrees of shit. My skin is clear and I've lost weight. Most importantly, my anxiety levels have reduced dramatically.

One thing that helped me was "playing the tape forward". Eg I'd fantasise about a cold glass of wine and how lovely it would be but my fantasy would always stop there. Forcing myself to play the entire tape of one leading to two, leading to three then waking up at 3am feeling rubbish and terrible in the morning really help burst the bubble of wine being this lovely fantasy in my head. It's not. `the reality is it was never like that and it never will be.

If you are doubting the effectiveness of giving it up- I urge you to just try it for a period of time, I think you'll be surprised how lovely it feels x

Congratulations on your 30 days @EastCoastDamsel . Amazing work! 🎉

It was me that recommended There is No Wall - I hope you find it helpful.

Morning all… I found the new thread!
Yesterday was day 60 for me, which feels significant. I was another consistent, (but not daily) wine drinker. Once I’d opened a bottle that was it. Plus a gin, and I’d probably open another. I’ve had a lovely start to the working week, sipping coffee in my back garden and admiring the flowers I’ve planted, (now summer finally seems to have a least started a bit). Three months ago I’d have been feeling tired and strong out after a weekend of drinking too much as a form of relaxation. It’s madness.
Jist want to reiterate @WendyWagon ‘s suggestion of having lots of lovely fruit in for people in the early stages. I have gone from someone who rarely ate much fruit, to having some most evenings. I’ve been splurging on strawberries and mangos recently. Much cheaper than Chardonnay and much better for me.
Wishing everyone a great week.

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife (I am loving it so far!)

I have been gorging on cherries (my absolute favourite fruit and such a seasonal one). Delicious @SeasideRock 😋😋😋

@EastCoastDamsel Cherries! I’d forgotten how much I love them… thank you for the reminder. Will definitely bet my hands on some this week 😋

Apologies if I have offended anyone. I am trying my best to become AF - in fact it's been a week for me so far so maybe now Is the time to see if I can continue.

I come from a family of addicts of all flavours. I am surrounded by failed hobbies and enthusiasms (the plants - omg….) I have ADHD and become hyperfixated on things like certain foods. Eat the same thing over and over again for weeks until I never want to see it again - until I do. Then the cycle starts again. I have a connective tissue disorder and because I’m super lucky, I survived sepsis in February. (No idea of the cause… it hit me like a train.) It left me with severe heart failure. I’m on a waiting list for surgery. People like me don’t need alcohol in their lives.

It’s definitely worth giving it a go @flucloxacillin - it really is freeing. All that mental battle with ever more complicated rules and loopholes that “moderation” brings - gone. It’s not easy, but it is absolutely worth it.