New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

Hang in there @livingalivelife - those low mood days are hard going.

Minor achievement, minor fail yesterday.

The achievement was out for a celebratory lunch with my best friend where I bought her cocktail but was perfectly happy to stick to a soft drink for me. The fail was accepting the taster of chocolate rum at the event we went on to after lunch. It about a teaspoon in a tiny paper cup and I just didn't think about it because I wasn't having A Drink, iyswim. Until I tried it, then "Oh shit, booze!"

I bought a bottle for her birthday present and turned down the offer of a 'proper' drink following that. Still, a reminder that it's not just when in a pub or restaurant that I need to be paying attention.

DH is teasing me about my addiction to Guinness Zero, but as that's a hell of a lot healthier than two bottles of wine a night I'm not worrying.

@livingalivelife it can make such a difference knowing that it’s ok to sit in difficult feelings as they do pass, and at least you can process them this way, rather than dulling them with booze. Hope you can find some support networks close to home that work for you. Hope things ease up for you.

life is pretty stressful here at the moment. My middle DC has a reoccurrence of a condition he lives with which will mean horrible treatment and it just feels shit. He is 15 and living his best life and I so want to take all this away for him, and I can’t. But I am grateful I can be there for him and be present and do a much better job of providing support as a sober mum than a boozy one.

I did have a drink last week. It was planned. As it was just such a horrible week. 3 glasses of wine. Did not enjoy it. Very mindful of how one glass led to another. Has made me resolute that this is for good. So glad I did it. It served as an important reminder. It didn’t relieve my stress or help. It tasted rank even with a £££ price tag. And it gave me the urge to smoke- which I haven’t done for 6 months.

I am not resetting my soberometer to zero- have had 4 or 5 occasions where I have drunk, but am nearly at a year since I decided to do 100 days and I am giving myself all the days I have not drunk and not counting the times I have, because it feels like a massive achievement to me and the whole experience has taught me so much. Life is still just as hard sober, but it’s much better, and nothing beats waking up without a hangover.

Thankyou so much @REP22 @HappyAsAGrig and @hkz - your kind words have really cheered me up! Go easy on yourself @REP22 over the Malteasers - much much much better than the demon drink. One thing at a time.

Well done on the lunch @HappyAsAGrig - i wouldn't count the choc rum as a fail - it was a simple mistake.

I'm sorry to hear about your son @hkz - very tough as a mum to see our children suffer, and amazing that you can be present for him.

Hello everyone!!! It’s Bunnies here 🐰🐰🐰 So good to see some familiar names on here - I hope you’re well! And so many new names too - That’s always great to see😊

I haven’t posted for such a long time (I don’t really Mumsnet anymore to try and get a hold of my social media addiction😅) but I wanted to hop on the thread to say that as of last week I am four years sober!!! That sounds crazy when I write it down. There was a time when four DAYS without booze seemed like hard work.

I am still absolutely loving sober life. As time goes by I think about alcohol less and less, and I rarely rarely ever miss it. I have grown so much over the last four years and have become so much calmer, happier and healthier. I’m definitely not perfect in all areas of my life but not drinking has improved every single area of my life❤️

I wouldn’t still be sober (or probably wouldn’t have even become it!) if it wasn’t for this thread. It’s truly one of the best things about the internet in my mind. So thanks so much to you all❤️❤️❤️ and good luck on your own journeys!

Bunnies!! 👋👋👋 @BunniesBunniesBunnies How lovely to see you. Many congratulations on 4 years - an awesome achievement!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies that's very inspirational especially to someone on day 14 with a friday night wine crave. thanks for taking the time to post.

welcome @Starlia i not much further along from where you are but a sober start is a good start and i know what you mean about this being our time to really do it.

@livingalivelife sorry you've been feeling low. life can be tough and get on top of us but you are helping people so much just being on this thread as a role model.

sometimes it's just about putting one foot in front of the other and not going backwards.

sending friday night strength to all.

Wow @BunniesBunniesBunnies that is amazing! Well done to you. As @ponzusoup said it’s encouraging to hear things like this for those of us who are (lots!) earlier on in our journeys.

I’m off to a very special big event tonight for a friends birthday - everyone will be drinking and usually I’d be joining in so it’ll be a challenge this evening but I’m reminding myself of all of the positives of staying sober

Hello @BunniesBunniesBunnies lovely to see you! 🙂So glad to read your update and that you're hopping happily. Four years is brilliant; very many congratulations. I often think about a post with a link to Sober Mummy's Blog (Clare Pooley) that you made early on and reposted a few times. This one: Mummy was a Secret Drinker: The Obstacle Course - it has been very helpful and much appreciated. I doubt I'd have found it if it wasn't for you. xx

@Dazzledrop good luck but more than that get your strategy sorted! i find just making a decision that i'm not drinking today really helps to get any doubt out of the way. and the for accountability, telling someone!

@REP22 glad you found that helpful, I did too! I might re-read it. I still like to stay vigilant. Thanks all for the congrats everyone! Have a lovely sober weekend

Hello @BunniesBunniesBunnies

second sober friday done

Well done @ponzusoup - I’m back in bed after a successful sober night out (which was just as much fun!)

back atcha @Dazzledrop well done you!!! and just think how good you will feel in the morning .... 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Thank you for the warm welcomes.
@BunniesBunniesBunnies your post came at such a good time. I feel like I’m facing a mountain and asking myself how on earth I am going to do this. But I also desperately want to feel healthy, sleep well and take care of myself. Now is the time. So I’m really excited to hear that your life has improved so much. Thank you.
I will access all the resources everyone has provided, thank you.

@REP22 hope DDog is recovering from the injection and coming down from his meds ok.

you've made the decision @Starlia i think that's almost the hardest bit - deciding to change.

Thank you. You’re so right. It’s taken a couple of years to face up to it and accept that it needs to happen. So I’m there now. What is super helpful is that my DH is doing the same so I feel like now is the right time.

Good morning all,
It is sunny here and I am off to my woodwind group. I'm tired - didn't sleep well - and have people coming over tonight. I think I'm overreaching myself with socialising at the moment and putting myself at risk too much of wanting to drink. I cancelled seeing another friend, who I've traditionally had drinks with, next week, and that feels like good self-care. tonight won't be easy.

Very well done @ponzusoup and @Dazzledrop on your sober Friday nights and I hope that you are loving the sober saturday morning feeling!

How was your Friday @Starlia ? I'm so glad your DH is supporting you. Mine isn't able to, and it definitely makes it harder.

I've been getting into Laura McKowan @Onewildandpreciouslife and I'm loving her writing. I'm reading back her old blog posts. Many helpful insights especially for those of us who've had many attempts at sobriety: where I am is where I am now - I may have been day 100 in the past but that's not where I am and there's no point pretending I am and wanting to be there. And that there is no third door - I'm not someone who can find a way to drink - there's either drinking, which I've pretty comprehensively proved myself is bad in multiple ways for me - or not drinking, which has the potential to be a whole lot better but is very painful and difficult in the short term.

Also - accepting that I'm not OK. I am sad. I am lonely. I am tired. That's how it is. But that doesn't mean having a drink is the answer and who knows? As i stick with sobriety, maybe those feelings will get better in time.

And hello @BunniesBunniesBunnies I agree with everyone who has said thankyou for coming back and sharing your 4 years. It's really great to hear how positive you are about it. It helps, when sometiems not drinking feelings like deprivation I was on the thread when you got going and it pains me that I'm back at day 50 when I could be where you are but it also gives me alot of hope.

@livingalivelife I'm sorry you're feeling low. I was also feeling very low a few months ago but I've made some changes and I'm feeling much better. Maybe some of these could help you too
I've started taking high dose but d, started HRT and added activities that are just for ME. I was used to only doing stuff for other people, DH, the kids, my parents but now I'm spending an hour most days for myself
Do you think maybe any of that could help.you?

Good morning lovelies.
I've slept a bit later and that has lifted my mood. I have my cockapoo snoring on my lap.
My lovely late dad use to have a rule, one day's moaning only. His mother died when he was eight and he had a pretty grim time of it.
If we came home angry or sad he would listen but the next day was a new day. He use to say get up, get out, get going.
I thought I was for the high jump yesterday (I could still be), I couldn't eat. But you know we can't change people only how we react. The same with booze really. Wine wouldn't have helped.
After 10 days it is mostly out of our system. If you have reached that far, well done you.
I have a lot of friends but my family are difficult. My sister and I don't speak. She was a nasty bully in my childhood and she hasn't changed much. I have heard her say sorry once in my adult life. I do find life lonely without my parents. Family is family to me. However I think of my old dad and I pull myself together.
We have a lovely sunny day here. I might get in the garden for a spot of prunning. Good luck to all entertaining tonight.

your dad sounded like a legend @WendyWagon

i have old friends for dinner at mine. never hosted a dinner without drinking lashings of booze before!

Day 50 is great going though. Nearly six weeks!

I got one and a half hours' sleep last night😩. My course ended and we went out for dinner after the last day, so it was latish when I got home. I was very tired so I went straight to bed, expecting to go straight to sleep, but not a bit of it. I was awake all night, and my watch informed me this morning that I'd had 90 minutes of sleep. I'm slobbing about today, but am determined not to nap, so I should sleep tonight.

I've got friends round on Thursday, and have just ordered food for that, including wine. It made me think about how the advertising industry makes us view alcohol - all the descriptions of crisp, light gooseberries and rich plummy undertones. It's a massive con, isn't it?

@ShyMaryEllen yup. lashings of anxiety and top notes of liver disease more like