New April continuing thread for living an alcohol free life - all welcome

[livingalivelife]

Hello! This is the continuation of a thread started originally by drybird, and subsequently continued by many fabulous and now sober mumsnetters. It's provides huge amounts of non-judgmental support, cameraderie and good humour to anyone venturing on an alcohol free life.

I've been on the thread several times, lapsed and been welcomed back, which I have hugely appreciated. This time I am determined to stay AF and I'm now on day 44. There is so much experience here on offer - how to get through that first sober Friday night, family party, night out, festive celebration, work do etc etc. And also loads of info on great resources to help in the AF journey - podcasts, books, websites, different kinds of support groups and counselling, or going it alone - the emphasis is on whatever works for you.

This is a thread for those who are living alcohol free, and if you're looking to cut down (lucky you if you're one of those people can have one glass of wine and not think - what's the point of that?), there are other great threads elsewhere in the alcohol topic for moderate drinking.

Looking forward to more clearheaded, shamefree mornings and sober adventures ahead ...

and you poor thing @ShyMaryEllen getting so little sleep. really hope you get some tonight.

well who knew? a whole dinner hosted with no booze and i had fun. guests drank a bottle of wine each and was quite interesting to watch them getting louder/ slurring words ... had 3 waters and 2 teas 💪🏻 quite proud of myself.

hope everyone else doing ok. onwards to day 16.

Congratulations! That’s a brilliant achievement, you should be very proud of yourself. And you will wake up in the morning feeling much better than they will!

@ponzusoup that is amazing 👏👏 And this morning is the best bit!

Yay! That's such a milestone😀

Now you know you can get through a social event sober in the company of drinkers you can do anything. And you had fun, too. You've really got this.

Good morning and well done to @ponzusoup

The washing up gets done quicker if you are sober after a party! 😄

Morning lads,
Up and off shortly to the hospital for my second procedure. Then we wait.

@WendyWagon good luck at the hospital hope it goes ok.

day 17 here.

Good luck today @WendyWagon

@ShyMaryEllen your words about alcohol and marketing made me wonder if we'll ever see the same stark packaging and labelling restrictions on booze that we do on cigarettes. Rather than a tiny bit of small print.

Hello and welcome to all the new posters here. The thing that really helped me in the early days was focusing on staying alcohol-free in any particular moment, rather than worrying about whether I could do it long-term or regretting not starting earlier. Somehow all those moments joined hands and the days are nicely stacking into years now. Albeit with the odd learning point (eg gluten free beer is not AF even if in the AF section, brandy in Christmas desserts now tastes foul etc).
I went to a restaurant in Bath at the weekend, they had no AF beers. Not one. So I drank table water. Then yesterday I played at a tiny small town pub that had bottled AF ale and Guinness 0. Much better!
@BunniesBunniesBunnies congratulations! And thank you from the bottom of my heart (and liver) for all your support on here over the last few years.

@ponzusoup top stuff on the dinner party, I know how challenging that can be. I am often an interested onlooker now into the drinking behaviour of others, sometimes amused, sometimes saddened. The latter for me yesterday, to an extent - there was a party at my mum's neighbours' house that went on for most of the day and into the night. The quantities that they were putting back would have meant that none of them would've been capable of driving under the limit this morning (bit of trivia: 1 bottle of 13% wine, last drink at midnight = not under the drink/drive limit until at least 11am next day) Two of them gave me a wave as they set off for work this morning while I was walking the dog first thing. 🙁

I agree with @Blackberryblossom about treating sobriety in the moment, at least to begin with. "I won't drink, just for tonight." can very helpful in the early stages. When I did SMART recovery there were people who were having to tell themselves "I won't drink, just for an hour". I found it helpful to start small, celebrate little victories, and forge ahead that way.

@WendyWagon - good luck with the hospital, hope all goes well. I was back for one of my follow-up appointments today, hopefully the last one. They don't think I need any more antibiotics, hurrah!

Apparently one of the causes of my problem was a bacteria called Finegoldia-something. I looked it up. It's named after a US microbiologist called Finegold. Lucky, lucky man. Most people get a nice memorial plaque on a bench in a park to remember them by; his name is immortalised forever in the name of a disease of the tits. Brilliant.

Strength and love to all. xx

Back home from the hospital and doing well. The nurse said I can go to breakfast tomorrow, hoorah. I need sustanance.

I can't get my hair done for a bit as the niece has covid, curses.
Good results on here lads, well done.

Hi @livingalivelife congratulations on your 50 days. I'm sorry you've not been feeling great. I have also done longer stints of sobriety and also feel sad is some ways to be 'starting again'. I do really feel each time I fall I learn something new.. not that I plan to this time.... (but I didn't before either!)

I have been feeling low too. We are at similar points do you think it's something about this stage in sobriety? We've lost the initial desperation to be sober but haven't found our new ways of living yet either?

I hope you are finding ways to be kind to yourself. Who is it who says care for yourself like a toddler? I def think there's something in that. One thing I am finding again is my love of music and as someone said in the last thread is it early to mid teen music and I'm loving it. X

That's great news @WendyWagon !

@REP22 I am laughing at Finegoldia and wondering if there was ever a Mr Mastitis too. I'm glad you're on the mend. Hope ddog is OK after his vet meds.

Morning all

Thanks @Womanshour - yep lots of music for me too - listening, but picking up the oboe has been amazing for me. it's an incentive not to drink becuase slightly pissed music practice is no fun and not productive.

I'm glad your second procedure went well@WendyWagon and i hope you're getting your breakfast today. I hear you about not too much whinging, i really do, but for me, learning to whinge ie say: i'm sad, i'm lonely, i'm tired - has been quite the task and it's been important for me to say it, and not to get rid of the feeling before i even knew i had it. i didn't even know how to acknowledge i had those feelings til recently (am doing some quite intensive therapy). but looking forward to getting more healthy non-alcohol strategies in place to help myself when i feel down too.

well done @ponzusoup on your first sober dinner! i had one too on saturday, and it was hard, i won't lie. it's that first bit, where everyone is having a class of fizz. that has often been my nemesis. i loved champagne and i'm in mourning. after that, no problem - and you get to watch your guests get tipsy. the morning is fabulous too isn't it?

had an interesting one last night. i went to a gathering that was going to be alcohol free, so i was relaxed and had my guard down. then one personhadn't got the message, and turned up with a bottle of wine, and some others decided to drink too. i was ok, it wasn't too bad. it is a bit exhausting always having to be so careful at the moment, but it will pass in time i guess.

@Onewildandpreciouslife I am LOVING Laura McKowen and I heartily recommend her book to everyone! i love her energy, and that like me she had many failures before she hit her sober stride. many really helpful ideas: pushing off from where you are; there is no third door; thinking about my non-negotiables; i am not OK. i thought i'd been roudn the houses on quit lit and it's great to find somethign new and helpful.

Have a great day all.

@Starlia hope your first few days are going well.

I’m so glad you’re finding it helpful @livingalivelife . I didn’t enjoy it much at the time because some of it was so grim! But it does have some great stuff in it. Just found this highlight, which could answer 90% of the alcohol support threads

Thanks for checking in and hi everybody. About to hit Day 5 AF, but it’s been made a bit easier by being sick.
I’m pretty sure that I have severe GORD/GERD. I’m seeing the GP tomorrow but it’s sobering reading. The thought of further scorching my insides is really putting me right off alcohol!

Day 800 for me.

Cannot believe how time has flown by and how much more simple life is without the distraction of wine.

Things aren't perfect - in fact they are from it - but I am proud I can cope with my demands without vast amounts of wine I was consuming!

Morning everyone - catching up after a few days away trying to psyche myself up for going back to the office after a long period of poor mental health - a situation that would have needed copious amounts of wine to deal with a few months ago.

@REP22 my username isn't a dr who reference - it's a Futurama one, but in the same sci-fi ballpark! Also, your ddog is gorgeous! How do you refuse that face anything?!

Well done on hosting without drinking @ponzusoup! Something to feel really proud of. I've yet to host my main drinking friend and partner in crime. I'm definitely worried it won't be as much fun as usual.

Your description of your Dad is really touching @WendyWagon. It sounds like he had a fantastic attitude to life (the kind I wish I had too).

Sorry about your DC's condition @hkz. The idea of being better for your DC by not being 'boozy mum' really resonates with me too.

@livingalivelife @Womanshour and everyone else feeling low at the moment - sending you virtual strength.

Onwards with day 181 for me.

@Crunchymum - congratulations on day 800! Wow 🤩

That sounds tough @Leelaseye and huge kudos for getting back to work and coping with mental illness health without alcohol.

800 days @Crunchymum !!!I love these longtime sobriety posts - thankyou very much.

Hello late to the party as always. Thanks for the new thread. Well done on day 800 crunchy. Oddly was in my diary looking at a future date and saw a note for 1000 days sober. Must be about 200 days away. Who would have thought it eh.

That’s fantastic news @Crunchymum - a very satisfying number! Congratulations 🥳

I am wiped out after a full but very satisfying day, so will just say a quick Hello 👋 to all the new posters. I hope you’re ok @Starlia and that the GP is helpful tomorrow.

Morning all.

Well done @Crunchymum

Thinking about the fifty day challenge and it wasn't a marker for me. At 100 days I declared myself cured. Until I wasn't. I came back on this thread to confess my sins. I couldn't do the grim mornings for a start. Sleep is also worth so much more.

Off to a memorial service this afternoon. No booze will be served. That's a good thing because bereavement is a trigger for me.
I had a great day yesterday, a breakfast then tea with a friend. I managed to get the DD a doctor's appointment too by hobbling into the surgery. Hoorah.