On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Can't believe the last thread has already filled up!

Thank you to all of you for the incredible support shown in the last thread especially @amdone123.

Everyone is welcome! This is a safe, non judgmental space.

Sorry about my inability to tag everyone but if others can that would be great!

@Nowstrong welcome home ! I sleep so much better too and also wonder why I torture myself knowing the outcome.
I'm awake early, 3.30am but because I'm not hungover, I feel fine. I've got a busy day but it seems when I don't drink, I can tackle most things. Hungover = not so much.
You sound really positive, and yes, to the fasting. I fast naturally ( my tea yesterday was at 2pm. I don't snack and won't eat now til 10am today). I don't normally do this long. Normally tea is 5pm ish then break fast 10.30am ish, so 16:8.
The only reason I don't lose weight is because I cock it up by drinking. What else ?

Morning all.
Friday is danger night for me so I shall be in bed by 8pm.

Morning !
@WendyWagon it can be for me - I suppose any day can really.
I went through a phase of taking just my keys and phone to work, leaving my purse at home. I might do that today.

I have a metabolic disorder. I’m obese and my liver function has been “off” for years. I’ve started randomly having drinks midweek in spite of knowing my liver is struggling. My husband never drinks during the week and not much at the weekend so it is obvious I’m looking for drink much more than him. The thoughts of giving up entirely fills me with dread which I realise is a problem in and of itself. I use alcohol as a reward for the good times, for relief from stress, to celebrate weekends and the lead into weekends. I want to cut back at the very least and then see what happens next.

@Amdone123

It was like the nicest shandy you could ever had I bought 4. Drank three.

I had a gastric sleeve a nearly 3 years ago so carbonated drinks I have to drink slower. Wine slips down far too easy.

Yeah Friday nights are a trigger here too, especially when it's my kid free weekend

I doing a dry september. I like to do two dry months a year normally I the spring and autumn to give myself a reset when I start to feel the alcohol creeping in. I kid myself that I am setting rules, only drinking outside the house, or just on a weekend, oh, and a Thursday. And maybe a glass of wine on a Monday if there's half a bottle left over from the weekend.

The reset is helpful as I can reestablish new patterns afterwards and also reduces my tolerance massively so that one glass of wine or one pint does the trick. I consider that one day I may need to stop altogether, and I do feel really well when not drinking. It is more helpful for me to say I'm AF than to have the constant friction of negotiating with myself around what level of drinking is acceptable.

Well done to everyone who's giving moderation or abstention a go. It's a good way to learn about yourself and your relationship with alcohol. At the end of the day, the only thing controlling you should be you. And your cat, obviously

So today is my day 4 and my GP visit is this morning - I cannot tell you how helful this woman is she is amazing - so will talk to her this morning. I doubt my blood test results are in but I am not worried because I know what I may be looking at. I am tapering down to two tablets from today for 3 days and then next week 1 for 3 days. I really enjoyed that nosecco drink last night so might buy a few bottles for the house. It is like the placebo effect I guess. The first sip was not great but after that it was fine and it was ice cold and in a proper glass which always helps. Funny thing is I never drink actual prosecco!

Morning all. Back to day 1 AF. I enjoyed my break but didn't, at the same time. I enjoy going "home" from time to time. Oh well.
So I'm now rebuilding my little habits. Back to AF days and sport, but that will start on Monday, as I have a busy weekend. Need to unpack and do my washing, shopping , catch up here, bank, see family (excuses, excuses).
@Amdone123 I already often do 16-8 quite naturally, it becomes a habit. I would now like to progress to 24 hour fasts at least 2-3 times a week. I just have to make sure that I'm on my own to be able to do that. I live alone, but very rarely am. Shouldn't complain.

I am looking forward to better sleep. It's ridiculous, I know that I sleep poorly when I've had a few. Why do I do it? I love my sleep.
So my plan of action is to get back to healthy non carb, AF life style, go shopping with just a few euros in my pocket, that way not too much food to eat in the place and definitively NO wine. The WW can F off on holiday for a while.
Sorry to everyone that I've missed and new comers, will read through this shiny new thread properly this afternoon and report back tomorrow, after a better night's sleep.
Love yourselves and be kind to yourselves. I've learnt that beating myself up morally doesn't really help very much. One day at a time. Have a good day. Take care.

@Alleycatz hi there ! Do you have a plan for this weekend, or for the week? The thought of giving up forever used to fill me with dread. It doesn't now - I'd love to be af. Much prefer it to moderating.
Does anyone want to join me on a 10 day af stint. It's my day 2 really but I think I'm better when I'm accountable.

Hello @Alleycatz and @Wazzzzzuuuuuuup . I am trying to moderate and I can totally manage at home but when I go out I just can’t seem to find the off switch and that’s the worse because it’s in front of other people! Currently I’ve had a week of not going out and im moderating at home with some AF days and some days with 1 or 2 glasses of wine. Next week is a test because I have several nights out but with people I don’t know that well so going OTT will be so embarrassing! It’s a good test for me.

@Needtokickthehabit well done so far! Your GP sounds amazing. Is there a plan in place for some psychological work around relapse prevention and why you drink once the detox is done?

@Amdone123 I think I will join you in your 10 days AF. My cousin who is a recovered alcoholic is coming next weekend so sadly it was on my mind that alcohol is already out of the question then so I think it would be much better if I was focussing on being AF because of me focusing on my own health if that makes sense.

My plan for this weekend well DH and I are heading out on Saturday and I was going to suggest dinner but I think we could do the cinema instead.

I think 10 days is a nice bite sized amount to start off with. In my years of drinking alcohol I have only consciously done one month AF ever other than pregnancy. I would like to completely break the habit of drinking at home without an event or some reason. It is a very bad habit for me.

@Alleycatz that's great, thanks. Is it day 1 for you then today?
10 days is a good chunk of time, yes. It's actually 11 days til I go on holiday but I prefer even numbers 🤣. It's good that the alcohol will be off the table, literally and hyperthetically, when your relative visits. You can stock up on af drinks and snacks.
Drinking at home is where the problem started for me. I rarely go out because I have like @Bigbus described, no off switch - but this can make me feel a bit like a hermit.

@Bigbus I was with her today, she thinks I am doing great especially under the circumstances. Shes on holiday next week but said I can call in at any time and any of the other doctors can read my file if I need help but I think I will be ok. She said if I feel like ok its friday/sat and I have a drink not to beat myself up but to go back to 3 tablets a day the next day (she gave me more in the first prescription for this) and she will see me as soon as she is back on the 18th. I have the number of a local addiction place and she has advised me to call so I might do that next week as not really feeling I want to talk about it this week with anyone. I came away from there feeling great but she does have a great personable manner about her.

@Needtokickthehabit well done.

@Needtokickthehabit , you are doing great.
Did that trigger you when she said if you want a drink weekend, it's ok.....do you think you will ? That would give me the green light I think.

Walked home from work, lots of people outside pubs. I was thinking about something else ( no idea what) when I realised I'd walked past the shop. If I don't buy it, I'm good, because I never go back out for it.
Honestly though, it's too hot. The thought of not being able to sleep in this is bad enough, never mind with wine coming out me pores.
Day 2 of 10 ✅

Hello, I’d like to join. I’m on day 5 and this is my first sober Friday since Jan 2021 when I did Dry January. I’ve told friends I’m doing Sober September just now.

Ideally I’d love to be able to just drink on special occasions but I’m not sure if that’s a pipe dream. For now I am reading every sobriety memoir I can get my hands on and following lots of sobriety content creators on tiktok and Instagram. This seems like another good string to add to my bow.

Went out for lunch today and had an elderflower cooler. I’ve got peach iced tea and 0% gin in for the weekend. My goal is not to drink until we go on holiday at the end of the month, then see how I feel.

@afaloren , hi and welcome. Well done on Day 5, that's a great start.
I actually enjoy af weekends. I still struggle through the week but I do love Mondays when I've not drank and I've got loads done. Or just chilled out and slept well.
Well done also on not drinking at lunchtime - that's not easy to do, so it shows you've got willpower and you can do it. 💪
One day at a time - keep posting and we'll support and encourage you.

Morning, so AF day 2. Easy going. Really pleased to be back to my little habits. Seems so much easier when not being stressed out by someone.

Before I finally managed to leave my abusive ex, who was a very heavy drinker, I was also drinking heavily. To cope. It then became a habit. When I left, wine was very often my crutch during a very difficult and expensive divorce. He tried to take every possible cent from me that he could. I was worried at one time that I would be homeless. However, everything is now over. I'm fine. Financially and mentally. Just need to get definitively rid of the wine crutch.

At the end of the line I would like to be able to have 1 glass of wine at a dinner party, or whatever. Not start with one and continue to down as many as possible. So in the meantime I'm trying to stay AF for as long as possible at a time.
I'm also trying to take a mental note of what is making me turn to wine when I'm trying not to. Is stress the trigger? Guilt? Need?

Writing here is really helping me sort my thoughts and feelings out. It's also very cathartic. I'm also less ashamed to talk about all this here, knowing that no judgements are made, as we are all in the same boat, perhaps for different reasons, but all striving towards, more or less, the same goal. I feel less alone. I'm also learning such a lot from all of your experiences, tips, encouragements.

Have read no end of books. Sometimes think; yes, that's me. But I've never been able to actually go AF. It's like a switch has clicked somewhere. My actual light bulb moment about drinking too much has, at last, happened and I'm trying to do something about it. Very similar to when my lightbulb moment about my abusive ex happened. I then did something about it, and left. So much happier since.

Sorry to have bored you all to death. I tend to rattle on sometimes. Will perhaps get myself a little diary to write in.

Well done @afaloren, @Needtokickthehabit , @Amdone123 , @WendyWagon , @Alleycatz, @Bigbus,@Wazzzzzuuuuuuup, and everyone else, reading your posts is so encouraging. Real people, real situations, that I can relate to. Keep up the good work.

Wishing you all a good day. Stay strong.

Day 9 today of my sober September. Last night was interesting. I came home from work after a mad old week, and have had friends staying for a couple of days. My df wanted to go to the pub before dinner as it was a lovely evening. I drove everyone and we sat outside a lovely country pub. I had a Corona AF with a wedge of lime and then a lemonade and felt absolutely fine. There were 6 of us and everyone else was drinking.

After two drinks there was a bit of noise about staying longer and I said, sorry, I've been at work all day. I need to have dinner so I'll be going home. I can drive you now or come back later or you can taxi home. So everyone came back to my house and my dfs kept on with the G&Ts. I didn't miss it at all, and it felt pretty awkward seeing everyone go from tipsy and fun to drunk and boring. I don't see myself as boring when I'm drinking but I probably am!

Anyway, very pleased that I passed the beer garden test and kept my boundaries.

Well done everyone for keeping on going and good luck to those just starting out

Morning all ! Hope everyone is ok! That sounds like a great night @Wazzzzzuuuuuuup ! I ventured out yesterday for a good friends birthday last night , first night out properly since I gave up the poison 3 months ago and I had Becks blue while my friend was getting tipsy on prosecco and around 11 I said I want to go so we went and she got a massive pizza and I didn't so that's also less carbs yay! I did feel a bit boring too at one point watching others sweaty and drunk on the dance floor but I was good and I came home and slept pretty late but woke up before everyone else!
Hi to all the new comers! It's refreshing to see so many people trying in this battle and making ourselves healthier and better mentally and physically!

@Nowstrong thanks so much for writing your post. You didn't ramble - its great to get your thoughts down and you can do it here no problem.
You sound like you've been through a lot. You are indeed becoming stronger - it's interesting what you say about us all having different past experiences, different issues, but we all ( to some level) go to drinking.
You're right, we're all so similar but it's real, too. Real people, real situations.

@Wazzzzzuuuuuuup well done on Day 9 and on passing the Beer Garden Test. I don't think I'd pass that. Last night I wasn't tempted to drink but if we'd have ended up in a pub, I would have drank. You're in double figures tomorrow so keep on keeping on.

@Determineddoris I hear you regarding feeling boring. I think it's quite common when you first stop drinking. It's like you're finding a new life, or at least a new way to be. I once didn't drink on a work's night out because the Governors were with us, and a ( previously very close) friend told me she was disappointed in me. Ffs ! I didn't know I was supposed to be a performing monkey. I left early anyway - same as you, really - I wanted to go home.
But it was better than falling over a Governor !

Day 3 today and a strange feeling. I don't want to drink but because I'm really busy next week, Mon to Fri - I'm almost feeling like I should 'get it in ', my only chance. Which, on writing that, seems ridiculous.
I'm also tempted to do an online shop. That would involve wine. So, no shop - we'll eat what's in.
I know I won't drink tomorrow so just today's assault course.

You have got this @Amdone123 day 3 is excellent and you have already said you don't want to do the online shop so that seed is planted rather than the other one!!

@Determineddoris thanks lovely.
You're right, I have got this. Had I really wanted to drink, that online shop would have been done already.

Well friends I am keeping away from the shops today. I am starting my new job on Monday and I get what @Amdone123 says about getting the drink in. Even all these months later I still think I need the drink for courage. I can't go out because I might buy wine. I get scared.
I also have experience of providing the entertainment when drunk. I was the life and soul of the party, drinking games, dancing, singing. However I was killing myself. My younger late brother was dying and I was drinking myself into an early grave. I was no help to anyone when I couldn't drive in an emergency or help my daughter who had mental health issues. I was selfish and knew it.
I try to lead a good life, a kind life. I had little support as kid and I got abused as a teenager. But under pressure I find I crumble. The parties don't worry me, I don't go!
I dream of drinking normally but know I can't. My BFF counted the blips over the twenty months, total of six. For neigh on every day drinking I feel that's bloody marvellous.

@WendyWagon you are bloody marvellous. You've been a great source of help and support on this thread. You've also done really well. I love your honesty because you don't make it sound easy, and that's a great thing. Realistic.
I stay away from shops, too. Sometimes it's easy - ish, sometimes nearly impossible. Actually I struggle on Sundays - my sister and I always walk for a bit then go supermarket shopping. That's difficult. She's working tomorrow so all good.

Congratulations on the new job. You don't need courage - well, just the inner, real courage that you've already got - not the fake stuff.