On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Can't believe the last thread has already filled up!

Thank you to all of you for the incredible support shown in the last thread especially @amdone123.

Everyone is welcome! This is a safe, non judgmental space.

Sorry about my inability to tag everyone but if others can that would be great!

@Coppergate6 20 days, well done. You're doing really well. Rome wasn't built in a day! You can't do everything, but you can tackle things gradually. Best way I think.

@Nowstrong I'm loving The Call - we should use it on here. It's not to be confused with ones Calling 🤣.
You're not going bonkers, but if you are, I'm definitely joining you. I definitely hear the wine / witch talking to me. I've even spoken back to it in the supermarket 😩

@afaloren yes you did mention your holiday. I'm away Monday til Saturday for our anniversary, dh's 60th.
I normally make a plan but I'm not bothering this time. I'll try to not go mad - I'm actually past all that tbh.

Jumping in for a bit of day 4 support.

i’m a bottle a day person. I am a creature of habit. Very very driven by habits and always have been. I am allowed my first half glass at 4.30 exactly and I don’t drink after 9. It’s just a bloody habit to do it every single day and I get very grumpy watching the clock if I can’t have it. So I’m off for an AF beer in a min. I’ve discovered lucky saint. I have never tasted a beer so like the real thing - it’s 0.5% but one is enough to properly feel like the end of the working day type marker for me and it’s only 53 calories as well. Knocks socks off the other ones.

I am aiming for 4 days AF, and hopefully soon 5 days. I haven’t had 4 days AF for a year, so this week has been huge. I do need to get through tonight though and I am twitching like mad. I’ve done 3 dry Jans (would like to do that too next year). I am promising myself I will do this 4 days a week minimum till I go on holiday at the end of October.

I need to do this because I am basically being very stupid. I have a health worry, and I’m too scared to go to the GP because I know they will run blood tests and do scans and I’m ridiculously worried because of how much I’ve always drunk. I need to get this health issue sorted out, badly, and I’m putting up with pain and ill health simply through fear. If I can stick to 4 days a week AF then in a few weeks I will feel confident to go and say ‘I used to drink a lot, but I’ve cut down a lot too’. So I’ve absolutely got to stick with this.

But very twitchy tonight indeed. DH is home after working away and I have no doubt the first thing he will do is open a bottle. He can have one glass. I can’t stop at one.

did shock myself earlier though my looking up what the average U.K. consumption is - it varies but around 17 units a week. I could do that in one night frankly. And still not be hungover.

do we really believe that fact is correct? Not sure I do. But then I don’t want to validate my drinking either!

@Mykittensmittens firstly welcome on board and secondly, well done on Day 4. You're doing really well. It's great too that you can do dry January.

It is just ( ? ) a habit, you're right ; so hard to quit though. But most things worth doing are hard, really aren't they.

Yes, let's get this health issue sorted. I understand why you're putting it on the back burner - natural to do that I think, lots of us do - but imagine booking that appointment in say 4 weeks ( ?) and knowing that you've done all you can. We'll help you.

How much is 17 units ? I can drink 2 bottles, but I'm drunk then - usually take myself to bed.
My friend used to work in insurance and she said when asking people how much they drank or smoked, it was customary to double the answer.

I hope your evening goes OK. It must be hard when your other half has a drink, even if it is 1 glass, but stay focussed, eat chocolate, have a bath, go for a walk and keep that appointment at the forefront of your mind.
You have to do it now - I'm over invested ❤️

Thank you @Amdone123

17 units - 2 bottles or fractionally under 😂

honestly - over a week? If you watched a soap that involves a pub (eastenders is a good one) they are all, always in the pub having a few. Apart from a couple of sober ones who make a big deal of being sober, which is a bit sad when you think how that reinforces the image of choosing to be sober as a tricky thing.

probably overthinking at the moment which is probably understandable on day 4!

🤣🤣
When I was on a roll, I had 1 bottle a week. It was great. For the first time in my life, I was adhering to government guidelines. Before that, I said it was a load of rubbish.
I'm still aiming for that really. My aim being 2 bottles every other weekend. I'd quite like that.
I know people who drink 2 bottles a night 😩

Day 11 today :) I watched the film 28 Days, has anyone seen it? It’s Sandra Bullock playing an alcoholic who goes into rehab after ruining her sister’s wedding. Really enjoyed it.

@Amdone123 there's plenty of booze in the house but i can't have my preferred drink in the house. If there was a bottle of red I'd probably struggle to ignore it unless it was a good bottle earmarked for a special occasion. I have white, rose, various spirits and liqueurs, few random cans of Guinness, ale and ready mixed g&ts. But I drink red, and occasionally a lager from a nice tall glass on a hot day in the sunshine. None of my current cupboard is temptation to me. Nearly my 4 days done, I'll drink tomorrow and this weekend, back to AF Mon to Thurs.

What do you guys do? Do you make the whole cupboards AF or just ignore it?

THis is my day three over and out! Three pills taken, temptation overwith and my new nightly habbit of dinner, shower and pjs done. Tomorrow I cut down to two librium for Friday/Sat/Sun and then I have a docs app on Monday which is my first day of one pill per day for three days and that is safe detox done. I just need to keep my wits about me sat and sun as tomorrow I am with an ex alc who cannot be tempted!

@Hohofortherobbers we’ve got some spirits and cider and beer knocking about, none of which bother me. Don’t have white or rosé wine in the house while I’m trying to stay AF though.

@afaloren I'll try to watch it. I'm not a big film lover and they have to be really good or I get impatient but I'll have a look.
@Hohofortherobbers we have spirits in, they're my husband's. He doesn't drink much. I'd never have wine in, it would just disappear. I used to say I don't drink spirits but recently I've started on his drinks when I've ran out. Not good.
@Needtokickthehabit loving your new habit ! @Mykittensmittens hope you got through the evening OK.

Well, I struggled yesterday. I'd been so busy all day. It wasn't a reward thing, I just wanted a glass of wine. Bought 1 bottle, no cigarettes. Drank 2 glasses, then poured rest away ( bottle was £10, so literally money down the drain). I was shattered - too tired to do anything.
No regrets. I'm having a cup of tea now then back to sleep. The good thing is I won't have any urge today - it's out of my system, if that makes sense.

Thanks for asking @Amdone123
well done on the pouring - especially pouring after having 2 glasses, as for me the willpower would have been out of the door.

I managed day 4. Stupid routines firmly in place. Soft drink at 7pm. Watched a bit of TV 8-10,
decaf tea at 9pm, bed at 10, light out at 11. At times I’ve wondered if these ‘crutch’ habits are worrying too but it’s not that I can’t do them or it would stress me, more that it gives me a focus and gives the internal dialogue something to work on.

I was aiming for 3 days on, 4 off per week. Then eventually 2 on 5 off, but this week I’ve got to run DDs mate home later on Sunday eve so any wine would be curtailed till mid evening. So I’m already having an internal chat/plan about that and thinking IF I want a drink that night then MAYBE I could just have one g&t later in the eve watching something rather than opening a bottle, or maybe I could ‘just not bother’ - because one is sodding pointless and does nothing.

and that’s a point I’ve discussed many times on the dry Jan threads - ‘just one’ - what’s the actual point??? I drink to feel different. That takes two large glasses minimum. Which is about 6 units. If I stuck to the weekly recommended amount, spread over the days as they suggest, I may as well have water for all the kick it would give me.

feeling positive I’ve done 4 days though. Looking forward to my routine (ha ha) of ticking it off on my book in a min!

Morning all,
Welcome @Mykittensmittens and well done on day 4, not far ahead of you, 'cos I keep having to go back to the start (just like Monopoly).

I realised that I had a problem with drink when I started to think about how much I was drinking and how/when to stop. It still took me a while to do anything about it. 2 bottles; I could drink that in a good evening. Still felt fine in the morning. Couldn't do it now. I feel awful now after a couple of glasses. Also messes up my sleep something terrible. Night sweats, heart rate all over the place. Slowly getting the toxins out of my system and losing the habit (I'm a person of habit too). That's what I tell myself anyway.

@Hohofortherobbers wine and spirits in my place? I have plenty of both. But it doesn't really bother me. I have put notes in the WW's cupboard, as a reminder, saying that I can do this. Go without. Perhaps my first win will be when I remove the notes.

@afaloren haven't seen the film but will have a look. Thank you for the tip. Always looking for something good to watch.

@Needtokickthehabit you are doing fine! Another fan of your new routine here.

@Amdone123 sorry you had a bad day. But as you say, you've got the urge out of your system, thoroughly understand what you mean. I have also poured glasses of wine down the drain. Too much of a miser to throw away a whole bottle. I chuck it into the freezer to put into sauces and stews. Even frozen white wine still makes a mean fondue.

Still going AF strong. 8 days, heading towards double figures. On a bit of a high here. Losing some weight too, so that is encouraging as well and I think that my face has lost some puffiness. Keeps the old ego happy. Weather is dry so off for a hike.

Hope you all have a good day. Stay strong.

@Amdone123 well done that was not easy for you - least of all the money but the wine. Well done!

@Mykittensmittens I am the same. I would love to be the person to have just the one but I can't unless its just the one bottle. None is better for me.

Just starting day today. I had so much sleep last night, slept till the alarm. Normally no matter what time I go to bed I am awake at 5 or 6 convinced its peri but it turns out its alcohol and sugar. Only two tablets now today so I feel like I am getting somewhere and it is a busy day ahead. tomorrow and Sunday I will need help but today I can get through for sure.

@Needtokickthehabit you're doing great. Just concentrate on today, we don't have to think about tomorrow and Sunday. I'm the same blaming symptoms such as insomnia, anxiety, depression on the menopause - it transpires that I have none of this when I'm af. Quite the opposite in fact. @Nowstrong 8 days is brilliant. It's good that you feel awful after 2 glasses, more of an incentive to stop I think. You sound so healthy and active - you're inspiring me to get out of bed.
@Mykittensmittens that's interesting your crutch habits. I'm thinking that when I go af, I don't have a timetable to adhere to. I just stumble through the day. Maybe that's what I need. I like a timetable ( ex teacher ) and love ticking ✅ stuff off. I have a ticklist on my bedroom wall and when my son sees it he says, Off the wine again, Mama ? ( he makes me laugh more than anyone else 🤣, so he's forgiven ).
And @Mykittensmittens I could never have just 1 or 2 glasses, but gradually, with some change in habit / mindset, I often do now.

@Determineddoris I hope you're ok. ❤️

Hello everyone, can I join please.
Husband and I have always loved a drink, sharing a bottle of wine every other evening and more at weekends.
Both of our families also like a drink and social occasions always have booze of some sort involved.
Decided we both need a break from it and now on day 15, the aim is to do the month then see where we are.

The weekends have been the hardest, I love wine, the rase and also the feeling of being a bit tipsy. Adjusting more to it now and it's nice to go out in the evenings for a drive. I have started to drink mocha's though (never liked them before, is that sugar cravings?)

Anyway, well done to everyone here. It's not easy to make the steps to stop drinking. It really does creep into our every day lives now and so difficult to change the habit when booze is everywhere.

Good morning @TruthRevolution , course you can join, welcome.
Well done on Day 15, that's great.
Yes, it will be the sugar cravings, your mochas. I'm not a chocolate lover, at all, but when I'm af, I eat family sized bars. At least I used to - I've had to work on that - always something to work on ! I like hot chocolate with marshmallows, too - takes a while to drink and sometimes, the craving has gone away.
It's funny about weekends. They don't bother me, but the rest of the week does. I suppose if people work all week, it's that relaxation / reward vibe going on.
Have you noticed any benefits from being 15 days af ? I find that the benefits spur me on, and stop me sometimes, not always, from going on a session.
So true how it creeps up on you. So much fun at first. Now, not so much.

Hi all, I am trying to catch up with the thread. Every time I go to catch up and type I am unable to finish. Sorry if i have not read every single post but thank you to those asking how we are doing..it has been tough. Raging, screaming etc in the house. It has been getting slightly better but I think this will take months of unlearning behaviours of my child-its like unlearning how to drink how I used too! I am day 100. Had to check the app to confirm. I dont know how I am feeling tbh, when one thing is going right, another swiftly comes into play to go wrong if that makes sense. Constant battling of emotions and its physically and mentally draining. One thing I do know is that the drink will never help in a million years with what we are going through and this may just be the start of it, there will be more to come stress wide, emotional triggers etc. I have lost the taste for anything alcohol related like @Touty which is brilliant btw you are doing really well and strong, has your house guest arrived? How has it been? @Needtokickthehabit you are getting stronger and stronger its amazing to read actually!
@Amdone123 you are right I always used to blame everything under the sun except the booze! And what you say about rewards at the end of the week, my reward is nothing at the moment which is something I need to work on for me. I have had a sewing starter kit sat in the bedroom for weeks now and an art project but nothing motivates me to do it and by the time im exhausted an fall in bed I like to watch Netflix but thats not good either for brain and eyes but it is what it is for now! I have to stop having anxiety too and thinking negatively about things that havent happened yet -thats def a work in progress! I could benefit from counselling but for now I am concentrating on my son.
Sorry to have missed people but hope you are all ok and welcome to the newcomers, always welcome here with no judgement whatsoever x

Thanks @Amdone123 re the benefits, I have definitely been sleeping better. Usually I fall asleep no problem then wake up a few hours later and struggle get back to sleep. Have also lost a couple of pounds and can notice it on my stomach.

@Determineddoris im sorry, it sounds like you're having such a hard time 100 days though, that's amazing! ❤️

Friday night witching hour, how’s everyone doing? Day 12 for me. It’ll be two weeks on Sunday and today is two weeks until DH and I go on holiday.

I felt a bit tempted on the drive home but I knew I’d got a bottle of 0% Kylie sparkling rosé in the fridge so I’ve got a glass of that and I’ve just eaten a doughnut

@afaloren well done for resisting the temptation, that's another day under your belt.

I've just eaten an ice pole and have a large glass of lilt.

Morning, all !
Well, I didn't quite get to 10 days. I had a bottle of wine Thursday and 1 last night. This means though that I won't drink today and definitely not tomorrow as very early flight Monday.
So, in say 2 weeks, 2 bottles, which I suppose is my aim, so all good.
After my holiday I'll be in a proper routine - so that will help.
How are we all doing ?

Morning all - well done to those hitting their own targets, big or small this week.

my health anxiety kicked in big style yesterday (was in a bit of pain, but still panicking about getting help from the GP, it’s such a long story as to why). Had managed 4 days so did have probably a bottle (I need to check when I get up as it was part of an opened bottle and I opened another but don’t recall how much of that was drunk, certainly not all). But I poured the last glass away at 9pm and had a decaf tea instead.

DH knows about my anxiety and thinks I’m mad. Part of my health anxiety is due to losing a lot of people to illnesses in the last 3 years and burying my head in the sand. And part is due to my horrible GP - and that is a very long tale. Part is also because I know I drink too much and it petrifies me that one day someone will say ‘you’ve got to stop this altogether’ and it speaks volumes that I’m not in a position to hear that. That’s the crux of the fear and it’s crippling me.

for the umpteenth time I’ve made a GP appt for weds. I usually cancel them. But maybe with some support and stern words from you lot I may be able to steel myself to go. I am getting very very close now to the stage that I would be willing to do anything to unburden myself from the anxiety, whatever that takes. I’m getting teary even thinking about being free of this worry, which is worse than the pain frankly.

I’ve woken up thirsty and have been quickly reminded of the disgusting after taste in my mouth. I may well not drink today due to circumstance - out tonight and usually DH would drive as he is not a big drinker. I meanwhile would have a sneaky one (two?) getting ready to go, then orchestrate getting there early (blaming parking or whatever) so I’d have time to have another. Then interval drinks and then a nightcap when home. I may offer to drive instead. Then that’s a done deal.

Morning @Mykittensmittens sorry to hear about your health anxiety. I've never suffered from it myself, but it sounds awful. Well done for making that appointment for Wednesday. I'll be on holiday then but I'll be popping on here to see how it's gone ❤️

I once said to a friend that if I were told to stop drinking, I'd be devastated. Strange how we change. If I were told today I had to stop, I'd be happy to.

I think offering to drive is a good, but difficult, move. Once you've offered ( I don't drive so I'm surmising), I'd imagine I'd then start regretting it. Or maybe not.
How would you feel ? Would it bother you ?
The good thing about driving and obviously not drinking is no mental gymnastics.

@Amdone123 two bottles in two weeks is still a huge reduction and any reduction is good for health, and confidence because we know we can do it.
When do you go on holiday? For me holidays = booze and I wonder if I'll be able to break the association. My logical brain tells me that I don't need alcohol to have fun, and actually it's better to remember experiences properly and not have the fuzzy head the next day. I think I maybe just enjoy the feeling of being a bit tipsy, bit then keep drinking!

@Mykittensmittens driving seems like a good shout. Then you'll not have the constant 'will I won't I?' going round your head.
I also understand your health concerns having drank far too much nearly all my adult life. Sending you strength 💐
I'd love to be the person who can drink in moderation and not even have to think about all this!