The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

Good morning all. Sorry late to the bridge. I went back to sleep.
Well done @Fortheloveofgodwhy thousands saved my friend.

@stilldumdedumming whats done is done. I was sober on my birthday but not Christmas day due to my friend dying and the family hid it from me. I did however wrap presents on Christmas eve without alcohol for the first time in thirty years+
Some roads are straight, some not. I will always hold up my failures because I think that my journey may mirror what someone else is going through and help them. I would love to not to have fallen off the wagon but it is a constant battle for me. My aim is not moderation as I know that my moderation is a normal persons full weekly units+.
I strongly recommend the 'alcohol makes me really ill these days' trick. If you have a dependancy it does.
Moderation is a huge commitment. It takes loads of headspace and control. It's like dieting. If I said I was going to moderate I would be back to my old ways within the month. I have got use to telling people I am a rotten drunk. I am still laughing about the look of horror on the 'friend's' face who asked me to go on the lash. She didn't want to pay or get me home. Priceless.
If you like G and T get the tins in and put them in your bag. I don't think people notice after they have had their first drink.

Good morning all.

@stilldumdedumming. Happy birthday 💐Sorry to hear you're having rough moments. It happens to the very best of us. Just dust yourself down and keep striding forwards. It will be OK. xx

@Fortheloveofgodwhy congratulations, that's a fantastic milestone. I know it must have been hard and taken much strength and courage to get here.
When I saw the screenshot, one of my first thoughts was of The Proclaimers.... 🎼
"For I have shunned 500 drinks and I will shun 500 more,
Just to be the one who shunned 1000 drinks,
And I'll not p*ss on my front do-oo-or..."

The dog and I didn't win the pub quiz this week. One of the answers that lost it for us...? "The Macarena". 😬Bl*dy hll.

Stuck to orange juice with lemonade all night though, despite free drinks being my prize from last week. So I'll take that as a win on other ways...

Strength and love to all. x

hahha I love that Rep!

off to therapy Thursday now. So that’s 2 years of therapy. One day I might need to find out if I can stay sober without the therapy. But that day is not today

@REP22 bloody funny.

Not well this morning. Doing too much. Drove DD to university exam and back. Was team 'keep your pecker up'.
A year ago she would have hid (exam was advanced maths, she hates maths).
Daft thing is she has never failed maths but as her subject is medical based she needs maths apparently. It's over and I was mega stressed but went to bed sober. I had a Marks tin. Needed a wee but went back to sleep and dreamt I was caught pinching perfume! As I have dozens of bottles and get it for free sometimes that is bizzare.
FB bookcases arriving tonight so should get sorted before DS arrives for his long weekend stay. He has a gift day driving posh cars tomorrow. If he wasn't a boff he wound be a mechanic. I wouldn't mind driving a Aston Martin but I need a new job first!
Have a sober day shipmates.

Ahoy. Up after an unbroken sleep.
Bookcases here and need painting. I have the tin and brush.
Husband has admitted he is unwell. All sorts of tests going on. Silly sod. Recent bereavements must have made him go to the doctor.
Son home for the weekend so I no fear of the drink. The stress of the above is dangerous for me. I shall pop to the Marks for AF supplies.
Have a good day folks.

@WendyWagon ahoy captain. Glad you had a good sleep.

I'm glad that your DH is getting some tests; hopefully they will be helpful and set your minds at rest and on a path to better things. I know how hard it can be to get blokes to admit ill heath and seek help though. The saga of my dad's ingrowing toenail went on for YEARS. But I will keep everything crossed for you and yours - hope all turns out well.

Have a lovely weekend with your son.

Top weekends wished to all. Cricket for me and The Beast tomorrow.

Strength and love. xx

Hi all, feeling better finally after a horrible weekend last week. I’m just exhausted and feeling so unmotivated at work. Not sure why but I feel like I need a change.

I have booked my first counselling/therapy session on Sunday. I’m nervous. Never been before and not sure what it’ll be like. Not even sure what I want to achieve and wonder if it’s more a lift coach I need rather than a councillor. We shall see.

have a lovely weekend planned. Lots of football games to watch my children play in. Then we’re going a big long walk and will find some geocaching for the kids.

then Sunday yoga and councillor.

I actually booked yoga for last Sunday in the hope it would force me to stay sober on Saturday. I booked it Friday and by Saturday afternoon I was truly in fuck it mode

I am desperate for some time off work which I truly believe will help me mentally. The first date I can take is end of July due to a busy month. I am struggling to see it though even though it is only a month.

@Overitx all positive steps. Well done.

@Overitx well done on picking yourself up. Good luck with starting therapy.

I'm checking in. I've been sober again since Wednesday. Happier for it too. No urge to drink just yet (I'm fully aware it will return)

Just found this little gem in the world wide wonder www.click-sober.com I shall be ordering soon. Hope everyone is having a lovely sober weekend!

Morning all
No post yesterday due to a manic day.
Dog to the vet first thing (ear infection, he's OK). Son had arrived and I then spent the afternoon trying to sort out a legal matter for a friend. I usually refer but this was company law and fancinating.

It looks like the aquision of the bath and body company is back in play. It is a good option for me with my health conditions. My London friend has offered to join the team and she knows the right people to help it relaunch. September 1st is the date we hope.

@Overitx good luck today with your therapist. I find an hour of talking about what's on my mind very cleansing.

Very hot here so I went to Marks for the tins and they have changed their AF offering (and put the prices up! ). Lots of new AF cocktails and the pre mixed G and T is now in large bottles too. I bought one, I'll let you know if it's any good.
Have a good day my lovelies.

Morning all. Sounds like it’s coming together Sav even with some bits and boots required. Good news!

I’ve had a franetic week, socially! Which is unusual for me. I think I was out every night last week, today I shall be staying in. Besides a dog walk and some mum taxi fares. Still haven’t found these Marks tins. But have worked out what the Nose echo on Alexa shopping list was for !

Morning all. I’m away with friends this weekend which is lovely but the first time I’ve been away with people without DH sober. It’s brought home how quiet I am by nature! I used to use alcohol to bridge the gap between my natural state and how I think I should behave (although I suspect it just made me loud and boring). Interesting

@Onewildandpreciouslife
Weird isn't it that alcohol masks quiet or introverted people.
I am most definitely 'jazz hands' but I hate extreme noise. I can quite happily sit in silence. I think that's why I like reading.
My husband who is an introvert has to have music or the telly on. All hours, all rooms.

How’s it going @Onewildandpreciouslife ?

Are your friends being supportive? Mine can’t seem to get through a get together without discussing the fact “you’re still not drinking then?” “ Is this you now then?” “Don’t you miss it?”

What a difference a week makes I still can’t believe how different I feel today compared to last Sunday. I never ever want to go back.

thank you again to everyone for all your support. I check here every morning.

i know the craving will return but right now I’m not feeling tempted at all. Saturday night is my definite trigger. OH said he was going to drink last night and I was slightly sad as we had both agreed to have a movie night (a first ever on a Saturday). Usually we open the wine at 5-6pm and sometimes continue to 4am.

he eventually decided against the drink and we had a lovely evening. We watched the town which was a really good film with Ben affleck.

I had to address my OH quite sternly when he made suggestions in a few weeks that we will get the bus down to the pub after my break.

I had to say no this is it for me. I’m not doing it any longer. You can continue drinking and go out but I’m not. Right now I need to change my weekend habits and so sitting in a pub is not what I’ll be doing. Bowling, cinema and walks with the kids is what I’ll be doing.

he accepted it and it’s the first time I have ever admitted to him I’m done. Usually I tell him I’m taking a break but never fully commit to being sober as I know that’s our thing we do together and I don’t want him to think I’m boring or love me less. But now I absolutely need to be selfish and say no. This is not continuing.

I’m so nervous to start my therapy today. I don’t know what to say, what it will be like. I’ve been close to cancelling but I’m determined to go.

@Overitx a huge well done. I am so pleased for you.
Therapy just happens.
You discuss what you need to discuss.
I started with my drinking and went into family feuds, disappointing events, bullying etc. They don't and won't judge. You pay, you say.
The scandi nations usually have it once a week in all companies. Twenty minutes mind.

@Onewildandpreciouslife you are a super strong person. Just say I feel better sober. My life, my choice. Enjoy the weekend.

I am painting my bookcases. Thankfully in the shade

They’re being very supportive @rothbury - they’re some of my oldest friends, and know well what I’ve been through. They’re very moderate drinkers these days, so they don’t really get why I had to stop completely. But that’s ok. We had a long chat about drinking last night, which I’d rather we didn’t but it was ok - but I’m afraid when one of them asked “does DH find it difficult that you don’t drink?” I replied “I don’t give a shit”, which was a little harsh, but fair.

I found today much easier- maybe I just need to allow myself time to relax with people.

I hope the therapy goes ok @Overitx. I think it’s hugely positive you’ve told your DH you’re done

Hope your therapy went well @Overitx i go weekly and always with the not sure I have anything to say this week. But something always comes out.

been a pesky weekend with teen drama but I’ve survived. Having a zero rose. It’s ok. I don’t love it…

Thanks for checking in. Therapy was…. Okay. I didn’t know what to expect and I felt a bit awkward at times. There was a few awkward pauses and I expected him to ask me more questions but sometimes would just sit and smile at me… and I honestly felt so incredibly awkward.

he asked about my childhood and whilst I know it was quite rubbish I started crying whilst talking about a certain bit. I never cry nor think about it so it was a shock. Again I felt a bit silly but also a bit like “oh I didn’t know this bothered me”.

but now I’m like okay that does bother me so what next…? I hope next week I don’t just unearth things but actually help to work through it… without any silences and creepy smiling. Lol.

I told him I want to stop drinking and I think having it on a Sunday will be nice as it gives me some accountability.

@Overitx well done.
A lot of drinkers have had crappy childhoods. I did. I hid it too.
I loved my mother but she bullied me. Ditto two of my siblings. My father was lovely so I was grateful for that.
Have six sessions and swap to a woman if you wound find it easier.

I'm eighteen months in. It's surprising what has been bothering me for years - I had no idea.

Keep going, No pain, no gain. After I finish my sessions now, I'm straight in the shop for a Wispa Duo!

Here with the crap childhood too. And now going through the aging parents bit. Therapy is awkward, I think that is part of it, so you don’t get too emotionally close to your therapist. I find all kinds of things I don’t expect come out, not least acknowledging I was raped at 14/15. I hadn’t thought about it, had never once called it rape. Therapy has brought it up but also given me a name for it. Maybe allowed me to give it a name and acknowledge it was rape. I find being vulnerable with friends and family or maybe especially family so hard. So unnatural. I don’t know if therapy will ever change that but it has helped me to recognise it in myself.

tonight after the shitteen weekend, I wanted to drink, rare occasion that happens now. But I was at least able to name the feelings of frustration, anger, disappointment, deflation even. And recognise that was why I wanted to drink, that drinking wouldn’t help resolve it, just mask it and push it down the line. Therapy has really helped my brain to make these connections and thoughts without having to consciously make them happen. Throw in a parent issue and I’ve even been able to deny, admit, deny and then just accept that what they said is pissing me off and that’s ok. I don’t have to be perfect, fuck it they certainly aren’t.

tomorrow morning I shall rise with the birds and go run, slowly.. it’s a new day and a new dawn. That will do more for me than a bottle(or 2) of wine.

I’m another one with the “Shit and abusive excuse for a childhood” badge

It bloody hurts doesn’t it? I’m completely NC with my abuser (narc mother) as are all but one of my siblings. The only one still in contact is my poor Golden Child brother, who has been horribly damaged, same as the rest of us.

I missed out on a birthday weekend away this weekend, just because I knew it was going to be horribly boozy and a waste of money. I thought I might feel FOMO when the dozens of photos started hitting social media, but I didn’t. I’m just really glad I am not there.

Good luck to everyone having therapy. My experience is that some sessions feel better than others at the time, but they are all helping you on your journey.

Hello all, hope you are having a peaceful Sunday evening.

Huge congratulations @Fortheloveofgodwhy , you should be very proud of yourself. Excited for you too @Crunchymum , do you have something nice planned to mark the occasion?
hello to all the new posters. The early days are so much more of an achievement than we think. Well done @overitx, it’s such a good idea to identify, acknowledge and address the issues around drinking at the same time as changing drinking habits too. I think it is Catherine Gray’s book Sunshine Warm Sober that has a chapter on alcohol and cocaine. I would check, but my digital copy has somehow disappeared.

I am keeping on keeping on here. Realised that for me the good days are not the issue any more, it’s easier for me to say no thank you on a sunny day when everything is going to plan than when life chucks odd stuff my way. But still AF after another unexpected spell of parental ill health. Meditation is really helping me to respond to life differently. Life is not perfect but it’s smoother and I’m getting better at recognising when my mind is running away with me and remembering to switch to watching my breath instead.

not been on here in a while, but I hope @BunniesBunniesBunnies @Breathmiller @rockingbird are all ok. Thank you @WendyWagon for holding us all steady here as well as everything else that you are balancing. I love reading about your new home.

my favourite summer drinks over the recent hot weeks - Lyre’s American Malt with Coke Zero and a slice of orange, and the Lidl AF blondo aperitif in a champagne flute topped up with tonic water.