The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

Morning all.
Up early but feeling better. I think better out than in. I had an early sleep and didn't even watch HIGNFY.
Forthelove and I were talking this week and I think it is the ice I like in a first drink. For those who are old enough to remember having to make ice cubes they were always all gone in our freezer as a kid. Blinking four siblings and some who couldn't or wouldn't fill up the tray!
I have put the tonics in already. However now I live near a huge town I managed to get Gordon's premixed AF. In our former heritage spot they weren't stocked. There are loads of problem boozers there but it is a dirty little secret. Far too posh to talk about it. Special offers on wine? It's cleared shelves by 11am. I never got a bargain. We now have lots of young families as neighbours and I don't see huge recycling bins of bottles like I use to (it's surprising what you notice AF) I think the young are changing. Good for them. Another sunny day here. Early gardening I think. Keep going my sober sisters.

It's my birthday today. Another year older and absolutely none the wiser 🤣

Second sober birthday for me. Last year was a struggle. I was just a few months in and it was a very difficult day, so was entrenched the notion of alcohol / special occasions / treat / can't have fun without out.

This year I feel completely different. I know its only 7.30am but there is no angst, no fear that I'm missing out or own have fun without it, no stress or guilt.

I'm in a much better place which is reassuring as I don't always feel that I'm doing this alcohol free malarkey that well.

Happy Happy Birthday @Crunchymum !! 💖

Have a wonderful birthday Crunchy. Enjoy every moment and remember every part. Xx

Hello - please can I join you? I will have been sober for 6 months next weekend! I was a bottle of wine a dayer, sometimes more. Once I opened the bottle I couldn’t stop. I’m feeling very pleased with myself. Four weeks ago I had a weekend away and had started to wonder if o could start drinking again in moderation, but luckily I decided to read my first quit lot book and I’m so pleased I did! I’ve now read The unexpected joy of being sober, Alcohol explained, The sober diaries and The naked mind. In fact o tho I’m now addicted to quit lit 🤣. I’ve realised moderation isn’t for me and feel so peace with total abstinence forever.

I’ve got my first sober wedding today, which Will be interesting.

Happy birthday to Crunchymum!

Happy Sober Birthday @Crunchymum

Welcome @RubyMurry22 I am at similar stage to you, I have been sober since NYE 2022. I feel so much better for it, not using alcohol to deal with difficult emotions.

It has been hard to sit and work through negative feelings, but I am getting better at it. I love the Alcohol Explained books by William Porter. They helped me so much.

I am at the stage where my friends, who were initially supportive in a baffled kind of way, are now reacting in a more irritated manner. At a birthday dinner this week, one long standing friend told me she was worried that I “would look down on” those who were drinking.

I didn’t think I should tell her that no, I feel sorry for them when I see friends caught up spending stupid money on cocktails and wine. I’m sure there’s too much of a fine line between looking down on someone and feeling sorry for them, so I just said no, of course not, I am just not interested in drinking any more, it’s not for me.

Have a great weekend everyone. My new Fast 800 diet starts today and I am very excited!!!

Happy birthday @Crunchymum ! Have a wonderful sober day!

Welcome @RubyMurry22 ! And well done on ignoring the call of moderation. I hope you have a lovely time at the wedding- I haven’t done one sober yet. What’s next on your reading list? I recommend Quit like a Woman by Holly Whitaker.

Have a good day all

Thanks for the welcome and thanks for the book recommendation! I have been listening on Audible but have run out of credits for now. I’m nee to Audible and am a bit frustrated I can’t just keep downloading more and more books!
the wedding will be interesting with a mixture of non drinkers, light drinkers and heavy drinkers (of which I would have been one!).
I started my AF journey on Boxing Day. Reading some of the threads on here really helped me with my decision to quit.

Last night I had a wobble with deciding if I should have responsible drink today. I thought about it constantly for hourrsss then decided to do myself a favour and just say no.

the weight lifted as the decision was out of my hands.

I woke up so early this morning. Had my breakfast outside, it’s only 10am and I’m ready, been out a walk, ready to go watch my son play football, lunch later then holiday shopping. My full day isn’t fixated on later or what time I could open my wine.

it’s helped and so far I’m having the best Saturday I’ve had in a while. Fresh, happy, energised.

Big happy birthday @Crunchymum
Welcome @RubyMurry22

I have done the weeding/ bramble removing on the patch out front, walked the dog, planted the courgettes and put up my door sticker.
Tis amazing what you can do if you don't feel like hell!
11am is picture hanging. Ye hah.

Happy birthday @Crunchymum , hope you have a fantastic day. xx

Welcome @RubyMurry22 , glad you've found your way here. Lots of wise and friendly people here. This thread is incredibly helpful to me.

Strength and love to all xx

Afternoon all!

Welcome @RubyMurry22 !

I know what you mean @Overitx when you say a weight lifts when the decision is out of your hands!

17 days for me. Just starting to really feel more energetic. Today I drove the DCs half an hour to our nearest beach and seaside town and we bought fish and chips and sat on the beach. I was reading (Quit Lit- Sober Diaries) and the Dcs managed to spend most of the time off their phones and played in the sand and hunted for sea glass. It was lovely. One the way home DS1 (the most reluctant to get outside) said this was the best day he had had for ages. I quite agreed. The beach is so near to us yet we harsly ever go at the weekends- because I want to have a lunchtime wine or whatever.

No More Missing Out On Real Life.

On the subject of quit lit I am currently reading Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker. I really like it. She carefully unpicks so much about alcohol and society and how alcohol is sold to women and so forth. When I have finished I am planning to start again from the start and read it again more slowly.

Have happy days everyone.

Oh! I just saw Quit Like a Woman has already been mentioned by @Onewildandpreciouslife ! Sorry for missing that!

Happy birthday @Crunchymum! Hope you are having a better day than me.

Just one of those days. Did the washing and we had a couple of hours of unscheduled rain, keep dropping things, very tired, headache etc. Happier just to be left alone.

'D'H has gone for a drink with a friend and has just stuck a post on my FB, a picture of a blackboard outside a pub, which suggests pretty directly that all my problems will be solved by having a drink. I think that's completely inappropriate and not something I would ever send to someone I knew was not drinking for the sake of their health and their sanity.

The more I think about it, the more I think it's really off and that he doesn't have my back.

Pah! More green tea with lemon, I think.

Oh hots, that is not nice. Is it meant to be a joke? I would call him out on it publicly on that Facebook post! My DH once tried to persuade me to try a lovely bottle of white wine in Spain on my first sober holiday I was about 12 weeks sober. He suggested it was my favourite and I should at least try it.

I lost my shit with him, it was the first row we had had since I stopped drinking. He was very apologetic when he was sober, I’m still annoyed about it now a year later!

I hope your day has got better.

Morning all.
@TheOtherHotstepper I am sorry your DH is being unsupportive.
I have a few friends who have been the same. I did say to the last one who tried 'let's go drinking' that she needed to pay including the taxi home and I was going to get totally shit faced, embarrass her and it was on her dollar. The look on her face was priceless. Ah perhaps not tonight said she. I did the same with a friend of my DH who said he was going for a load of beers. I told him I could drink him under the table then dance on it! He looked scared, that was funny.
People around us need to accept we cannot drink normally (but what is normal?). According to MN it is a bottle of wine over an evening but that can quickly lead to another one for the road or the following night too. If someone was violently sick eating dairy or other allergens we wouldn't dream of encouraging them to 'try a bit'. Alcohol especially for women is still frought with social norms even though ladette culture changed a lot of that. My blips since January 2022 have all been at home bar one. I remember so many of my stunts and still feel the shame although it is fadng. As time goes on I am more comfortable saying I can't drink, I still use the meds trick.
I wish you all peace and good sobriety. Have a lovely day my friends.

I messed up last night. Big time. Where do I go from here

Morning all.

I hope your DH comes to understand better. But not great that you had to have that.

@WendyWagon I have no idea what 'normal' drinking is either. I would consider a bottle of wine shared over a meal to be positively frugal, yet it is binge drinking according to the 'guidelines'. And yes - completely... if someone was allergic we would ot encourage them to try., Nor would we say 'it's normal' to have a line of cocaine at a meal or family bbq. (This is how I am retraining my brain- think of booze like cocaine... it's helping so far).

For me if I have a single drink my brain flips and it is all over.

I had a positive and negative yesterday.

Negative- my friend invited me to a wine tasting. I said I was not drinking right now and she rolled her eyes and said she'd invite someone else then. (much for the best tbh. I doubt it has hurt the friendship in any way but I felt a bit - exposed - boring- rejected I guess).

Positive- a Friend of DH's who I dislike immensely and pushes all my buttons turned up unexpectedly last night. He (as was usual) made an insult to me and instead of flying off the handle and screaming in his face as I did the last time when I was well into a bottle of wine I told him very calmly to not be so bloody rude to me in my own house or anywhere else for that matter and then I went for a walk.

DH had a word with him as well. This friend is one of those who makes jokey jokes which are not jokes then is (i think genuinely) mortified afterwards. But I am at the end of my rope with him.

Now I need to work out exactly what I need to do to handle this person and guard and protect my own boundaries. This will take some work as I am by nature a people pleaser and as i had an exceptionally volatile (and most likely alcoholic as well) mother I tend to appease.

have a great day everyone.

@Overitx you put it behind you and try another day sober.
Some have straight paths, some take the yellow brick road. The aim is to be healthy and alcohol free. Free of regrets, free of shame, free of secrets.
Each journey starts with a first day. Go back to bed if you can. Get some breakfast down you and drink lots of water.
We are not here to judge, we are a supportive thread for those who wish to give up alcohol. Some have blips, some don't. Be strong my friend.

Thanks. I can’t stop crying. I need help

@CurtainsForBea ooh the rude friend.
I love it when they expect you to be pissed and stupid and you're not!
I have a long standing friend who is being really awful at the moment. I am enjoying analysing her sober. She has invited herself around to my new house twice now in this first month and I have said no. In the old days she would have caught me well into the wine and I would have slurred she was welcome. She knows I am surrounded by boxes but she insists 'it's just me, I know how you are'. So what's the agenda? Gossip and lip chewing with her other friends. And she knows how I am? Hum. She can wait. No new home card and no letter or card re my recent bereavement even though she knew my brother well. As a titled lady (oh I don't bother with that, yeah right, it's on your bank card) she is forgetting her manners in my opinion. When we are sober we see these people through a different lense. Perhaps they like putting people down. Well done you on your sober retort. It feels soo good to be in control doesn't it. X

Oh @Overitx I feel for you. @WendyWagon completely has it. No shame here. Sometimes you have to let yourself feel it. It's a blip and that's it. Don't let it lie to you. The morning after is telling you that you can't do this. It lies! You are doing it. Posting here you are doing it.

Was within a gnats whisker last night. Thankfully no wine in the house!

@Overitx would online SMART meetings help? You don't need to promise anything, ditto AA. Get some protein in and forgive yourself. I had a blip recently and I am 17 months into the sober life.
I don't handle death well. I did my worse during times of bereavement. My brothers passing started a f**k it day. I could have quite happily have given in to the siren call of the Sauvignon. But I was rescued by one of our number.
Today is another day x

My kids are here. Trying to pry me out of bed.