The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

What is normal. I went to a pub yesterday afternoon. I haven't been a daytime drinker since my 20s. Because I can't stop. So no temptation for me.

But a mum and toddler. She did a bottle of wine. And I couldn't help thinking that you won't be at your best there. Another family with small children drinking away. I have kids and when they're young drinking is a kind of hobby. I do get it. Not as judgmental as I sound. Just seeing it with fresh eyes I suppose. That is normal!

Oh @Overitx I must have cross posted.

So sorry. ❤

This @Overitx all of this. [hugs]

@stilldumdedumming its interesting isn't it people watching? When I worked in a bar we used to refuse to serve alcohol if we thought it was unsafe. I am not sure staff feel comfortable doing that now. They fear abuse and a backlash on SM. There are still plenty of threads on MN asking if drinking in charge of children is OK. There is a limit for competency, it's there for a reason. However God help you if you mention it. I was a poor mother on weekend nights when my kids were small. I was lucky to have a non drinking husband. I now find a single empty on the side some nights. Bless him he waits until I go to bed. He really doesn't need to but that's kindness isn't it?

Gosh, it’s been busy here!

I am sick. I started my Fast 800 diet, but the combination of that and my antibiotics has made me horribly sick, all day yesterday and through the night. I think I will have to park the extreme diet for now, particularly as I reckon I am going to need a second course of antibiotics. So annoying.

@Overitx please be kind to yourself. Get in the shower and drink as much water as you can. Strong painkillers, you know the drill, we all do. You said you need help. Did anything particularly bad happen? Can we help? I have come close to death a few times because of risky drunk behaviour. Actually set myself on fire once.

@Fortheloveofgodwhy that was very unkind of DH and I would tell him so.

@WendyWagon well done policing those boundaries!!

I am going to drag myself to the corner shop and get some ginger biscuits to nibble on in the hope they quell the nausea.

Where do you want to go from here @Overitx I think that is the main question?

Today is a new day and you have choice here to put it behind you and try to move forward. If you feel you need more support then there are services you can reach out to.

A blip is a blip and many of us have had one (or two) in our quest for sobriety. Its how you move forward from this point that makes the difference.

Thanks all. I had a sleep which seems to have helped. I’ll be honest and say I think it’s not only alcohol but also cocaine I have an issue with. I can’t drink otherwise I want it. Which is why it needs to go.

i work a full time job. It’s like a release after a stressful week. I’m absolutely gutted with myself that I’ve wasted a full day dying in bed.

@Overitx do you know why you crave cocaine when you drink alcohol? Could it be your body trying to counteract the depressive effects of the booze?

It sounds like there’s something deeper going on here around your self esteem. Sorry if I am wrong, but that’s been my experience of people who take coke. Have you tried counselling?

@CurtainsForBea that was a lovely post, I am glad you had a good time at the beach. I don't go often myself, but I do like looking for sea glass!!

@TheOtherHotstepper I am so sorry about that rather cruel picture post. That was really quite unkind, even if meant as "a joke". I often find the one-word response "inappropriate."says much, but you might not want to deal with the fallout of that. I get similar from some friends but I just don't respond. The fire can't burn if you don't keep putting more fuel on it. I'm sorry. I hope he wakes up and supports you like he should.

@Overitx oh, bless you sweetie. It will be alright. I have had blips too. I have felt wretched, a total failure and disgusted with myself. But it will be alright. It's how you deal with it that counts. Take care of yourself, drink plenty of water and let yourself recover, and then dust yourself down and keep going. It will be alright, honestly. You're not a total failure for having the odd misstep. It'll be ok. xx

Our team won at cricket yesterday, the dog's first ever victory!!! He celebrated with diarrhoea on the boundary and a selection of ticks as trophies. Happy days.

Strength and love to all, with a special extra hug and wag from the dog for @Overitx xx

Thank you so much for the support. I’m so ashamed to post but feel at breaking point. Over the past year when I was out socialising I would sometimes encounter cocaine and took it as a one off.

one night I was drunk and ordered some to my house. My kids were in. I was drunk and took it and was so incredibly full of shame when I woke up.

but after that night it’s like a lid has been lifted and I cannot drink even in the house without wanting some. It’s awful I know.

my OH is the same. It’s an issue we are both seeing. Everytime it happens I say never again. And then it happens again.

and I swear on the outside no one would ever ever know or suspect it. We are a professional couple with successful jobs.

so last night we ordered it again. I drank two bottles of wine. It’s almost as if I went absolutely wild due to not drinking

@Overitx i am holding the thread this time and I have not been in the best place to do so. My baby brother died 10 weeks ago. I am heartbroken. I cry daily. My go to in times of loss had always been booze and lots of it. I could quite happily lay under a wine barrell and stay there but, and here's the but I would probably kill myself and at times when I have lost it I didn't care. However I have a professional career, children, a husband and over the last 17 months they have shown me how bad I was and the effect it had on them for years. I am throughly ashamed and would never want to put them through that again. Drink was my self harm, 'look at me, I am crumbling, help me or feck off'. Most fecked off over the years. The hard drinkers stayed because I was a generous drunk.
I have never taken cocaine or smoked anything but my friend lost her sister to it last year. Naice middle class family, money etc. Still died. Harsh but true.
Please get some proper help. Addictions are all the same. I have had about five, booze, sex, clothes , food, ad infinitum.
I seriously recommend a good therapist and AA. You don't need to go on camera. You can join a meeting today and just listen. They will understand. And as a coppers daughter I can tell you this, drug dealers never touch the stuff. Funny that.
We're here to help and support. X

And sorry to those offended by the swearing on a Sunday. X

I’m so so sorry to hear that @WendyWagon youre so understanding and helpful even though you’re going through hell. I’ve got my name down on the waiting list for a therapist. I did get the chance to have a male but I wanted to wait for a female. I might try out the male as I feel I really really need some help

Name change, but you'll know who I am. I'm the one with the idiot DH. I did indeed tell him his FB post was inappropriate. He tells me he has nothing but admiration for my sobriety because he couldn't do it, but it's my disapproval of his drinking that he struggles with. Hmmm. I need to think about that one. After all, I don't have a problem with him drinking, I have a problem with him coming home and being verbally aggressive.

@Overitx, I didn't want a male therapist either, but once I had got over my need for his approval, it was fine and he was a great help. In fact I couldn't have got sober without him. I'd say give your guy a try.

Raining here now. No watering required. Hurrah!

Up ridiculously early. Three faux gins and I needed a wee.
The husband was out with a drill yesterday and strapping units to walls. I am not good with power tools but excellent at lime mortar (I thank you). Now I have plasterboard walls my skills are redundant.
A couple of friends are visiting this afternoon. They dog sat for me when we moved so I couldn't say no. And tbh they are really kind not nosey. They are in their 70s but spritely. Having done my pots at the front I feel my house has a 'face' now. I went for a fashionista look of sharp pink and a deep Campanula so it doesn't look too twee (I did see gnomes on my dog walk yesterday). My mother put gnomes in my Henley garden once when I was on holiday, ditto a nodding dog on the parcel shelf of my old Jag. I buried her in a sparklely Bet Lynch top to get my own back. She was very funny at times, that would have amused her.
I always breathe a sigh of relief when Monday is here. No more fights with the wine witch. No more temptation. I am looking forward to a better week. Love to all.

Hey everyone ☺️ Just seen this thread and introducing myself. I've been sober 5 1/2 years.

Active in AA (and couldn't have done it without).
I'm also married to an alcoholic (sober 6+ years - also in AA). We have a baby girl and I'm pregnant with our 2nd. Life gets progressively better the longer I'm sober. I couldn't hold down a relationship or progress in my career when I was drinking. I didn't know how to be an adult. All my relationships with friends, family and men were hollow and meaningless because the only thing I really cared about was myself. I had no hope of ever being a wife or a mother. So happy to know that today my children will never have to grow up seeing their parents drunk or disengaged from life. I grew up with an alcoholic parent and it's no way for a child to live.

Life today has its ups and downs but I'm able to deal with it today being sober rather than hiding from problems and burying my head in the sand.

Getting sober isn't always easy but it is always worth it. Looking forward to getting to know some of you and if anyone ever wants to talk I'm here for you ☺️🙏🏻

@Overitx I feel for you right now. And I relate - the last couple of years of my drinking i introduced cocaine and they then both came hand in hand. Everyone. It was as though the drink no longer did what I needed it to on it's own and I needed more and more of everything.

The thing is, the cocaine made it 100x worse (and quickly!) because the hangover/come down was a million times worse, it made me stay up longer and be able to drink more so my benders got longer and more extreme and the guilt, remorse and shame was off the charts - way more than with just booze because of the "sordidness" of calling in dealers and because of the money it costs. I think once you cross that line there is really no going back. There's no point over analysing the reason why you seem to want cocaine when you drink, the fact just is that you do - evidenced by the fact you're ringing it in.

The question you have to ask yourself is do you want to stop, and are you willing to do whatever it takes to stop? Because it takes work. If you're not willing to put in the work then you are unlikely to succeed.

The idea that it's a way to decompress and unwind after a hard week is a delusion that our brains deceive us with- and it's so easy to see that once you've been sober a while. Waking up and spending the rest of the weekend in anxiety and shame is hardly a relaxing way to decompress and set yourself up for another week of work. All for the sake of a few hours of being drunk/high. It's not worth it, but it feels so worth it before and at the time- I know that. It's what made me keep doing it over and over and over again. When I was planning to drink and ringing in dealers I was not thinking about how I was going to feel for the next 3 days ☺️my head was entirely in the moment.

This is easier said that done, but on Friday when you'd usually be cracking open the wine, why not try something different and see what happens? Go to an AA meeting. Or spend the evening on an online meeting or go to a sober event. See how you feel waking up on Saturday. Imagine how good you will feel waking up hangover free and proud of yourself instead of ashamed.
Waking up feeling proud of myself was something I had never ever experienced before until I stopped drinking. There's really nothing like it ☺️

@GracePalmer33 welcome and thank you so much for your advice and post.
I am a big fan of AA. I went for six months some years ago and lots resonated with me.
It is particularly helpful to have someone with experience of other addictions on the thread. As you say once you add class A drugs into the mix it takes it up to another level that needs professional help.
We are a bunch of mainly sober sisters who came together to offer support on booze and life. It's a safe space.
Hopefully @Overitx is feeling a bit better today.

@Crunchymum how was your second sober birthday? X

Thanks for asking WendyW

It was low key, relaxed and very chilled (and there were lovely cupcakes!). Just what I wanted. I am not a massive fan of my own birthday but it was always a very good excuse to drink a lot!!!

This year was so different from last year when I really did have to just grit my teeth to get through it.

The notion of a sober birthday was incomprehensible to me just 16 months ago. I can't believe how much my whole mindset has changed.

@Crunchymum well done.
I use to go on a massive champers hunt.
Last year I just had the Gordon's AF and a fabulous steak with the husband.
Son's birthday shortly and we used to always have our summer party to co inside. Lots of Cinzano and lemonade. Someone told me they make an AF version but I haven't found it yet. The stuff of teenage discos!
I bought myself a Lancome mascara last birthday. That hurts because I get all my slap free but it is the best, £35. Just about to use it.
X

Thanks again for all the support.

i feel down and exhausted today, willing the days to pass quickly as I know I’ll be better by Wednesday or Thursday.

I got booked in for therapy, weekly starting Sunday.

I have declared to my OH I am not drinking anymore. He laughs and says I’m over reacting. Beating myself up for nothing. The issue isn’t alcohol it’s the cocaine and he will not allow me to ever take it again. Asked me please not to involve outsiders and to not go to therapy. I guess he’s worried that police/social service could be involved.

i said no I need to. I can’t continue like this. He said but we used to have such great weekends together. Can’t we go back to that. And we did. We would share a bottle of wine, spend a lovely evening then go to bed.

somehow it’s progressed into something more. Staying up til 5am and inviting friends round who also take drugs.

it’s horrible. He thinks not inviting those friends will solve the issue.

Hi all. I would love to join. Long history of drinking. I gave up for 1 year and felt amazing thought I could moderate I cannot! So @overitx we are in the same place and I feel very much like you today.
The sober life really is the best life.

Sending gentle hugs @Overitx - I really believe that alcohol issues are a slippery slope, and that once you pass a certain point you’re never going to be able to turn the clock back. You then have to decide if you want to get off that slope and become sober, or keep on falling.

It’s ok to feel sad that those days have gone, but we can only live our lives forward. I’m glad you’ve got some therapy booked in.

welcome @Allthecatseverywhereallatonce, and welcome back to the sober life!

Also hugs to you from me @Overitx