The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

@Onewildandpreciouslife thank you for those wise words they make perfect sense. 12 months sober is a great achievement, well done.

One day at a time.

@Onewildandpreciouslife my DH didn't even mention it. Usually he does but this time all he said was "I'm not sure if my bread worked but I tried". I think he knows I have a problem but neither of us want to start the conversation. When we were in the supermarket yesterday he asked if I wanted wine. I said no, I've been drinking too much lately and I need to stop. He very casually said "good idea" then moved on to helping me find the cordials. He'll have a beer or two in the evening if he's not out doing sports but rarely gets drunk unless he's at a party or out with friends. God only knows how he's coped with me being drunk nearly every night for the last few years.

Greetings all. Please may I join? Have been sober for over a year then started having "wobbles" since Christmas. Recognising that it was headed in a bad away again so determined to maintain my changes and sleep the sleep of the sober. Struggling though, and would appreciate a safe space like here to check in and keep going.

Sending good wishes to you all. x

Welcome @REP22 and@workinprog

We are a safe space. We don't judge, we just ask that you are striving for an alcohol free life.
It is a struggle for some of us, others have reached the 'bunnies in the field'. Everyone wants a clear headed morning. Moderation for our sober sisters hasn't worked. We are all grateful for support and hugs this thread gives.

Just checking into new thread quickly!

Morning all, ooh yesterday was tough - I didn't see that coming..! So the sun was shining and I got those feels for a cold crisp glass of wine 🤨 I had the sense to buy some AF gin in a tin.. had one with my dinner and it sort of hit the spot. Having never had AF drinks I was pleasantly surprised. I'll be stocking these in the hut down the beach this summer. Welcome @REP22 and the other newbies. This is a lovely place to be, open and honest chat and totally judgment free. I'm off to buy a set of scales today, pretty sure I've lost some of the wine bloating and need a kick up the arse to shift some more weight off me bones now the sun is making an appearance 😆

Let's talk about those early days .. for the benefit of the newcomers.

Early August 2022: I pretty much hit the ground (literally blacked out) when I came round I'd smashed my head/eye up and it's wasn't pleasant! Fortunately I was alone, kids with their dad (hence my massive binge on wine that night). Life was pretty shit. I spent Sunday with headphones on listening to sobermummy podcasts - loads and loads of them. I cried a lot, I hid from the world and that was my day one. I'd already tried moderating but it just didn't work, my exH was also an enabler (one of many things). I've read William Porter's Alcohol Explained book and followed a bunch of insta sober celebs. It's worked and boy do I feel better for it!! We all hit the wall and brush ourselves off, no shame in it. Im open with people in social situations and say alcohol is not my friend. I went from one glass to one bottle to having no off switch and the man I married gleefully let that happen and poured me another glass. Surround yourself with good people who get it, don't give into the temptation from others and focus on your new beginnings 🥰 much love to you all xx

Thanks for sharing @tryandfindmenow

It's been interesting reading about what finally made people realise they need to give up. I've grown up with such a skewed view of what an alcoholic looks like that I slid into addiction without realising. I went for the odd glass to the odd bottle to unlimited drinking every evening and have been like that for the last few years. I realised I had a problem last year but still tried to tell myself I wasn't a "proper" alcoholic. The failure to moderate should have been a wake up call but I ignored it until now.

Has anyone accessed support outside of this thread and what was it like? I looked at AA but there isn't a lot of info on how the groups around me run and I'm not sure if it's for me. I'm socially awkward and don't really have a big story to tell. I worry about being put on the spot.

Just checking in. Thank you for the new thread and all your continued support.

Morning all.
@workinprog I have been to AA in the past and it was really helpful. At the time I was playing am I an alcoholic? Some of my friends said nooo. My doctor too. However looking back I was in the thick of it. I had even made new friends who were 'party people'. We went drinking together. I was never asked to speak or confess. They have guests each week who talk. Large cities have female only sessions. Another of our number attends SMART recovery. These can be done online. AA is Christian based but I have never had that element pushed. You get free books!
Personally I had 1-1 counselling over teams. This has worked through lots of issues from my childhood. It has cost me £50 a weekly session which was about the amount I spent on wine. I find it let's me get the frustration out.
Both AA and SMART are free.

@tryandfindmenow the tins are great, aren't they?
You have done so well. I love the decorating stories and see you in your beach hut watching the waves.
I tell people alcohol doesn't like me. Seems to work. It's old news now.

Love the name 😆

Thank you. My daughter invented it for the mother of her toy mouse family. Now it's me!

Thank you for your kind welcome @WendyWagon and @tryandfindmenow. Good morning!

It has been a hard battle getting my life back on track, which has only enhanced the despair of feeling like I was slipping again. I did try AA and they were very kind. In the end, though, I was referred to the NHS Inclusion service and had lots of support, including attending SMART recovery sessions. It's been almost a year since I was discharged from the Inclusion team.

In the beginning I found Clare Pooley's "The Sober Diaries" book very helpful. Taking each day as it comes, but the nights - bedtime in particular - are where I am really really struggling. I've just discovered SoberDave's "One for the Road" podcast, so was listening to that on loop last night.

Still struggling with the issues behind the drinking, but counselling, CBT and anti-depressants have helped with that, along with learning to accept that I can't change the past and will never be good enough for some people.

Have to keep going. I do it for the dog. Good wishes to you all. x

Thanks @WendyWagon for the shiny new thread!
Just marking my place.
So many new people!!! Welcome😁😁😁

My name is Bunnies and I am almost (next week!) three years sober!

@REP22 i believe in giving everything a go if it might help.
From May I am swimming daily. Just need to move. I will also have a whole house to play curtains with, yeay.
Add in some happy gardening (my new garden has three roses, that's it). I, my friends have pots of lovely things to go in.
As a bookworm I am so excited to be getting a monster bookcase tomorrow.
It has to go in the garage until the move.

I went to the hospital on Monday. My consultant told me I had stayed the same weight, and?
For someone who was two stone fatter at the start of 2022 I was OK about that. I am eating a lot healthier and have gone off many high fat scoffs such as cheese and crisps. I never get why people feel they can be so negative. A win is a win my friends.

I had so many day 1's, that this time round I didn't even tell anyone until I'd done 40+ days. Now I'm 400+ days.

Who knew this time I'd actually succeed. We all have it in us..... Wish I could tell you what clicked this time but it wasn't one thing. Probably the most important thing was giving sobriety some proper time to sink it. Once I got to 100 days (give or take) I felt the true benefits and knew I'd never go back.

It hasn't been a magic fix and all the underlying issues and problems still exist but my ability to cope with them has improved by being sober.

@WendyWagon with the exception of swimming (i can't swim) that sounds like my perfect summer.

Day 2 here and the sellers of the property we were planning to buy have gone back on the market 😭 I can't blame them, we offered back in January then our buyer's mortgage application was rejected a few weeks ago. We have two couples coming back for second viewings but not until next week so we'll be waiting nervously. The last time our chain collapsed (sellers decided not to sell) we bought a takeaway and a lot of alcohol. This time I have leftovers and some raspberry cordial. Oh how times have changed.

Good morning my lovelies.
Up early after a good sleep.
Some shenanigans with the current landlord. We are hoping to leave early and get back some cash however he is wriggling. The husband over paid him (neither can add up).
The DD is off out with her 6th form friends. First time since she went to uni. They are all medical/science so she is now one of the crew. She always comes back lighter when she sees these girls. Clever but nice. One of them offered to do her hair on the first day at school (always a nightmare until she cut it short). Good friends since. My daughter always says you have some weird friends mum, she seems more discerning. I do have weird friends but since giving up the booze I have noticed some of them don't have my best interests at heart. I was always first and last to the bar. I always lent my clothes and accessories easily. I am now finding out who likes me for me.
We are having to wait a long time for my brothers service. I am putting one foot in front of the other. First time dealing with a family bereavement sober. It is easier I think.

Morning all, hope everyone is doing well. I’m now on Day 9, so pleased that my resolve has not been broken. I’ve had so many day 1s, promising myself that I’ll not drink that night, and always fail miserably. It’s almost like a switch has been flicked in my brain, I no longer want to drink.

That said, I have three social events on over the Easter Weekend, all which would typically involve alcohol. I have decided to drive to the event tomorrow, Saturday I’ll just say I need to drive at night, and on Monday I’ll also probably drive. I can see people trying to peer pressure me into drinking on Saturday so I’ll need to keep my wits about me. I know I could solve the issue by simply saying that alcohol does not agree with me, but I don’t know if I’m ready to admit that to others. I’m not sure why their opinions or their opinion of me matters, but I am feeling uneasy at the thought of admitting it to others.

Sorry, bit of a ramble there!

Hello! Thanks for the new thread, @wendywagon. Sorry to learn you've suffered some trolling idiots, and I'm also really sorry about your brother. 🌺

My phone has been playing up and it's usually hard for me to post properly but I often drop by for a read. I'm so happy that the threads run and on and continue to help people.

I'm joyfully sober, 3 years, 3 months and a few days in. I want to say I'd never go back , but I still feel its a risky thing to say. I don't ever want to get complacent. So I stick to a position of relaxed vigilance and enjoy my life. Freedom from alcohol is something I notice in positive ways every day. I can't remember the last time I felt the urge to drink, but I'm always feeling good about not drinking!

@Bunniesbunnisbunnies congrats on the upcoming soberversary! What a long way you've come xx

@Breathmiller how are you doing? I love reading your honest and insightful posts!

@Hangingover, how are things? Are you jogging the surfer jog?

Morning all, the swimming sounds lovely @WendyWagon. Special wave to @Drybird2020 nice to see you pop in and say hi.

I experienced a massive wave of ptsd yesterday- yet more nonsense uncovered totally by chance about my stbexh. It made me realise how fragile I still am. The little wine devil appeared on my shoulder as I did a dash round Sainsburys yesterday afternoon. Safe to say I brushed it off 🙌

The Easter weekend is going to be hard, children off to their dads.. I intend to keep busy with my DIY and gardening.

Have a great day all xx

Morning all. @WendyWagon they sound like great wins to me.

Yesterday I went to the local shop and DIDN'T buy any vodka for the first time in a few weeks. It was hard but I'm glad I managed it. They had one special offer litre bottle left on the shelf and it was winking at me madly, so I distracted myself by asking about the shop lady's dog's arthritic hip. And the fact that the poison proudly describes itself as "artisanal". I thought that if you split that word into three - "art" "is" ... you might upset a few RCA students...

I got chocolate milkshake instead. Not great for the diet but I'll count it as a win. Sorry you are dealing with a bereavement, it makes everything seem that bit more grim. When my dad suddenly died I tried hard to make it better with spirits. It most certainly didn't help.💐

Thoughts and love to everyone who is doing their best to power through.

Sending you all love and strength.

Ramble away @Adsy1988 . You don’t owe anyone an explanation for the choices you make, so say as much or as little as you want to other people. I often found in the early days telling someone else I wasn’t drinking would lead to them unburdening themselves to me about how they drank too much too, with one friend telling me drink put him in a black place of despair- which wasn’t what I expected at all!

Sounds like a big win in the shop @REP22 !

Day 3 for me. I haven't had the best sleep but I swear when I looked in the mirror this morning my eyes looked brighter than usual. I had a craving for wine as I drove home (it always kicks in then) but started focusing on the thought of waking up on a day off without the fuzzy head from drinking. I'm sat here drinking cordial instead and the craving has passed (mostly).

The bookcase is here and I had a large Gordon's AF, tonic and lemon to celebrate!