On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Thank you! And thank you hit the suggestions. Reached my five day milestone today 😀

@Blackbirdbaby , yay - 5 days is great. Keep going !

Hi, just wondered if it’s time to quit as I’m on my third day of anxiety after a friends wedding this weekend. I was a bridesmaid and wasn’t feeling as drunk as everyone else so stupidly played catch up - knowing fine well, I’m a bigger lightweight than all of my friends!! It ended with my being sick (discreetly - know one knew as was in the toilet and no one around) and telling my husband I’d like to go home as a result. It was 10pm (it was a long day so thought it was much later and wedding finished at 12am - we had been up since 5am) and he was all ready to call my Mum to collect us early. My friend and fellow bridesmaid who knows me inside out and has seen me in in some states before (maybe not the discreet vomiting) suggested to me that I seemed fine and nothing water couldn’t fix and I agreed. It actually gave me a second wind and I was up dancing & enjoying myself until the last song. I’m so pleased I didn’t leave my friends wedding early being bridesmaid but my husband was annoyed at my friend for trying to intervene and they ended up biting each others heads off. Now I feel massively guilty that I’ve caused tension between two of the people I love the most because & it was over me being in a state!

everyone tells me how much they love me and that I’m the life and soul of every party as all I want to do is dance all night long and act happy but the anxiety that comes with the aftermath I’m not sure is worth it all. Then I don’t want my husband feeling on edge at a wedding in case I get too drunk as it’s not fair on him. What you guys think? Am I overthinking it or time to leave it?

I only ever drink at occasions, so total binge drinker and weddings are obviously long days! And I’ve been dealing with a lot suffering from 4 miscarriages over the last few years so when I go out I like to think F it & let loose. Not making excuses, I’ve previously suffered with depression and anxiety and obviously alcohol doesn’t help!

Hi@Onslow1964 , hope you're ok. I don't think you're overthinking it. I think anytime anyone begins to evaluate or think about their drinking, it's time for a reset.
We will all understand the anxiety in the aftermath here, so you're in good hands.
Sorry to hear about the miscarriages - no wonder you let loose. But, as you say, the anxiety isn't worth it.
It's good that you only drink on occasions. How often is this, then ?
When would be the next celebration?
We can help you with that - people on here will have suggestions.
And yes, the alcohol won't help your being prone to depression.

Hello 👋🏻 apologies for not posting sooner! Had lots of weeks of self loathing. & have finally committed to 30 days off the poison.
As that's what it is really. I'm TTC and lose weight and there's just no room for it really. Following Annie graces alcohol experiment! So I'm
Going to take one day at a time!
Also I'm so sorry @Onslow1964 to hear about your miscarriages I've also suffered a few so I numbed myself for a while with booze!

How is everyone doing ? Xx

Good luck Imdiegrace .... I did the AG 30 days and it was the only time I've ever really abstained .

@Easterdaffsx Thankyou! I'm scared but feeling better already that I've just made a solid decision to just commit. As she says it's the going back and fore which is so tiring, whether I will drink or not drink on which day etc!

How did you feel after the 30 days ? Xx

Indieray ..... after 30 days I seriously didn't think I'd go back to nightly drinking but I did .have no idea why .
I learned so much about myself though .... I kept a diary every night of how I felt / the good amd the bad and honest to goodness when I read it now it's a no brainier.
I learned that I actually only missed my red wine with Sunday dinner and that Prosecco is terribly sweet amd I don't really like it it was just a Friday habit .
I was more present for my dd amd was a better mum
I slept better
My skin was SO clear after a week
I enjoyed longer evenings after the first few days so didn't more nice things
I never thought I was particularly groggy in the mornings until I wasn't !
And work .... I have a fairly senior job and felt my work production and concentration was so much better
Prob tmi but completely sober sex is lovely too !
So much to gain you can do this !

Hi @indieray , I enjoyed the 30 day alcohol experiment. I did it a few years back. I think it was one of the first things I did ( after a very scary experience in town when I was drunk).
Well done for making that decision. You can do it.

Didn't do very well last night, fancied a glass of wine with my evening meal and the inevitable happened! Drank the whole bottle accompanied by full on binge eating session. I'm trying to figure out my life lessons with this. I feel I need a set of rules to live by these might be:

No drinking alone
Drive rather than drink at parties (have done this plenty before and it does not bother me!).
3 drink minimum when out with friends for lunches and dinner.

Or do I just give up altogether?

Morning @Manyrivers , well, I think you've been doing really well. You've made many changes. Your incident last night was exactly what would happen to me. That's why I try not to buy it.
I do drink alone, and I think it's definitely a problem. But I'm not that sociable, I don't really like going out, so that's my reasoning.
Would you rather restrict it to just going out, like you stated ?
I'm definitely moderating this March. No more going over 1 bottle and no more than once a week. I can't cope with the feeling ill anymore, so that's my motivation.
Do Moderate March with me ?

Hi @Amdone123 I love the sound of Moderate March! I'm in 😁

I need to have a blanket absolute rule that I don't drink alone, it's where most of my issues lie. I have a lunch this week where I will have a few drinks and a party at the weekend where I'm not drinking at all, no hangover on Sunday and no expensive cab fares!!

I will of course check in with all you lovely people and share my experiences. No alcohol tonight and that i feel great about.

@Manyrivers , that's great. Sounds like you have a plan.
Does anyone else want to do Moderate March ?
I suppose most of us are doing that - either moderating or abstaining, but it's somewhere to check in and be accountable. I know that helps me immensely.
Apologies if I've already said this, but I'm really pleased with my last 20 days. Only 4 days I drank and only on 1 of them, I went to 2 bottles. I'm more pleased though that my mindset is changing, slowly but surely. No longer the urge to drink mindlessly or to get drunk - I just want to enjoy a few glasses, especially when cooking. Then eat my food and stop. I think I can do this.
How's everyone doing @Bigbus @Blackbirdbaby @Determineddoris @Easterdaffsx @EnoughEnoughnow @Hohofortherobbers @Mj20 @Onslow1964 @Starlia @Tenderstem @bilbodog @colouringindoors and anyone else I missed !

Hi - im on day 13 AF. Its lovely not falling asleep too early on the sofa and sleeping well. Not missing it at all at the moment but im aware that its still very early days. Good luck to everyone.

Hello all!!! Wow lots of us on here now! Great catching up on everyone’s progress!
@Amdone123 congrats on a successful March!!! You’ve done so well!!!!!

so I drank on Friday… as planned… one glass of fizz and one large red!!! Thoroughly enjoyed them but actually struggled to finish the red as I felt sooooo full! So that’s 4 drinks this year, spread over 2 occasions! So pleased with myself!!!! I really feel I’ve redefined my relationship with alchol!!!!

how are you @Hohofortherobbers? and hi again @indieray your 30 day reset sounds like a plan! Please don’t hate on yourself though (although I’ve been there)- try and treat yourself as you would a good friend! I always think that’s lovely advice!!!!!
@Onslow1964 ah your post really resonated with me!!! It’s the anxiety that has made me change my drinking habits. Like you I’d be described as the life and soul but my mental health after would be shattered and sometimes it would take up to a week to feel anxiety free! Just thinking about it makes me feel anxious tbh!! How are you doing now?? And I’m sorry to hear your sad news.
@Manyrivers your making good progress and you have a great self awareness- it shines through on your posts!!! You’ve got this! Setting parameters is defo the way forward! @Bigbus @Blackbirdbaby how are you guys getting on! Sounds like you’re having some good success! Good work!
and how are you @Determineddoris ?? I bet I’ve missed some of us out so apologies!

@Amdone123 i would love to do your moderate March! Have already decided I will do the month AF! Have a social out Friday night but will be driving/af and then a quiet month in terms of plans so good chance to have another big stint of alchol free days!!!!! Shall we do a new thread?? Or continue here xxxx

I think I’m going to partake in moderate March as my anxiety is still in overdrive and it seems to be a common occurrence every couple of months as I don’t seem to know my limits after years of this cycle! My partner and I are going to TTC after suffering miscarriages and receiving private treatment which will hopefully do the trick this time around if we conceive. If that’s the case I’d happily get used to not drinking!

Ah I’m pleased someone can relate. My mental health does still feel shattered after Friday. It’s like I convince myself I’m a terrible person and make up scenarios in my head for the parts of the night I can’t remember! I’ve got a lovely bunch of friends who know and put up with how anxious I get so I also convince myself they won’t tell me the extent of my drunken behaviour as they know how it will affect me! This could all be absolute rubbish and I have nothing to worry about! Working from home and having your phone in hand constantly doesn’t help I suppose!

@Onslow1964 good to have an incentive I think. I really struggled to conceive and was advised that both of us should stop drinking alcohol and eat a super healthy diet. 5 months later we were pregnant...

Challenge tonight - I usually have a drink after choir. But I am really trying to get into my head that I just don't drink during the week now.

@Manyrivers synpathies, sounds Very familiar

Some great achievements eg @Amdone123 @bilbodog good luck everyone!

Hello again. Moderate March sounds good. I’ve been moderating in terms of quantity but not doing so well with the AF nights. If I could only drink three nights a week that would be an improvement. Currently only managing one or two AF nights a week. Am changing my routine to exercising when I come home from work at 5.30 and that should hopefully make a difference. It’s so difficult when OH is drinking every night though I’ve managed to persuade him to do one AF night with me.

I’m in for Moderate March! Great idea @Amdone123. I’m still doing AF from Monday-Thursday successfully and am finding that overall I drink less on weekends. I’m still keen to keep reducing if possible.

I have noticed that the cravings I would get every evening at about 5pm have disappeared! I’m really happy about that.

My strategies for going out involve driving, drinking cider, adding soda water and ice to a glass of wine (quite refreshing in the summer) or low alcohol wine. So far so good!

@Onslow1964 alcohol severely exacerbates my anxiety and I’m finding reducing my intake has helped enormously. And sleeping so much better too!

Morning, folks.
Hope you're all feeling motivated this morning for Moderate March ! ( @Mj20 , I won't start a new thread as I'm not sure all of us are doing it, and I wouldn't want to lose anyone ! 🤣)
As with most things I 'commit' to, I'm feeling a tad apprehensive. Not sure why, it's not as if anyone is judging. I think it's a self belief issue. And I shouldn't be like this, as I know I'll achieve my target.
So, my target being 1) no more than 1 bottle of wine in 1 sitting and 2) no more than twice a week.
Ideally, I'd like to drink less than this - and that may well happen, but I think stating this will absolve me of any pressure / doubt.
For you, it's obviously going to be different, and that's fine. It's all about looking at our relationship with it, and seeing how we can improve. We're all different, thank god ❤️
Have a great day, everyone - I'm off to stock up on sparkling water 💦

Failed last night. It's an emotional issue connected to someone at choir. Tasted nice but lowered my mood and this morning I feel groggy and headachy. Need to remind myself of all of that. Back on track now. And despite last night I've drunk Much less over the last 7 days than I've done for months, so.... Good luck everyone. Thanks so much for the support here, pretty certain I couldn't do this alone 🌷

@Amdone123 I'm up for moderate March. Your targets sound good - realistic - will aim for the same.

I'm on for Moderate March please !
3 day AF today and well chuffed but not hyper almost tonight ?
Planning on AF Mon -Thus and no more than 2 bottles at the weekend.

Day 1 ✅
Onto day 2.
An easy day for me today. Brunch that was cancelled before was rearranged for today but as a couple of friends feel a bit fluey, I seized the moment to suggest cancelling. It wasn't going to be a bottomless affair, but I didn't want to go anyway.
I'll probably just do some housework, walk the dog and sleep ( I'm awake at this ungodly hour, despite being tired ! ).
Great to hear you're all keen for this month.