On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Well done on day 10 @Amdone123 and for swerving the craving in the supermarket - I sometimes that think cravings are worse when it's been a good day at work. In answer to your question, the red wine inevitably wasn't as enjoyable as I thought it would be, in fact initially it tasted a bit off. However, after a few sips it got better (which in itself is a bit crazy, you wouldn't perseverse with eating food that tasted off, thinking "ah well, it'll settle down in a minute or two!!"). The single glass on the second night was delicious though..Still, onwards. Only a 3lb weight loss but then I have been eating a ton of Haribo 🤣.

@YouknoweverythingJonSnow , sorry you had bad news. Well done on not opening any wine. It wouldn't have made you feel any better.❤️
@Nomorethanthree73 , I often do that. I don't really like the taste of the first glass, but I persevere. Weird isn't it. I've only read the first chapter of Alcohol Explained but I'm sure he talks about this. As does Annie Grace actually, about most people's first taste of alcohol.

So glad I didn't drink. Awake at 5.30am, and I'm up now and leaving shortly for my other job.
Have a good day, folks.

Morning all, I think I've got alcohol explained will read that at some point! As I said yesterday feeling a bit down but is that normal after coming off it after so long for 3-4 days? I feel ill and hungover when I haven't drank? Day 4 for me and super determined don't think I've done 4 days in god knows so I know I'm happy but I don't know I've had a death in family and other stress going on so maybe that's why I'm not super elated and on the clouds ..also woken up super late so now we are all late oh well....hope everyone has a great day!

@Determineddoris , you're doing really well. Keep going. Your mood may lift soon hopefully, although, like you say, you've got stuff going on, so I'd just weather the storm for now.
I just know, from experience, that it ( drinking) doesn't make me happier long term.

That interesting about the separate room thing @Determineddoris ! I wonder if that is part of it...wanting to be in a separate bubble...Maybe we just want to watch different things (that bit is also true!). I think it is a bit of both for me.
Occasionally we have an evening sat at the dining room table putting the worlds to rights listening to music but that's about it.

I've never really though too much about that (the first glass not tasting as good) but thinking about it 90% of the time that is true to varying extents.

That day 4 ticked off for me. Getting close to beating my last run which I'm finding motivating.

@Coppergate3 , got me thinking there about thee appeal of drinking at home !
I went away last year on my own for a month, it was something I'd always wanted to do. I admit I was lured to the idea initially by thoughts of drinking on my own, when I wanted to, etc, etc, without anyone ( dh, but more especially ds), seeing me.
As it happened, I didn't drink anymore away than I would have done at home.
I think it is wanting to be in a bubble. Escapism.
I'm coping at the moment though, not drinking at home - it's not too bad.
Well done on Day 4 - you're doing well.

@Coppergate3 , sorry, day 5 !

Thank you @Amdone123 ! Funny, I had to work out what day I was on. Started noting it in my diary now. I've done four full days no drinking at home (so AF as not been out either) and today is still young so haven't ticked off day five yet. I'm going to do different 50 day challenge simultaneously, starting at different times so I'll have to come up with a system!

I think there is a lot to be said for this escapism idea. I do wonder about a lot of things - like why am I (and DH) more prone to using alcohol for this? I guess there is no one answer and it is a combination of genetics, personality and parenting. We both have/had 'difficult' (not alcohol related) parents but in very different ways, so I have a tendency to think that factor is the most key even though I know that is a very limited survey!

@Amdone123 I go away on my own at least once a year since my first child was born 17 years ago. I miss my own company with all the chaos. I definitely have used it as an excuse to get drunk too! Now I think I’m more careful because I waste the days hungover!

@Determineddoris when I have stopped after long periods of excess it has taken me about 5 days at least to stop feeling rubbish. The problem is that I always feel like I should be rewarded sooner for my abstinence and then end up drinking again because what’s the point? Only now I have been moderating and having AF days for a few months I would say I’m feeling well. And it’s such a nice feeling I don’t want to go back there again.

Thanks @Bigbus @Coppergate3 @Amdone123 for all your advice and motivation. I can't wait for day 5 then (tomorrow) when I might feel a bit better. My sleep has been quite bad hence waking up late but the early morning light doesn't help and I still sleep with my child that obvs doesn't help (relationship or sleep but that's another story). We also like watching different things and the bubble of escapism. I know for a fact now tho that if I try and block feelings out with alcohol I'm going to feel worse so I'm really trying....it's so hard sometimes not to reach but I honestly have not been tempted I don't know if I want to go through this again if I start drinking again that's my problem...I don't want to go back to detoxing it out of me and then I'll go again to the point of extreme for weeks and months and then think oh shit I better stop again! Vicious circle....I'm not motivated to read any quit lit or anything. I'm avoiding going out completely as I know that's a trigger. My main problem will be tomorrow night when my DH will start drinking maybe I can just retreat upstairs. We hardly talk ATM just busy with everything we end up texting each other with actual important things lol I know kids make life harder sometimes. I do feel I over think things like this morning I was convinced someone ignored me and I got upset about it!!! Sorry long speech hope you will bear with me x

@Determineddoris ,of course we'll bear with you ❤️
If it's any consolation, my dh and I always communicate via text and we can't blame kids. Ours is 35 !!
You're doing brilliantly. I was going to say try not to think about tomorrow night, but also that you could do with a plan for tomorrow night 😏??

Thanks everyone, I resisted last night. Not in until late tonight, but I'm feeling weak so might have a glass or two before bed.

@Determineddoris sorry you are feeling blue, hope you feel a bit better now.

I wish I didn't like the taste, that first sip is heaven to me!

Well done everyone who is getting a few days (or more) under their belts 😊

Hi @YouknoweverythingJonSnow hope you are ok, don't stress about feeling weak, I'm always feeling weak but this week have been feeling strong but this always happens to me! Burn out. You might change your mind when you get home?
I have been a lot more productive in the evenings with cleaning and sorting stuff out so that's a bonus instead of polishing a bottle. I went out earlier and my friend was saying have one at the weekend etc but I'm like I can't bloody have just one I just keep going on and on ...and I can't stop. Then regrets etc. Thanks @Amdone123 I'm trying to think of a plan for tomorrow right now as I'm feeling a bit rubbish I don't feel the need but it's been out of sight out of mind so let's see ...I was right as well about seeing an acquaintance this morning completely blank me and it's not the first time so I ended up messaging her saying have I done something to upset you (she's a neighbour and we are in similar jobs not together tho if that makes sense) known her for many years and she said no she didn't see me which isn't true and then I said oh sorry to have bothered and how are the family and talking about kids asking normal questions and she said really rudely look I've got a busy life and don't message her anymore! Wow I was so upset I just said I haven't done anything to you and wanted to know what I had done to offend you. Anyway it's fine it's been bugging me for a while so I'm glad it's done and dusted but I was very upset and I would have had a drink to stop the bad feelings!!! I'm glad I didn't but this sitting in the feeling thing is pissing me off! I need an escape...I want to go on holiday actually that's what I need and we are going on a short UK break in half term first time this year but I am a bit worried about the drink situation but I'm just going to see how I go...I wish I could say I've lost weight not drinking whole bottles last 4 days but I haven't as I had a huge pizza and sugary drink earlier!

@Determineddoris you don’t need people like that. I’m lucky to have some really good friends I’ve known forever and who have seen me at my absolute worst and still love me. I’ve seen them like that too. That’s what being a friend is all about. Don’t be harsh on yourself.

Morning all !
Definitely I echo @Bigbus , some people are just not worth your time. As I've got older, I've surrounded myself with positive, fun and, dare I say on mumsnet, kind people!
The other tossers don't deserve me 🤣
Also, when someone at work upset me not long ago, I met my dsis and got drunk. I really regret that now. Not even the getting drunk - that's not the end of the world - but doing it because of someone else.
I'm up early as I've got an interview.
Through the night, I had thoughts of drinking this pm.
I think it's going to be difficult this weekend.

Have a great day, folks ❤️

Hi, can I join you? I'm drinking far too much and I'm sick of it. I'm racking up close to 35 units a week. It has crept up, I've been drinking to escape the stress of my marriage ending after finding out my STBXH had been up to no good behind my back for years. He's set up secret email accounts and everything, so devious. Anyway, he's moved out and I'm trying to sell the house. Two kids at home with me.

I want to cut down, I want to be able to enjoy a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend without feeling guilty about it the next morning. I don't want to drink every night like I am just now.

I want to feel healthier, sleep better and be a better mum. I want today to be day 1.

@MumLass , hi and welcome. Of course you can join us.
Sounds like you've been through the mill.
I'm just waiting for a bus, so I'll message you properly later.
But, well done on taking the first step - you can do it ❤️

@MumLass , hi, I'm back.
Yep, it definitely creeps up on you. 1 glass to relax, etc, then next thing it's a bottle a night.
I sleep so much better when I'm not drinking. And even if I'm awake with menopause insomnia, at least my head's not banging.
What are your plans for day 1, then ?
Do you want to abstain for a while, or just moderate?
Do you think you can have a couple then stop ?
I know some people can. I can't, not really. I'm better off abstaining. I thought I would drink today ( I tend to drink during the day), but sometimes it's just a thought and I'm getting loads better at batting it away.
One day at a time, really.
Let us know what you want to do, and we'll help you get there.

@Amdone123 thank you so much for your messages. I really appreciate the support. At the moment I don't want to abstain forever. I just want to feel like I can enjoy the odd drink without 'needing' it. My plan for today is to work, then have a nice curry and an early night. I'm aiming to not drink at all until next weekend, then I'll see how I feel. I've just downloaded 'The Truth About Alcohol' as an audio book to listen to while I potter around over the weekend.

Hopefully I can offer some support to you all too. The way I see it, my drinking has escalated because of my shitty ex husband. I don't want to let him ruin my life any more than he already he has, so I'm going to get a grip on this before it spirals.

Hi @MumLass welcome to this thread,non judgemental and amazing people on here! Sorry to hear the trauma you have gone through must be so hard for you and the children and well done for taking the first steps. I too rack up about the same units I don't even think about it sometimes when I'm in the swing of it. I can't go without a day and drink day evening weekends I was always thinking about when the next one will be from the morning , when I'm in work, when can I have it. I've realised I do use it as a massive crutch when I'm feeling like crap all the time but it feeds my anxiety and problems more so! I am on day 5 and it's been the longest week and I haven't done this for a while I can't remember when maybe some time last year. I tried dry Jan didn't happen, tried Feb didn't happen, tried march etc etc I don't know when I decided enough maybe because of so much self loathing and anxiety was high no sleep peri Meno I just thought on Monday I can't do this. I've tried moderating but I'm not sure it is for me as like @Amdone123 I'm better off abstaining but the future of no drink at all puts the fear in me. Today my kid was so bad in the morning I was crying and then felt mum guilt and thought I'm so close to the fuck it moment but I'm not sure I want to feel worse than I already do.
@Amdone123 how did the interview go? Hope well. It's going to be a difficult weekend for me too I'm exhausted all the time without drink ! Have you go something on this weekend ?
Thanks @Bigbus I also have some genuine friends but I don't think they understand what drink truly does to me it's always the oh just have one or have a cider and don't be too hard on yourself etc one friend has got a bit off with me because I don't want to go out and get drunk with her because she wants to do it...I find it socially horrible as I'm expected to drink it's been pretty crap but I'm trying my best like we all are.

@Determineddoris hi! I know what you mean about not wanting to go out. My friends are so used to me drinking it will seem weird when I say I'm not. I think about drink a lot too, looking forward to when I can have one. It's horrible, and I realise my kids are used to seeing me with a wine glass in my hand. Not good. You're doing brilliantly! Day 5 is awesome. I honestly can't remember the last time I went more than 48 hours without a drink.

Yes @MumLass I said on this thread a few time my kids just see me with a wine glass constantly it's like it's attached to my hand and the familiar clink of it going down on the work top etc it's ridiculous but true!y eldest has been asking about how he wants to taste wine he's only 9! My DH and I aren't getting on great either and it's always worse when I'm abstaining (gives it food for thought as to why I'm like this...he is ok but when he gets annoyed he doesn't set a good example and it's a circle ) I feel like he doesn't help the not drinking situ! He doesn't drink in the week but does Fri sat and Sunday....we always end up having a bottle each if not bottle and a half! I'm just fed up of feeling fat and bloated too! I hope you are ok...have you a plan for not drinking today? Do you go out and buy or is it already in the house ? My husband has a massive wine fridge but for once I haven't even looked at it all week.

@Determineddoris I always have a few bottles of wine in. Always have, habit I guess! Tonight I actually have a tonne of work to catch up on so I'm going to head upstairs with a cuppa - away from the sofa/fridge where I'm likely to go and open a bottle. I've actually bought a couple of non-alcoholic wines so if I really feel the need to have a glass in my hand I will try them.

@Determineddoris , well done on Day 5 ! You're doing so well. I know you've struggled to get a 'streak', but you're doing it ! One day at a time.
Interview went well thanks. If I get it, I'll see what's best for me.
I didn't drink this pm, no. I don't have it in and after the interview, I was going to go shopping but I couldn't be bothered. We don't need anything - it's just spending for the sake of it.
So, day 12 of Not Drinking At Home and Day 6 af. And I've lost 3lb, yay.
@MumLass , I know it's not the same, but I enjoy drinking sparkling water and lemon in a wine glass. It tastes nice and makes me feel good, especially when I sleep really well and my skin gets clearer and clearer.