On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

@Bigbus , sorry to hear you're feeling low. Its bloody awful when you're like that. But, yes, put it behind you and keep going. Hope today gets better for you.
The losing weight thing depresses me. It's a habit / treadmill with me. I actually like the way I look, but still concentrate on the number on the scales.
God, my dh is off. He's pottering about, and organising the house. I've just had Lockdown flashbacks - think I'll go out 🤣

I hear you @Bigbus. I got absolutely rat-arsed watching Eurovision. Ended up throwing up and ate enough food to feed a small country - for a year. Felt not just low yesterday but quite panicky. What a rubbish end to a weekend.

@youboozeyoulose , it can only get better. The Eurovision's enough to send anyone over thee edge !
I've got a strong craving today. Just took dog out and I'm pleased that it's not as warm as it looks, otherwise I'd be in the garden.

@coppergate, I had a thought that I could go for a pub lunch, and therefore drink, but I can't be that bothered 🤣
Day 8 hopefully ✅

A little bit of sunshine and a day off work and my mind immediately goes to, wine and garden! Gave myself a telling off, no point in wasting a day off work drinking just to feel terrible at work tomorrow!

Off to do my food shop and going for a walk. Wish my mind would operate differently at times!

@Manyrivers , same here. At least you've got work tomorrow to help you make the good choice. I'm off til Wednesday 😏
Having said that, I don't want to feel rough tomorrow, work or not !
I'm taking advantage of a beautiful day by washing and drying anything I can get my hands on.

I've got to accept that I stretched my 'garden' loophole too far yesterday. I poured myself a glass of wine thinking it was 19:20 but it was 18:20 - I carried on anyway, and it was slightly chilly so inside for some. Had three glasses I think. Did stop and swap to a options hot chocolate when I came in but even so... I regretted it this morning - not because I was hungover but because it just wasn't that good and wasn't worth it or where I want to be. Wish I was ticking off day 8 today instead!

Not sure now whether to start the 50 day challenge again or count how many days in the 50 days I stuck to it! I'm going to go with start again. I plan to have several 50 day challenges this year around various different things...and I accept several are going to take some practice runs...hopefully I won't need 50 of those! What I've learnt this time is that in the garden is still 'at home' - no more loophole!

Round 1 - five days
Round 2 - here we go!

@Coppergate3 , never mind ! You're trying, that's all you can do. I hear you regarding the loophole 🤣
I had a vision of me saying, ' I've completed the 50 day challenge but I haven't been home since the beginning of May ', said from my premier inn room, a la Alan Partridge.
I am able to ✅ day 8 ( 16% sounds better), but it's been quite hard.
My ds came round unexpectedly with some dog food and treats. Let's just say I'm glad he didn't phone me from tesco, asking if I wanted anything.
I'll be ok tomorrow as I've got zumba in the evening.
Start again tomorrow, you can do it.

Thanks @Amdone123 !

Well done on your Day 8!
I was on the wagon today again so I've got my day 1 ✅Went for a walk in the evening - it was lovely 😀. Got another kind of motivation now but that's a big one so I'll leave that for tomorrow...

@Coppergate3 that sounds intriguing! Well done on getting back to your challenge. I think it’s great that you’ve not given up because of one blip - in the past do you would have let that derail you?

Best wishes to everyone else and I hope everyone is ok.

Morning, folks, how are we all doing ?
@Coppergate3 , well done for getting back on it.
All good here. Slept well, and I'm aiming for the next 4 days af until I may go out Saturday just for tea, etc, but No Drinking At Home.

Hi all, just checking in on Day 28 or Day 2, depending on how you look at it. I drank some red wine at the weekend and it was sort of planned, half a bottle on Friday night and a large glass on Saturday. There were no bad physical effects after my 4 weeks sober, which surprised me, but oh my god, the anxiety. I woke up at 6am on Saturday obsessing about a party invite that I hadn't yet rsvp'd to. The deadline to reply is the middle of June but I became so aggravated that I got up, dug out the invitation and sent an e mail at 6.30am on a Saturday morning! I spent the rest of the day feeling jittery and weird. On Sunday morning after just one 250ml glass I was fine, no anxiety. This has really thrown me - I have really enjoyed the benefits of stopping for a while but never intended to give up entirely. On the other hand, I can't go back to the massive anxiety, it's horrible. This never used to happen when I was younger, but as I'm hurtling towards 50 my emotions seem to have malfunctioned...!! Maybe the answer is stopping at one glass, but can I realistically do that??!! Aaarrghh!! I'm going to continue not drinking for another three weeks, as planned and see where I am then. Thank you all for this thread, it's keeping me sane (er)!

@Nomorethanthree73 , wow, you're doing really well. The anxiety is pretty awful, I know. I wonder if your tolerance has gone down and the half a bottle affected you differently ?
Did you enjoy the half a bottle ?
Maybe it is time to give up entirely even though that originally wasn't your intention. I know I'm happier af but unfortunately the habit is still there, which is why I'm considering the antabuse tablets - these would take alcohol off the table once and for all.

So I totted up the drinks I had this weekend over Friday evening til Sunday evening and it adds up to 4 and a half bottles of wine. My drinking absolutely has a binge pattern and is very much all or nothing. I feel like I should feel really guilty and worried and ashamed but I just feel kind of ... numb ... and I want to put it into a box and push it to the back of the shelf and not think about it.

But I have to think about it! And more importantly do something about it.

@Steppered , I think many of us on here are all or nothing - and definitely a pattern of binges for me, too.
At least you're addressing it. You're not burying your head in the sand.
Do you want to try a few days af ?
Maybe til the weekend, one day at a time ?

Well, I drank last night - bottle of beer and four glasses of wine. BUT I feel so much better today so am positive no drinking tonight. Really need to hold out now until Friday to get a few days AF this week.

@Nomorethanthree73 four weeks AF is a fantastic achievement. Sorry you had such bad anxiety, it is very hard to abstain completely or just to one glass.

@Steppered I am the same. I have a high tolerance so can keep going without being drunk/getting a bad hangover. It was great in my youth, but not good for me now!

Thanks @Bigbus ! Yes, definitely think in the past that would've simply been the start of the very steep slippery slope back to drinking every/most night.

Unfortunately, my additional reason isn't good. The walk was with DS (19) last night and he expressed real concern, and shed tears, about his dad's drinking and the impact on his health. Lots to say here and wouldn't know where to start - obviously more complex that this and I'm mixed in with this too. I guess my drinking looks 'normal' most of the time when compared to DHs.

Right now, what I can do is stop drinking at home myself and continue to moderate when out (which I know is much easier when not drinking very/nearly every day). We will be trying to help DH but ultimately he has to want to do it himself (and seek and accept help), I hope this is finally the wake up call of all wake up calls but...we'll see. I absolutely have to stop enabling it though and sort out my drinking too - this I do have control over.

Zero interest in drinking today so I'm going to tick off day 2 ✅already.

@Coppergate3 , well done on Day 2 ✅. Sorry to hear about your ds being upset. Yes, dh has to want to help himself - it's so difficult worrying about someone else when you've got enough on your plate.
If I'd never drank at home and only ever drank when out, my life and my relationship with my ds and dh would look totally different. We get on well enough but the challenging situations we've experienced at home, have all been down to me drinking.
I hope it gets better for you all.

Thank you @Amdone123 ❤

Yes, looking back over the last 20 years...I do wonder how different things could've been if we didn't have this in our lives. It has definitely marred things...can't change it now though.

Looking ahead to the next 20 years now and striving to do better. 🌱

Hi everyone , I hope you are all well. @Coppergate3 I am also on day 2. A lot of you guys are mixed some drink at home, some more when they're out and binge I am all of it! I drink at home every day, what someone also mentioned @Amdone123 I think about Christmas drinks but wanting to drink when you are alone that is so me!!! Also when my DH is at work or out I also cannot wait to get my hands on a bottle and drink it! No idea why our mind works like this. I wish someone could give me an explanation....
I went out with a friend over the weekend (she says she is crazy herself ) but I thought can't be that crazy but lo and behold don't remember have the night and rocked in at 7am....I hated myself the next day my DH was being so horrible to me (gaslighting saying I have messed up friends who have affairs she did but so what I'm not judging and I'm not in a state at my age to start having affairs !!) Ridiculous and I did all the housework still with no sleep and it still wasn't enough and we had big arguments etc. .I decided I felt so so low and shit (how a lot of you have described) that I'm off it for a bit I don't know how long for though I don't want to put pressure on myself but for now I ain't touching the poison! Argh wish things were simpler ...there's loads of trouble and strife too in my life as everyone's I expect but want to deal with it without blocking it with booze. Plus I saw a video of myself from said night and I looked so so fat I felt so depressed! And I know I am downing empty calories every night ! Wish me luck ! I hope all of you who were feeling a bit crappy are feeling bit better today and we are all trying our best and thank you to all of you. @Mj20 hope you are ok? Xx

@Determineddoris , just take it one day at a time. Try to put all that behind you. I say this because when I'm af, I've noticed I start to feel good then for some reason I remember all the rubbish. Then to block it, I go back on it. It's a pattern I recognised so now when I get flashbacks, I quickly think of something else !
I've been thinking of @Mj20 , too. Hope you're ok, lovely.

Well, the Not Drinking At Home is working somewhat for me. It's been difficult at times and made worse I think that dh is off work. Any change in circumstances gets me thinking a bit rebelliously.
But it's day 9 ( and day 4 af, after the weekend). I've been a bit ratty - but I think that's cos dh is off !
I went to salsa aerobics last night. Pleased I did something.

Evening, all.
Well, the No Drinking At Home is proving really difficult. I enjoyed work then nearly took a detour via the supermarket as I had such a strong craving. I thought I'll just get 1 bottle, make myself a nice tea and it'll be fine. Then I thought I don't want 1 bottle - it affects my sleep and makes me feel tired the next day, but I didn't want 2 bottles when I'm busy tomorrow with an early start. I remembered last time I had 2, I was so hungry the next day - was awful.
Anyway, I'm home now. I've had a pizza and half an easter egg - all good !
Day 10 ✅

Double figures @Amdone123 🌟! Well done for resisting that craving!

I had the afternoon off - planned to do some work at home but ended up eating biscuits after lunch (which wasn't filling - need to go shopping!), getting the post-lunch tiredness and then having nap. I must go shopping (tonight) and get in some healthy and filling things for lunch for a start and stop this!

Hope day 3 is going well for you @Determineddoris . It is interesting how we have different triggers/habits around drink. I'm the opposite - DH is away with work for a couple of nights now and even before I was trying to moderate the alcohol, that would've meant I was much less likely to drink - even though we often drink in separate rooms!

How was last night @YouknoweverythingJonSnow ?

Hope everyone else is doing ok too?

Amazing @Amdone123! I think once you get past the mental hurdle at whatever time that is for you, the rest of the night is fine. It's getting through that that's hard.

@Determineddoris I know that photo feeling 😩 I also stay out very late when I got out with my friends, we try and only do one big one every month or so, but it ruins me for days - tired and eat everything. I do wonder when I will grow up.

I was AF last night, but had some really awful news today so came home and had one beer. I know if I drink wine I will cry more and feel worse tomorrow, so trying not to.

Hope you're doing ok @YouknoweverythingJonSnow - sorry to hear that you've had bad new today 💐

Sorry to hear you've had bad news @YouknoweverythingJonSnow hope you will be ok and well done for not opening the emotional wine. I cried today twice(once at work) but I know it's my body detoxing and hormones...I'm ill too not sure what it is cold/hayfever/virus/alcohol making its way out my body???
@Coppergate3 we also drink in separate rooms!!! It's odd isn't it. He watches his trash and me mine. I'm doing well on day 3>>>I'm happy with that but feeling very low and lack of sleep hoping that will improve. Not looking forward to Friday as that's when DH will.open bottles of wine....hope everyone else is ok and well done @Amdone123 on day ten bloody hell!!!