On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Good morning everyone. I hope everyone is feeling ok. I’m still moderately despite the GCSE stress! Last night I felt a bit down because I really would have liked to have had more than one small glass of wine but now I’m enjoying the benefits of not drinking this morning! I really think this thread helps because I know if I do have a bad night/week there is no judgement so I don’t feel worried about coming back.

@Bigbus yes, I can feel like that sometimes. I was fed up the other week and when I examined why, it was because I felt deprived. I now tell myself .....have a drink if you want.....you're an adult etc, etc,
Just giving myself The Green Light helps !
And, I'm glad you don't feel worried about sharing - we've all got enough on our plates without any judgement from anyone ❤️

Hope everyone's alright x

@Steppered , hey, how are you doing?

Hey, yeah I'm okay thanks. Last weekend for the Coronation was fine, had a few drinks with no issues. Been dry 3 days this week - had forgotten we are hosting all weekend so I'll be likely drinking this weekend once the kids are in bed and especially that the sun is out. Nothing too wild though as have lots of weekend plans. Hope everyone has a good one with this tempting sun supposed to be (finally!) forthcoming

Not sure what to do with myself right now! 6.25 pm on a Friday night...It's not that I particularly want to drink either. Just at a loose end and definitely not in the habit of doing anything productive on a Friday night!

Quite fancy seeing 'book club - the next chapter' but DH definitely wouldn't come with me and it is too late to round up friends. I don't think I saw the first one so I might see if I can track that down later.

@Coppergate3 , I know what you mean. We're on our way to the holiday cottage, stuck in traffic. Family has messaged to say hurry up, the wine is chilling.
If I'd have been at home, I'm not sure what I'd be doing.

Hope you've arrived now @Amdone123 ! Have a great time!

Somehow pottered my way through to 8 pm without watching TV or drinking! Got a few jobs ticked off. Going to have a hot chocolate and watch TV now...see if I can find that film (will almost certainly then realise I've already watched it!). Pleased I didn't cave now 😀.

Hi everyone, just catching up with all the posts. Hope everyone is doing well with their goals.

I dropped off the radar a bit but have been making progress.

Started a holiday diet 3 weeks ago and have been tracking calories which has been eye opening when logging booze! Not totally abstaining but have been more mindful of how much and what I drink, sticking to single gins and low percentage beers.

Only had one bad day where I succumbed to the wine temptation (last Sunday), but the terrible hangover has focused me to not do that again.

I have had two gins this evening and am retiring to bed before I even think about any more.

Hi all, apologies for not being around for ages. I got quite sick with a virus that just wouldn’t go away. I’ve slipped up a few times since.
I am proud to say that I did pass my one year anniversary of being drunk. It was 1 April 2022 when I got drunk at a friends house. I haven’t drunk to excess since. I’m pretty pleased about that.
BUT if I’m not careful I find myself drinking every night, which was what I was doing toward the end of 2022. I could drink about 3/4 bottle of wine each night.
So I put myself on a Mon-Thurs AF regime and it has been working pretty well. I’ve found a lovely AF rose that has saved me many times.
I have been slipping back into bad habits recently so I need accountability again….here I am!
Hope everyone is doing ok. waves from a mild sunny autumn day in Australia

Good Morning Everyone,

I'm not seeing any of our promised sun yet but going out to exercise this morning anyway! I did drink last night a bottle of 8% wine and having guests over tonight that will also involve wine.

My new perspective on my journey is like perfecting a cake recipe. If I want something different I need to change the recipe. Add in a cup more exercise, few more spoons of healthy foods, few less mils of wine, and just a pinch of junk foods. See how it tastes, and keep experimenting! Feels less pressure this way to me and by sharing I hope it resonates with some of you. I've been hangover free for weeks now and it feels amazing. Take a check on how far you've come, not just how far there is to go.

Have a great day everyone!

@Manyrivers thats a great way to think about it! I’ve definitely adjusted the recipe to stop hangovers for the most part and to feel more healthy and in control. What I’m missing is the pinch of fun I think. It feels a bit boring at the moment. Like my motto should be ‘if it tastes nice, don’t eat it, if it gets you drunk, don’t drink it’! However I hold on to the feeling I feel when I have lost a few pounds (I’m am about 3 stone over where I want to be) or have a weekend morning that doesn’t feel like rubbish.

Today I have a challenge. I’m going to some friends for a Eurovision party. This is traditionally a drunken affair - I’ve been having Eurovision parties since I was 17 and now I’m 46! I really would like to let my hair down tonight but I’ve got so used to feeling good in the morning and I don’t want to eat loads which I will if I drink loads. So I’m going to try to have fun semi-moderating! Put small amounts of wine in my glass, drink slowly, have some water. I do want to be a bit tipsy but not wasted. This is my biggest challenge - avoid the wine monster without having to abstain completely. Eventually I’d like to be able to do this without thinking.

@Bigbus I can relate to everything you say. I've got just over 2 stone to shift and also in my 40s! Your party sounds so fun! Concentrate on the atmosphere and not the food and wine, that's what I've been trying to do when I'm socialising, sort of saying in my head "I'm here to be amongst friends, the food and drinks are just extras". The struggle is real 😃

Well that did not go according to plan. It’s going to be a long day….

@Bigbus same here, light hangover this morning. I didn't even drink that much but somehow got quite drunk! Maybe my tolerance has lowered. I actually felt out of control last night which I hate!

Another lesson for us on this journey. I hope you are not feeling too bad.

Aww @Bigbus - Hope you had lots of fun!

I had a couple of glasses of wine last night. A dubious loophole. I had them in the garden not 'in' our home. DS asked for a BBQ - can't say that would've been our #1 choice, especially as he then went out and didn't come back until just before it was ready! I didn't drink until then - so 7.45 pm, and when we came back in I threw the remainder (admittedly not much) of my second glass away and made a hot chocolate.

I signed up for the ZOE plan a few days ago. I don't get my test kits, or start, until August though. I signed up for a full 12 months membership, so I hope I like it. It all feels like spending money for no reason and most of it I already know but...I've got a friend doing it who is very enthused with it and I could really do with some motivation, so if this permanently changes some eating habits it will be money well spent.

In the meantime I'm going to listen to 'Food for Life' which I bought on Audible when it first came out but I've only managed about 10 mins of so far, and some if the Podcasts and focus on increasing my veg intake (which I love, not having more is pure laziness/poor habits). Target for today - listen to 20+ mins and start making veg my go to food.

@Manyrivers it’s the loss of control that’s the thing that I’m annoyed with myself about. I’ve certainly been drunker and more hungover in the past but what bugs me about last night is I had a plan and I couldn’t stick to it. I’m wondering if I’ll have to go AF when I go out for a few months and then start again slowly but I honestly find the idea of going out AF really difficult.

@Coppergate3 it sounds like you did really well! I definitely should have thrown my wine away!

Morning, folks ! I'm home from my break.
We had a brilliant time. I had planned to not drink on the Friday but drink on Saturday. Anyway, by the time we got there, the gathering was in full swing, so ended up staying up til 1am. Probably had about 2 bottles. Wasn't too hungover Saturday as I slept in til 10am - unheard of for me. Saturday I didn't drink bar 2 shandies and at the meal, drank diet coke - another first !
So, I'm pleased with that. I still haven't drank at home@Coppergate3 - day 7 today, though like you in the garden 🤣, it's a dubious loophole as it's my 2nd home ! Well done for not caving Friday evening, that's great.
@Manyrivers and @Bigbus , hope you're not feeling too bad - these slip ups happen. Just rest up today if you can. You've both been doing really well.
I've not got anything on now til end of May, another family gathering, so I'm af til then. Dh is off for 2 weeks and he said we'll go out for a few meals - that'll be lovely and I can drink with my meals just not carry on at home, right @Coppergate3 🤣💯

I've just seen this on another thread - Alcohol Use Disorder Identification Test ( AUDIT), so I googled it.
I scored 20 - indicates possible dependence, and advises 'consider referral to specialist Alcohol harm assessment.'
Wish I hadn't googled it !!!

Just had a go at the AUDIT test @Amdone123 - I scored between 15 and 17 for my pre 50 day challenge drinking. I did it for DH too (I answered the questions for him - he doesn't know) and he got 25. Well I guess we knew we had a problem and at least we are taking steps to keep it under some control. DH on the other hand hasn't had an alcohol free day in 2023 so far and doesn't really seem to think there is a problem with that.

Yes, that is exactly it @Amdone123 - no carrying on at home [unless we wrap up warm and sit in the garden]!

We're having another BBQ tonight (simply because we need to use up the food we bought for the one yesterday). At the moment I'm not sure whether I want to drink or not. There is something about a BBQ that makes drinking more likely/needed - maybe because I don't really like them...

@Coppergate3 , I know a lot of people who would score a lot higher than me, too ! But you're right, we're doing something about it - we're trying and I think it was @Manyrivers who said it upthread about hangovers....it being a long time since I've had a really bad hangover. Mainly because I've been 'drinking' differently. Hope that makes sense.
I'd drink if I were going to a bbq, definitely. I'd drink today but I haven't got anything in. Another day ✅ though - and I'll be glad tomorrow.
Whatever you decide, don't worry about it. ❤️

It's not been a good few days for me, not drunk drunk, but had a lot from early on over the weekend, and drank Thursday and Friday nights too. Feel fat and rubbish now - do NOT want to do that test 😩

I'm going to try and not drink until Friday now, then just have a few and nothing on Saturday as DH is out. That's a real test for me as I usually go mad when he goes out, don't know why.

I just did the test and got 19. If I’d done it six months ago it would have been worse. 10 years ago it would have been off the scale. My doctor said then “I think you are delusional about your own ability to control your alcohol intake”

I think I’ve made quite a bit of progress from then but it’s still not ideal.

There’s one question that always confuses me on these things, the one about do you ever find yourself unable to stop drinking when you’ve started? It’s not so much that I “can’t” but alcohol (as I’m sure we all know!) makes you disinhibited so I’m not trying to stop if I’ve started as I think I’m enjoying myself

@EnoughEnoughnow , I think that question means can you just have a couple then stop? I would have said No, about 3 years ago. Now I can ( sometimes, depends who I'm with, but actually if I bought 1 or 2 bottles, I'd probably drink til it's gone).
And my score would have been higher not long ago.
You're making progress so focus on that, but yes, I do think like you - not ideal.
@YouknoweverythingJonSnow , sorry you're feeling awful. It does get you like that, though. Try now to be af til Friday, one day at a time. You can do it.
And regarding the drinking when your dh goes out, I would do that, too. It's part of that drinking alone and at home problem I'm trying to tackle. It's a form of rebellion to me. Like I never drank much over the years at Christmas. I'm not interested when everyone else is doing it. I want (ed) to drink on a cold Tuesday in February when everyone was out at school or work.

I have woken up this morning feeling really low. I think because not only did I drink too much on Saturday I also ate enough cheese to sink a ship. It’s weigh day today and I’ll be lucky to stay the same. I had done so well until Saturday. I think another thing that’s getting me down is that if I wasn’t trying to moderate and lose weight I would have really looked forward to Saturday and would have not felt so bad afterwards. But I will take positives from the fact that I’ve been successfully and unconsciously moderating at home.

seems I’m the opposite to you guys @Amdone123 and @Coppergate3 - it’s going out that seems to be my problem now. I used to be just as you described @Amdone123 - I loved it when my husband went away and the kids were in bed so I could drink a bottle of wine and watch Bridget Jones half tipsy. I miss those days!

But I do know that moderating and losing weight will be much better for me in the long run so I’ll pick myself up and give myself a shake and put this weekend behind me.