On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Glad you had a lovely day @Amdone123 without the wine. I didn't fare so well all weekend and all week! Literally just have had no break from it. I wish I felt I didn't feel like it or need it or like the taste of it anymore or just for a few days! I haven't caught up on the thread lots of new people who can I say are doing wonderful well done all of you! @Mj20 sounds like you are doing fab too with the moderating hope you are well xx

So far I am managing my first AF day for about a week! Yesterday I had two small glasses of Prosecco at lunchtime but nothing for the rest of the day, even though my mum bought a bottle of wine round in the evening - she had a glass, I did not. I would really love a little glass of red wine right now!

Managed not to drink tonight despite major cravings.

Well done colouring 1st night is often the hardest .
I'm on my third week of AF all week amd tonight if I'm honest I hardly thought about it and I'm sooo productive !
Everyone's stories on here are so supportive .

Thanks @Amdone123 for the welcome again! I only did 1 day outta two since I posted the other day. Back to day one again today!! Like your phrase "getting off the treadmill". That's exactly how it feels! One day at a time! I'm really going to try and not drink today!!!

@stoppingnow let's keep trying - day 1 and just for today, don't drink.
( I don't really go back to day 1, I count the af days, and note the blips - hope that makes sense. I always felt demoralised going back to day 1 ).
@colouringindoors , well done for ignoring those cravings. It's a really difficult thing to do. My friend says I'm good at getting af days under my belt, and I am, but when the seed is planted for me, a tornado won't stop me.
At the moment, I've lost interest.
Friday was bad and I still feel embarrassed and a bit ashamed - but I am also my own worst enemy. I just know I don't want to be like that again.
@Manyrivers , how did you get on yesterday?
@Easterdaffsx , that feeling of 1) not being too bothered about it and 2) being so productive....I'm aiming for an af weekend so my goals right there ! ( Day out was cancelled - I'm glad about that ).
I've have to go food shopping today and sometimes that 'seed' is planted - but it's not today. In fact, Aldi do some really nice fizzy drinks. I'll buy them.
Have a great day, folks ❤️💯

@Amdone123 yesterday was fine, really nice relaxing evening and no stop off on route home for wine, I felt better for it this morning. Aiming for the same tonight I have some AF free lagers in the fridge, I had one last night whilst watching TV and found I enjoyed just the one. Pity I can't do that with the real stuff! "A tornado won't stop me" made me laugh, yes that's me also!

@Manyrivers , well done for not stopping to buy more - that's really good. I've had the exact same thought with af beer / and especially af wine - 1 is fine, thanks !
Well, a very miserable day here, weather is appalling. I usually enjoy work but today everyone was a bit down.
I had to pop into a shop on the way home. I actually stood in front of the wine and prosecco. I thought just because I'm cold and somewhat miserable today doesn't mean I should drink. I played it forward and knew that if I bought any, not only would I have paid £30 for a headache, but tomorrow I'd be cold, miserable and hungover. I actually laughed out loud in the shop.
I am ridiculously proud of myself because I think that's the first time that's happened. This thread is helping enormously - thanks ❤️

Good evening everyone! I'm back. I said I was doing 30 days af 🤣what a joke ! I am sick so sick of this merry go round of
Trying to moderate so
I’ve started listening to Allen carrs book and I feel so torn like it’s telling me to similar to this naked mind to prepare to have no doubts over my decision on going AF, forever! This is the part I’m
Up too! Not even half way & I’m so scared of giving up this poison?! It sounds so ridiculous when I put it like that put I feel like it’s all I know since I was 20 every single occasion, every weekend & I’m now 36! It’s destroying my mental health & lots of other things! Why am I so scared 😫😫😫 maybe I’m not ready, maybe I’m in denial I don’t know. Either way I'm hating the cycle I'm in.
I hope everyone is having a good day ❤️

@Amdone123 Really great news you resisted grabbing a bottle! It's that mindset change that helps us along. I keep telling myself I've never regretted nor having a drink but regretted it countless times.

Question for the group: Whats your view on alcohol free? Good substitute or just a crutch to mask your issue?

I've been giving it some thought since I bought the AF beer. I genuinely like the taste but wonder if its more a mind trick. All opinions welcome!

@indieray I am so with you on this! This sickening merry go around. I've realised I'm an all or nothing (well I realised ages ago but just thought I'd have a stint and then back to drinking every fricking day) I'm fed up and also scared trust me. It's my crutch for sure...I hate it sometimes but love drinking !??
@Manyrivers I've tried quite a bit of AF and to the point I've got AF beer that has now gone past it's use by date lol not funny but funny. No wine has ever been 'good enough' surprisingly a nozeco is pretty decent and the fake gins and seedlip but it's expensive!

@indieray , exactly the same.
Well, at first. Now I think just try it because after a while, it could become your 'normal'. It could be a better way of living, because whilst at first this drinking lark was fun, it's not so much fun now.
Certainly, if I could turn back time to being 36, I'd give up. I don't like regrets but the last 20 years would probably have been better ?
It's a difficult one - I know lots of people who have given up - some miss it but will never go back to it ( a bit like those who've given up smoking), some don't even give it a 2nd thought and some just regret the time, energy and expense they invested.
Sorry, none of that is helpful really.
It bloody well is scary.
( oh, a friend likened it to having a toxic relationship with a partner - no good for you, but so difficult to give up - quite a few similarities I find).
Regarding af substitutes, I think if they work for you, have them. I really enjoy af perroni, but it's quite expensive for what it is, and I'm just as happy drinking Pepsi max or sparkling water, so tend to have them. Also, Gordon's af gin n tonic, in the cans is great for me, especially in summer.
I think I can have af beer / gin, because I don't drink it normally so have no expectations. Wine is different - I expect a 'hit'. Which obviously doesn't happen.

Good morning everyone.
@indieray i completely understand where you are coming from. I Just can’t get out of my head the idea that life would be boring without alcohol. It’s an ingrained part of my life, every event involves drinking and the same for my friends. I literally can’t imagine not drinking on an evening out and enjoying myself and yet when I was younger I was often the designated driver and when I was pregnant I didn’t drink. I resist the AF books and podcasts because I’m not ready to let go yet. It’s ridiculous! Anyway this thread is definitely helping with the moderation so that’s good (and less embarrassing!).

Morning everyone! Thankyou for your support and replies! I've been questioning my relationship with alcohol for about 7 years! Off n on and was never ever ready to let it go completely, scared the life out of me but I am telling my myself that it's taking more from me than I am getting from it!& I don't know how long this will be but I need a clear head to make permanent decisions! The sober podcasts are amazing honestly when you listen your like omg that's me ! Didn't make me stop but opened my mind a bit more. Hope everyone has a great day xx

@indieray , and....you've hit the nail on the head, saying it takes more than it gives. I wrote a list a while back of all my reasons for wanting to abstain / moderate. So many. I'm going to write my list again this morning and put it on the wall.

Well, my 'first' yesterday ( of walking away from the wine ), has affected me in such a positive way. It's made me so happy - much happier than the drinking ever did. I now believe I can do other 'firsts' - go for a meal, go out with friends, etc.
Belief I can do it is a big part of it for me.
Confidence and self - belief.

Not a first, but I'm planning an af weekend if anyone wants to join ?
I also need a list of things to do this weekend, so I'll do that this morning, too.
I swear I write a list of lists I need.
Have a great day, everyone.

It’s so reassuring to read everyone’s comments. I can relate to what everyone is saying.

I can’t and don’t want to go AF. I want to get to a point where I can moderate so that after having drinks I don’t feel so terrible I feel like I need to go AF. If that makes sense?

It’s only more recently where I’ve started to have urges to drink at home and alone. Something I’ve never done before. I’ve only ever socially drunk (where I write myself off). Where are these urges coming from. 😖

I am going away in 10 days and have anxiety about it. We’re going with friends and they’re all big boozers (and they don’t care that they are). I want to have some drinks but I don’t want to ruin my short trip feeling rough.

@Swannyb , You want to stop after 2 or 3, then switch to af ? Can you do this on your trip away ?
I've done this before. I was anxious, too, as the social pressure is bloody ridiculous. I found after a short while, people concentrated on themselves and left me alone.
You need a plan !
Can you walk yourself through the trip and have a think of what you want to do ? For example, travelling there....Will you stop off ? First day, first night out ?
Can you take some af drinks, carry water, snacks ?
Play it forward, too. You don't want to feel rough on your trip away ( and it sort of defeats the object of going away !). Can you go off on your own, walking, etc ?
And can you dilute your drinks ?
Sorry if all that's jumbled. I just know planning can work for me.

Thanks for your response. I would love to just have 2 - 4 drinks slowly then stop there. We've made lots of plans which don't include alcohol but I have no doubt every evening will end in drinks. I wish I could feel confident in my self control. I just need to stay focussed and determined that I can do this and the priority is to feel good on this trip. I. Can. Do. This.

Yes, @Swannyb , that's exactly it. I know when I've moderated over a weekend away, it hasn't been easy. I really had to focus. It was quite tiring at times, but worth it.
You Can Do It
p.s - you can always check in with us

Hey so i had typed a post earlier but it went again so starting fresh. I did last night AF. But had a 3 glasses of red this evening! It seems to be every second night!! Which I suppose is better than every night which is wat I was doing before that! Thanks @Amdone123 I think it helps to count Af days rather than feeling like your back to scratch when you do drink. Good tip! Tomorrow I'm not drinking!! Hope everyone's doing well, must go back over previous posts to read as didn't get a chance yet! Think that's my problem , it's a hectic days with 3 smallies I wish I could sink myself into quit lit and sober blogs but don't get a chance until after dinner time which I have already poured a glass . I need to find a way to manage it a bit better. X

So I've been listening a lot to more YouTube videos about cravings and it's so fascinating! I get my wine witch about 6 o clock , after a while it wears off. I am just saying to myself to get over it(literally) 🤣 after a day of not drinking I don't even really get it .amazing really! My plan is to keep educating myself before I make total lifestyle permanent changes!
What are everyone thoughts on drinking one night a month? Like I will mark a day / night out and allow myself to drink on that day. Like I know it sounds ridiculous to some as what's the point but I will just say to myself 'oh you can drink on that night ' so I dont feel too deprived all at once ! Has anyone done similar ? Maybe silly rules to some but for now it seems ok. I just don't want to be white Knuckling it til that one date! Hope everyone is doing okay

Good Morning Everyone,

I have got to Thursday AF. 😀 I can't remember the last time (definitely around 2020) that I had 4 consecutive AF days. I feel amazing, clear headed, on top of tasks and chores, well rested and pretty proud of myself!

@indieray the one night a month doesn't sound like a bad idea. I'm travelling this weekend and accepted that Sunday I would be having a few drinks. After my 4 day AF stint I'm not sure I will want to but we will see. I'm starting to think the more days AF I have and the better I feel, it might put me off the planned drinking! If not at least I have greatly reduced intake which is what you would achieve with 1 day per month. I don't think any ideas around reduction are silly, we need to experiment to see what works for us.

Morning, everyone!
@Manyrivers , well done on the consecutive af days - you're doing great and so glad you're reaping the benefits. @stoppingnow , gosh, it must be hard with 3 little ones. I'd be doing more than drinking at the end of the day. It's good you recognise what's happening though. What else could you do at that time when you'd normally pour a glass ? Have a nice bath ?
@indieray, I agree with @Manyrivers , see what works for you. In many ways, I do the 1 day I'll look forward to - I'm going out a week on Sunday and was thinking I'll probably drink then, although admittedly not with my usual enthusiasm. But I work more on the premis that Just For Today, I Won't Drink. That helps me. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, so I just concentrate on today. And of course, tomorrow never comes !

Well, I'm feeling really good. In the past 16 days, I've only drank on 2 days and they were that bad, I don't even want to repeat them. The thought of it just makes me shudder. Not easy to admit I was a bloody embarrassment but I was.
I woke in the night and thought, wow - I love not drinking !!
I've even been watching tennis without a drink - it's a week of Firsts for me.
Have a great day, everyone ❤️

Well done everyone! @Amdone123 you are doing so well. I had a bottle of wine last night and I’m not pleased with myself. I had always intended to have some wine last night - it was planned- but not that much. Then I woke up at 5.30 feeling crap and regretful but I’m sort of taking that as a win because before I started moderating I wouldn’t really notice drinking a bottle of wine, it would have to be more than that. So I guess my tolerance is going down! Anyway I went back to sleep and feel ok now. Must remember how much better I feel AF. It’s not easy!

@Bigbus , thanks !
And that is progress so that's great. And good that you're looking at the positives, no point beating ourselves up. Sometimes it's baby steps and sometimes it's back to the drawing board, but we'll get there !