On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Good Morning Everyone, Happy Friday!

Ok so I had a moderation fail last night. I bought wine after work thinking of 2 glasses. Didn't happen and I emptied the bottle.

This has reinforced that drinking alone at home doesn't work for me. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go 100% sober but abstaining is starting to look more and more attractive. I'm out tonight for a social event and I'm going sober.

As much as I hate my fails and I feel pretty bad today, this is an important step in my learning and understanding my drinking. If you've had a fail this week, don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself, view it as a step in your journey and keep moving forward. ✨️

@Manyrivers , great attitude. Don't worry about it, keep on learning. And it's great that you're not drinking tonight so it sort of evens itself out.

We're snowed in here so not going away for the weekend. I've got a food delivery coming and I've ordered wine. Out of the past 9 days, I've drank on one day. I've planned today really. I'll probably regret it tomorrow !!

@Amdone123 8 days AF is a great achievement. Let us know how you get on this weekend.

@Amdone123 How's the the snow by you now?

I've had a good hangover free day and I'm planning another AF evening. I've planned to meet a friend for dinner tomorrow and a few drinks. Test will be for me to not buy more on the way home. I have an important work meeting on Monday so that will be my "play it forward moment". Watch this space! Another learning step.

I hope everyone is well this weekend and I just want to say how thankful I am to have found this thread, its helping me enormously!

@Manyrivers , hi. Snow has cleared and now it's just raining - what else? 🤣
Well, I drank yesterday, as was the plan. I cooked, cleaned - anyone else get a surge of energy when drinking? My bathroom is spotless !
I'm not good today. Really bad heartburn and feel sick. I was going to beat myself up and call myself lots of horrible names - the word failure is dangerously close - but I reminded myself that I wouldn't speak like that to anyone else.
I won't drink now til Saturday when I'm going to town for the day.
Yes, that would be a test for me, too. Not buying on the way home, but I'm getting better. You can do it. Think of me - I walked past the shop twice this week - ok, one day, I had no money on me, but the other day, I just thought of something else. It worked.
Yes, I'm grateful for this thread too. I often think of you all when I'm struggling ❤️

Hello! This seems to be the perfect thread for me to join - hope you don't mind? I am currently working on temporarily abstaining until I can learn moderation...

My issue is once I start drinking, I literally can't stop. The more drunk I get, the faster I drink and the more I want. At best, I wake up feeling sick and with severe anxiety and at worst, I wake up from about midnight with hourly trips to the bathroom (both ends, sorry for TMI) until at least 8am. I also lose all control once I start drinking and eat stupid amounts of food.

I have come to realise my life is not compatible with alcohol and the fun I have at the time, doesn't make it worth the aftermath.

My main challenge is probably my partner who loves to drink and our routine. Today (Sunday) is the hardest as we usually like to spend Sunday afternoons eating out and drinking two bottles of wine (minimum) as we unwind together and have our special couple time after a crazy week. Trying to drag the day out with other activities - heading to the shops this afternoon. Wish me luck!!!

P.s. I am in Australia if the time of this post doesn't make sense. 😁

Hi @Swannyb Welcome!

I hope your Sunday went well. This thread is helping me greatly, first time I've addressed my drinking outside of my own head. I hope it brings you the same support.

@Amdone123 you've had great wins this week and from your post it's clear to see your moving forward in your journey. Well done! I am not energetic when drinking, in fact I'm the total opposite. For me drinking looks like me flopped on the sofa with wine and the housework piling up. Not a great sight 😕

Morning all. There’s wine left over in the bottle this morning so that must be a good thing (even though I had planned to be AF).

A very very dear friend of mine is currently very ill with liver failure due to alcohol - seems like they were secretly drinking 2 bottle of wine and unknown amounts of spirits a night for many years. No children but a partner who I have also known for more than 30 years. I don’t know why I’m writing this here. I feel like surely this should be a wake up call. How can I not have more willpower - I do have children and I do want to be around for a lot longer. I need to have more AF days and also lose some weight. Surely wine and food can’t be more important to me than my kids? I do know that it’s much more complicated than that though or else I wouldn’t be here.

Thanks to this thread (and one or too embarrassing incidents) it’s months since I have drunk enough to regret the quantity/behaviour. I just need to break the habit of drinking a few glasses most days.

So, first plan is AF until Wednesday.

I hope everybody has a good weekend and remember that blips are just a step on the journey that help us to learn. Don’t give up!

@Bigbus , sorry to hear about your friend. I feel the same as you regarding loved ones and wanting to stay around longer. At the end of the day though, it's an addiction and like you state, so many more layers than just giving up.
I worked with someone who openly admitted to drinking 2 bottles of wine a night, then vodka and oranges. When I asked if she'd ever succeeded in cutting back, she looked at me like I had 3 heads. It has honestly never occurred to her to give up. I find that fascinating.
You're doing really well, not only addressing it but you have been cutting back. You can do af til Wednesday.
@Swannyb , hi and welcome. Course you can join. Gosh, it sounds difficult the partner situation. I would really struggle if my dh drank. Sorry if that sounds negative. I think you'll have to concentrate on yourself first - it's one of those situations where you need to be selfish. I hear you regarding the no stop button. I can stop after 2 glasses, say, but I have to be really mindful and to be honest, it's really difficult. But I'm so pleased with myself the day after - ridiculously proud. ( Can you get some af drinks so it looks like you're drinking? I know this sounds a bit mad, but I have had to do this when out with friends - too much pressure otherwise!).
@Manyrivers , I had to laugh at the image on the sofa 🤣. So, I'm energetic when drinking but yesterday, oh my god - I lay in bed all day. Nothing done. Not a pretty sight !

@Bigbus So sorry to hear of your friend, its true you never know the hidden pain others are going through. I like you need to have more AF days and lose weight but struggle with willpower. It's great you have set your goal and I'm sure you will smash it! You reminded me I haven't set intentions for the week so here goes: (anyone want to join me?)

1. Moderate March vibe today, going for dinner and drinks and putting a 3 drink limit on the evening, no afters buying on route home!

1. AF week Monday until Sat. Moderate next Sun when travelling. (Big goal for me haven't done a 6 day streak in a couple of years!)

I have an important work meeting tomorrow which will probably not be a positive one, this I need to watch out for as I will surely crave wine tomorrow evening to wind down.

Be mindful, be accountable, be brave, be kind, mantra for the week.

@Manyrivers , love it ! Yes, it's a brilliant idea. Set your intentions here !

1. af til Saturday. I'm working all week so should be easy - ish.
2. Saturday, I really need to not drink wine. I'm going to make a big, big effort to just have beer. We're going dancing so I'll need hydrating - beer the best option.
3. I will not be hungover Sunday.

Go me !
Go us !

@Amdone123 I caught sight of myself in a picture on social media yesterday, I wasn't impressed with it and actually had to look again to be sure that person was me! I thought then, that's where sitting on the sofa drinking wine and eating junk has gotten me! Great motivation to keep going, I have to laugh too and make light of it or it can get a bit dark and depressing. It feels really refreshing to be able to share here and be honest with myself and others. A little bit of humour helps us all though 😀

Morning everyone, popping back on because I want to start today ( I think it was this thread I was posting on previously) I'm sick of feeling rubbish! Can't seem to get through a evening without pouring myself a glass of red wine! (Which ends up being the bottle ) I feel like I've done so much damage already, I have small kids and should be able to do it for them ! I'm listening to podcasts and reading sober blogs etc and feel like I can do it and then by the evening time, everything changes. I don't know how to break the habit so just thinking posting on here again and seeing how well everyone is doing might give me a good start! I think my main aim would be to be able to moderate but I think before I can manage that, I need to go AF for a good while to break the habit . Hope yer all doing good today

@stoppingnow , hi and welcome back. Yes, you were on here, I recognise the username.
Have you tried the Annie Grace 30 day alcohol experiment ? That might give you a kick-start ?
If you don't want to do that, let's just set some mini - goals, one day at a time?
Day 1 today.
If your danger zone is evening, what can you do to make sure you don't cave ?
You can do it - you just need to get off the treadmill.

Hello again. I haven’t been posting because I haven’t managed an AF night for the last ten nights. I won’t bore you with my excuses. I did manage a Wed and Thursday then, so that’s my intention for this week. If I can get in the habit of making those two days AF every week, then add other nights.

Love the mantra@Manyrivers

Thanks again for this thread @Amdone123 Ive been lurking and it does make me feel less alone.

@Swannyb I’m in Australia too. I also have a partner who likes to drink. It makes it more difficult.

Well done everyone who is sticking to their goals

@Manyrivers that's brilliant work! Do stop giving yourself a hard time hun. We are all human! I drank 2 bottles of wine this weekend but I feel OK. It's been a tough one. My aunt is at end of life & new job starts tomo so I'm calling that a win. We need to stop beating ourselves up. I'm on a break now until at least Thursday. I'll see you on the other side...hopefully xx

Hello all!!!
just catching up!!!
@Amdone123 love reading all your posts as usual!!! Always love your sensible, voice of reason!!!! @Manyrivers great catching up on your journey too!!!!
@Bigbus im sorry to hear of your sad news, sending you lots of strength! I think these times really make us question everything don’t they! I hope you’re ok!!!
@EnoughEnoughnow @stoppingnow i remember you both from before, nice to “see” you again!!!!!

not much to report with me…. Doing AF March successfully still…. Thought about drinking Friday but have been struggling with low grade anxiety so decided not too (as it only makes it worse for me)!!
as some of you will know I’ve really cut back the booze (only drank twice this year) and I as feeling great!! But lately I’m not feeling so good. Feel a bit low and flat and like all the nights are just the same! AF making me ask lots of life question!!!!! Suppose a lot comes up when I’m not hiding behind a glass of wine!!!!!
annoyingly as well I’ve only lost half a stone since I began in jan… was hoping for it to be more really, but I suppose slow and steady is ok. Anyway!!!! Keep up the good work all xxx

Hey @Mj20 , so strange - I was thinking of you before ! Reason being that I drank on Friday and stupidly took my phone into the kitchen. Anyway, just today I've had messages back from people I messaged on Friday, that I'd forgot all about. So embarrassing !! And I've just had an epiphany - I am beginning to think I cannot ever drink wine. It just never ends well.
You're doing really well. I'm sure you'll lose more weight, it will happen. Just takes time, I think.
Interesting what you say about feeling flat. Someone on another thread said the best thing about giving up alcohol is you get back in touch with your emotions and the worst thing about giving up alcohol is that you get back in touch with your emotions ! 😩

Good Morning Everyone,

Great to see so many people back on the thread!
Report on yesterday, the 3 drink rule didn't happen and it was 6 drinks total. We were out for 6 hours and had a meal within that so not complete disaster! I did not buy any more alcohol on way home 😀, and was able to come home, have a cup of tea and go to bed.

I feel OK this morning no hangover. Let's all boost ourselves this week. No matter how difficult my meetings are today, I will not drink alcohol this evening.

@Manyrivers , well done for not buying any on the way home. That's a big achievement as I know how difficult it is.
I wouldn't worry about the 3 becoming 6, you ate so that's good.
Hope your meetings go well. Get them done and dusted and look forward to a lovely af evening with some treats.
I'm full of the joys of spring this morning. Slept so well.
We booked a fancy holiday yesterday for our 30th wedding anniversary. I want to lose weight for it, and the only way to do that is to give the wine witch her marching orders once and for all !!

My Sunday was all going so well our friends/neighbours invited us over. I was tempted not to go, but his friends new partner was there and I didn't want to be 'that partner' who doesn't come out and socialise.

Long story short, 4 bottles between 4 in 2 hours... However, I didn't eat silly amounts of food, had a cup of tea, water and watched a documentary when I got home and relaxed. Woke up a few times in the night but didn't feel rough today. To be fair, this is how I want my future relationship with alcohol to be, even if I can't manage to abstain for a few months...

*My Sunday was going so well until our friends/neighbours invited us over.

@Swannyb , that's not too bad then is it - roughly 1 bottle each. And at least you didn't carry on when you got home.
A good result, I'd say !

Thank you! 🙌🏻 Maybe abstaining is too much pressure and setting myself up for failure. Going to work on moderation. How was your weekend?

No worries.
Well, Saturday was awful because I was hungover. It's put me off, but I'm not sure for how long. Wine is not good for me, though, I know that much.
Sundays are usually tricky days when I want to drink ( boredom?), but I didn't want to yesterday. Had a lovely day.