1 day sober

[TooManyPlatesInMotion]

I didn't have a drink last night for the first time in months. I have a problem, and I really want to make some changes.

I'm 43 and I suppose alcohol has been an issue on and off since my early 20s, with periods of sobriety for the duration of three pregnancies. Otherwise, i have managed the odd week off here and there but it always escalates again.

I am overweight, unfit and feel dreadful, constantly tired and anxious. Drinking, on average two thirds of a bottle of wine or cava a night, much more over Xmas. I just can't do it any more. My kids need me to be better than this.

I'm looking into both Smart Recovery and AA.

Can anyone recommend some good podcasts that might help?

Thank you.

@NCgoingdry I feel exactly the same as you. I think that was my problem too, never actually having time for me or looking after myself so the wine zoned me out.

I also have weight to lose and feel I'll be much more confident and feeling myself again.

We can do this.

Another one that would have a drink before the family got home. Even worse my dh bet me a holiday I couldn't give up drinking for a month, so I took him up on the offer. Drank a bottle of wine before he came home then brushed my teeth and poured squash. Not my finest moment.

I'm day 9 and this is the first day I haven't felt quite so tired. I'm also upping the fibre as having similar problems to NCgoingdry.

Re. The constipation, alcohol does stimulate your bowels (hence the beer shits) so quitting can give you constipation for a bit while it all adjusts. Drink loads of water. Also Fybogel chews can help. They’re actually quite nice.

Another day down.

I hear you @onelife22 . So many demands and needs pulling at me. And time for myself is so limited. So after doing everything each day what is the quickest way to alter my state? A glass of wine. Takes in me a few minutes. Perhaps even a minute to get me to a different place. To 'me' time. But like you I feel that sense of 'i must keep going'. I am bored of avoiding being in pictures with my children.

Feeling great and staying strong- I do have a bottomless brunch on Saturday and I am not sure what to do yet. As I worry it’s too soon to start drinking albeit socially as I worry I will be back on it on Sunday so still working out what to do

@illiterato Thanks for the tip - I'm on day 3 now without being able to go so I'll pop to chemist. Either that or I'll need some serious laxatives.

@Lightsbonaza Same here - once I had got the kids to bed I could just say fuck it to everyone and FINALLY sit down and drink. I would unwind within a minute. I AM finding now however I have more time - I'm unloading the dishwasher before bed so it's ready in the morning. I'm ironing everything. The place is cleaner/tidier.

@rogueone I'm feeling less desperate - although I'm thinking about a drink every day. I'm trying to change my mindset so I'm not trying to convince myself it's ok to pour myself a glass this evening.
However I'm going to an event on 29th - which has been planned for a year and will involve drinking. I kind of WANT to go and drink but I also want to go and not drink. I'm worried I'll slip straight back into old habits if I do - forgive the pun but it'll be like popping a cork that won't go back in. I'm torn - it also means I haven't actually done dry January.

NCgoingdry completely understand...I never set to do a dry January but was planning to stop from the 2nd and see how I get on, I wanted to break the habits and reframe my drinking. I am worried about drinking too early into the reframing journey. As I know the following day will be a sunday and will be a battle but then I am thinking bring it on. As I feel so good at the moment, i am ensuring I dont drink in the house. I have one planned event which is saturday - so i am viewing it as another challenge in this long journey. Will be back on here on sunday to ensure I stay focussed. If i cant then it may require long term abstinence

NCgoingdry completely understand...I never set to do a dry January but was planning to stop from the 2nd and see how I get on, I wanted to break the habits and reframe my drinking. I am worried about drinking too early into the reframing journey. As I know the following day will be a sunday and will be a battle but then I am thinking bring it on. As I feel so good at the moment, i am ensuring I dont drink in the house. I have one planned event which is saturday - so i am viewing it as another challenge in this long journey. Will be back on here on sunday to ensure I stay focussed. If i cant then it may require long term abstinence

oops reported me posting under two usernames!

Weekend outing may be cancelled and in truth i am quite relieved.

@rogueone I would be secretly relieved I didn't have to face the challenge to be honest.

I feel a bit blue. I nearly cracked this evening. Opened a cupboard which is full of beer and spirits and I was like "fuck this - I've had a great week I deserve it" had the internal battle in my head and have resisted but damn it was close.

So much effort goes into not drinking ffs. Even though - I can't deny the fact that things are much better now I've been sober for a short while.

I thought as time went on (yes it's early days but I'm not physically withdrawing) that I would just naturally find ways to wind down but the bottom line is I LIKE being tipsy and drunk. sigh

I'm sulking.

Exactly that @NCgoingdry it is just so lovely that instant feeling when I pour a glass and that lovely feeling when I keep going. Well done for fighting the desire.

I've also found it tricky tonight, I would have caved if I'd had wine in the house.

NCgoingdry totally agree- for me it’s on my mind every day- a mixture of happiness that I haven’t had a drink and then working out what to do later to stop me opening wine. I now try and get a work out in at 6pm. Then do a dog walk later and go to bed .I struggled very badly
on Sunday and not looking forward to the weekend again

Michael Sealey hypnosis "videos" on you tube. Listen every day. They work for me, as long as I do them daily. Don't watch them, you need headphones and a quiet place to lie down and drift into relaxation with your eyes closed.

He has the most wonderfully soothing voice.

Not just for booze either, getting over breakups, eating, weight loss, smoking, sleep.

I promise I'm just a regular user not a marketer! If I could meet him I'd hug him, all free on you tube.

I nearly caved too. Today felt like the hardest day. It’s raining. It’s my 9th night. I had a hard day. The wine in the fridge and on the shelves was just calling me. I got into my bed and wept. That helped release it a bit.

Going to try the hypnosis now

Another Michael Sealey fan here @Mxflamingnoravera

The deep sleep ones are great!

Thanks everyone for the solidarity. @ecdysis I wonder if we can ever get to a point where we can enjoy that responsibly without it being a problem? Think it'll be longer than a month before I figure that one out.

@rogueone Definitely not looking forward to the weekend - if Thursday was so hard I think Sunday might tip me over the edge.

@Lightsbonaza how did you find the hypnosis did it help? It's good to cry! Hell, I can't cry or poo 

Friday dawns on us again - how are we feeling about this evening? I may have to work or walk to get through it.

Just to list some positives I guess -

I don't feel mildly sick or ashamed of myself in the morning.
I'm finding more time and getting a lot more done.
I've lost 6lbs.
I'm probably the most hydrated I've ever been in my whole life.
A colleague said I looked "fresh" the other day.
I've apparently saved £70 (it's probably more than that)

@TooManyPlatesInMotion you brought us together! How are you feeling?

Hi everyone - I have been reading all the posts but not had time to reply until now. Lovely to hear from everyone and well done!

I'm also hanging on in there. I'm definitely feeling less tired and I have more patience with the kids (no longer barking a bedtime story as fast as possible as desperate for a drink by 7pm!) but this is also a dangerous point for me, because a little voice is telling me that I am doing great, I don't really have a problem with booze, it's the end of the week, treat yourself etc . . . . And that is hard. The initial fear and panic of "Oh-God-I-Must-Take-Action-Or-I-Will-Die" has passed and the temptation to "treat" myself is back.

@Lightsbonaza I also had a little sob in bed a few days ago. It sounds silly, but I am not used to facing up to my emotions in the evenings and didn't know what to do with myself. I have to learn to just sit with the uncomfortable stuff I suppose.

I am feeling OK about this evening as have planned to watch a film with my eldest DC. However, I am dreading the rest of the weekend. Got to travel to see my parents and I know exactly what I will want to do on a cold Saturday night while stuck in the house with my Mother.

@NCgoingdry and @ecdysis I hear you both re that instant warm feeling of relief. I love it. It has been my treat to myself for so bloody long and learning new ways to be is tough as hell.

A few people mentioned feeling like they have "lost" themselves due to the demands of life. This is me as well: 3 kids, bonkers dog, high pressure job. I felt so proud of myself for getting through each day that my reward was to just kick back with some wine and cava, plus snacks.

There was a thread on the mental health board a good 3 or so years ago that was called something like, "I'm neglecting myself and it is starting to show". This is me, many times over. I used wine to soothe myself and treat myself, but actually it was doing the opposite and making me look and feel worse.

This thread is so helpful - thanks everyone for being so honest and upfront. I'm going to be checking in regularly over this weekend in an attempt to get through it.

Happy Friday. How are you all doing? I went on a dog walk and had a massage this evening. Just had a late dinner and now on the sofa feeling proud.

@onelife22 a massage sounds lovely! I'm also on the sofa, snuggled up with dog and watching TV. Tomorrow night will be the tricky one here I think.

Happy Friday! I was meant to be going out for a bottomless brunch with friends. It’s been cancelled 4 times so when one person said they were ill I let the rest know that I wouldn’t be drinking but would eat and have coffee. Was honest that I am trying to reframe my drinking and it was too soon to start social drinking as I know Sunday I would be straight back to the wine- felt quite proud of myself. We have rearranged until the end of February so the rest of my January will remain dry. Keeping up with exercise and taking the dog out when I would usually be sat with wine. Already trying to work out how to keep busy at the key crunch times and hoping that I don’t spend my weekend preoccupied about drinking. Good luck
everyone I think we are all doing great !

I meant to add the brunch was tomorrow not
tosay!

Well done @rogueone

Hope everyone is doing OK.

Well done @rogueone that's really good that you did that.

@TooManyPlatesInMotion it was lovely and I was fast asleep in bed by 9.30pm too too which my body needed.

It is so nice to be woken up at 6 by the baby on a Saturday (well not that bit) but nice to feel ok, awake and not starting the day angry with a headache.

@TooManyPlatesInMotion I did chuckle at your update. Purely because it was so brutally honest and I felt exactly the same. Take action now or I'll die and now it's like - welllllll I've proved I can do it for almost two weeks so what's the harm...

Although I know the harm is - I need to steer clear for probably a lot longer than January to really reset my drinking mind.

Good luck with your parents this weekend. Now you've got a little time behind you, you never know - you may feel a little stronger being around them and sober. I'm dreading a weekend with my MIL because I can only get through it drunk otherwise I'll do something I regret.

@rogueone well done for being honest with your friends. I think it makes it easier actually - telling people. I made a big deal about doing DJ to my husband (who drinks probably once every two years) and when I nearly caved he said - nope. It made me accountable.

@onelife22 I get you! I'm up and I can crack on. Instead of waking up pissed off because I'm ashamed at myself. I'm not asking "why do I keep doing this" and I don't carry the guilt around all day.

I have resigned myself to the fact I AM going to drink on that event at the end of the month. But I'll make up for it by carrying on in Feb. I know it'll feel like going backwards but if I can really limit myself on when and where I drink moving forwards then I think I've got it in me to stay dry(er for longer). Plus I'm being spurred on by weight loss. I got myself a treadmill at home!

@NCgoingdry I think one night with the plan to carry on the sober-ness after is a good plan. I don't think I'll never drink again (although with how this month has been so far I hope I don't), but even if it is for the odd event and I learn one night is one night then it's still much better than I was before.

Home from an early exercise class and have the whole day ahead feeling fresh. Go me.