1 day sober

[TooManyPlatesInMotion]

I didn't have a drink last night for the first time in months. I have a problem, and I really want to make some changes.

I'm 43 and I suppose alcohol has been an issue on and off since my early 20s, with periods of sobriety for the duration of three pregnancies. Otherwise, i have managed the odd week off here and there but it always escalates again.

I am overweight, unfit and feel dreadful, constantly tired and anxious. Drinking, on average two thirds of a bottle of wine or cava a night, much more over Xmas. I just can't do it any more. My kids need me to be better than this.

I'm looking into both Smart Recovery and AA.

Can anyone recommend some good podcasts that might help?

Thank you.

Annie Grace’s podcasts where she interviews people are good- you kind of need to get past her because she’s not a podcast natural and sounds totally bored and fake which I’m sure is unintentional, but the guests are varied and a wide variety of drinking experiences and approaches to quitting. I really enjoy listening to them when I’m out walking.

@ecdysis Oh I 100% get this - I don't want a fancy soft drink looking cocktail. I want to feel drunk. Putting ice in a shit drink won't make me stop thinking about wine - it'll probably be a trigger.

Managed to stick to soft drinks last night - a couple of friends pummelled back wine and got more loud and an obnoxious as the night went on. And then it was "oh just one more, oh just one more" for about an hour while I wanted to settle up the bill. God I saw so much of myself in it. I wonder if I'm a loud and obnoxious drunk. Most likely.

@PosiePerkinPootleFlump Glad to know that the tiredness is normal. I was beginning to wonder if something is wrong me. But then I guess I do have close to 18 months of zero sobriety whatsoever so I need to remind myself this will take time.

Nearly cracked today- I alway find Sundays difficult as I crack open wine early . I did put a bottle in the fridge and have been sat here thinking about it for hours. I now know the urge is over and I am going to eat and go to bed. Feel very pleased- first weekend sober for a long time.

Well done @rogueone . Doing a sober weekend feels like a big step forward doesn't it?

I know just what you mean about Sundays, I often feel increasingly bleak as I head towards the evening.

TooManyPlatesInMotion feels like a huge step for me. I am not going to pretend it wasnt tough as i thought about it all day. However I did it....now to maintain, I am trying to reframe my drinking and only do it on social occassions which is rare for me anyway. However need to stop for a while first

Don't know if this will motivate anyone to check but I've saved 5,000 calories, £50 and lost 4lbs this week. Thanks @MichaelFabricantWig for the app tip - it's much better. A huge motivator for me doing this was my weight - my drinking has made me gain 2 stone.

It's a huge huge accomplishment to get through the weekend and not drink. I'm actually really proud of myself - you all should be too. It's a hard milestone.

@rogueone my usual Sunday is cooking a roast and whilst preparing I would start on the wine, usually on an empty stomach around midday. By the evening I would easily finish 2 bottles then have a whiskey or two. Can't actually believe I did a Sunday without it.

How is everyone feeling for Monday?

@NCgoingdry that is amazing, well done. A sober weekend feels like a big milestone here too. We did it! And now i am starting the week without horrendous guilt and anxiety.... And a saving here of £51 in 6 days!

How's everyone doing?

NCgoingdry I have lost 3 lbs since stopping on Tuesday last week. Also saved over £50 as haven’t bought wine and I could easily throw back two bottles on wine of a night. I put on three stone during lock down and got into a booze habit. Lost two stone and have a stone left to go which has been a struggle as I am
fit but the wine and snacks has led to me going back up. Not helped with having a terminally ill grumpy husband. But I am not hiding behind that as an excuse anymore ! Time for change and I am so happy at the moment

I really appreciate everyone sharing that they were drinking a lot. I'm also in the two bottles+ camp, especially on a Sunday afternoon.

I had my last drink this time last week, still very tired but I am beginning to sleep a bit better and my indigestion seems better.

I'm sorry to hear about your dh rougeone that certainly brings challenges but glad you are currently in a good place.

NCgoingdry meant to add a huge well done to you too.

This thread kept me going over the weekend

Thanks @rogueone but my 4lbs in comparison to your 2 stone is tiny! You've done amazing.

Really sorry to hear about your DH, it can't be easy to carry that around. It's no wonder there's been reaching for the drinks and snacks to be honest. I don't even have that as an excuse. But we will support each other - at least mentally you can be more fresh and alert and physically feel better in yourself without drinking.

@TooManyPlatesInMotion it's odd isn't it, waking up without thinking "why do I do this to myself every night". Don't know about you but doing an entire weekend without drinking made me feel like I can do anything. Im not such a snappy bitch to my kids either.

Hi I've been reading this thread and would like to join. Last drink (of too many) was just after midnight NYE!

@NCgoingdry I have been much less snappy too!

I could easily drink a bottle 3/4 night a week, even more if I start drinking early in the day. 2 bottles would disappear.

2023 is the year I find myself again and I feel like I'm getting me back already.

onelife22 welcome and well done so far.

i am so happy I found the thread and we are all open and honest about our struggles and achievements

Exactly the same as you @onelife22 m, last sip just before midnight NYE. The weekend was tough. My internal conversation with myself this week, particularly Saturday was basically talking myself in and out of drinking. I won that one.
Felt very fresh today, for a Monday. I'm going to keep going.

@TooManyPlatesInMotion , I did read this thread a few days ago but held off posting because I didn't believe I'd ever make a couple of days.

Welcome @onelife22 & @DonnaMiriaki I understand the nervousness about joining - buy believe in yourself. You're doing the hardest part.

@DonnaMiriaki I'm the same - I think about having a drink all the time. It pops into my head constantly like oh I'll enjoy a nice massive glass of red soon and then remember. Then the mental bargaining in my head - oh one won't hurt/you've come so far don't ruin it.

I wonder when that inner dialogue calms down?!

Yeah I do feel like I've found my people to be honest! I wouldn't last five minutes on the sober forever threads.

@NCgoingdry you've hit the nail on the head, it absolutely is mental bargaining.

It's Tuesday and I am going to a funeral on Thursday, which I'm driving to so I won't be drinking anyway. But my mind has already started to give me the excuse to have a few when I get home.

Even today, I'm working from home. My partner is out at work and drinking has crossed my mind , not all day, but I've sometimes had a few in the afternoon and then "sobered up" enough by the time my partner comes home. This is the first time I've admitted that.

I'm not going to do that today.

Hello @onelife22 and @DonnaMiriaki and a warm welcome to both of you! Well done.

I started this thread just because i wanted to put into writing what i was doing and feeling and it is just so lovely to hear from other people and not feel alone in it all.

I have done 7 days. I never thought I would manage it! It is hard but.... The constant tiredness is starting to lift a bit now and I definitely feel a bit sharper.

I too think about alcohol lots. I had a bumpy afternoon at work yesterday and out of nowhere found myself relaxing and thinking about the lovely chilled wine I would drink later..... And my heart sank. But I carried on, kept busy and the urge did pass. I am already stressed about the weekend as I have to visit my parents (always difficult, I always drink when there).

@DonnaMiriaki I too occasionally had a couple of drinks in the afternoon then would sober up in time for my DH and kids getting home. I would sit at my computer and have maybe 2 beers. Thr first time it happened, I was cooking a casserole on my lunch break, added some wine to it.... And thought why not? And once i had done it once, I had opened the door to doing it again.

I've never told anyone about that either. I don't even like acknowledging it to myself tbh 😂

I am usually ok with dry January. I am meant to be at a delayed Christmas party this week but I cancelled as I knew I wouldn't be able to not drink and I don't want to ruin all the progress I feel like I have made.

I haven't ever been a morning person but I do feel like I have the potential after the last week.

I have booked things in the mornings that I enjoy and found myself motivated to get up and start the day well. I would never do this after a night of drinking alcohol.

I'm still hanging in there. I actually started a strict diet too and I think that helps as I really need to feel that direct impact of change - and the weighing scale gives me that - and also because good food triggers my desire for wine.
But boy, am I snappy.
And i'm not feeling very energetic. GAH.
I think I thought everything would just be easier once I stopped. Like, i'd be more focused and productive at work..and i'm not. Although I know i'm in a better place to fight that battle.

@DonnaMiriaki Welcome. and i'm with you on the mental bargaining. Food and drink for me. Can't imagine what it's like to not be this way.
@onelife22 Well done. That's a big change! Are there any specific things that you are doing to help yourself?

The last 2 nights I've been watching White Lotus. Drinking some just-about-bearable herbal tea. And trying not to bite my partners head off.

@Lightsbonaza I love the White Lotus!

Well done on your progress. Food and drink very much go hand in hand, I really need to shift at least 2 stone. Drinking prompts me to overeat but i am finding that since I stopped (albeit only 7 days ago) I am constantly topping up on snacks. I need to get on the scales but I'm too bloody scared to be honest!

@Lightsbonaza I think it's because I've finally accepted I need to make a huge effort if I want to do something for myself. I have young children, a full time office job and a number of pets. I have lost myself and over Christmas went into self destruct with food and alcohol. Something just clicked that no one else is going to do this for me, I have to.

I have also started a diet, it's going well and this is helping me too as it's working so far and I know if I add alcohol into the mix it'll stop working.

I have usually failed by now in my diet attempts. Dry Jan isn't usually accompanied with a diet so I wasn't sure I would last this long but here we are..:

TooManyPlatesInMotion snacks was a big feature with my drinking, i would pour a glass and hunt for snacks, meats, cheese crisps etc. Interfered with my weight loss so despite doing regular exercise the overloading on calories led to weight gain and I was unhappy. I am now at day 7 with no wine, exercised every day but i notice i do seek out sugar but i guess my body is adjusting to lack of alcohol. I am also tired but have a restless sleep at night but again body is adjusting. We are all doing great!!

@onelife22 I'm in a similar boat to you. Big family of young children, high pressure job, pets etc. I think my drinking stemmed from the fact I take care of everyone and everything so when the evening rolled around my wine was my sanctuary.

It's taking me ages to fall asleep but I think it's better sleep when I actually do.

Sorry for the TMI but is anyone else constipated?! I used to go every morning without fail and now I just CANT.

@TooManyPlatesInMotion I'm looking to lose 2 stone as well - and that'll get me back to all my pre-pregnancy weight and even though my body is different - I'll be happy and far more comfortable in myself. I never could have done it whilst drinking. Alcohol/empty calories plus then the white bread toast & cheese in the morning to combat the mild hangover munchies - was never going to happen.

I've actually lost 6lbs. My husband and I started a diet together on Monday and I'm walking every day now for at least an hour. I'm certain that the majority of it is water weight - but it'll keep me motivated for a while at least.

Did crave a drink last night but kept busy.