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Alcohol support

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Original poster

1 day sober

322 replies

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 03/01/2023 12:36

I didn't have a drink last night for the first time in months. I have a problem, and I really want to make some changes.

I'm 43 and I suppose alcohol has been an issue on and off since my early 20s, with periods of sobriety for the duration of three pregnancies. Otherwise, i have managed the odd week off here and there but it always escalates again.

I am overweight, unfit and feel dreadful, constantly tired and anxious. Drinking, on average two thirds of a bottle of wine or cava a night, much more over Xmas. I just can't do it any more. My kids need me to be better than this.

I'm looking into both Smart Recovery and AA.

Can anyone recommend some good podcasts that might help?

Thank you.

OP posts:
onelife22 · 08/02/2023 21:41

How are you all doing?

IwasToldThereWouldBeCake · 08/02/2023 21:44

Nothing last night or tonight. Feels good!

Have plans for Sat night, I m trying to decide if I should drink or resist....... Might bring a soft drink instead of wine to friends house.

Original poster
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 11/02/2023 16:10

How's everyone doing this weekend?

I'm mostly OK, still going strong since 1 Jan. My sleep has settled down and I feel so rested. Events of the last week have tested me - DC with an awful stomach bed, explosive crap all over bed throughout the night, days spent washing and trying to juggle work and poor DD. I was bloody desperate for a drink! I held off and the urge faded.

Hope everyone else is ok! 😊

OP posts:
onelife22 · 11/02/2023 16:28

Well done @TooManyPlatesInMotion that would have tested me too but I always think thank god I wasn't hungover in situations like that!!

I'm doing ok, still going from 1st Jan too.

Haven't been eating as well this last week so not feeling as good as I have been!

Original poster
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 11/02/2023 16:34

Hi @onelife22 - you are absolutely right, it would have been a whole lot worse with a hangover 🤮.

Well done to you too! Hope you get back on track with your eating. It's my focus for February too and I've worked on eating healthier lunches (with mixed results!)

OP posts:
Anapana · 11/02/2023 21:56

Day 14, longest for 3 years eeek. God I’m bored though

onelife22 · 14/02/2023 21:44

Well done @Anapana

Lightsbonaza · 17/02/2023 00:32

hi everyone. How is everyone coping?
I’ve been in hiding.
I had a few great evenings out in situations where I normally would drink lots but had 2/3 (and if 3, not big ones ie: not 3x250ml) and felt very happy with my illusory sense of control. But then it went belly up. My other half and me were just having a quiet night in and we had just got through a very stressful few weeks. We both seemed to be wanting a blow out, needing that kind of release. We ordered take away and opened that first bottle, made a cocktail and then it went downhill from there. He has always been able to stop. I carry on and end up sick and starting rows. I can’t even type it. I’m too embarrassed. I am not beating myself up though. It really puts into sharp relief what a negative impact it has and also how disciplined I need to be. I can’t just see how I go. I think once I get past 2/3 I just lose all self control. All the things I hate about it happened. Perhaps it needed to.
I can’t work out what I can do so that I get that ‘blow out’ /letting of steam sensation in a different way. I started back at the gym and I feel great for it. I mean; I’d love to just stop but I’m getting stronger daily and getting a kick out of that. But that is not the endorphin hit I need. I suppose that’s the question for me: why do I need these blow outs?

i hope everyone is feeling ok with it all.

rogueone · 17/02/2023 11:34

Lightsbonaza hiding over here too... I was doing really well and then I wasn't. It is really strange but I realise the exercising and eating well and not drinking was brill but the reason I drink hadn't gone away. I realise having a sick husband and one who is hyper critical, negative just brings me down. This isn't the man I fell in love with and its not his fault he got sick but it has changed everything. I feel like I am living with a very frail old person and he cant do very much anymore. I am selfish as I miss what we had before and I am only early 50s and dealt with this now for nearly 4 yrs. I miss having a laugh, sex, kissing just something. If I try to talk to him he takes things quite literally and will just say I am selfish for talking about sex etc but it isn't about that its about having an emotional connection and at the minute all I see before me is all the bad bits left of someone. Now it isn't his fault I drink and I need to own that , I do however need to think of how to deal with this new reality which is my life without sinking a bottle . That i am not sure , i will go to the GP to get some HRT and they mentioned anti depressants and maybe that combo may help but we will see

Tedjewell · 17/02/2023 14:06

There are a lot of AA speaker talks on youtube

Lightsbonaza · 17/02/2023 19:02

Hi @rogueone
you do not sound selfish at all. How can you not be grieving for the life you envisioned and for the man that you love, that whilst still with you, has changed considerably? It sounds as though the illness has taken a lot from you both. You’ve been coping already for 4 years. That is no small feat.
I hope the GP is helpful.

onelife22 · 17/02/2023 20:49

@Lightsbonaza sorry you've had a tough time. Sometimes I think we need these experiences to remind us why we need to keep trying.

@rogueone I really hope the GP can help you. You've been going through an extremely difficult time for a long time now, the mental load and strain it takes to deal with it on a daily basis must be a lot.

gemini45 · 18/02/2023 03:43

Hi
I have a habit, when I have time off work (teacher) it gets more consistent. Just one glass or two takes the edge off and I stop but I'm waking in the middle of the night and determined not to the next evening but then something flips in my brain before dinner time and that's it, I have a glass. It's worse during holidays and weekends but creeps into weeknights. Just seems so ridiculous! I've not spoken to anyone about it yet. If I go out which is not often I might enjoy a big blowout and my husband and I will sit up drinking every couple of months. We're quite similar. Very stressful job, feels like alcohol is becoming difficult to give up, I'm 45 and DD is 7 now - don't want her to be like me and don't want the habit to get worse. I've been drinking since I was a teenager.
I'm not sure what I'm asking for but just writing it down maybe a start!
Feel quite self conscious about my breath the next day, even if I've only had a couple of glasses. Haven't had a dry night in over a week, during hols that can go on for weeks.

LobbyJ · 18/02/2023 11:35

Sounds like you are emotionally dependent rather than physically. Or do you have physical cravings?

gemini45 · 19/02/2023 09:39

Well I managed a night off so that's a start.

Lightsbonaza · 19/02/2023 12:42

Well done @gemini45
did you change your evening pattern or do anything specific? Or just battle throigh?

rogueone · 19/02/2023 14:56

gemini45 big well done...from this journey we all need to accept the small wins, I did 24 days without booze in a streak but I am prouder about not having a drink last night. I know this journey for me is reframing and not falling into old daily habits so I am treating this is a long term journey with dips along the way. It took us a long time to get to this stage so change isnt going to happen over night. Despite my external challenges we all have them which is why we are all here..Stay strong everyone

gemini45 · 19/02/2023 15:21

Lightsbonaza · 19/02/2023 12:42

Well done @gemini45
did you change your evening pattern or do anything specific? Or just battle throigh?

I really just had determination... going back to work on Monday so wanted 2 days clear! I'll probably be craving a bottle of Prosecco on Friday after the stress of a week! Thanks for the support though!

Original poster
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 20/02/2023 10:19

Hello and well done @gemini45 . Good luck for the first week back after half-term!

@Lightsbonaza I think these are the experiences that we learn from as they force us to really think about why we're drinking. I totally hear you about the need for a "release" or blow out. My DH and I would have nights like that and I would be almost giddy and euphoric over the first few drinks and pushing on almost on a high that was nothing to do with the alcohol, if that makes any sense?!

@rogueone you do not sound selfish to me at all. You're doing your best under really tough circumstances and trying to carve out space for a bit of self-care. Let us know how you get on with the GP.

Still doing OK here. We went away to the coast for a few days over half-term and it was testing. DH was ill, nothing major at all (cold, slightly upset stomach) but moaned constantly, wouldn't stop talking about it and I really struggled to stay positive and make sure the kids had a good time, and of course I was desperate for some wine by the seaside. I managed not to - first time away without booze since I was last pregnant (so about 5 years ago!).

However, I am going out for a meal with a good friend on Fri. She's not a big drinker at all, but we normally have maybe two drinks each when we are out. I would then get home and get on with my "real" drinking, by kicking back and opening a bottle of wine.🙄Not had a drink since the 1 Jan and don't want to but also kind of do want a glass or two. Not sure how to approach it yet.

OP posts:
onelife22 · 20/02/2023 22:49

@TooManyPlatesInMotion I had ONE glass of wine yesterday. Yes, just the one. A lovely wine I would usually enjoy, it wasn't as good as I remember it being and I had no desire to drink another.

Why did I do it? I don't know, it was day 50 and I was having a nice Sunday lunch and fancied one, a bit like your meal you have planned I just decided I was going to try one. I suppose I tested myself.

Usually I'd go home and drink another 2-3 glasses. I went home and had a pint of water and an early night.

I'm not encouraging it but I do feel like the one glass has helped me realise I am not missing much. It could have easily gone the other way though like the 10 times I've tried to give up alcohol before this.

Anapana · 21/02/2023 06:56

I drank on Saturday night too, must be something in the air that made some of us press the fuckit button. Back on it on Sunday though and didn’t do the pre and post drinking once home, so progress for me. Onwards!

@rogueone talking therapies might help, your situation sounds bloody awful and really difficult to navigate right now - sending you love

Original poster
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 25/02/2023 08:44

So, last night was my meal out woth a friend. I would normally join her in having two cocktails. I had planned to go ahead, as i thought an attempt at moderation would be good, i would then go home to bed etc. But when I came to it, I found I didn't want to. I felt almost scared to go there, if that makes any sense?!

Hope everyone else is doing ok today.

OP posts:
rogueone · 06/03/2023 21:46

TooManyPlatesInMotion well done. I have been off line for a while after a blip and now back on the no drinking at home. Doing well so far and despite buying wine at the weekend I popped it away on the rack. Trying really hard to keep busy at home, go out with the dog, do stuff with the kids and keep fit. Hope everyone else is doing ok

Original poster
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 11/03/2023 23:43

How are things going @rogueone ?

Hope everyone is holding up ok. I'm still dry but life has been bloody challenging these last couple of weeks.

Am starting to think about when I might reintroduce moderate drinking. I would like to drink a handful of times a year, maybe just outside the house. I just don't want to end up back where I was.

How's everyone else?

OP posts:
CiderWithLizzie · 12/03/2023 11:35

77 days for me now. I would also like to be able to moderate but am too scared to try. Think I’ll have to carry on AF for now.