1 day sober

[TooManyPlatesInMotion]

I didn't have a drink last night for the first time in months. I have a problem, and I really want to make some changes.

I'm 43 and I suppose alcohol has been an issue on and off since my early 20s, with periods of sobriety for the duration of three pregnancies. Otherwise, i have managed the odd week off here and there but it always escalates again.

I am overweight, unfit and feel dreadful, constantly tired and anxious. Drinking, on average two thirds of a bottle of wine or cava a night, much more over Xmas. I just can't do it any more. My kids need me to be better than this.

I'm looking into both Smart Recovery and AA.

Can anyone recommend some good podcasts that might help?

Thank you.

It’s so lovely to have people who have written on the thread just to be encouraging or share their experience as they are now sober.
The sense of support is really touching. It made me realise that I haven’t told anyone my plan.

I’m on day 2. Maybe as it’s coincided with end of Christmas break/ return to work I just feel flat.

Tomorrow night will hard. As it was a short week and it will actually only be my 3rd night i think I’m just going to have to pretend it’s a week night.

what are others people’s plans for coping?
maybe I’ll try and make a delicious mock tail or two.:

@Battlecat98 any tips you want to share, then please do!

In terms of Friday night tips, I'd suggest:

• for me, part of the thing I wanted when I 'wanted' my Friday night beer or G&T was to stop and sit down. So I still do the stop and sit down bit. Some people find Af gin or Af beer a trigger but I don't... I'm very happy to do the same with Af beer or Gordon's 0.0. I also add a few drops of angostura bitters to my fake-G and T which has alcohol but the quantity is tiny so it isn't any more alcoholic than vanilla extract or a ripe banana etc and I have never been persuaded to drink more. I guess no different to the Af beers that actually have between 0 and 0.5%

My favourite Af beers are infinite session pale, Guinness 0, ghost ship 0.5 and Heineken for me - in that order of preference.

• or go out and do something incompatible with drinking. I like the climbing wall for this, or an evening swim

• have something to sip whilst you watch telly if watching telly is what you do.

-I'd save a night in the pub til you've had a bit more practice if possible.

• if in doubt, play it forward in your head. Yes that one glass of chilled white wine would be lovely. How about the other 5, the crap nights sleep, the anxiety, the disappointment in yourself and the sluggishness the next day.... Will they be lovely? As they are likely just as inevitable. And then you'd have to go through the crap of days 1 to whenever yet again.

Read quit lit to remind you that other people have been here and it is so much better down the line

Google free hypnosis videos- there are lots of stop drinking ones for free. My fave is Michael Sealey. His voice is so soothing and I always feel great after one of his sessions.

@TooManyPlatesInMotion I'm glad I'm not the only one - I only drink coffee water and wine so I'm just necking back pints of water as I work and I'm still thirsty as hell. I wonder why that is?

Don't get me wrong I like a soda and lime but usually with vodka in. So I don't want to start down that road or I'll start getting cravings.

I'm just really bored and a bit flat tbh. I really thought I would feed great but I don't.

The only reason I've stuck to it this long is because I made a big song and dance about doing DJ and everyone laughed at me so I can't now fail. However, you have to celebrate the small wins don't you. Day 5 and this is the longest I've been sober in 18 months.

@confusedlots I'm the same as you - I've done all my ironing, I worked late last night as a distraction. I've read a thread before where people have gone sober and they've realised how much TIME they have.

I need to start incorporating some exercise into this but I just feel so flat with no energy.

Also, does anyone have any better free tracking apps?

I've got try dry but it's literally so boring and the calculations of money and calories are way off so it's dulling my motivation. Wondered if there were any better ones out there.

I highly recommend Alan Carr, Craig Beck and a slightly different one, Amanda Prowse ( Another love) this one is a true story that is so touching and real I found it really relatable. I loved Alan Carr as it's repetitive and Craig Beck as he tells it as it is, of course you have the joy of being sober/quit like a women but not my favourite.

I have had a few failed attempts, this time around I didn't really substitute any AF drinks, stuck to tea/coffee/squash. I often treated myself to a lovely coffee in town accompanied by my quit lit book. In the early stages I did use audible as I couldn't really concentrate, and, I found this made it really stick. Also great excuse to get out for a walk.

In the evening I made sure I had something nice to look forward to, a nice cake or chocolate that sort of thing. I didn't worry about calories at that point. I took the recommended vitamins (Craig Beck) for 3 months. I spent my evenings watching something good/having a bath/painting my nails.

My pinch point was making dinner so where I was able, I made something easy to throw in the oven or prepared it earlier so I wasn't in the kitchen at 5pm cooking and drinking.

I had to give myself a pep talk frequently, it was tough and only you can do it. My DH was supportive but it was all on me.

Definitely avoid pubs/parties if possible I had a bit of a strop early on as my DH wanted to go for a drink, I know what I normally sub with, but, they didn't have any, suddenly it hit me I felt so weak and pathetic, I thought oh one glass of wine won't hurt! In the end I had a small diet coke 😔. I felt awful, out of place, and like everyone could see I was unable to to just have one like everyone else. However, when I left the pub I felt amazing I had overcome an obstacle.But I wouldn't recommend it early on. Since then I have honestly not had a problem socialising/going to pubs/Christmas.

The benefits are honestly amazing I lost weight, my skin improved, my sleep, my mood, my patience. I finally liked the person I was as I could actually see myself without the blur of wine. If I can do it you all can to.

I think bored and flat is a feature of the early days I'm afraid. For me it is also a feature of January so could also be time of year related. It takes time to feel the physical benefits and tiredness is a big feature in the early days so it's harder to pick yourself up with exercise endorphins. I made myself run even when I didn't feel like it and that helped

if in doubt, play it forward in your head. Yes that one glass of chilled white wine would be lovely. How about the other 5, the crap nights sleep, the anxiety, the disappointment in yourself and the sluggishness the next day.... Will they be lovely? As they are likely just as inevitable.

This is excellent advice, thank you.

Fucking dreading tonight. I really want a glass of wine.

NCgoingdry same here but managed to refocus as I was so close to popping into the wine shop. Had a sandwich instead and off to take the dog out

@NCgoingdry yep me too. I have done a dog walk and am going to do a quick gym session then all i can do is go to bed i think.

Hang on in there. I'll keep checking in.

I like over the influence podcast.

well done on starting I didn’t know I could do 2 days and I’m now over 16 months sober

Well I've given myself a migraine over back to work anxiety so at least that makes not having a drink easier tonight. Stay strong everyone!

I am close to a recovering alcoholic.
They never say they won't drink again - they say they won't drink today.
Tomorrow they say it again... etc.
I can't tell you how much better family life is now that he took that step.

It was very close last night. I even put a bottle of wine in the fridge. I had rationalised it in my head "oh fuck dry January doesn't matter" bla bla. Made all the excuses like I just won't drink during the week I can prove I've done it.

This thread really did help. I distracted myself for a bit. And then I said I'll open it after dinner. Then after dinner I wasn't that bothered and I just kept telling myself "I won't drink today". @Readybrek999 that was so helpful, so thank you.

I also didn't want to come back here and either admit I fucked it or be a fraud.

How is everyone else feeling after the Friday night test?

Well done @NCgoingdry . 🙌

I also find it is about distraction and resisting than initial urge, which then passes.

Last night was ok. I tried some zero alcohol fizzy wine and it wasn't bad, not too sweet and still felt like a bit of a treat.

I am sooooooo tired. Achey and exhausted. I could have slept all morning (chance would be a fine thing).

I think yesterday was my first sober fri night in at least 18 months.

@NCgoingdry One day at a time.

NCgoingdry nearly did the same, i had to try hard to distract myself- i had bought a bottle earlier in the week to have on the wine rack to show i could do it, and it is still there. I know it is going to be a struggle especially at weekends so focussing on eating well and keeping busy

Well done on your progress so far! Getting and staying sober is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But it is also the absolute best.

There's some brilliant tips of this thread so far. I like having flavoured tonic now and have frozen some lime slices and berries to top up my drink with. I also have puddings every night and don't feel guilty 😄

If it's evening and you're struggling I recommend brushing your teeth and putting pjs on. That was a trigger to my head that the evening was ending and so I stopped craving alcohol even if I then stayed up later.

One day at a time. Sometimes it's one minute at a time and that's okay.

Well done all of you - the first days are definitely the hardest by miles, and January is a miserable time of year anyway which makes it harder - stick with it, you are doing great! It's such a hard thing to do and I have so much respect for myself and everyone else who tries to do it!

Just one other piece of advice that helped me (which again I got from SMART Recovery) - a lapse (where you briefly go back to drinking - say you drink for one evening) is different from a Relapse (where you go back to drinking like you used to). Even though both are obviously best avoided, it is important not to feel, if you should lapse for any reason, that you have FAILED and are useless may as well go back to drinking all the time.....

Most of us will lapse at some point before managing to become permanently sober - I certainly did, and may again - tho it is many months since I drank now I know I can never totally say never. But if that does happen, it can actually be a good learning point if you consider what triggered it and how to avoid those triggers in the future- it's certainly not a reason to give up, either on yourself or on sobriety.

Every day without drinking is a victory and a cause for celebration. So you should all do something to treat yourselves this weekend - you deserve it!

I am sober

Thank you @MichaelFabricantWig I'll check it out.

@TooManyPlatesInMotion what's with the tiredness and aching I'm exactly the same. I thought this would be easier because I'll be feeling fabulous. Hoping week 2 brings some more energy and benefits.

@theremustonlybeone It's tempting isn't it. We have hundreds of pounds worth of Christmas booze leftover from hosting. I'm not throwing it out because there will most likely be another party - even next Christmas.

I must admit I felt pretty smug this morning that I didn't crack, and it was nice not to feel sick/thirsty or mildly hungover. I hope my liver is impressed.

Tonight will be another challenge - I'm out for dinner with friends. However most of them are doing DJ too so I'll feel supported and I'll drive so there's no option anyway. It'll be going home and wanting to crack open the wine afterwards. But I'm feeling positive.

I'm afraid the tiredness and aching is a bit of a feature early on. I felt absolutely wrecked.... As though I'd been both completely sleep deprived and beaten up. It passes, and the energy will come. I can't remember how long it took but I think a matter of weeks rather than days I'm afraid.

Keep on keeping on... If you're 6 days in, you'll never have to do days 1-6 again, and so on. You can do it!

I am struggling today, I won't get home until 9 I'm bored and all I can think about is wine.
I don't find it helpful when people suggest making a soft drink 'special' (looking at you colleague) ice and a straw in elderflower water etc is still elderflower water. Similarly I have no interest in non alcoholic drinks, I like the way alcohol makes me feel.

But I'm a stubborn sod so I won't cave, but gosh I want some.

I'll drive so there's no option anyway. It'll be going home and wanting to crack open the wine afterwards

I completely get this feeling.