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Alcohol support

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Original poster

1 day sober

322 replies

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 03/01/2023 12:36

I didn't have a drink last night for the first time in months. I have a problem, and I really want to make some changes.

I'm 43 and I suppose alcohol has been an issue on and off since my early 20s, with periods of sobriety for the duration of three pregnancies. Otherwise, i have managed the odd week off here and there but it always escalates again.

I am overweight, unfit and feel dreadful, constantly tired and anxious. Drinking, on average two thirds of a bottle of wine or cava a night, much more over Xmas. I just can't do it any more. My kids need me to be better than this.

I'm looking into both Smart Recovery and AA.

Can anyone recommend some good podcasts that might help?

Thank you.

OP posts:
ecdysis · 02/02/2023 22:57

*last

CiderWithLizzie · 02/02/2023 23:16

I’m on day 39 (last drink was on Christmas Day) snd I’m feeling much better, although my sleep is a bit erratic. I was previously drinking a bottle of wine 4 or 5 days a week, sometimes a bit more. I have survived new year’s Eve, a school reunion and a birthday afternoon tea, as well as weekends!

Initially I was just thinking of moderating but I’m now not sure that I can. I have done dry January in the past but soon fell back in to my old ways.

Reading these threads has really encouraged me to try to go dry permanently - I really hope I can.

BarrelOfOtters · 03/02/2023 07:39

I’ve been not drinking in the week for January, so no ‘sharing’ a bottle with dh where he’d have a glass and I’d finish the rest or have 2 large.. no pint(s) at the pub quizzes…

I have lost no weight, but tummy marginally less bloated, skin better, mood better and I’m not craving as much stodgy crap.

Scoley76 · 03/02/2023 11:04

Thank you so much for this. I can really relate. I'm so pleased for you x

Scoley76 · 03/02/2023 11:06

rogueone · 02/02/2023 22:35

Scoley76 I was similar. I drunk every night, would get anxious if I only had one bottle and a half in the house and would go out and get more. I would hide empties and pour wine into a cup when sitting with my DH has he always had an issue with my drinking. I started becoming angry too and my kids started copying their dad. For me I set a date to stop- I then planned what I would do instead. Signed up to a online fitness course, stocked up on fizzy water and planned dog walks and workouts when I would usually be opening the wine- went to bed early too and focussed on making nice meals. I was aiming to reframe my drinking not stop and the main thing was to stop drinking at home . But I did realise I needed to stop for a while before having a drink socially. I found this thread so helpful- I really struggled to start with, I thought about drinking all the time and the weekends were torture as I would think about it all day. However coming onto this thread and finding others going through the same was just brilliant- I felt so proud of myself each day and when I did have a glass of wine at a social event but I didn’t crack the next day at home and started drinking in the house and haven’t drunk since . Losing weight and feeling amazing really helps focus the mind.

I can really relate to this. Thank you so much xx

Original poster
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 03/02/2023 11:23

@Scoley76 I was also drinking most nights of the week and drinking to relieve the anxiety and effects of the previous night's hangover, so it became a horrible cycle of increased guilty, anxiety and feeling physically shit.

It really was habit. I was drinking because that's what I did - celebrating a good day at work, unwinding after a bad way, drinking because it was cold and grim outside or drinking because the sun was out . . . There were no "special occasions" any longer, I just drank on every occasion and no occasion at all.

I do feel better. Sleep is still a bit hit and miss, but my skin is much better, my eyes are brighter, emotionally I feel better. And the financial savings are a huge incentive.

You can do it! It really helps knowing other people are going through similar xx

OP posts:
Scoley76 · 03/02/2023 11:31

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 03/02/2023 11:23

@Scoley76 I was also drinking most nights of the week and drinking to relieve the anxiety and effects of the previous night's hangover, so it became a horrible cycle of increased guilty, anxiety and feeling physically shit.

It really was habit. I was drinking because that's what I did - celebrating a good day at work, unwinding after a bad way, drinking because it was cold and grim outside or drinking because the sun was out . . . There were no "special occasions" any longer, I just drank on every occasion and no occasion at all.

I do feel better. Sleep is still a bit hit and miss, but my skin is much better, my eyes are brighter, emotionally I feel better. And the financial savings are a huge incentive.

You can do it! It really helps knowing other people are going through similar xx

I could have wrote this myself. I felt guilty when my partner asked "why have u had a drink. We've had a nice day, what are you down about? ". I couldn't answer him. I celebrated with drink, wallowed with drink, get excited with drink. Its just what I do...or should I say did x

Original poster
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 03/02/2023 11:33

@Scoley76 yes, drink accompanied every emotion and occasion of my life. Even "I'm at a bit of a loose end" . . . drink. Everything is pretty much fine at the moment . . . drink. Nothing at all is fine and I feel appalling . . . Definitely drink.

Breaking that cycle is hard, but once you begin to establish new habits it becomes easier.

OP posts:
Scoley76 · 03/02/2023 13:41

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 03/02/2023 11:33

@Scoley76 yes, drink accompanied every emotion and occasion of my life. Even "I'm at a bit of a loose end" . . . drink. Everything is pretty much fine at the moment . . . drink. Nothing at all is fine and I feel appalling . . . Definitely drink.

Breaking that cycle is hard, but once you begin to establish new habits it becomes easier.

Yes, breaking the habit is what it's all about. Can I ask...would you say you were addicted to alcohol? Or more the feeling of it?
As things have got more excessive for me and the volume of wine Increased at each sitting I began to wonder if I was addicted to alcohol....but I'm not so sure. Is it just habit 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 03/02/2023 14:12

@Scoley76 I definitely think I was psychologically addicted, yes. In terms of physical addiction, I'm not sure. I suffered tiredness and disrupted sleep, plus sugar cravings, when I stopped, but nothing more dramatic than that. I was drinking pretty much every day, probably at least 2/3 of a bottle of wine and more at the weekends, so it wouldn't surprise me.

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NCgoingdry · 03/02/2023 14:29

Guys sorry for my disappearing act. I've been following.

So I had that event over a week ago where I said I was going to drink. And I did. And too much. Like - far too much. And basically left me a depressed and anxious wreck for best part of four days. I clearly have absolutely no off switch. And a long way to go before I'm far away from the trap of daily drinking.

I'm so glad to see that some of you are staying on this thread. You've all done amazing for DJ. I know I'll need your support to continue to stay on the wagon as such.

I felt so many benefits - clearer skin, better hydration, better mood, more time, more money. I honestly don't know why I do this to myself.

So here goes again - we need a name for February. Free February? Anyway, thank you @TooManyPlatesInMotion for bringing us together and helping me find my people. You've all helped far more than you'll know.

ecdysis · 03/02/2023 14:48

I do agree with the 'my people' bit. It does help to speak to others that get it. I also put wine in a mug, bury the bottle in the recycling.

I feel awful for going back on it, tired and crap.

Original poster
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 03/02/2023 14:53

@NCgoingdry Go easy on yourself . . . . We live and learn, right?! Are you feeling a bit better now?

Onwards into February and yes, we need a new thread. I like Free February. Happy to start a new thread and tag people?

OP posts:
NCgoingdry · 03/02/2023 15:11

@TooManyPlatesInMotion Yeah feel a little bit like I have my mojo back slightly - honestly it was awful. Felt like I wasn't in the room. Although now I've just binged on food as a distraction so I need to take it back to the basics and just stay sober again.

@ecdysis Slippery slope isn't it. It's fine - you've done it before. You can do it again. Just reset when you're ready! Progress is never linear.

rogueone · 03/02/2023 15:42

I think we have all done brilliantly- It is a tough journey reframing how we all cope with daily stressors and having to sometimes face hard realities face on with a clear head and not through a glass. It took us all a while to get to this stage so it isn't going to be a quick fix. I expect a rocky path ahead but if I can still pull myself back despite a blip that is a huge step. As said before this thread has been a life saver and being anonymous means I can be honest

Anapana · 04/02/2023 06:47

day 7 for me today which is about 5 days longer than I’ve managed the past few years, so I’m proud. My question is, I had a bottle of ALDIs nosecco stuff last night and it was nice, not as sweet as other AF wines. BUT last night I slept crap and this morning I feel sad - what the hell is that all about, the stuff was basically apple juice?!

Original poster
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 04/02/2023 08:41

Well done @Anapana . The poor sleep and generally feeling rubbish is probably more likely to be your body getting used to no booze as opposed to the alcohol free stuff!

OP posts:
aswellascanbeexpected · 04/02/2023 10:42

@rogueone I completely agree about the rocky road and the blips, so I’m actively being kind to myself when I do slip back into drowning the feelings, which happened twice this past week.

I know I’m facing a really, really hard and emotional week, as it’s close approaching the first anniversary of my DHs sudden death. But last night I actively decided not to drink, even when my very dear friend called by, which would usually have led to us downing a bottle or three, and this morning I feel great, and slept all through the night for the first time in years and years. So I feel reset after a mid week lapse.
I’m also telling people that I’ve recognised I have a problem and being honest to myself and others is helping.

aswellascanbeexpected · 04/02/2023 10:48

And well done @Anapana I’ve not opted for AF wine or beer, maybe because they remind me of what I’m missing, so instead I’ve bought some fancy cordials and have them with fizzy water or tonic.
I like this brand and got some delivered
shop.mrfitzpatricks.com

rogueone · 04/02/2023 14:22

aswellascanbeexpected I so relate to your post. I for the first time have started talking openly to my close friends. I also cancelled a night out in early jan as I was at the start of my journey and told them the truth. I think that was such a big step as I have always made an excuse for drinking or said it’s dealing with my sick DH . You take care as this is going to be an extra tough time for you but I also know you are dealing with daily grief

IwasToldThereWouldBeCake · 04/02/2023 14:47

Just marking my spot. I'm another one that downed a bottle of wine 6 out of 7 nights a week during the pandemic..... Have cut down to 3 nights a week, maybe 4 the next week.

I also want to cut out at home drinking, it's not worth the downer paranoid, cranky, sensitive hang overs.

I don't think I m addicted, but have formed a boring habit and I want to engage in happier, healthier activities.

aswellascanbeexpected · 04/02/2023 15:06

Thank you @rogueone and you too are carrying a heavy load,some Flowers for you
and Welcome @IwasToldThereWouldBeCake , and I love your user name! I think I’m another one where the habit was becoming habitual, and a reflex response, rather than an active choice.

AceFace08 · 06/02/2023 08:24

Well done, amazing I know just how hard it is to do one day keep going don't end up like me

rogueone · 06/02/2023 10:33

I am really pleased at the moment. I have drank twice since the 3rd January. The most recent was Saturday, it was fun but I felt dreadful on Sunday. I do feel like I have finally broken the habit. Back to normal social drinking. Hangovers now where I had none before. I had no interest in drinking yesterday, in the past ill or not i would have been drinking. I am enjoying feeling bright and energetic.

Original poster
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 06/02/2023 11:43

Hello and welcome @IwasToldThereWouldBeCake .

In a big step forwards (for me anyway!) I went out for some drinks with a few of the other parents from my DD's school on Friday night and I didn't drink. It was a nice evening, I had a chat and a surprisingly OK alcohol free beer and then got to bed at a decent time. I feel that now I've got that type of occasion under my belt, I'll feel relaxed about going out and doing it again.

OP posts: