The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Adm1010]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life

Thankyou to bunnies for hosting the last thread.
And here’s to the next 40 pages

Sorry to hear you're not well @AlloftheTime . Hope you are on the mend soon.

@iamyourequal I know! We were at a baby weaning workshop so I was holding the baby, trying to cover my mouth/ not sneeze on the baby, not drop the baby and my brain just couldn't compute so I smashed my teeth and there really isn't anything they can do. What they did do just caused more problems!

Evening all.

Just enjoying rhubarb af gin-Lidl. £8.99.
A bit sweet but I love rhubarb. One of my friends has said is it that ah f*ck stuff?
Made me laugh.

Evening all, I hope those poorly are better? And the rest of you are still dry, had some strong cravings today… First time it was that physical, but I was cocking up a cushion cover… reupholstery is NOT for me. Also due in for surgery Monday on my right shoulder so that is playing in my mind a bit. Not looking forwards to being a lefty for a few weeks again.

However THEY DID ask me how much I drank, so I totally over answered with nothing, not a bit, I haven’t had a drink for 32 days and 3 hrs and 15mins or some such overshare so they will totally have my number now 🤣

Wah forgot my question… which one should I listen to next, The Naked Mind or Alcohol Experiment.. ? Anyone recommend one over the other..?

@iamyourequal @Newmum738 @Breathmiller thank you for asking feeling a little more human this afternoon. My stats are still low so keeping me in again. Been asked again about alcohol 😇
I’m sure it was painful but whoever said about holdings the baby, sneezing etc set me laughing and coughing something chronic….

@Fortheloveofgodwhy cravings can be tough
Wishing you well on Monday and you made laugh
cocking up a cushion cover. Very funny and beautiful alliteration!
Can’t help on the quit lit but someone will be along with wise words
😊
Checking.

@ChampooPapi let us know how you are

@Fortheloveofgodwhy

I am reading the alcohol experiment. Seems reasonable in its observations.

Finally feel able to pop on here and say hello.

I'm day 27 AF today. Have been dry 64/71 days this year overall but have finally decided to give being completely AF a real go.

Life hasn't been easy the past few years - I know its been hard for everyone but I've had some major lifechanging events - I think I'm finally accepting that alcohol is not helping me at all.

So far in 2022 I've had a massive flare of autoimmune arthritis (I'm medicated but had been well for 3 years. I'm currently recovering with the help of a new med) and I'm now in the midst of a wisdom tooth infection. I really can't say I'm feeling the benefits except my pain isn't making me want to drink. This is a huge thing for me.

I'm a classic "drink for any reason" person. Happy, sad, angry, in physical pain.... any reason. I drink in company, alone (a few glasses of red and a film has been Saturday night for years now! And often it's just me on the wine as my DP isn't a massive drinker). Alcohol was a reward, a comfort, a pain killer. It had to stop!!!

I do DJ every year and then by the December my consumption is worse than it was the year before. I do have periods of moderation but am ashamed to say other than pregnancy and BF, I've never been dry for longer than 40 days.

Am feeling quietly optimistic. But know that ideally I need to be AF forever now.

@Fortheloveofgodwhy

Wah forgot my question… which one should I listen to next, The Naked Mind or Alcohol Experiment.. ? Anyone recommend one over the other..?

Maybe it was my frame of mind but I never finished The Naked Mind.

I'm now on day 25 of the Alcohol Experiment and have been dry for 27 days (I have missed a few days of the book )

I actually stopped smoking in 2011 using Allen Carr so I'm a massive advocate of these kinds of books but I've found The Alcohol Experiment to be more suitable for me in this journey.

Hi @Crunchymum ouch in the wisdom tooth. I also did great with Allen Carr giving up smoking and also the first quit lit I did was his control drinking book which has really helped. I’m at 34 days AF so maybe the alcohol experiment is not worth it for me… 🤷‍♀️ Is it aimed at the first 30 days only then?

@Fortheloveofgodwhy

Hi *@Crunchymum* ouch in the wisdom tooth. I also did great with Allen Carr giving up smoking and also the first quit lit I did was his control drinking book which has really helped. I’m at 34 days AF so maybe the alcohol experiment is not worth it for me… 🤷‍♀️ Is it aimed at the first 30 days only then?

34 days is amazing!!

I've never looked back when I stopped smoking, wish I could say the same about wine. It feels like I've had more "day 1's" than hot dinners (and I'm fat so I like a hot dinner )

Yes the alcohol experiment is meant to be read day by day, and it's meant to be exactly what it says.... an experiment to see how your life is for 30 days without alcohol. I liked the fact that you are reading about things as they happen, albeit not everything is relevant to everyone? There is a chapter on dating, for example, thay was totally irrelevant to me.

I have found quite a lot of the book pretty helpful in general though. In fact I plan to re-read it afterwards and actually take notes the second time of the things pertinent to me.

The Naked Mind was one I started whilst drinking (not literally but I wasn't AF) and it's similar to A.C in the sense once you get to the end of it, you'll not want to drink anymore? I just never got to the end.

The A.C book helped me beyond imagination with smoking. I've never had so much as an urge or a craving but his alcohol book/s didn't hit the spot at all. I felt as though I'd "been there, done that" so to speak.

Ah ok, think I’ll go for the naked mind one, I am pretty proud of the 34 days, other than after an accident last summer when I was too doped up on painkillers and probably didn’t drink for 4 or maybe 6 weeks this is the longest I have done totally AF, even through 3 pregnancies i was having the odd glass. It was still considered ok to have the odd one then. So I did ..regularly 😳.

In the last year though I have noticed more and more times when I don’t recall going to bed, or what we watched on TV… NYE we stayed at home with friends and although I don’t think I was stumbling drunk, I don’t remember so much of the evening. Apparently I was lighting candles - I only know because I tidied them away in the morning! I also found photos and videos of me with the children I didn’t recall AT ALL… I also noticed myself becoming more and more clumsy during the daytime, I was losing words all the time, getting frankly denser and less capable. Despite moderating my drinking to weekends only. And then maybe on a Thursday, usually a Sunday… and spending Mon - Wed cross and frustrated because I couldn’t have a drink.

Wow. I need to keep a copy of that, that is the most honest I’ve been about this journey. I don’t want to drink again. I really don’t. I know I can’t moderate without it becoming all encompassing and as soon as I have the first glass… it’s too late. Anyway.. onwards and upwards no drinks for me.

Welcome crunchymum

It can be very freeing when you decide to go for forever. Even though the word can be daunting, it can also free up a lot of headspace. Or it did for me. "Should I have a drink tonight, should I have a night off? Well, I over did it at the weekend so I'll have a week off. But it's a celebration! Or, but I've had a bad day! I'll just have one, or two..."on and on and on the conversations in my head would go. Suddenly, the answer to that question was easy.
"Should I have a drink tonight?" "Nope, cos I don't drink." And that was that.

ForTheLoveOfGod sorry I can't help with quitlit as I didn't read any. I had a weird thing in my head that if I read about it it would just make me think about it more. Which was odd as I do like reading self help books. I did talk it out a lot on here though. This thread was my self help book.
Hope you feel better today and get home. allofthetime

Back on day one after not just two, but three major slips. I'm sorry I didn't respond on here to all you wonderful people, I have been struggling alot again with staying sober for more then a week. I've slipped right back to where I was when I started on this thread back in July last year. I'm firmly back in that place. I have reinstalled the sober app that counts the days again and I have to hope I can get back to the person, mother, partner that I had become.

Feeling like such a lost cause but do know that it's the brutal hangover combined with everything else.

Am I even still welcome here? I always feel guilty that I can't respond much as well because of being on my nursing placement at the hospital still, and the four children on return.

My family deserve better, I deserve better.

I can't go to meetings because it just was impossible in the end with work schedule.

Shit shit shit. I'm so sorry everyone 😞

Well done everyone! @BunniesBunniesBunnies yes I would also love it if you could share maybe top three benefits of quitting for so long?

I was out last night with five friends, all drinking heavily, spirits and shots. I would say the average was 8 spirits with mixers plus 5 rounds of shots. I stuck to my diet coke and observed. It's true what they say about you only have to avoid the first drink. After that I was fine, just watching and enjoying myself.

It was funny watching them all deteriorate, and two of them had something really important to do today, which will be so hard with hangovers.

I was pleased with how I coped - five hours from 7 - midnight. Woke up so so glad I hadn't drunk. It gives me confidence I can do this long term.

@ChampooPapi so sorry you had a blip. Don't worry. When I quit smoking I gave up dozens of times before the time that stuck. Same with alcohol.

Have you tried reading Alcohol Explained? I have read all the quit lit but found this one has helped me a lot.

Welcome back @ChampooPapi! Sorry about the slips but you have some good sober stretches under your belt so you know you can do it!!!

Welcome @Crunchymum!😊

@AlloftheTime oh no I’m sorry you’re unwell, I hope you are better soon!

@BrightonBunny I haven't and will. I think I need to get the quit lit into my life this time. I relapsed the end of December then managed nearly two months sober, followed by the last three weeks of smashing my brain into a thousand pieces once a week.

I am reassured it took you many tries @BrightonBunny. I am 35 in April and I am determined to do this one sober for the first time (except for when pregnant). I am feeling pretty hopeless, currently in bed about to get some more sleep. I have placement tomorrow, how will I get through it?! I'm such an idiot

@BunniesBunniesBunnies thank you for welcoming me back , I feel like I'm not good enough for you amazing people. But this thread helps me so much

For those who asked about the long term benefits… There are sooo many but I like it that one poster asked me to mention the top three, that really made me think.

I guess they are:

1. ENORMOUSLY improved mental health. I used to be very up and down and cry a lot, by the end when I was drinking a lot I had really lost the ability to cope with stuff. I am sooo much happier and calmer now, I still have shit days sometimes like anyone else but I’m able to cope with them sooo much better.
2. I’m a much better (calmer, more patient, more present) mum
3. My relationship has so much improved. Much more fun, sex, fewer arguments and a much better connection with my partner.

But honestly there are so many more benefits. I can’t think of a single area of my life (health, friendships, skin, work, sleep, fitness, I could go on!) that hasn’t improved as a result of quitting booze😊😊😊

@ChampooPapi you ARE good enough. You deserve to be sober! Honestly the low self worth is a symptom of the drinking. I felt so low about myself when I was drinking. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy, but I do, we all do. Stick with it and you’ll soon start to feel better again.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies yes my self worth right now is rock bottom. My eldest is 12 next weekend and I've been doing this crap since before she was born. Binging and being so crap for so long afterwards. Then having stretches of sobriety but always ending up in this place again. I'm scared now I'm going to die on one of these binges. After working at the hospital I now really know that this is not an unreasonable concern!.

Sending you a big hug @ChampooPapi. To me you always sound like a great person and a great mum. I do feel like a better mum now I’m sober but I think I was also a pretty good mum before. It was just much harder work before because I was always battling with myself/my mood/my hangovers etc. It’s just easier now. I hope you can enjoy the upcoming birthday celebrations! Be kind to yourself x

champoopapi so lovely to see you back. All arms here are open to you. You deserve to be here. You deserve to be compassionate with yourself. You deserve ALL good things. This is not an easy thing to do. I know it can sound like some of us have nailed it and finding it easy. But, remember I was not on here at your age, i was not being open when I was in a bad place or falling off the wagon again and again and again. So, please don't make any comparisons with how you feel you are doing compared to where other people are on their journey.

You are back on here. That proves so much. That you want this. And that will power you through. Keep going. We are here for you.

One of my favourite sayings, it's on a card that used to be by my bedside for 20 years. I gave it to my son last year when he needed it more than me.

You as much as any in the Universe, deserve your love and affection

Tara Brach talks in her books of Radical Compassion. The compassion we give so readily to others, can we be do the most radical thing and turn that compassionate gaze to ourselves? There is a saying in Buddhism. If your practice of compasdion does not include yourself it is incomplete.

Go easy on yourself today, my lovely. We are all here for you.