The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Adm1010]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life

Thankyou to bunnies for hosting the last thread.
And here’s to the next 40 pages

Sorry you are struggling @iamyourequal . It can be really tough .

If you want to get back on the horse do it now before the mouthfuls and couple of drinks escalate more . And they will . Cause that’s the nature of it .

What you’ve been responding to is the voice, the years of patterns formed from years of dopamine hits . Your brain believes the way to deal with what’s going on in your life is to have alcohol . Cause that’s what it knows . That’s the pattern you set . You can change the pattern but you have to ignore that voice .

iamyourequal
Sorry to hear you're finding things tough at the moment.

Never apologise for not being positive in this thread. If this thing was easy and full of rainbows and unicorns all the time then we wouldn't need this thread.

It might be worthwhile unpicking how you feel right now. Has the couple of drinks or swigs made you feel better? It may have at the time (or maybe not) but how do you feel now about it?

That's what has helped me through times when I've also had that voice saying "this is ridiculous, it's Friday night you can have a couple of glasses of wine" . It may for a fleeting moment give me that dopamine hit but it won't make me feel good later. The reason I know this is I have listened to that voice many times.

It often takes a few times of falling off the wagon even in small doses to realise that it's not the answer to challenging feelings.

Keep posting, we're all here for you. This thread often goes off piste to all sorts of emotional issues we are going through. I know I have had great support in lots of ways that don't (on the surface) seem related to drinking. But they are. If i can come here for support in a completely unrelated problem I'm having then I'm much less likely to turn to alcohol to help the emotions that I don't like.

@iamyourequal sorry to read you're struggling. I totally know where you're coming from with emotions and that panicky feeling. I've tried to deal with crappy feelings with alcohol but then it occurred to me that it doesn't actually make it better - the feelings just keep coming back so I have decided that I am going to sit with those feelings. As you probably know I often experience struggles and I will write on here. It helps because I'm not hiding or ignoring how I feel, I'm standing up to them. I have had fantastic support from people on here who have helped with my wobbly times. I would recommend posting more and sharing if you're not feeling great (as well as when things are good)

Thank you @BunniesBunniesBunnies, @Adm1010, @Breathmiller & @Kindtomyself. Thanks so much for your posts. You’d kind words are such a help. Real wisdom there I needed to hear.
I do want to stay sober. I knew last night it wasn’t the right thing to do. That’s why I stopped when I did and didn’t open wine. I could remember last time I gave in after long sober spell- I was totally stressed and fed up after having covid. This time I’ve not coped well with my health niggles, relationship issues and my menopause problems are turning things I should be coping with into huge problems in my mind due to the anxiety. I am going to dial things right back as if I’ve just given up, taking it day by day.
Thanks for saying to post more. I’d actually gone to visit a friend yesterday hoping to have a good chat and get things off my chest a bit (the stress, not about drinking) but her husband and kids were there the whole time so it was nothing but small talk.

Thanks again everyone. I’ve got tears in my eyes here thinking you have bothered taking time for this on a Sunday x

@iamyourequal

I agree with the if this was easy blah blah...
It isn't and I get people not understanding.
I loved my wine, happy days and sad days. Wine was delicious but I became ashamed of my behaviour when I had too much.
Let me make you laugh my equal, I flashed my spanx, anothet time I was so pissed I slept in them (ouch), and sang I will survive at a staff do whilst the most senior person there bar the owner. Think Bridget Jones. I was that bad.
We all have a blip or two before we crack it (if not God bless you) I have done 57 days minus 4. That's 53 bottles of wine I didn't drink or pay money for. Think of your success like that.
We are not in confession here just seeking help for a nasty addiction.
Much love to you.

@iamyourequal definitely keep posting .a blip doesn’t have to be a lapse . This blip doesn’t define you . X

Wise words from everyone and I agree with @SavBbunny - Keep thinking of all those days you didn’t drink. There can be many more in your future if you choose to.
Nobody is perfect (or at least I’m not😝), but if we keep working at it, keep exploring our feelings and develop better coping mechanisms, you can be sober for life if you want to.

Keep sharing @iamyourequal. You are a very strong person or you wouldn’t be here giving it your best. You can do it👍

@SavBbunny the Spanx stories made me chuckle😂😂😂

Not much to add to this, I’m only just about to hit 4 weeks. And tonight I had a real wobble, first glug of AF wine and it was close but NOT WINE and the disappointment was real. So instead I’ve eaten a whole bar or Lindt chocolate. 😏

Maybe re read or buy some new quit lit? I listen to a couple on audible while I walk the dog. I can see myself going back to them as well in the future. And also don’t give up on yourself x

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the help.

@SavBbunny. That makes me chuckle. You are awfully good fun! 😊
I’ve had peace now to sit and reread all your posts and think properly. @Kindtomyself, that ‘ panicky feeling’ you speak of is definitely half the problem. I’ve taken swigs of things to calm me and stop the constant witterings of doom in my mind. And @Breathmiller, you are right the ‘playing it forward’ has worked for me many many times until now. I just need to improve my coping strategies.
Looking forward, I have an appointment this week for my dental issues and a GP phone appointment next week where I am going to ask for my HRT to be upped to see if it fixes the anxiety.
I should have read all the signs I was about to erupt as I felt bad for weeks and then burst into tears (over nothing) at work this week. I have also been short with my family, I think because I felt they should have picked up on my anxiety and been kinder to me.
I am going to have a calm, nurturing week this week and just try and chill the feck out a bit. @BunniesBunniesBunnies, you are right. This is my sober decision, and I can’t expect others to be invested in it. I have to recognise it’s in my control only too.
Thanks again everyone. Also I am so happy to read all the stories of peoples progress this week, milestones and coping with pubs and boozy friends etc. I always read the posts but don’t always post, but I’m always wishing the best for you all.

Thanks so much @Fortheloveofgodwhy and congratulations for 4 weeks!

I’m sorry about your AF wine experience- been there. I hated my AF prosecco but now I chill it really really well and almost like it (if only it wasn’t so damn sweet!), well I like popping the cork and getting something fizzy at least.
Thank goodness you had nice chocolate in. I know it’s not the same, but it can give you a little warm. I try and think back to being a kid and how much shear joy I used to get from chocolate and sweets (perhaps that explains the ££££ s in bloody dental treatment coming my way).
Always cone and tell us when you wobble (do as I say and not as I do 😳 )

Just wanted to say I have read your posts @iamyourequal and have nothing else to add as everyone has been so brilliant, but glad you are here and talking about it.

Definitely think of all the days you didn't drink. It can just be a blip and you can move on. Glad you are seeing a Doctor too. Anxiety is awful and it seems that women get a really unfair deal when it comes to having stuff thrown at them hormone wise. Is there ever a sweet spot!?

Thanks @Borrowbox, and you are right - everyone’s been brilliant on here. I spent half the day feeling weird and almost embarrassed. That ‘I don’t need to tell anyone about this I will deal with it myself’ feeling. I’m so pleased I changed my mind and told you guys. It feels like a bit of a weight has been lifted off me. And bloody hormones (or a lack thereof) are the devil indeed!! X

I am so pleased you did too. I am often tempted to stay in my head and think that has been the difference for me this time, talking it over with people that actually get it. DH is lovely and supportive but ultimately doesn't understand.

@iamyourequal “I should have read all the signs…”

This was my nemesis for the longest time (and still is sometimes). Struggling to recognise when I am struggling and about to explode! I’m much better at it than I was (took a good year or so of being sober though) and I still explode sometimes, “unexpectedly”🤯😬 Anyway keep working at that and you will notice improvements.

You may not always feel supported in real life but you are supported here, we value you and are proud of you. It must have been hard for you to write this down but so many of us have been there. Just keep going, you can do it!

Morning all.
I am feeling a bit better today.
Had some Nosecco. That is gassy stuff. I chill it very well like @iamyourequal says.

New car tomorrow so that should cheer the family up. Full week of wfh so should be OK and not tempted by boozy colleagues.

Morning all

Glad you're feeling better @SavBbunny.
@iamyourequal also glad that you're feeling a bit better too. I'm also a person who has tried to deal with stuff myself in the past, keeping it inside and I have found that vocalising when I'm struggling seems to take the power away

Thanks again everyone, what a kind bunch you are. It won’t be forgotten!!
I’m feeling much better today. Blue skies, a good sleep, nice coffee this morning. Have a lovely day everyone. 😊

Glad you are feeling brighter iamyourequal

There's a lot to be said for a new day when things feel bleak. Especially a day with a bit of blue sky.

Hi everyone.

I am glad you're feeling better @iamyourequal. This is a tough thing to do. I couldn't face posting last week, I have just been missing alcohol so much! Really really missing it like a break up. I thought it would get easier, and in many ways it has but it does feel like such a big undertaking.

On a more positive note - 50 days tomorrow. I haven't gone more than a dry Jan without alcohol since I was about 14, so that is amazing.

Also, I went to the big London party on Saturday night and didn't miss drinking much at all. There was a free but I had ginger ale and drove there and back. Honestly it is worth foregoing alcohol just to do that and my friends were super grateful. If I am honest, what I miss most is the cold glass of wine in the evening at home.

It has also been really interesting understanding other people's drinking habits. I honestly didn't realise that most of my friends don't drink at home . I thought everyone did. Obviously, they were all keeping up with me when we went out!

Finally - I have really put on quite a lot of weight since giving up, which I had expected, but do want to shift some now. I am peri menopausal and from what I hear it just gets harder and harder, so I am really cutting back on the sugar now. It has done its job in helping me transition and I don't need it any more.

So glad you’re feeling a bit better @iamyourequal and @sunshineforest 50 days is amazing, especially if you’ve been missing it!!! Well done!

50 days is great sunshine . Well done.

I hear you on the sugar thing. I ate and drank A LOT of sugar to get me through the beginning then seemed to be attached to the sugar itself. I slowly came off the craving for sugary drinks as a need but I have ended up with a bit of a sweet tooth habit.

That feeling of "well of course i can eat this whole giant bar of chocolate - at least it's not a bottle of wine". Doesn't help that you get lots of yummy vegan treats these days, full of sugar.

But i took last year to start addressing my food issues which are so linked to my disordered attitude to alcohol.

I'm doing an experiment this year. Every month, one thing to add in, and one thing to let go. It's all about harnessing discipline and not always food.

This month I am going sugar free! And 7 days in, it's proving easier than I thought. Using techniques and thought processes I had to get through cravings for alcohol, I managed to get through a weekend with family with no sugar. I feel remarkably well actually. I was worried I would have withdrawal symptoms.

And long may that continue, because we have covid for the second time in the house! Poor DS10 has just tested positive today after having it in October. Poor thing. It's rife in his class.

Thank you @Breathmiller. And so sorry to read you have Covid in the house again. It’s never ending!

Thanks again @BunniesBunniesBunnies. You are such a boost to the morale on this thread. You are also an inspiration. I can remember some of your early posts when you had some really tough times with it all but stayed strong. Two years? Kudos!!

@sunshineforest, please post when you can’t face it. I’m learning (still!!) that it’s the most important time to do so. I totally get where you’re at. You start missing alcohol and romanticizing about it. But it truly is like a breakup. A breakup from someone who you thought you loved and can’t cope without. Except he actually made you miserable most of the time and stopped you being free to enjoy the things that really matter in life. Well done on your 50days for tomorrow.
It’s a dangerous time though, when we start to miss it, forget how horrible even mild hangovers were, and think that we could probably even cope fine with a couple of drinks a week- because we’ve done several weeks which proves it! It’s all lies, damned lies!!! Keep at it and keep posting.

Oh and enjoy, your new car tomorrow @SavBbunny!

Glad you are feeling happier iam

Sorry to hear you have been struggling sunshine 50 days is amazing though, well done! I too thought everyone drank at home and it is that I miss the most.

Sorry to hear about covid being back in the house @Breathmiller Hope he isn't too poorly.

Hope everyone else is doing well. Day 30 here. Completely exhausted so will be in bed soon. I have my blood tests on Wednesday to see if there is anything more going on. I finally admitted to the Doctor that I wasn't drinking within government guidelines. It feels like there is no going back now.

Oh hello everyone. 50 days is fab @sunshineforest. Well done!

I completed 4 weeks yesterday. Huzzah! Also a month - good reason to stop in Feb. That first month gets here 3 days earlier 🤣🥳

Feeling ok today, keep on whacking the mole who pipes up with unhelpful comments.

Good luck for the bloods Borrow. I am also having bloods Wednesday but I’ve not admitted to anything ! Other than ticking the non drinking bit. That felt good.

Also peri… well actually, post meno now after a hysterectomy (I’m only early 40s). Thyroid tests and hormones and having some weird bit on my gum checked out. Then another shoulder op on Monday. I sound like an absolute wreck 🤣🤦‍♀️ But I’m actually quite healthy- well I am now.

Keep counting up the days