"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

[Drybird2020]

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

@Breathmiller thanks for supportive words of wisdom about loving and being kind to ourselves. I really do forget sometimes, you have made me smile this evening.

I have the wine witch in my head right now. School have said they can’t close next week but if we can, can we keep our kids at home all week Instead. I just feel so scared. My girls are amazing, lovely wonderful little girls. (4&5) but I’m just scared I will return to lockdown drinking with them both being home. I really struggled trying to homeschool both of them and having to try keep them quiet while my husband is on conference calls all day. If we could go out places as we used to be able to it would be totally fine but thinking about being stuck
in all over again is giving me massive anxiety. We aren’t seeing anyone at all so they aren’t any risk to the teachers. I don’t know what do do.

@Blackberryblossom your username makes me smile.

Hello there, @iamyourequal, it's nice to hear from you. Moderating is just so exhausting, but the thought of it can be seductive. I'm past the point of believing it can ever work for me and its quite a liberating position to have reached. I'm only able to be sober, or drinking dangerously, and I know which I want. I hope you find what's going to work best for you.

I’ve calmed down now. I’ve devoured some cold mulled apple juice with lots of ice. (Weird but delicious) some choc eclairs, a pack of fruitella and a bag of crisps and I feel loads better.

I had such a panic about going back to a dark place but I realise I’m not in the dark place anymore and I’m not going back.

The girls and I will be fine, we will have a lovely week together at home. I’m not going to stress about home schooling, we will do what we can.

I can breathe again now. I find I hold my breath when I’m feeling anxious. Such a strange feeling but I haven’t really had much at all since I stopped drinking.

@Needsomethingtoread - I feel for you. My dd is 12 and we still had problems with both school work and conference calls needing to happen in the same house during lockdown.
Your dds are young - I'm wondering how much work school would be expecting to be done in the last week of term. They might not need to do that much. It is hard though. Could they carry on at school, if the risks are manageable and school still open? Or maybe school for a couple of days and home for the others? Is there any chance your husband could help?

You're doing really well, and even though alcohol might have been a response to homeschooling stress last time, perhaps it doesn't have to be the response this time. Speaking as someone whose response to the last lockdown involved too much alcohol too often so please feel free to ignore.

Thank you for your lovely comment. I borrowed my name from an old song, and I love how pretty blackberry flowers are.

Hello everyone hope all are having an enjoyable AF Friday !

I got some fizzy flavoured drink from
Aldi which has been a treat tonight (and Ferraro rocher!). Had a fleet thought for glass of Prosecco but think more muscle memory rather than actual want. Looking forward to a decent sleep and feeling energetic (ish!) in the morning

Thanks all for getting back. @Drybird2020, you are absolutely right. Moderating is exhausting. Not worth it....Ferraro rocher would be nice indeed @mrsdoubtfireswig! I’m looking forward to nice chocolates at Christmas. I’ve dropped so many hints to DH he will be in such bother if they don’t appear! Have a good weekend all.

Hi everyone. Loads of new people here so welcome to this wonderful space.

I've been here since the start with @Drybird2020 and drop by every now and again to see how things are going. It's so lovely to see people at different stages supporting each other.

It's 11 months and 11 days for me and I've had a couple of - let's call them wobbles but I'll try and describe them - this week. DH suggesting a couple on Christmas Day won't hurt and a really stressful week at work which a year ago would have ended in the bottom of a bottle or two of red wine. The temptation was fleeting. In January I thought about alcohol all the time - counting the days I hadn't had a drink, thinking 'just distract yourself for half an hour' and the craving will pass, reading everything I could about other people's positive experiences, always reiterating the positives to myself just to get through each day. The intensity of this fades with time but I am very aware that if you've been a drinker or an alcoholic (where's the blurry line) then I guess you always have to be on guard for that moment of temptation. This week the thought popped into my head 'just one glass would be so nice' and as quickly as it came it left again with no massive internal dialogue, just like that 'but you don't drink' and I didn't and within seconds the thought had gone and I carried on.

So what was all consuming in January is over in seconds now.

To everyone starting out I promise you it gets easier.

Well done for making the choice x

Hello @aprilfoolsbaby! Wow, 11 months! Well done!

It’s 8 months for me today!!! I had a gorgeous swim yesterday which filled me with so much happiness and this weekend I’m going for a long hike with an old friend. Feeling good☺️☺️☺️

You are all so inspiring.

@needsomethingtoread this might be totally wrong but it's my view from another country I think many British mums put an insane amount of pressure on themselves. I am related to one who isn't braggy but part of my own self care is avoiding comparisons. I remind myself that despite being much more laid back (translation: chaotic) my eldest 15 year old gets up at 6am to study! SIL daily schedule around homeschooling while also learning life skills etc discussed in the family WhatsApp was difficult for me over lockdown so I managed my head around it. I had no routine, felt like they were all ferral at one point. I did what I needed to do to survive without falling into a pit of hell. DH spoke to his company that we have four children in a terraced house and calls might be noisey. I spoke to my HR department about reducing my hours right down. There were two full weeks at the start I didn't open their school bags. Guess what? They all fine. School work fine. I didn't home School my 4 year old either sure he is just a preschooler, he played and watched too much tv.

I saw someone on Instagram yesterday talking about the revelation she's had that she doesn't need to bath her children every night. Like that's something expected??? I thought just my SIL did that out of some hygiene obsession and said a silent prayer for the world's water supply. I cannot believe that is the norm for many. I don't read mumsnet though outside of here so a bit out of touch!

aprilfoolsbaby 11 months os amazing. It must feel so good to be just about at the year! Congratulations.

For those thinking of going back to 'moderately' drinking I started at the same time as Aprilfoolsbaby in January and went back to 'moderately' drinking in February (read fell down a well of wine in lockdown) and i feel regret that I'm mot where April is. (Not berating myself - just noticing that I too could have had a year of all these benefits of not drinking).

Bunnies huge congratulations your 8 months today. Doing a massive hurrah for that milestone and the fact you are feeling better.

iamyourequal thank you so much for coming on and sharing your wise thoughts. Well done for keeping reading. See you back soon perhaps.

Sending you all huuge love and kindness this weekend. Go well.

Just popping on to say I sooo much agree with @Cartooner about the parenting (or lack thereof😂😂😂). There’s so way in hell I have been properly home schooling my 5 year old over lockdown!!! I got other kids too and a job and to be honest I didn’t even consider homeschooling him! We obviously read to him/with him etc and practice a bit of writing occasionally but that’s it. I’m sure he’ll be fine, in many European countries they start school much later!

@Needsomethingtoread be kind to yourself, your girls are super small still. All they need is their parents and the ability to explore their surroundings! Trips to the park etc.

I might be harsh on myself about everything else but I refuse to berate myself for the shoddy homeschooling this year. We both have demanding jobs and I simply didn’t sign up for the home schooling and I’m sure we’ll survive a few months of outdoor play and Netflix instead of school😂😂😂

@Needsomethingtoread, screw homeschooling. Making mince pies and wrapping presents will cover their maths, writing cards and re-eanacting scenes from Frozen will do for Literacy, and anything else creative and fun completes the curriculum for these last weeks of term! Just do what you can manage. Good enough is good enough.

(I'm a teacher, by the way)

@aprilfoolsbaby, we are hand in hand, my soberversary is Hogmanay. Let's keep each other focused for this last part. I'm pretty confident that I can be alcohol free, happily, but this time of year is fraught and full of associations.

Hang in there everyone.

Homeschooling is sooo hard.and i say that as a home educating parent for 8 years.
In fact this year, my youngest who is 9 and always been home educated started school. Partly because it was the right decision for him as a person but partly because dh and I realised how hard it has been for years, juggling two businesses and home educating two children.

And that wasn't even in a pandemic. Home educating was much easier when we could do things, go to groups and see other people. And then add in the fact that we weren't being sent work by a school.

It is hard to juggle it all. And soooo much harder this year. I agree that making it all as easy as possible.

We were told by our school repeatedly that our family health and wellbeing is paramount and just do what we can manage. The guy in secondary school was my focus as it was important he got the device to do his work and keep up. We did loads of good stuff, bit of the learning, got the 8 year old into Harry Potter, I did planting with them and baking cos we coudl be outside. I just found it too hard to keep them at a table and the guy with ASD was already out of whack entirely so it was hard going.

People really put themselves under unnecessary pressure and some parents freaking out over it online I think needed to get back to basics on the self preservation front and understand that a day missed or week missed here and there means very little. I'm convinced there were very few schools out there doing score cards on the performance of each parent!

Planting outside not baking!

Hello all, lovely to see the thread so busy and congrats on the awesome AF stretches @aprilfoolsbaby and @Drybird2020!
I'm 5 months in and will be celebrating 6 months just after New Year - can't wait for my first AF Xmas since...well let's just say it was probably the late eighties...
Like @Breathmiller the best thing for me has been getting the headspace back. I could moderate - in the sense that I always kept my drinking within self-imposed limits but it took a lot of energy to do that, I realise with hindsight, and I wasted so much time thinking about when I could drink, where I could drink, what people thought of me drinking, whether it was damaging me and jus tthinking about the "nice glass of wine at the end of the day" rather than enjoying what I was doing at the time.
Like @iamyourequal, I've educated myself so much about alcohol since I stopped that I really wouldn't want to go back to drinking, even if I could - I would worry about the health issues and resent the time thinking about moderating. I feel happier and freer now than I have for years - I had a good life before but it is shiner and better and fuller now.

PS: I don't have kids but I do remember that the last week of school - even secondary school - was mostly about the school/nativity play, making tree decorations and other extra-curricular bits and bobs...

Well done on 8 months Bunnies I'm in awe

Today I did something I don't think I've done since I gave up drinking...I've stayed in bed all day. Based on past experience this may mean bed tomorrow and possibly the day after too. It's like some days my brain just short circuits and goes "no, we're being sad today. That's all". Boo.

I just bought a cider from the AF section. But it's low alcohol not alcohol free. 0.5%. I had thought they were all the same and AF. Has anyone else made that mistake?
Such a disappointment because i had a few mouthfuls and it was delicious

hangingover duvet days are allowed. I find sometimes that the world is just pissing ke off and I will have a duvet day and reset.

Ah no @Hangingover, I’m sorry you’re feeling sad😢 Perhaps you really just need that day (or a few!) in bed! Don’t beat yourself up over it, try to go with it. Maybe binge some Netflix and enjoy some nice vegan biscuits. Be kind to yourself

Congratulations on 8 months Bunnies! Amazing milestone!

Well done for taking some time out for some self-care Hanging. It sounds like you needed some time out.

I successfully navigated myself out of an expensive case of wine as a Christmas present from my Dad today. I know it would have been my undoing. I think he thinks I’m a bit of a bore for “staying on the wagon” but it’s working for me so here I am! Day 98 and feeling arguably more festive than I usually do (who’d have thought it possible without booze). Have a lovely festive evening all.

I was at a lovely family get together yesterday, my mother had a lovely bottle of cold white and just handed me a glass I said no thanks and she said are you still doing the no wine? I said I'm driving and handed it to DH. My brother said oh someone else on a health kick did I tell you Im doing the Hoff method now and then lovely chat about breathing techniques....

By 10pm DH was tipsy and annoying me a bit but he deserves to unwind massively after losing a beloved eldery relative earlier this week from Covid. But I was just glad it wasn't me 4 drinks in tbh

I am premenstrual and have that heavy tired feeling, child woke me 6am as he does every day and I just thank my lucky stars I hadn't had those glasses of wine I'd have normally had. It's never just one is it. But even one I'd have felt.

I'm still wrecked though, completely over ate!!

I.

Morning! Thank for the words of support ladies. Our school definitely has high expectations for the kids. I’m just going to do as you said @Drybird2020 I also have twinkle and they love all the activity sheets and all the crafty cutting and sticking stuff. I’m just going to do it my way and sod the school.

In the first lockdown my head was a mess and I drank by 3pm everyday, even lunch time when it was really hot right at the beginning. It will be so different this time with them.

Feeling a lot better this morning. Hope everyone else is doing great. Your all super stars. My husband asks how my sober friends are
Doing when I’m on here😀

@FURBLE it's a revelation isn't it, I'm so festive and in the buzz, planning a walk today followed by a gingerbread latte. I know after a sober Christmas I will look back and think it wasn't the wine! The Bailey's! The Christmas day G&T by the beautiful festive fireplace in my mother's (our tradition, will take restraint to refuse that one). It will be the buzz of me being where I want to be in my head. Biscuits baked, presents wrapped, food organised, clear head, Christmas eve gym session etc.

I bought those session cans, tasty