"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

[Drybird2020]

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

@WorriedMutha you night enjoy Alcohol Explained by William Porter - the second book is also good - as it is very factual and logical but he is excellent at stripping away the romantic associations and helping see "what is really there" with drinking rather than the soft-focus advertising its so often shrouded in.

You are right, the triggers and confirmations about alcohol are EVERYWHERE when you get wise to them...

@Hangingover, sorry, momentarily forgot you were vegan

@Hangingover that’s so true. When I was in my first marriage I’d be drunk by 10am so that I could get through the day with my in-laws.

It makes me sad to think of it now.

This will be my first dry Christmas. I’m curious about what it will be like!

@WorriedMutha That's brilliant that you are finding it easy! Becoming aware of the drinking culture is such a help.

I agree with @Ravenswick that Alcohol Explained, and his follow-up, are also very helpful.

Oh my people! How have I missed you?! Big hot drinks fan and 11 years sober.

I've just Googled William Porter. I found an interview with him I will listen to today. I would rather download books or listen to podcasts at the moment as I am sorting and packing stuff so it is a relief from the monotony.
I haven't ever drank at Christmas to get through the day but I realise that the whole happy Christmas package is so imbued with alcohol and I am going to have to do a radical reset by then. I think for me it will be pressure from other people. I am not seen as having a problem and so cutting out drink to be healthier and non dependant is going to get a roasting. For the few people I have told, it was easier to say that I had piled on a few lockdown pounds. Everyone can relate to that so I don't get any comeback. Christmas is the festival of indulgence so it will be a harder sell by then.
Fortunately Christmas will be at ours so I can cater for myself by way of AF cocktails and alternatives relatively unnoticed. Don't talk to me about AF red wine. It is vile.

etinox
Wow!! 11 years. What an inspiration.

Do you still find it challenging sometimes? Or is it just the way of life for you?
I'd love to hear some of your thoughts.

worriedMutha i haven't read any books about it either. For some reason the thought makes me feel it would be a focus if that makes sense. I'm just quite happy bobbing along not drinking and it not being a big 'thing'. I find this thread my daily support and enough at the moment.
But I have thought if I start to struggle again then I will look into the books suggested.

It's interesting after talking about the food thing earlier I have downloaded a book about intuitive eating on audible. I haven't started it yet but I do think I need a bit of support to keep it going in my mindset. It all feels a bit new and could potentially be a bit precarious and I can see myself nearly falling into old thought patterns sometimes. Maybe I could do with a thread somewhere on MN about it.

But like you mutha (at the moment) I am finding AF quite easy. With the caveat not to get complacent as I have been here before.

Hello everyone. Just spotted this thread. I'm on my 32nd day of not drinking. I wasn't generally drinking to excess before I stopped (though I had done a lot when I was younger), but I just realised booze was not contributing anything to my life any more. As I got older it was increasingly messing with my sleep, giving me mild anxiety next day, making my face flushed and exacerbating my acid reflux,even afger a couple of glasses. And on the rare occasions I overdid it, I always regretted it massively.

So I had a lightbulb moment and thought 'So why the hell do I actually do it,!" and stopped. For the first time ever (after many 'never agains' in my heavy drinking days), I actually feel like I'm a non-drinker already,rather than a drinker who's trying not to drink! It turns out it's quite easy after all.

Yay. Welcome lazylinguist good to hear you are finding it so beneficial to your life.

Wow, such a busy thread!
@Breathmiller like you I have struggled in the past with ED, and I too see lots of parallels between my relationship with alcohol and my relationship with food. I have used both as harmless coping mechanisms to deal with stress at various times in my life.

@Breathmiller' "etinox
Wow!! 11 years. What an inspiration.
Do you still find it challenging sometimes? Or is it just the way of life for you?
I'd love to hear some of your thoughts."

It hasn't been challenging for about 10 years. It literally never crosses my mind- occasionally when there's only tap water to drink or if I'm at a restaurant with an amazing tasting menu and I feel I'm missing out (this has happened once, I'm not regularly at places with curated wine lists)
I've twice drunk by accident- once was picking up the wrong glass and once in bar (ffs Muslim country AI) and each time I thought this tastes funny, rather than, yummy! I also spent a nanosecond thinking I could down this and it wouldn't be 'my fault', swiftly followed by now you've had that thought it would. It's been so long now that I don't feel any shame and in a nerdy totting up the figures way, I don't think I'd drink on my death bed even. I'm being careful with my words because an awareness that I could drink and if I did it would be devastating is a central part of staying sober for me. Staying vigilant is a central tenet of AA, which is how I got and stay sober.

@Etinox - inspirational :-) Thank you for sharing. This thread has been a lifeline for lots of us and its great to see new people on here at all stages of their sober journeys. I love the stories from long time sober bods, and the words of wisdom!

That's fantastic, Etinox! I was never alcohol dependent, but from my late teens to early 30s I had phases of drinking far too much (rarely more than 3 or 4 days a week, but with big binges). I often wonder whether things like my high bp (for which I've been on meds for years and my acid reflux) might not have happened if I had been less of a drinker. I think the test of my resolve will be Christmas. My family all like a few drinks. I'll be tempted by one glass of fizz, but I know only too well that I find it virtually impossible to stop at one. And after months of abstinence even a few would make me feel awful, I expect.

Thank you Etinox . That rings true actually what you say about staying vigilant. I think the last time I stayed sober for 18 months I got complacent. I thought i had such a hold on it all that I could go back to drinking but moderately because I had somehow proved I wasn't addicted. But that isn't true. I am much better when I stay off completely and staying vigilant to that thought that one drink would send me off on a spiral is key to that. Really helpful to hear what you have to say way down the line.

What resonated with me was the assertion that when drinking is part if your life, you're either going to be drinking and feeling guilty or not drinking and feeling deprived. That is so true. Yes I can have AF evenings (lots), but there's a twinge isn't there. 'Aren't I being good, doing without'. Only when staying completely AF does that sense of denial evaporate.

That’s really interesting, @WorriedMutha. I was like that for months, alcohol just wasn’t on the menu at all, but since my recent blips, I’ve not fully got the AF mindset back. It’s a PITA. And totally due to me playing silly buggers. 🙄

Evening everyone and welcome newbies. And @Etinox. 11years- amazing!!! I totally agree with you Asterion about the Annie Grace book being a hellofa like Allen Carr, but her podcasts are so good I overlook it!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies & Breathmiller I was in the ED club too. Unbelievable, I know there are several of us on here. I am still a middle aged mum who still gets freaked at the thought of eating in a restaurant and logs all her calories on 2 different apps every day of life. It’s crazy batshit isn’t it?! When I was ill the first week with covid I lost weight and a little voice in my mind was telling me ‘this is great, just keep up this tea& toast diet and you will be skinny by Christmas!!’

Anyway, today has been fine, not remotely tempted to go back to the wine and enjoying a lemonade. Take care everyone.

Hi @SparklingLime. how are you doing? We can support each other to stop any further’blips’ 😀

Hi all,checking in.

That's sounds so positive @Breathmiller, I'm someone who also has food issues, certainly not an entirely healthy mindset to food anyway... and too am working on my mindset.

Day 86 here, on the whole finding it fairly settled now but hard day today did cause a momentary longing for a bottle of wine. However I see how much better I feel/am and it keeps me going. As does this thread.

Lol re seagulls @Hangingover! They recognised an animal lover???!!!

Keep up the wonderful work all x

👋 HI everyone,
Just thought I'd pop on and say hello as haven't been on here for ages. Hope you're all well? Just over seven months sober for me now..It feels so easy now,I don't really even think about it, wich is where I was wanting to be. I'm not even worried about Christmas wich is odd as normally I'd be drinking from mid morning Xmas day, and actually spend most of december drinking because 'f* it its Christmas ' I'm more excited to be going out for a crimbo day 10k run - always too hungover or drunk to be running then.
Anyway, will catch up with the rest of the thread tomorrow.

....I am only on day 5, please can someone point me to any new starters? Feeling abit alone on the journey and really need some help to make this lifestyle change stick this time.
I managed 3 weeks not long ago before alcohol creeped back in and started becoming an issue again.. I started feeling so much better after 3 weeks, and I suddenly got sick and started topping up my hot tea on an evening with whisky, to help with a sore throat, and it all went down downhill after that...
I love reading all the replies where people have been sober for a long period of time, shows you can do it, but I would love to connect with someone who is just starting out too.

@Hiccupiscal

....I am only on day 5, please can someone point me to any new starters? Feeling abit alone on the journey and really need some help to make this lifestyle change stick this time. I managed 3 weeks not long ago before alcohol creeped back in and started becoming an issue again.. I started feeling so much better after 3 weeks, and I suddenly got sick and started topping up my hot tea on an evening with whisky, to help with a sore throat, and it all went down downhill after that... I love reading all the replies where people have been sober for a long period of time, shows you can do it, but I would love to connect with someone who is just starting out too.

Completely understand. Have you tried AA? The usual ‘aaah what if I bump into someone I know’ and childcare issues aren’t relevant now, it’s online. I can highly recommend!

So nice to see you @jess3817!
Wow, 7 months!
I am also excited all the Christmas running ahead of me😂😂😂

Over the last couple of years I’ve started to run every day during the Christmas holidays, even if it’s just a really short one. It makes a huuuge difference to how I feel. Highly recommend.

@hiccupsical

If you sign up for Annie Grace’s 30 Day Alcohol Experiment there’s an online forum where you can get support from other new starters. I found it invaluable.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies hiya how are you? I've signed up to something on strava called the 12 days of Christmas in the hope it motivates me to keep going out.

Hi everyone, I'm on the day 1 thread but just wanted to say AWESOME thread title! Love it and it's so true. Day 46 of forever here.

Thank you, @iamyourequal. I’m just not in the zone I was. How are you doing now?
Good to see you and going so well, @jess3817.