"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

[Drybird2020]

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

I don't have the anxiety or hellish hangovers element (bar the odd one) but I just feel a lightness in not drinking, a brightness in my skin, and I guess it is what some might categorise as anxiety when I say this but I don't I think it's realistic thinking that I no longer have to worry too much that if I got ill I maybe contributed to it by drinking more units than recommended quite often, also my children seeing wine in the house as normal when I shouldn't be really. My husband still drinks of course but not lots and less now that I'm Mrs Perfect.

hangingover I know its hard not to get drawn into these types of threads but I just see the title and hide it. Whether its discussing what drinks are going to be part of Christmas or a deeper thread such as one of those who have gone through a loved one being an alcoholic.

I also think its good to remind yourself that they aren't trying to hurt you. They aren't aiming there thoughts at you. They are talking about their own situation and their own pain at their iwn story. Its not yours.

You are doing so well. You are taking steps so that you can change your life for the better, for you! That should be applauded. I suppose its easy to take what they say personally but I bet they would all applaud you for doing what you're doing.

Instead of thinking badly about what could be, think positively and proudly about yourself that you are taking steps, not always easy steps at times, to turn your story around.

Everyone on here, absolutely everybloodyone, from those with years under their belts, to day 1's, month 4's and those that are lurking being inspired to join or return one day - to every single last one of us, I applaud you/us all.

So, 4 months today!? My celebration is to do a giant collective pat on the back and stand in applause and pride at us all.
So....👏👏👏👏🤝🤝🤝🤝🤘🤘🤘 you/we all rock!!

Please can I join? I have been lurking all threads relating to alcohol support and have re-read some a few times. I am also on my 2nd book concerning this subject. I have been drinking pretty much daily for MANY years and would love to be a 'social drinker' (a couple of glasses of wine maybe twice a week). Is this realistic? Has anyone here managed that? I guess I am kidding myself and need to accept that I should give it up for good. I appreciate the need for a re- set and am on Day 5 AF. I have only managed 2 days before but I have never really taken it seriously. I am serious now and love to read the posts of support you all give to each other.

Hey guys, just checking in.

Unfortunately I’m having quite a lot of bad days at the moment (after a great week last week). Obviously I haven’t hit the booze but I have certainly felt like it. I never feel like drinking when I feel great, only ever when I feel worthless and shit. Which pretty accurately summarises my dysfunctional relationship with alcohol.

I feel quite isolated at the moment and I worry people find me annoying and dislike me (I do have friends but obviously haven’t seen them for a while). I just feel kind of lonely and sad and insignificant I guess. Like I’m nothing. I don’t even really know why I’m typing this, I desperately don’t want any sympathy. I’m just really struggling with the extreme highs and lows of my mood (it’s exhausting) and I needed to write it all down.

Well you sound like you need a dose of self compassion. It's not very unusual to feel shit about yourself and a bit paranoid, I imagine all of us can relate to what you are saying. How about it's ok to feel crap for now? I've no idea what to say except you are not alone in those thoughts and you will certainly enjoy better days very soon.

Welcome horlicks good to have you join us. I do understand what you're saying about wishing you can be at ease around moderately drinking. I think we are all here because that isn't the case. And for me certainly once I accepted it the whole thing has been so much easier. Yes, difficult days when i question that but that's when this thread really helps. So keep posting.

bunnies I am sorry that you are feeling low at the moment. I know I'm a faceless person on the internet but I always find you an engaging, fun, interesting and supportive person.
I have been talking today with someone (my in crisis person) how I will keep telling them how wonderful they are until they can believe it for themselves. I do think its one of the hardest things to do as a human, to say, you know what? I am okay! I'm alright! I make mistakes, I find life hard sometimes but that's because I'm human and these are human emotions.

So, sometimes when I'm teaching affirmations as part of my meditation groups, i suggest that if you can't send love and affection to yourself (metta in Buddhism), if you aren't liking yourself very much (and that happens to everyone at some point in life) then can you just soften to yourself and say for today "do you know what? I'm alright" and smile at that.

And until you can do that for yourself then faceless people like me on the internet will do it for you as I'm sure your friends and family will do in real life.

Everything that you have helped me with on this thread, I am grateful for. I think you're fucking ace.

I have gone through my anger phase. And I had a long talk with my loved one who is struggling with life and what they are facing. And we had a breakthrough. Still got a long road ahead of us, and will need a LOT of outside help because it'sall above our pay scale. But I got through to him today. With love. And kindness. Not the rage i felt yesterday. Because until he can see or believe that he is worthy of love then I will keep believing for him.

I think it's okay sometimes to feel shit. And acknowledge that. And let people remind you of the bits of you that are fab. Then the crap feeling will ease and pass. And you'll be left with a smile and a thought that "Ach, you ken what? I'm awright, actually" (Scottish version - other dialects are available.

Happy 4 months @breathmiller and thank you as ever for your words of wisdom. You are of course right, I think I was just feeling a bit emosh!

Squeezes for you @Bunnies I totally get how you're feeling though...if only we could talk to ourselves as kindly as we talk to one another!

Hi everyone. Congratulations @Breathmiller on your 4 months today. Well done today.

Day 31 today, I think I’m in step with @Needsomethingtoread I had a wobble yesterday when I thought of not being able to drink with a friend. Then I realised that in 5 or 6years of friendship we’ve only drunk together 2 or 3 times. I think a day at a time is the best way for me to handle this.

Thanks for the kind words all, you are ace.
Thank you @Breathmiller especially, I’ll be telling myself I’m alright today😂

Feeling a bit better fortunately. You’re all very kind, thank you x

And yes @Hangingover, I’m forever telling other people to be kind to themselves yet I can’t seem to manage it myself🙄🙄🙄

Glad you are feeling better Bunnies. You are doing great and are a fab person. Your posts show you are kind, funny and fun....a lot of us could do with some of that..life at present soooo dulllll!! And congratulations @Breathmiller on another fab milestone! And it’s good to hear you have had a breakthrough relationship wise.

Hi @Horlicks4me. Welcome! I can answer (only because you asked). I had 4 months off and then tried moderate drinking because I was so low after having (mild) covid I just gave up on lots of things. Moderating has worked in that I have kept to 8-14 units a week but there are big pitfalls:

1. I’ve found it hard to enjoy it sometimes as i know now it’s bad for me.
2. I really miss the amazing sense of achievement from racking up the AF days.
3. I don’t feel myself grow as a sober person. I keep wondering ‘what if I had kept it up?’
4. It can easily be a slippery slope. I started back adamant I would be content having a little wine on Saturday night, but then it’s Friday, Sunday....
5. I waste so much time dithering over how to ‘ration’ my units it sucks the fun right out of them.

I’m only quickly popping on and posting now because I miss being part of the thread and hoped answering your question might help others- it’s really not worth taking a drink!!! I know in my heart I need to go AF again and so I will be back to it once I have the strength in my head to tackle it once and for all. Take care all.

Thank you iamyourequal for your honest response It certainly sounds tough to moderate. Well done on your 4 months off and I hope you manage AF again when it's right for you.
After getting through tomorrow I can say I have been AF for 1 whole week! I cannot remember the last time I managed that.

Nearly there @Horlicks4me amazing effort! We've had the dreaded Covid school message for the third time since sept.. nearly tipped me over the edge this evening heading for a glass of wine! Proud to say I didn't and I'm in bed with a cuppa. I have to keep reminding myself it won't be one glass and I can't moderate!! Sounds stupid but true..

Well done on staying dry LittleMissGrinchy and Horlicks4me. Last night I had a minor wobble because I was doing a social call and we usually all drink, however I got a coffee and as soon as we started chatting it didn’t matter about the alcohol.

I am starting to sleep really well which I don’t think I’ve really noticed in my attempts before, but maybe I haven’t got to day 11 before.

Well done @Wildernesstips, @littlemissgrinchy and @Horlicks4me👍👍👍

I am looking forward to my 8 month milestone this weekend🤩 I’ve come such a long way☺️

That’s brilliant @BunniesBunniesBunnies, congratulations!

Thanks @Blackberryblossom🙂☺️

@BunniesBunniesBunnies 8 months!! Amazing achievement, what an inspiration. 👏

@BunniesBunniesBunnies well done on 8 months!!! I have 7 months and 3 weeks to go to get where you are. You have inspired me.
@Wildernesstips thanks for the support.

You’re doing great @Horlicks4me.
In the early days it’s so intense. Now I think of it much less. Plus some of the benefits take a while to kick in, so you’ve got some lovely stuff to come over the next few months!

Great advice @iamyourequal and good luck horlicksandme.

Anyone ever feel a bit wobbly when listening to someone on a podcast who has successfully moderated after a break from bad habit drinking rather than problematic drinking. I was listening thinking yes sounds so like me, maybe I can do that, only twice a month etc....I've done it before and then the WhatsApp message that my sister is driving up for a night and she'll bring a lovely bottle of wine for Christmas drink after not seeing eachother for ages. Shell be wondering why im on another sober stretch. DH say ing last night sure you'll have a glass with Christmas dinner, he's a special bottle bought. Argh!!!

I love not drinking right now and don't want to think beyond today

Then I read your post iamyourequal and feel the same, it starts being this debate I'd prefer.

....prefer to avoid.

I think the extra head space of not trying to moderate all the time and rationing myself to only drinking on certain nights is one of the best benefits to stopping drinking. The amount of headspace I have lost in almost constantly thinking about it, is now spent on so many other things. Don't know who said it amongst all the quit lit and threads I have read but 'tired of thinking about drinking' was totally me.

Yes the free headspace is my favourite thing.
I have done Dry January a good few times and always gone back more and more out of control. And then I did 18 months dry. Again, thought I could surely moderate after that? Nope! It started off great then slowly built up again. Then this year dry January and into February a bit too. And that just proved to me once and for all in August that i am shit at moderation. So back on the dry wagon. Its the best place for me to be.