"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

[Drybird2020]

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

Hi @witchwoo. I’m only on day 6 but I’m 100% doing it this time. I maybe should have posted on an earlier thread as everyone here is so far along in their journey but I know that I need to do this today and forever.

I’m looking forward to my anxiety reducing. I’ve always thought I’m just an anxious person and it will be interesting to see if that’s me or the booze.

Good luck to you!

I’m enjoying my first hangover free Saturday morning with my two girls watching Harry Potter

Hi @Needsomethingtoread - isn't it lovely to have a hangover free weekend?! Well done on Day 6. That's the hardest part done really!

I've just seen your previous post about regret and emotions. For years I haven't allowed myself to feel any form of mental discomfort. At the first sign of sadness, stress, anxiety, boredom, I've numbed it away with alcohol. Relearning that it's ok to feel discomfort.. to sit with it, get curious about it.. has been quite empowering.

Hello everyone and welcome @witchwoo. I get a lot from hearing from people who have tried moderating and I find it reassuring that not drinking at all is far easier than trying to regulate and always having to play mindgames with yourself.

I'm reading Annie Grace's Naked Mind book at the moment. I dip into every once in a while and nod along. It's helping me understand that all my stresses and wouldn't be simply relieved by having a glass of wine, and it serves no purpose.

I thought my run of bad luck was coming to an end this week but yesterday was one of those days. I'm trying to get back on the self-care/self-help wagon though so have been using the Calm app for daily meditation (even 10 minute yoga was looking a stretch for me). I am hoping to get a bit more back into running. I am in awe of people that just get out there. I'm still very much stuck at 5K max!

I also love the Tudor era @Needsomethingtoread. I've really got into the Shardlake books by CJ Samson, and the Bruno Giordino books by SJ Parris. I'm a bit squeamish with them at times but love that immersion into that part of history. Sometimes its not so different - there's a lot of chat about the plague!

Witchwoo that was great to read. I like the idea of choosing which version you want to be. And for me not drinking definitely is the best me.

I have to admit though to you all that last night was the closest I have come to folding.

I had a long week with work but I've had longer. I had a bit of a mild health drama on Wednesday (meno stuff) and had to stay in bed Thursday but I've had worse.

I think partly it was to do with being on a health kick food wise. I did really well, and lost 5lbs and i did by eating really well and exercising. I felt like I was on a high.

And i have been on the ball with work and life. Had a timetable every day and stuck to it, ticking things off on my to-do list like a boss. And just landed a couple of long term new projects for next year that mean a lot to me. All good stuff.

But it all came to a weird head last night where I was so close to giving all that order and control up. I felt like I needed to let go and unwind. I wanted to stay up late and not be a goodey two shoes if that makes sense?

We stayed up and binge watched The Queen's Gambit (interesting watch anyway but has lots of drinking and addiction issues) .

I had a ginless gin and when i went through to the cupboard to get it , for the first time going into that cupboard I was very aware of the alcohol in it. And I even had a thought at one point that if I took a swig from the bottle of sherry no one would know. That really shocked me that I thought that. Genuinely, the thought that I would have to admit it here stopped me.

It was so strange, i had been doing so well and thinking it was easy, but last night hit me like a train.

I talked it through a little with dh and I think what i need to do is to release the tightly held reigns on snacks and food on a Friday night. Let go a little. Even, if i stay up late and binge crisps and chocolate bars to feel like i can have some freedoms, then it's better than drinking. And have time off, genuinely free time off where I don't have an alarm or a to do list tucked away somewhere.

Anyway, I didn't drink. So I'm going to just put last night behind me and accept nights like that are part of the journey.

Hope you are all well today my lovelies. I feel a bit rung out today. I felt emotional last night. Maybe just a reaction to everything going on at the moment, i miss my family, my grown up daughters are in a tier 3 so I cant go see them and I know I have been worrying again about my son and how his diagnoses of epilepsy will affect his life. And i have been menopausal. All just came to a head i think.

@Breathmiller. Well done for resisting the urge last night to drink. I chucked away all the open spirits yesterday, my hubby was fine with it but he has quite a few expensive bottles of wine that I’m not allowed to throw away. Which I understand so I imagine at some point I will have to go through the same as you have done last night.

I get the feeling of just wanting to let loose on a Friday as I did feel a little boring just going to bed with my book and a cup of tea. I did let myself have both crisps and sweets last night. I don’t normally but like you said I need a little something on a Friday/Saturday.

Again, well done! Today is a new day.

@Ulysses, I have just ordered the e shardlake series too!! All ready and waiting. I get so engrossed in books, I love it.

I’m also a crazy plant lady and love gardening. I will be out in the rain today tidying up my potting shed.

@Needsomethingtoread “crazy plant lady” is a phrase I haven’t heard before😂 glad you are all managing tho resist the booze. I’ve just emerged from a two week isolation without drinking, of which I’m pretty proud. And I feel so much better for it!!! Had a lovely run this morning and walk with the family. So much nicer than being hungover and grumpy!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies my husband bought me a t-shirt with it on one Xmas and it’s just stuck. 😂

It has been a nice day today, I pottered in my shed and sorted out my tools. It was funny as I only had a fleeting moment of wanting a drink. I was about to clean my lovely wooden gardening tools and I thought wouldn’t it be nice to sit with a glass of wine and clean these? Er no!!! Why would it be, why would booze make it any better, I enjoy looking after my tools so already get pleasure from it. So strange. I didn’t of course. Our brains are very weird

Do yourself a favour and reward your sobriety with the new bournville dark chocolate fingers. Especially my vegan pal on this thread. You're welcome

I've shoved them to the back of the cupboard so I don't hoover the whole packet immediately.

Welcome @witchwoo!
Nice one @Breathmiller, facing up to the craving Bf resisting is awesome. I get that neddedonv to go crazy somewhere feeling too, I think its prob why I eat so much crap some days. Dont feel bad for that thought, feel amazing that you overcame it, that took strength!

Ooh @Hangingover, sounds yum!

@witchwoo, I hear you! I self anaethetised for years- even the good stuff! It occured to me that by not drinking I'd allow myself to live life to the full and grow by the experience, which seems a gift in itself!

Functional alcoholic mother here and grandmother; its interesting how the patterns pass down and why I am so determined that it stops with me.

Lol re twatting about on here @SparklingLime, I do a lot of that too!

Crikey, so many typos 😂

Evening everyone 😀 I've loved reading everyone's posts. So pleased to be here, Saturday night, alcohol free. I just thought how I'd feel right now if I'd had my usual bottle of red. Woozy, a bit drunk, a few hours passed out before waking with a pounding heart and feeling crap, tired, headachy, regretful. How lovely it is to know we will wake up actually feeling good. I'm going for a run in the rain tomorrow and I can't wait. Also, re:food, I allow myself more freedom because any junk food still beats booze.

I’m back in the game! Although I’m slipping up a bit I’ve achieved ten af days in the last month which is fab for me. I still feel far more positive I can do it than I have before which is also great. Tonight I had hot chocolate and snuggled with dd watchi. Tracy beaker. My parents both have very unhealthy relationships with alcohol and I don’t want to pass that on. Interestingly their drinking didn’t start until I was in my mid to late teens.

Well done, everyone.

Did the big food shop last night which is always a bit of a trigger for me. I think because it's such a boring job (no quick thing as we're a family of 6). Then the packing away after, bags and bags and bags. And having to get straight on with making the family meal. Just knowing I'd bought wine used to make it all a bit more bearable!

I used to pour a glass as I was unpacking, throw the wine down me as I was hungry (HALT acronym is definitely me), and it would all go slowly downhill from there.

Instead DH and I ate cheese and crackers in the evening, and a baked Camembert with that part-baked bread thrown in the oven. And I went to bed quite late, clear-headed, and read my book.

Annie Grace was answering a question on moderation on the podcast I listened to yesterday. She said that studies show most drinkers are able to moderate. There are some people who have drank so heavily that the neurotransmitters and dopamine receptors (or whatever) are so 'damaged' that 1 drink would set them off. But for most people they do eventually re-set.

But here's the big catch - it takes on average at least 2 years of sobriety to get to that point. I suppose, to re-wire the pathways and calm the transmitters. And I think by the time you'd done 2 years sober you wouldn't really be interested in a drink anyway.

She was also saying how having a drink when you're not in 'withdrawal' from the drinking you did the day before doesn't feel very pleasurable. When you drink every day, and it's 5pm and you're absolutely gagging to crack open the wine, it's like you're scratching an itch (the withdrawal is the 'itch') and it feels like such a stress relief.

When there's no withdrawal, it's like scratching when you don't actually have an itch. There's no release - it doesn't feel so good. All makes sense!

Day 25. What's everyone doing on their lockdown Sunday?

Interesting about the itch thing. When I have had several af days that first glass of wine tastes incredibly strong. Could you do an online shop @witchwoo? They get quicker the more you do them as it saves your commonly bought stuff.

Day 15 here. I've had many day 15 and day 30's and day 45's. This time is very different though as I've decided to a) ask for/get help from both here and aa and b) I always knew I was going to drink again before - I was just having a little break. Becuase then I could convince myself I didn't have a problem. Well now that isn't an option. And I have to accept this new life. The first week was hard - lots of crying and lots of anger. This second week has been a lot better. Not waking at 3am with a raging hangover has been life changing. Unfortunately I'm going truly mad with sugar so reading another poster say "maybe just use Friday night as treat night " has been really helpful - hopefully I can get that under control. Had one huge moment of sadness yesterday in M&S as they had Christmas posters up everywhere with all the Christmas food and of course glasses of champagne alongside and it just hit me - no more mindless excess at Xmas. And I just got a bit sad 🤷‍♀️

@Needsomethingtoread I think I had headaches for the first week to ten days. Have you read Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall trilogy? If you love the Tudors...

Welcome @witchwoo. Good job making a start and finding gentle treats for the weekend evenings.

Thanks for the welcome, everyone.

@Haggisfish Yes I should perhaps go back to food shopping delivery. We always used to do that until the 1st Lockdown, when we couldn't get a delivery slot for weeks on end, and gave up!

@janiston I totally get what you mean about the Xmas drinks advertisements. I've started questioning what my mind is telling me. Seeing the trick for what it is - clever advertising. It's ethanol.. a poison.. in a glass, that yes will give you a 20 min buzz then steal the rest of the evening (and the next day).

Also, I try to remember to 'pick the problems I want to have'. Do I want the problem of feeling a bit miserable seeing the festive alcohol pics and remembering the excitement of getting that special drink? Or do I want the problem of arguing with my husband over something silly, not bothering to read a bedtime story to my child as I'm 'tired' and then waking up with my heart pounding at 3am.

I know you're not looking for answers, I'm just letting you know I totally understand where you're coming from..

Re the treats-I’m almost excited as I’m drinking far fewer calories which gives me license to EAT far more calories!

@Haggisfish definitely this! Friday and Saturday night I give myself permission to have whatever food treats I want (probably far exceeding the alcohol calories I would have consumed), but for the time being it's the lesser of 2 evils..

[quote witchwoo]@Haggisfish definitely this! Friday and Saturday night I give myself permission to have whatever food treats I want (probably far exceeding the alcohol calories I would have consumed), but for the time being it's the lesser of 2 evils..[/quote]
I hope I self correct a bit though ! It's fine to be eating this amount of chocolate for a bit but not even medium term !!!!

@Drybird2020 that’s the next set of books on my list. I just ordered about 20 new books recently so I’m hanging on a little before I buy them. Might get them for Xmas.

Second af night again-hurray!

Well done haggisfish
Each time it will get easier and you will have less bumps on the road.

Welcome to all the new folks and well done on lots of great achievements to all.

I have a day off today after a crazy week last week so I am looking forward to a quiet reset day.

@Haggisfish brilliant 💪