"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

[Drybird2020]

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

All sounds soooo familiar.

I have tried mindful eating , which I am trying to do. Hence the slowly enjoying my water. It doesn't help that I'm often ridiculously busy. In fact I'm the same with that now I think about it - I'm either going at full tilt or collapsed in a heap. I read someone on mumsnet once say her granny had a great saying...don't rush but don't stop. I think that was to do with housework but it could work in lots of other ways.
But on the mindful eating i think I am better to log food too. Lets me see what I'm mindlessly eating and helps me to stop that. Got 10 minutes before I leave so I'm going to mindfully drink my coffee

Hi all following this thread am currently 18 months af. These recent posts ring so true to me . In my teens early twenties it was excessive drinking out 6/7 nights a week I just couldn't get enough. I couldn't and still can't just go out and have a few drinks it always had to be to complete excess - getting in at 5am always the last one standing . Same with smoking I stopped nearly 5 years ago it would be one after the other after the other easily smoking 20 on a night out . Never touched a drug I knew what would happen - was always content with alcohol.
The heating thing aswel - I will sit right next to a radiator until I'm sweating and it's burning why?!?! It's actually mildly amusing now I think about it?

Excercise for me is extreme aswel all or nothing . I can't take it easy I have to go full pelt at everything .
Definitely food for thought this morning .

To quote Elizabeth Wurtzel, “MORE, NOW, AGAIN”!!

Yay that you’re feeling back on track, @Breathmiller.

Glad you’re also back, @Haggisfish 💜

Eighteen months, @Allhallowseve, wow! Do you feel secure in it now?

Heck. Just typed huge post and lost it!
@BunniesBunniesBunnies - I’m afraid we had staggered covid. 3 of us tested positive around 8th September but DC2 was negative then, she had to isolate for 2 weeks and got out of isolation 23rd and then got unwell and tested positive on 27th and had to spend next 10 days in isolation. But, after 2 days deliberating, the local healthboard officials decided DC1 was allowed to go to school and DH and I could go out and we didn’t have to isolate again. I was surprised at this. They just said we should be extra careful and stop going out immediately if we showed symptoms again. Poor DC2 was stuck in house almost 4 weeks out of 5 though!
@Breathmiller, best of luck with the dieting. I’m almost tempted to join you now, if I could embrace it with your positive attitude. My MFP normally goes great until 3 days in when I blow it on bread n butter! (Anything buttered!)
Welcome @Allhallowseve. How weird we all have these traits. I used to lie in front on the gas fire until my back felt burnt and I still have my bath so hot I could faint getting out ! Have a lovely Saturday everyone.

Welcome back @Haggisfish!

@SparklingLime no to tell you the truth I don't feel secure in it . I was pregnant for 9 months and with lockdown the temptation hasn't been there as much . I don't drink at home just to excess on nights out . Have made a lot of bad decisions due to this .
I will often debate with myself for weeks before a night out and always end up drinking . I really want to be strong and have some sober nights out . I actually think I would go out more as I often dread the hangover and anxiety. It's ridiculous really. I just hope I can enjoy a sober night out and be confident to dance ... if anyone has any tips I'd appreciate it ?

Day 28 for me. Enjoying waking with a clear head and being present for my kids. I'm very much in the all or nothing school myself. I guess it's a personality type.

@Allhallowseve I’ve had many a brilliant sober night out! I was worried I wouldn’t enjoy it but it’s really just the same to me now, except it’s cheaper, I don’t get hangovers or make awful life decisions😂

Ah, understood, @Allhallowseve. I started AF by doing Dry Jan and went to a rather dull party a few weeks in. I can’t tell you how smug I was not to be drinking while some people were getting genuinely the worse for wear - and when you’re sober it’s not attractive to look on ~hoists judgey pants~ So I could tell people I was doing Dry Jan and it wasn’t a wild event where I felt I was missing out. I’ve hardly been out since then one way and another. Had a long lunch with a friend who only drinks lightly and socially. Afterwards realised that had I not been AF, I would have drunk considerably more than her and felt awkward afterwards.

As the next time you might be able to go out properly may well be January, you could use the Dry Jan vibe to try a low key night out?

@Allhallowseve I sometimes drive to a night out. Can’t drink then as I have to drive back!

I’m onboard again! Dandelion and burdock only tonight.

Welcome back haggisfish
As many people on this thread will testify, it often takes a few goes. It does seem to get easier each time.

allhallowseve i went to a friends Christmas party once a few years ago when I had a long stint not drinking. These were our 'drinking' and pre-kids our clubbing buddies and their parties are still notoriously wild. I was a bit apprehensive how it would be but they all just accepted it for one which helped. And I swear I got drunk my osmosis. I just had such a laugh. Almost got caught up in the energy of it all. There did come a point later on when everyone was getting more pissed that i found it funny and that I was aware the conversations were from pissed up people and it made me laugh. Then eventually it got a bit too much and i decided it was time to leave. Which was fine. It was probably the time of it starting to descend. I also realised though that there were loads of other people who either were driving or just didn't drink too much. They will have been there before looking at me tanking it back. I just wouldn have noticed before. I suppose I feel that I got a laugh, had great chats, caught up with my friends, even danced. But i didn't make an arse of myself, didn't forget what I'd said or done and didn't get up the next day with a hangover of regret and anxiety. It feels like I got the good bits of the party without the shit bits.

I have been enjoying Bindaburg stubby style ginger beers. They have a bit of a kick to them which feels nice. Also, I can't remember if I said before but Aldi are doing fake gin. Its nice too.

Happy Sunday all. I'm off to work all day. Looking forward to a few different milestones in the coming days and weeks.

(On the food and exercise front, i did really well yesterday and did an hour an a half stomp into the next town, about 4 miles only to find I hadn't sorted my fitbit out right so it didnt record it😭 )

Oh yes, @Breathmiller, I forgot that I sort of got caught up with the tipsy ‘energy’ for a while, before noticing who had had too much and thinking eww that would have been me.

Your post remind me of this excellent piece on going AF which talks quite a bit about going out sober, and has lots of AF drink recommendations. He disses my trademark lime and soda! Huh!! But so many AF drink options I’d never heard of.

www.gq-magazine.co.uk/lifestyle/article/cutting-down-drinking

Thanks sparklinglime that was an interesting read. And almost everything has been said on these threads actually.

(And, yes, I was offended on your behalf at the dissing of my mate sparklinglime - how very dare they? 😅)

@SparklingLime the dull party you mention... Looking back I realise I often drank out of sheer boredom at parties I didn't particularly want to be at. And I'd end up one of the most wrecked there and spoil the rest of my weekend feeling awful. I'm more discerning now about the company I keep! And having small kids and living where I do, I don't get out much anyway. Basically I am a misanthropic hermit 😁

@Haggisfish well done picking yourself back up and coming to talk about it. I concur that it takes a few goes. I have to admit that my previous attempts weren't entirely committed, the thought was always there in my head that I would magically morph into a sophisticated occasional drinker. But this last time something changed, like a different circuit activated in my head. But like people always say, take it a day at a time, don't try and project too far into the future, and equip yourself with lots of cosy comfort, food, TV, books, whatever AF drinks you like. And post regularly.

@Allhallowseve I hear you; pregnancy and lockdown are two great aids to sobriety. The real world takes more management. It's something I've had to think hard about. But 18 months of retraining your body and brain gives you a great starting position.

@Breathmiller you are coming across as really positive and sorted, it's good to see you in a good place. And thanks for all the great posts and AF drink ideas!

Morning all, I’m over halfway through my quarantine now. So relieved not to be drinking. Finding things very tough but managing some lovely times with the kids too. Started some gentle exercise in the house which really helps.
Above all I’m so so so glad not to be drinking. I don’t want it. I don’t need it. I don’t even think about it too much!!! Trying to take this opportunity of being stuck inside to quit smoking too.

Any tips from recent quitters to fight the cravings? Was it @Breathmiller or @iamyourequal who recently quit?

Happy Sunday all 🐰 🐰🐰

Thanks all it's interesting hearing your accounts of sobriety on nights out . You've actually made me look forward to trying it out . Although I have a few friends who can't wait to go out drinking with me "when this is all over" I'm not sure how I'm going to get round it without disappointing them and feeling like a bore .... but I really want to! Dry January is a good shout . I have tried driving before and often caved in and ended up abandoning my car , leaving me with even more regret the next day.
I feel very determined to stay AF however 18 months is really a long time . The funny thing is I still wake up on the weekend and appreciate not being hungover . My hangovers are crippling , I have recently had covid and also sepsis after my third baby 8 months ago and I could liken both to a hangover ! It's really made me think why on earth would I want to do that to my body , I have been hospitalised with illness and felt the same as after a night drinking it's awful.

Today we are going for a lovely walk to some walled gardens dog and kids and full of energy ! I used to be hungover looking at people feeling fresh and feeling so jealous. I love being that person now who feels good in the day (don't mean that to sound smug) . Roast for tea and an ice cold Diet Coke (caffeine free) - am also sensitive to caffeine it seems !! Love hearing your drink recommendations Iv ordered a few with my shopping think I might have to add dandelion and burdock . I also love a Horlicks or hot choc of an evening .

Sorry not me, bunnies
Got enough to ne contending with , with booze and food

I did used to smoke many eons ago and remember how hard it was to stop. My dh was a heavier smoker than me and found it really challenging. He took a lot longer. And he will even now he will look at someone smoking on telly and get pangs. Whereas I genuinely wouldn't thank you for it these days. Wish I could get there with wine and crisps.

It feels very hard today. I even find seeing wine glasses triggering at the moment. The absolute Adonis that is DPs lodger is standing in the kitchen, radiating good health and relaxed happiness, and sipping slowly on his one glass of red wine. I couldn't actually be in the room the craving was so powerful.

Oh man that fucking sucks @Hangingover. Some days are fucking hard!!! If today was super hard then tomorrow is likely to be better. Some days just are super hard. You are doing great💪

Oh my god @Hangingover I’d have to leave as well! Well done for leaving though.

I chewed nicotine gum to give up cigarettes. I did get totally addicted to it but it was less harmful than smoking. Only stopped that when I got oh and ate cherry boiled sweets instead.

Oh noo hangingover I think most of us would all find that hard. Or whatever your trigger is.

I am lucky that no one in the house drinks wine. I would find someone drinking a glass of red wine a real challenge too.

Taking yourself out of the room is the best way i think.

I'm so glad we have this thread and eachother. It's so reassuring when someone who has been sober long term comes on and tells us they don't even think of drink any more because some days it really doesn't feel like it will even happen.

I had a wobble this evening over the beer in the fridge (not mine) but I thought: it’s just not worth the disappointment I would feel in myself, so I had a coffee with masses of cream and attacked a block of cheddar. Whatever it takes, eh?