"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

[Drybird2020]

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

@SparklingLime!!! Welcome back!!! Lockdown is a great time to quit again. How are you feeling?

Thanks, Bunnies 💜 I’m feeling chastened and a bit scared that I don’t care enough any more. Miserable git that I am!

@SparklingLime, you are here again so you must care.

I’m doing okay with the booze but I keep falling off the wagon with smoking. But I know I will crack it eventually, sometimes it just takes a few attempts. You’ve got this.

You can do it @SparklingLime! Keep checking in and telling us how it's going! :)

Thank you. Day one done 👍🏼

Big congrats to @Teetotallyimperfect for yesterday - A-MA-ZING!

Welcome back @SparklingLime, you can do it

Oh goodness, 200 days for @Teetotallyimperfect!! Fantastic 🎉🎉
Thanks @Ravenswick.

Welcome back @SparklingLime. Might this be a good time to talk about what you want from your alcohol free life?

Sending love to English AF pals under lockdown again. Can I recommend vanilla Rooibos tea and a hot ginger cordial as excellent winter drinks? ☕🔥👌

Oooh drybird2020 hot ginger cordial sounds lovely.

Welcome back sparklinglime and well done for returning.

When I'm teaching balances in yoga and people get really frustrated because their foot falls and they lose balance, I always talk about how it's not the end of the world. You can always just pick it up again. No drama.

When babies are learning to walk they stand up many times before the can walk. And they fall many times. They don't have one try, fall, then think "well I'm clearly shit at this walking malarkey so I'll not bother"

And with that thought I am ditching the intuitive eating and getting back on the calorie counting. Turns out, giving myself free will to eat when I want makes me fat! And I don't like it.
I had thought intuitive eating and getting rid of dieting would get rid of the inner dialogue over food like not drinking does with alcohol. But it doesn't. I just binge....on crap. And too much even when it's healthy stuff.

I think i need some level of control. Maybe like the control of not drinking. Maybe, I'm not sure. I'm just fed up with piling on the weight again. I am perimenopausal and a week overdue my period so it's probably that too.

But still no booze. And I keep thinking if I can do that then surely, surely I can take control of my binge eating. I watched the Freddie Flintoff programme on his eating disorder and it all rang too many bells.
It's all kind of linked isn't it? Drinking and controlling food one way or another. Is it addiction? Or lack of self control? Discipline?
Anyone managing the food and weight aspect as well as the booze? Any advice on the thought process?

I suppose like what we're doing here with not stopping drinking for a month and then going back to it more, I want to finally at this age stop the feast and famine of binging/fasting and just have a healthy attitude to food and body image. I can't just stop eating any food like I can stop alcohol though, can I? So I need to change my attitude. I'm just not sure in what way.

I hear you, @Breathmiller. I’m about as successful with intuitive eating as I am with intuitive boozing 😉
I do need some rules and structure. I addressed my junk food binging about a month after I went AF. Keto for a while and then low carb and IF. I have to be in the right head space to do this, something clicks and I’m on a mission, for a while at least. I’d lost three stone by September, then started cheating and plateaued. If I drink then I lose all moderation around food so the two go together. Do you have an approach that’s worked in the past? I found the Diet Doctor website really useful this time. Lots of it is free and you can have free membership for a month to access the rest.

Thanks, @Drybird2020. Good point... I’d like to achieve the relative peace and ease I had with being AF earlier in the year. It didn’t make the rest of my life much better, but at least I was AF and that was an achievement in itself.

Thanks sparklinglime that's triggered my brain a bit.

I can't do keto because I am vegan and gf and i found it too restrictive, I think its why I ended up quite ill at the start of the year.
I also have to watch with Intermittent fasting as it triggers my feast or famine binge and starve mode. I had an eating disorder when i was younger, almost had to go into respite care for it amongst other mental health issues. And the freddie Flintoff programme hit me like a brick that I have never really gotten over that. It's just changed over the years.

But what you said about looking at what has worked before has resonated and I had kind of thought of it earlier but it has solidified it for me. (I'm not counting the fact I lost lots of weight starting my business and opening a studio because that wasn't massively healthy, I would work all day and night and not eat- I'd often nearly pass out)

But I do really well on calorie counting on MFP. I tend to want to eat a lot so I fill up with low calorie foods, like salads and veg. It made me accountable. And i liked seeing the numbers go down in weight as I wrote them down. And i liked hitting my target every day by being within my calories. I might just lessen the amount i want to lose each week though, so it's not an unachievable amount of calories to hit every day. Just a small deficit to keep a steady drop in the lbs.
I don't know why I thought I could intuitive eating, hearing what you said about being as good at intuitive eating as intuitive drinking has hit home. That's definitely me. I had it all mixed uo in my head as taking away the inner dialogue of weight and food. But it hasn't.

So, tomorrow I will weigh myself (Eeek!) and get back to day 1 of MFP. And i will charge up my fitbit again and get walking, which I love doing, especially where i live in the hills. That's what worked well before.
Regularly weighing myself (but not compulsively) , being accountable on MFP and ramping up my step count by walking. I was fit, slim and most importantly healthy. I also have a 2 and a half hour yoga workshop tomorrow as a student and teaching all day Sunday, so I will try to fit in a walk at least tomorrow amd hopefully that will all help.

So....tomorrow.....day 90 (i think) of AF and day 1 of taking control of my weight and health.

Thank you.

Hi All. I hope you and your family are doing ok @BunniesBunniesBunnies. I can maybe answer any yes-my-family-has-covid questions you may have as all 4 of us had it if that’s any help. Thinking of you.
Congratulations @Teetotallyimperfect - you are totally smashing this!
Glad you got home safely @Hangingover, and welcome back @SparklingLime!
I totally get you @Breathmiller. I have spent my whole life lurching between counting calories/ trying to just eat healthily/then thinking ‘sod it’ and eating crap. I have a history of ED too I’m afraid so I think they are linked. I often wonder if the link is a higher general level of anxiety which makes us more susceptible to overdrinking and overeating. Looking back I think I’ve just never been able to accept I have a rather squat (let’s call it strong ) body shape. I wasted years comparing it to willowy friends. It’s only now I have a daughter that I see the truth - doh!
I used to be the same with skin colour, thinking more sun would give me a gorgeous olive skinned tan. I now see I am so celtic I am almost blue and no amount of sun is going to give me a good tan as my skin doesn’t have the pigments for it!
Are you actually overweight @breathmiller? If not please don’t put yourself through the torture of counting calories. This time of year is miserable enough and you don’t deserve punishment when you have done so well going sober!

Hey guys. @Breathmiller I think it is very common to have issues with alcohol and other substances. For me it is food as well (and sometimes cigarettes😳), though I have the opposite problem. I used to drink when I feel shitty, now when I feel shitty I struggle to eat. I lost a lot of weight which at first was okay, though I know I have lost too much now (my BMI is not healthy anymore). It’s not like I want to be thin, or that I think I look fat, but I literally just can’t bring myself to eat. I’m sorry to complain about this to someone with the opposite problem, I hope you don’t think it’s insensitive. (If it’s any consolation I don’t actually look good this thin, I look much better when I have some curves!).

But my point is that yes, often alcohol and food (or drug) issues do go hand in hand. I wish I had the answers for you but I don’t😢

@iamyourequal did you all get COVID at the same time? My nightmare is that another one of us will get it just as we near the end of isolation. Two weeks is bad enough and I don’t know if I have it in me to prolong this isolation period...

Is @jess3817 still around?

If not please don’t put yourself through the torture of counting calories. This time of year is miserable enough and you don’t deserve punishment when you have done so well going sober!

I hear you, thank you and i don't want to get obsessive or anything. I am no means obese but I am bigger than I'm comfortable with at the moment.
I like being a little lighter than I am because clothes fit more comfortably and I can move easier.
Even at my lightest I'm certainly no skinny minny (and in the work I do I am surrounded by people obsessed with being stick thin) , I advocate body positivity in my classes, and teach many different shapes and sizes. In fact I have had it said a few times that not having the 'perfect' thin yoga body has made people feel at ease coming to my classes. That if I can do it so can they.

I'm quite excited to get started again. It's like I've been just thinking 'fuck it' I can regulate this easily and be happy with me doing what I want (just like drinking - some people have asked why i need to stop altogether- why not just have one or two now and again) but I can't do that.

I know I will feel better if I eat a little healthier and move a little more.

I can see it in the same way as drinking. I'd love nothing better than to be able to take or leave a drink but it turns out I'm better just to not drink at all. To take some control over it. And to hold myself accountable like on here.

And give myself little 'yay' moments with my days ticked off and celebrating milestones.

MFP will do that for me regarding food. And my fitbit did that for me when I hit the 10k steps.

It's funny because I am so disciplined in my meditation and yoga practice and in my work and business. It's just when it comes to food and alcohol I just need an extra bit of support. But if i can do it with alcohol I can definitely do it with food. My health is important to me!! My health is important to me! - that's going to be my mantra today.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

bunnies not at all insensitive. Thank you for sharing that.

It's all the same thing isn't it? . My mumbis tiny and actually has always struggled to put weight on, when she gets ill she just loses more and more There have been times over the years when she has thought (and said!) " well, why can't you just stop bloody eating if you feel you're too big" and of course I've thought at times "bloody hell woman - just eat more - it's not difficult ". Then the understanding hut for both of us that it was the same thing..two sides of the same coin.
It's about finding balance i think.

Haha, it’s funny, isn’t it @Breathmiller. Through having my own issues with food and alcohol I’ve definitely become a much more understanding person. Before, I never really “judged” someone for overeating but I just didn’t really “get it”. Like why would you do that? Through having my own issues I am a lot more understanding as to why people struggle and sabotage themselves sometimes. Eating too much and eating not enough are just opposite sides of the same coin.

It’s interesting what you say as well about being really disciplined in your yoga/work etc. I am too. And it’s hard to understand sometimes why I can’t apply that same level of discipline to my drinking/smoking etc.

Same @BunniesBunniesBunnies ! I got on the scale yesterday and my BMI is now 17.2! How the balls did that happen?!

I think you're right about these things going hand in hand: I wonder if it has something to do with being more sensitive to dopamine than other people. For example, I've always noticed that I eat, drink and smoke faster than anyone I know. You could put a glass of tap water in front of me and I'll still finish it in half the time of everyone else. I'm sure that says something deep about my psychology but God knows what. I call it the "yummy yummy yummy lots lots lots" drive.

Yes!! hangingover that makes so much sense to me. I realised a little while ago that when I'm thirsty I take HUGE glass of water and down it. Why not a smaller glass more often and enjoy it? It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Same with wine. Same with crisps. And my dinner. I inhale these things. Looking for some sensory pleasure i think. Same as when i used to go clubbing. More, more, more of this thing that feels good! No self regulation or atop switch once I've started. I think its partly something genetic. My absent dad was and is still the same to a certain extent. And my mum the very opposite, VERY ordered, and as I saw it when i was younger, no fun. So i rebelled against that. So partly upbringing too.

Even as a kid, we had a 1970s heating system that blew out heat through vents in the wall. My brother would happily sit in the room with it on. But one of my favourite things to do was to sit right in front of it until I was far too hot. To the point sometimes I would feel faint. And my mum would shake her head and ask why I would do such a thing to myself? I liked the heat blowing on me. That part makes sense. But why take it so far to the point it had unpleasant effects? And why get up the next day and do it all over again?

Interesting stuff. I find it useful to unpick these things.

Anyway, I've been up and done a nice long practice and weighed myself and it could be worse. Just a little help to stop myself grasping for that momentary pleasure of eating a family bag of crisps today. I'll look for more healthier ways to get some pleasure today. And just like drinking, just take one day at a time so it's not daunting

Good luck today everyone who is in their witching hour at the weekend.

Well done @Breathmiller that sounds like a good start to the day.

And what you both @Breathmiller @Hangingover are saying sounds sooo familiar.

@Hangingover your BMI is too low (mine is similar so I hope you don’t mind me saying). Have you any plans to increase it a bit? I do poorly with meals but quite well with high calorie snacks. Must be hard as a vegan but peanut butter does work well for me.

Hmmm sorry that sounded very rude @Hangingover😳 I’m sure you look great and are healthy with all the exercise etc. Apologies.

For me everything always has to be so extreme!!! Exercise fuck loads or not at all. Eat all the food or nothing. Drink too much or not at all. For me it’s definitely not healthy, but perhaps it’s different for you!

I call it the "yummy yummy yummy lots lots lots" drive.

I have this. I inhale cups of tea, food, when I used to take party drugs in my youth I'd be agitating for the next pill or line while everyone else was still enjoying their first. Now I don't drink, smoke or do drugs it's food. And not just sweets, I'll binge on healthy stuff.

My lovely friend who is in recovery (she isn't on here) says that nobody is just an alcoholic, there's always more addictive behaviour going on.

I can be uncontrolled around food unless I have a strict plan in place. If I log everything in MFP then I'm OK, like @Breathmiller. Fasting twice a week usually works but recently I've been day on day off and it's less healthy because I'm binging on the off days. It's what I used to do with booze.

Has anyone tried mindful eating? I am thinking of giving it a go. It doesn't help that when I am at home I am always around food, making three meals a day plus snacks for my kids, so I'm always mindlessly munching something.

Hello everyone I’ve been quiet as I did brilliantly with six nights in a row and then it went to pot, culminating in almost a whole bottle of wine last night and now I feel crap! I’m resetting again. I know I can do it at least this time. @Drybird2020 I sort of do mindful eating whenever I eat-I really taste my food and am an incredibly slow eater.