"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

[Drybird2020]

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

I’m joining again-brilliant to read all of your stories and successes. I drink half a bottle of wine every single day and I don’t want to anymore-simple as that. My real weakness is dinner-if I can get past that with no wine I’m fine for the rest of the evening. It’s just such a habit. Have got a journal and lots of quit lit.

Welcome @Lifechange2020, @Allhallowseve and @Haggisfish - they most important thing for me was changing how I viewed alcohol.
Willpower won't get you that far, and when it runs out you need something more long-lasting to keep you AF.

As @BunniesBunniesBunnies said, they key is to look really carefully at your ideas about drinking and whether they are really true. William Porter's "Acohol Explained" or Annie Graces "This Naked Mind" are brilliant for that.

I now see wine, which previously I loved with a passion, as something I don't want to put into my body, something which is detrimental to my life. This is a huge shift and also makes staying AF a lot easier because I actually WANT to!
Good luck and keep us posted!

Thanks for your replies! Yes I read all of the quit books and they really helped. I think it doesn’t help that I was quite a fun/happy drunk! Evenings/social events seemed to fly by. Now I struggle as everything seems to drag and I find it draining thinking of what to say etc. Think I just need more practice with my social skills! I’m fine with not drinking in the house now ( used to start drinking before 5 every day and earlier at weekends) so things are definitely improving. I just miss those highs! Good luck to everyone

Hi all, I have reached 100 days sober and wanted to thank everyone on this thread and the previous one as they have made me feel less alone. The book suggestions really helped change my thinking around drinking in the first few weeks and I can't see myself drinking again. Although with Christmas coming up I think the 'wine witch' will be telling me it's okay I can have a glass as I have done so well! So glad it's not just me that has a 'wine witch' although I think if I asked my friends about it they would be very confused at the idea. The title of this thread is so right I feel so much better and calmer not drinking and would never have believed I could get to 100 days. So once again thank you to all the posters on this thread!

Congratulations @retiringthewineglasses, that’s amazing. You must feel ssooo pleased. I haven’t made it to 100days yet but I have made such progress in the last year I’ve stopped beating myself up about it and keep trying.
Welcome newbies and welcome back @Haggisfish! Pre-dinner hour is a bugger indeed. I was in the office for the first time in months today. When it got near home time I was standing at the photocopier thinking about a nice tumbler of ice and rum and coke when I got home- just for a second. I then totally remembered I don’t do that anymore, it’s been months since I’ve had a ‘stress-spirit’ to calm down after work!! I was a little sad but then proud I’m at the stage where I don’t do that, waiting to get to the stage many of you have reached where I won’t even want to do that!

Well done @retiringthewineglasses and thanks for the welcome @iamyourequal. I made it through dinner tonight with no wine so this is my first af night for about a month. I’m feeling positive.

Hi all, I’m finding it hard at the moment. Last few nights I had some cravings. Nothing too strong but I just have a real “fuck it” mentality. It’s half term but of course work goes on, and then there’s COVID. Like many people I really miss lots of social interaction and I feel quite isolated.

I’m happy to be sober but it is also a shock to me that a lot my my character flaws (reckless behaviour, impulsivity), which I had attributed to alcohol are still there. And sometimes a black cloud of depression still creeps up on me. Going sober isn’t some sort of magic fix for those.

And I can’t seem to stop doing things that are bad for me (except booze!). I’m still smoking too much, still arguing with people I love and I still feel like a rubbish mum. Have no energy as of late. Know I should be running, swimming, “making precious memories”🤮🤮🤮 but I just feel paralysed. Like in this awful person and nothing will fix me, not even sobriety. I worry my husband sees this too and will leave me.

Sorry for the downer, I am very up and down and today I am down. I want to make some more changes to my life but I don’t know where to start.

Oh @BunniesBunniesBunnies, so sorry to hear you are having a bad day.

I hope I'm not coming across as patronising, but can you revisit some quit lit? Annie Grace deals really well with the emotions around drinking. Although painful and difficult, dealing directly with some of our fears can help. I'm also a great believer in counselling, used to think it was a waste of time, until I tried it, and it made such a difference to my mental well-being.

Thanks @ElsaCragg, that’s not patronising in the slightest. I never really got on with quit lit, then later I felt I didn’t need it. But perhaps I need to try again. I do have therapy already which I started recently, it does help.

I know I’ll feel better tomorrow, I just sometimes wish I could be a bit more balanced. The extreme ups and downs are quite fun when you have no responsibilities and you are young, but at this stage in my life it’s just exhausting. Thanks again for the advice.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies, that's good to hear, counselling is so underrated. Keep at it and keep posting. Great support on here.

I did the online Annie Grace, so would be interested to hear if anyone can recommend her books.

haggisfish that's amazing!! Well done.

Welcome to all the newbies and all the returners and well done to all those milsetones

hangingover that's a lot of thoughts swimming round your head. It's good your partner is there to talk to. He sounds a keeper. I hope you find some ease soon and have an easy trip home. When is your flight?

lifechange20 I am just behind you on on 80 days today. I can understand your fears for the future. And that idea of "Am i a boring old git now I don't drink?"

I was also a fun silly drunk. But actually was I? And the highs alway always end up in a catastrophic low. Either pretty instantly with an excruciating hangover the next day. Or more long term with my health and anxiety. So I am happy to be on a more even keel. I can still have a laugh, I can still go to a party, I can still dance. I just don't have the awful effects the next day or later on. In fact if i wanted to (and i don't that much because I am officially an old git ) I could go out one night then do it all over again the next night because I'm not hungover. (2/3 day benders of my youth don't count because I would spend the next half of the week a mess - it always costs you down the line)

I often think about a movie Meg Ryan was in years ago, when she was an alcoholic mother. I can't remember what it was called or an awful lot about it except she was worried that she would lose her status as the fun silly one who liked a drink. Or that's what she thought she was. Whereas her friends and husband didn't see it like that. They saw her drunk and out of control and were worried about her. That hit home to me and has always stayed with me. Does anyone know the film?

allhallowseve well done on 18 months. Thanks for sharing your story. You are off to such a good start. I did 18 months off a few years ago and sometimes kick myself that i didn't stay AF. But hey ho, it is what it is and I'm here again. I'm always inspired by those who have done a good chunk of time and it feels doable. Well...haha..it must be. Because you are doing it!

bunnies sorry to hear you are having a bit of a struggle at the moment. I suppose the thought or hope could be that stopping booze would be like a magic cure all for life's crap. But it isn't. But...and I've said this before...like me practising and teaching yoga and meditation...it doesn't make me immune to the crap that life throws at us. Crap stuff still happens, externally with events and life's shit and internally with my own thoughts and worries...but not drinking, practising yoga and meditation every day, living life by the philosophy of yoga as much as I can helps me to DEAL with it all so much better. So none of these things you are struggling with would be any easier with booze and all the rollercoaster of highds and lows it brings. Hoping things ease for you.

Would it help if we all reminded ourselves of something that is a positive about non drinking. One thing each. Or one thing a day?
I'll start ....I love that i don't have the conversation going on in my head every day whether this is a drinking day or not. "Should I have a drink tonight? Or not? I overdid it last night so probably shouldn't. But I'm off tomorrow. But I'd like to be clear headed. But i deserve it. I've had a shit/good day..i need to commiserate/celebrate. But I'd like to stop..." on...and on...and on adfuckingnauseum . None of that!! It's my favourite thing. It was sooo exhausting.

retiringthewineglass LOVE the name. Congratulations on 100 days!!
I have my 100 days noted in my diary. It's good to have it there ready. I've already added my gold star to it in anticipation of doing it.

Morning everyone. Glad day 1 went well @haggisfish.
Oh @BunniesBunniesBunnies, i totally get how you feel. I think it’s more common to have crap days at this time of year as it gets dark and cold. It’s ok to feel rubbish sometimes and question what’s happening in your life, but don’t be so hard on yourself. You have achieved so much and I bet you are a great mum. I bet we all have a niggle that going sober hadn’t fixed everything about us. I’m still unfit, a stone overweight, and rather highly strung. I still have really messy cupboards and am lousy at keeping in touch with people! I guess sobriety doesn’t work miracles on us, but think of all the positive changes you have enjoyed. The calm, the knowing you are in better health etc. stick in there! .
Good idea @Breathmiller.. I am pleased that .....I am safe to drive whenever. I have aging parents in poor health and I was always a bit worried they would need me at a time when I i was over the limit to drive over to them. Not now.

Oh yes! iamyourequal
I love that. I live on a farm so have to drive to go anywhere. I like the idea that if I've forgotten to put the storage heaters on in my studio for the next day I can nip into town. ahem which I may once have asked my fab neighbour to drive me in for

And, yes, no worries about an emergency that I would be over the limit to drive for.

Yes @Breathmiller I know the film and I know what you mean. I was at a wedding reception with my young daughter once and
I caught my friends looking at each other as they saw me open another bottle. They never said anything but that hit home-I’m not more fun drunk, I’m more irresponsible. I love waking up in the morning knowing I’m not hung over.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies-have you thought whether you may be slightly depressed? I went on Prozac when I was younger and it flattened my moods really well. I came off it in the end because I missed being really really excitedly happy but it worked to stop me getting the downs for a year or two. I was on then for ages but now I’m on a low dose anti anxiety medication that works wonders. I’m taking it for life!

Thanks @Breathmiller I totally connect with those feelings of not being fun. I find it strange that my children will grow up never knowing the fun drunk me . Which I know sounds so bizarre. Also I feel that I will be no fun on a night out with friends I'm not sure I can even dance without having a drink. However I dread nights out because of crippling hangovers and fears of what I have done the night before . I am far more excited to make plans when I won't be drinking . Still can't shake the feeling that I'm a bore tho !

Welcome @Allhallowseve.

Sending a hug @Hangingover, I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Would self cbt work? Or some work on thought- eckhart tolle like stuff? Its remarkable what I've overcome (and fast) since exploring thought and the mind/fear. I'm sorry if this is stuff you tried! And sorry, anxiety is a b#stard. Hugest hugs and hand hold.

Hi @Lifechange2020, welcome. Perhaps reading some quit lit to help reframe sobriety might help? If it helps I'm 100 days in and dont feel bored! Just grateful :)

100 days is brilliant! I’m aiming for 7 atm. Achieved my second af night tonight.

The comment about antidepressants and anti anxiety has made me think! I’m currently on AD’s And have been for years but wondering now if that’s not helping with the bored/missing any highs feeling?Yes, may have to revisit quit lit, also think I need to be more positive! Well done to everyone joining, keep going!!!

haggisfish well done!! Day 3 ahead. You are doing so well.

bunnies looking for the positives can be a really good mindset to get into. It definitely helps me. My youngest has a daily gratitude practice every night at bedtime and has done for years So we say goodnight, love you then "what are you grateful for?" to each other. It really helped me to find the positives in every day. It can feel a bit like it could be twee and i dont mean to be trite in difficult circumstances, but it helped me to look at what I have. And the joy of life around me.
For instance.. I'm tired this morning and had to be up earlier than I would like to. But by being awake i didn't miss the most beautiful sunrise. The sky was honestly like it was on fire. So i can be pissed off at the fact I had to get up early, or i can be grateful i had to get up early so i didn't miss that sunrise. Resets my thoughts a bit.

Morning, previously orchidjewel here (not that I expect anyone to remember lol) anyway I'm always checking this thread your all inspiring. I'm on another one. 101 days today. Dont know how I feel

Bunniesbunnies I thought I had written your post in my sleep. EXACTLY the same. Word for word.

Fair play all in your days :)

Thinking of you @Hangingover, hope you are ok.
@Breathmiller, I think the gratitude mindset is a brilliant habit to get into - it's true that everything can be viewed as a negative or a positive, and sometimes it is only with hindsight that we can be clear whether something was in fact a benefit or not. So important to be aware of the blessings and good things every day, especially as we are wired by evolution to notice more of the negatives, so unless we take action we can get sucked into negativity all too easily.

Glad I posted on this thread. I think my problem is that I’ve lost my positive mindset as the time has gone on. I was being grateful at the beginning and thinking of the positives but then I seem to have stopped making that effort and now am just being miserable. New start!

Great to hear lifechange20.
Can you think of a positive of not drinking at the moment to share?