Anyone else stopping completely in 2020?

[Drybird2020]

I don't mean moderating or cutting down, I know that I can't control my drinking this way and I need to stop.

I have stopped for periods of time before and enjoyed the peace of not thinking about alcohol, or stressing about my consumption, or negotiating with myself about whether or not to get a bottle of wine on the way home on a Wednesday night.
There's no point in doing dry January, because I will just use it to justify a wet February.

There used to be a series of threads for total abstinence, think it was in Relationships but it seems to have tailed off. I could really do with a place to talk about this, but with an emphasis on being dry, not moderate. And if nobody else is keen I can use it as somewhere to witter away to myself.

@HouseTornado thank you! I'm feeling much less wobbly after some ice cream

I’m at Airbnb ready for a course tomorrow. My ds is with me. Weirdly, Having found myself away with little company (my ds is 19 and keeps slightly odd hours), I fancied a glass of wine or three to settle into the lovely flat! I played it forward in my head too. I really don’t want a drink and I managed to let the notion leave my brain

@dottydolly72 I have also not lost weight due to eating all the food. Every week I tell myself I'll start eating sensibly and every week I dive into a packet of sweets 

@HouseTornado I am holding on, thank you. Although I think about having a glass of wine frequently, it's not really a craving (the above mentioned sweets help too).

I wrote a long post and lost it!

In short: all good here and Day 12. I am still ragey and sweary but managing it as best I can with lots of exercise.

Happy AF Fridays and hangover free Saturdays!!! A Saturday with no shame, anxiety, guilt, pain, embarrassment. Yay!

Hi kfc, welcome and well done on your 31 days!

vagmons, i am with you on managing the rage with exercise, it really does help keep my head in the right place. Have struggled this week due to work getting in the way, and I feel it.

windywendy, I’ve not as yet made any big announcements, and I don’t think I will. So far, I’ve said “dry January”, obviously that expires today, so next up is just vague muttering about feeling that not drinking has really helped with a couple of chronic health conditions that I have, so I’m carrying on. Which is actually, and somewhat surprisingly true. It really has.

You’re right house, in that mostly people don’t much care, in the end. Which I get- I certainly didn’t care to spend much time on the topic when friends over the past few years have waxed lyrical about how they barely drink these days in the nicest possible way, for most people, it’s just not that big of a deal, I think.

Day 30. Woot! No plans to drink, and no bear traps in sight to interfere with that intention this weekend.

Great to hear you're hanging on, metoo.

And StillDumDeDumming - also well done. I was away with work this week (and child frreeeeeeee), normally I would dive into the wine, but like you, thought what's the point, it'll only make tomorrow worse.

I''m now Day 36 (wtf) and £94 saved. So that covers the swim in Bath and the facial yesterday AND money leftover for treats....though my plan is to save it!

Need some help with how to deal with this. DH and I were giving up together. He was always the most vocal about wanting to stop and we finally started teetotal on 1st Jan. We've now obviously done January and this morning were talking about the next milestone, which he kept evading and didn't commit to. When I quizzed him further he said he's planning to drink with certain colleagues but "not get drunk". I got really pissed off with him as that never works and now I've lost my only sober buddy. We're going to be trying for a family soon as well so I'm annoyed he's going back to drinking. I've upset him by ranting at him now which isn't going to help. Argghh... Advice?

Hi @chillichutneysarnie
Everyone is different but here is my experience.
I have worried, talked about and sometimes given up alcohol for many years and my DH has been hostile, then less so but still resistant and gradually got more engaged. In last few days he has decided to give up and is now vocal about benefits. I don’t know if he will stick with it - he is in his own journey.
This has been a process going on over 15 years and the main thing I’ve learnt is to do my own thing re alcohol and let him do his- anything else is counterproductive.
For us, booze was at the heart of some bad aspects of our relationship and breaking up with booze is part of leaving that behind and trying to have a healthier relationship too.
I have wasted a lot of energy thinking I could change him, but I couldn’t.
Day 35 for me.

Hiya Ontheshingle, thanks for this. I guess I'll have to carry on doing my own thing. I do get a bit worried if he's a drinker and I'm not, will he just stop wanting to spend time with me, going out for an evening with me, etc etc. I can just see it breeding resentment and causing a rift.

Welcome, Chilli - just to echo was Shingle has so wisely said...do your thing and let him do his but keep it honest and straightfoward. You are both on your own journeys, and you have to be able to crack this by yourself some days.

I appreciate that can be v v v hard when you have a drinker trying to get you to participate, so maybe you could just keep repeating the mantra that you're getting your body baby ready, and getting into practice for being AF.

You're not judging him (even though you might be inside!) - I hear lots of tales of other people feeling judged that they still drink when their drinking buddy decides to stop. Which says more about them, I guess.

We'll be your sober buddies!

I've not really used much quit lit as it's called, but I hear Annie Grace is good for helping with specific scenarios!

DryBird2020 - this thread is nearly full, wasn't sure if you wanted to start a new one with a link before it's not possible anymore!

Only asking as you are the wonderful OP who started this and has kept us going!

Tornado I have made a new thread, thanks for the nudge! Here's the linky and I'm hoping I've done it right.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol?watched=1

Nice one, Dry - I'll pop over there now! Thank you!

Hello everyone,

Am just recovering from flu so went MIA, and wanted to say a very late thankyou to everyone that posted links re the guilt I feel about having an alcohol problem and being a mum. I can't really put into words what it means to me to be able to be completely honest about how I'm feeling with no judgement, just compassion.

On the plus side of feeling like death for a week, I haven't even wanted to THINK about drinking so am now on day 10.

I've decided I'm going to go to the GP on Monday and just pour my heart out about where I'm at. As well as alcohol I have had an emotional reliance on cocodamol since my c section. I thought I had it all under control and would be able to beat this by myself, but I don't think that is possible and I really don't want my OH bearing the weight of this on his own.

Looking forward to being on the second part of this thread!!!

Shingle this is true of me too , I have worried, talked about and sometimes given up alcohol for many years and so my DH, who is generally supportive, is understandably sceptical (although he tries not to show it). I can't blame him, as I've tried and failed so many times. He also enjoys a drink, and is able to moderate, but still drinks more than is good for him.

Chilli it sounds tough but try to focus on yourself - you can't make him change but you can control your own choices and behaviours. I'm keeping going, quietly, and I think that in time my DH will realise it's permanent for me, which I'm confident will have a positive effect on his consumption of alcohol.

I hope you don't mind me coming on here to ask, but I was wondering if anyone tell me what the 'she's an alcoholic' thread was about in aibu? The gist of it really.

I did dry January, went out last night, drank too much and I'm now worrying it was about me. I probably should give up too.

I'm erm...stepping out temporarily. I've realised I've just set myself too many challenges at the moment. I'm still aiming for sobriety this year but right now isn't the time. Fell off the wagon this weekend and I don't need to add guilt into the mix.

Good luck everyone and I hope to rejoin you later in the year.

@Twixes it was someone who had been taken to hospital in an ambulance, after the paramedics found her at home surrounded by beer cans, she made some joke about them thinking she was an alcoholic, and when they arrived at A&E she heard the paramedic say to the receptionist "she's an alcoholic". Was it a troll?

If you are worried about your drinking and want to stop, there's a new thread and it's a supportive place.

Thanks @Drybird2020, that definitely wasn't me! Drink = crazy paranoia for me which is another reason to moderate. I think I'll introduce myself on the other thread

I made it to 38 days dry until yesterday. I fell off the wagon in a humiliating way. Drank nearly 2 bottles of white wine when visiting mil. Then on the way home I vomited Out of car window getting it all over me and the inside of the car. I was covered in my own vomit and dh had to help me shower and clean me up. I did the car this morning in gale force winds. I’m so disgusted with myself. I didn’t really miss drinking so god knows what I was thinking. I just thought it’d be ok to have a couple but now I remember that I just can’t moderate and the only way is to be completely dry. I’m so horribly ashamed of myself. The worst thing of all was the kids were with us and saw it all. This is my rock bottom, I know this is it for me and booze now. I hope my story serves as a warning to anyone thinking they can risk a drink or two.

Aww @Nickynackienoo a harsh learning curve but you are most definitely not alone! Some have tried to have a couple and failed . Don't beat yourself up.. draw a line under it and whenever the urge is strong remember how awful it's was the day after. I've been there, it's not nice. Come and join us all on the new thread. Lots of support still going on

Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Hello All. Will catch up at some point. Trouble is I'm reading 'the unexpected joy of being sober' my friend bought me (what a friend) Fantastic book, I can't put it down and I'm only just under half way through. Really recommend it to feed the soul if you think you have issues with booze. Even if you don't you can so empathise with the tales.

So I have made it to 5 weeks and I'm feeling really good and proud. As some of you might remember I am on a program and it's really working for me. I'm so grateful I found it. I'm so grateful I'm finding myself again. I missed me.

And fuck me I don't miss hangovers and the continual striving to be a better person. I already am. A day at a time. It's always going to be a danger zone for me I realise that. For me I never quite know where that one would lead..

I'm on a really strict budget this month and it has become apparent that I used to spend a fuck-ton of cash on booze every month

Virtual hugs to all of you warriors and slippers.

Much love to you all

@IronNeonClasp well done for 5 weeks that's amazing. What program are you on and how did you find it. I've tried A.A. but it's not for me I'm Currently on day 3 but need support x

Hey Grace. Yes AA. I'm going to try NA Friday as AA in these parts isn't 'great'. You can also do AA on line and speak to people from all over the world.
I gave up three months in 2018 with no support / safety net. Try the book I mentioned in below post for now and don't be hard on yourself. Just take each day at a time