Anyone else stopping completely in 2020?

[Drybird2020]

I don't mean moderating or cutting down, I know that I can't control my drinking this way and I need to stop.

I have stopped for periods of time before and enjoyed the peace of not thinking about alcohol, or stressing about my consumption, or negotiating with myself about whether or not to get a bottle of wine on the way home on a Wednesday night.
There's no point in doing dry January, because I will just use it to justify a wet February.

There used to be a series of threads for total abstinence, think it was in Relationships but it seems to have tailed off. I could really do with a place to talk about this, but with an emphasis on being dry, not moderate. And if nobody else is keen I can use it as somewhere to witter away to myself.

Morning all - Week 5 here or 35 days sober.

Just plodding along and enjoying my new non drinking routine. My quality of sleep is far far better now, apart from raging night sweats that wake me, I drift off to sleep within minutes of going to bed, am finding this bloody wonderful. Had a nice relaxed weekend pottering about with DP ( He's been sober too this week and weekend ).

Re Going to a GP with regards to your drinking, I haven't with this 'episode' but I have in the past. I was referred to a alcohol service to be assessed for a medical detox as I simply didn't have the willpower to stay off the drink for more than a couple of days at that time. You speak to a doctor specialising in addiction and generally attend some group meetings working with others to try and understand your addiction and work towards getting sober.
I did have a medical detox (at home for 7 days or so) and then attended an intense 3 times a week course, group therapy plus a 3 month mindfulness course ( think it was the first to roll out in the UK with an addiction agency). This was 8 yrs or so ago so things have probably changed due to government cuts and such like.

Your GP can obviously do blood tests/blood pressure checks/sign you off sick and assess your mental health and keep a record of your alcohol intake but they aren't trained to deal with or treat addictions. Lots of folk are not willing to have any mark on their medical records due to alcohol because of their jobs and fear of SS rocking up (I haven't heard of SS getting involved unless there was reason to).

Hope you all have a grand monday!

'Shingle and Dry - me too. I am not planning - or wanting - to drink at a later date.

Since stopping (and going low-carb) - I've felt better than I have in years and years. My weight has been a big issue for me since having DS (who is 10 this year!), but I have never been able to flick the switch to lose more than a stone here and there. Turns out it was the wine....who knew? :)

Welcome, Grace. I've not gone to the GP, but always do what works for you.

Apologies if I'm a bit quiet for a couple of days - I'm away with work overnight tomorrow - previously a sold gold reason to drink - but I've booked a swim at the spa (I'm in Bath), and my presentation is at 8.45am and it's quite a big event - so not the time to fuck up and make a twat of myself!

Happy Monday everyone.

Morning Howl well done of your five weeks AF. Is this the longest you’ve done? Has it been easy or have you struggled?

Sorry, Howl - meant to say well done as well!

Day 32 for me. The longest since being pregnant 10 years ago....

Hi @Windy this is the longest I have been AF in 6 yrs or more ... I was 11ish months sober after my medical detox many years ago..
I can't say it has been easy ( I did have some detox symptoms during the first week going sober this time ) the cravings were very intense for 3 weeks or more but this time something has clicked in my head and heart, I am tired of the alcohol crutch/habit/addiction and I'm older now, I don't want to risk my health any longer.

Thanks @Windywendy1 and @HouseTornado!

Morning all and well done on an AF weekend. Off on a work trip - including an appraisal and an important dinner out. I will be staying dry and like Drybird2020 this is for good for me, though my first target is 100 days.
Feeing worked up and anxious about what lies ahead today, but I know I will face it much more effectively without a hangover!

Morning all, and hello to all the new posters. I'm so glad this thread is still going strong, it is a great support for us all, and I am keeping up with all the comments, despite not posting much.

It's so true that the benefits of not drinking are too good to give up. Day 96 today.

It's mere coincidence that my Day 100 falls on 31st, the end of Dry January. But I'm motivated to keep going (despite having a really shitty week last week) and am happy to report that having a drink just does not bother me. I'm rubbish at moderating, alcohol free is the way to go.

I've substituted wine and cocktails for water and cordials and don't miss the alcohol at all. Have a good week everyone.

I realised that my triggers for wine were (a) as a reward at the end of a busy or stressful day and (b) when cooking and/or eating a nice meal. I never drank alcohol in the pub, always took the car, as our local is a couple of miles away.

And I have dealt with those triggers by:
(a) deciding up front not to moderate, as I could never stop after one drink. Cutting out alcohol is an easier decision and it stops all the incessant and tiring inner dialogue;
(b) finding an alcohol-free alternative that wasn't a faux wine/beer substitute - I know some find this helpful, but for me it's part of my all or nothing mindset and it somehow feels like cheating, if that makes sense;
(c) being honest and upfront with friends and family - I have found them to be universally supportive. Some have been curious and questioning, I think it's true that others are possibly wanting to quit too but are not quite ready, hence the probing and curiosity;
(d) reading loads around the subject. Allen Carr, Jason Vale and Annie Grace have particularly resonated with me;
(e) spending a lot of time soul searching and finding reasons why drinking alcohol has become the norm for me. Mainly around self esteem, job stresses and peer pressure, which are easier to deal with once you acknowledge them. I have had counselling in the past, and used that experience as a starting point;
(f) reminding myself (occasionally) of the times when I risked my health and wellbeing and went OTT. I'm surprised I never ended up in A&E - falling out of taxis, down a flight of concrete steps, throwing up in restaurant toilets. I'm ashamed of the states I used to get in. Which makes the rewards sweeter. I can't imagine being in those situations ever again.

Thanks for sharing elsa. So much of your post sounds familiar and 96 days is immense! Well done!

Day 7 for me. I’ve entered the spotty stage and I’m feeling slightly at risk. (A combination of family stress and an attack of the sod it’s) DH is away with work this week which would usually be a great excuse to stockpile wine and stay up late binge drinking and watching boxsets without the disapproving commentary. I’m reminding myself of how shitty I felt when I wrote my first post last week and I’m determined to be kind to myself. I’m only going to do essential work tasks today and may check in again later.

grace I saw my GP and she was lovely. I’ve seen a ‘freshstart’ Counsellor on two different occasions to work through triggers, self care and underlying causes of my drinking all of which has been insightful. I’ve also been prescribed camprol which is supposed to reduce cravings. I think it’s good to have as many tools and avenues of support as possible, although ultimately it boils down to one thing - Just. Dont. Drink. (I say this as someone who understands this is bloody hard and has slipped many times. I think of my alcohol relationship like a gremlin.. don’t let it get wet!)

Enjoy Bath house one of my favourite cities!

@ElsaCragg it's good to hear from you, and how wonderful that you're coming up to 100 days at the end of the month. Thank you for sharing your triggers and how you manage them, it's very helpful to me to read that.

Grace hello, I decided against going to the GP as I dint want anything on my medical records, and a friend with a serous alcohol problem was fobbed off with advice to moderate, by drinking only down to the label and having some dry nights in the week. She had to make a huge fuss and eventually went private for the medical detox she needed. As a side note I think she wasnt believed as she is an educated, well-put together, professional woman, and the first few doctors she saw couldn't reconcile that with someone saying they wanted treatment for alcoholism.
The same thing happened with my Dad, who clearly has issues and took that advice to mean that he wasn't so bad after all, so he's just carried on as before. 😕 It may well be that you get better advice where you are, I was shocked at that happening here as alcohol is and always has been such a huge public health issue where I live. I had, perhaps naively, imagined that Health would be more useful at providing help when it was asked for.

Trees and Tornado sounds like big days/week for you both, good luck and enjoy feeling the benefits of your dedication to freedom from alcohol!

Day 28 for me and I think I'm beginning to feel better, I've decided to accept invitations to a 40th birthday in a few weeks, and a YES Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Brexit event in the pub on Friday, to give myself practice of not drinking in different contexts.

Thanks, Dry. Congrats on Day 28 - and accepting an invite is a wonderful milestone.

And solidarity with Trees owning a work trip like an AF boss!

Hello to Elsa and Grace, and thank you for such throughtful posts.

I'll hopefully be able to still dip in Tues/Weds and say hello, if for accountability of nothing else!

@Threeflyingducks Not drinking is no longer a conscious thing for me most of the time. Occasionally it suddenly comes to the forefront. For instance, the other day I drove past an off license and saw a row of red wine which looked lovely and then I remembered I don't do that any more. Remembering that makes me feel a bit irritated because I'd like to be able to have the odd glass but I know I wouldn't be able to do that. I don't crave it though.

Keep going everyone!

Sorry, Stir just saw your post - thank you!

I'm meeting a friend for dinner, but he's driving and I have an early start, so easy to avoid drinking.

I’m still with you all. Day 3. Trying to focus on practising mindfulness whenever I feel anxiety coming on, as that is a particular trigger for me (and one I know is compounded by the alcohol itself).

Good work, folks.

We're here for you, hobbits, well done on day 3. ⭐

@HowlsMovingBungalow I did an at home medical detox in September via the local substance abuse service. Pretty much the same service except 1-2-1 counselling. I was impressed with the service on offer for free under the NHS.

@theemmadilemma Yes I completely agree with the standard of support and professionalism given to me as by the service providers. I wish more people would seek out the help instead of suffering in silence - we still have a massive stigma to overcome.

Sleep well all.

Morning all, just wanted to report in - I had a work appraisal yesterday, which went very well, and then a big work dinner at a gorgeous restaurant. Everyone else there was drinking, and we were there 5 hours. I had such a fantastic time, and this morning no fear of what I said or did. I remember it all.

There were spirits at the end of the dinner, and the peer pressure to drink ‘just one’ was immense. But I stayed firm, laughed it off, said wow! Peer pressure at my age!
And this morning I feel freaking awesome!

And I have a meeting in two hours with all of them (they are all absolutely lovely people). And I am so so delighted I won’t have that horrid groggy feeling

Keep on keeping on folks. It is sooooo worth it

Excellent Trees! Spot the ones that are utterly hanging this morning .

Trees ⭐⭐⭐

Well done Trees! that is amazing.
I have a stomach bug which is a pretty good disincentive to drinking. Yuck. I have to stay home from work today and tomorrow, and I'm already bored, but I'll try to rest productively.
My DH yesterday decided to give up alcohol - not forever, but for 30 days . This is a really big step for him - he's never gone that long without alcohol in his adult life, and I'm hopeful it's going to help him and all of us in many ways. Day 32 for me (one proper month!!) and so I found I could talk to him with real passion and knowledge about the benefits and that got through to him.
How are you doing @Stircrazyschoolmum? Sounded like yesterday was going to be tough.

Hello

I've been directed to this group by @Ontheshingle as I have a problem. I come from a long line of alcoholics and whilst I wouldn't describe myself as one (but then who would?) I am a bit too reliant on wine as a means of relaxing.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to abstain totally...the idea of NEVER drinking again fills me with horror at this point in time...but I definitely need to cut down. One day at a time eh?

Welcome to myghast you'll find a lovely group here, and yes, one day at a time is a good mindset.. think about threading beads on a necklace.. one by one, and if you drop one that's o.k. you pick up and start again next day until those beads make a string. xx

Get well soon shingle tummy bugs have never seemed to put me off drinking.. in fact they seem to cause a few! Thank you for asking after me. I got through last night by taking a can of coke to my works presentation - that way I had something more interesting to drink than water!

Today I'm feeling massively triggered as family issues have ramped up a notch and its so tempting to hit the f*ck it button. I keep reminding myself that nothing is easier to deal with hung over and have ordered a frozen triple gateaux to arrive with the Sainsbury's order.. the ratbag children have eaten all my chocolate buttons.. grrrr!!

Well done trees and hobbit and hello to everyone else. I'm so glad to be here right now. Day 8 and sticking together is preventing me from falling apart. xx

Get well soon shingle - as you say, every cloud has a silver lining! Hope you feel better soon.

Hello myghast. Yes, exactly what stircrazy said! And I hope you're ok, stircrazy. Triple chocolate gateuex is a good remedy!

I've arrived in Bath, already had a swim, and looking forward to seeing a friend for dinner.

Pre AF me would already be drinking, probably in bed, then dealing with a presentation the next day hungover, blaming nerves...but I'm staying strong and clear headed!